THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Jimor on 19 Jul 2009, 10:30
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This thread is for quotes that you see someplace that you just have to share.
-- The idea is that you don't have to explain them, the awesomeness is just apparent. They can be funny, insightful, ironic, moronic, whatever.
-- The person doesn't have to be famous, and if they aren't you don't have to explain who they are. Internet handles are fine, but perhaps list the forum, as this can sometimes add to the flavor.
-- Edit: Quotes from elsewhere here on QC are fine, this is a good way of spreading appreciation of a fine line.
The example that inspired me to start this thread:
"Bacon! It's the candy of meat!"
--Alex Pournelle
Have at it! 8-)
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Somehow, I would figure Faye to have rather nice large nipples, while Hannelore and dora have sweet and cute small nipples.
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I was watching soccer the other night, and the announcer said this when David Beckham was substituted off:
A few cheers, a few boos, a few projectiles thrown on the field. Exactly what you'd expect from Beckham.
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My friend Sarah was talking about Hair (the musical) and she shouted out this gem:
I love Sodomy!
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Sitting around a campfire with a bunch of friends. Suddenly, the conversations lull, except for one, in which my friend Zoë says very loudly:
I really love cock.
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"Pretend you're a cowboy and lasso my cock with your vagina lips."
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I want to be a Bankrobber Pornstar
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A few choice quotes from my favorite professor
Never try to change the world.
Men belong inside of women.
Children make good prostitutes.
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Something I heard in the high school cafeteria a few years ago:
"I am the goddess of lesbians!" to which my friend yelled back, "I am the goddess of sodomy!"
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Overheard in the smoking area at work the other day:
"She didn't even care I'd pissed myself inside of her"
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"It's a really good time to enter her."
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"I didn't have time to pick him up and throw him away, so I just left him in my driveway"
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"Man, I bet restraining order sex is so hot"
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"I think I used too much lube."
"Don't worry, it's better that way. You'll get used to it."
(was actually talking about foosball)
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To my parents, Ayn Rand and God.
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"Its like bloody knuckles, with guns"
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I don't know how often this is mentioned but I'll never forget when my friend said, "The way you live your life, inspires those around you."
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Here's one from yours truly:
"Yeah, so, killing black people? Fine by me!"
This was following a discussion with friends about Resident Evil 5. One claimed that it was racist. That is how the discussion started.
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Cathy had a sig for literally years which made me sound like an unrepentant pederast.
Wait, you're not?
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A man came into my workplace, looked at me, and said, "Hey, you're not a petite, Asian girl"
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"My parents would be so pissed if I ruined an ecosystem!"
--Jodie, tonight.
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Matt I really do love you.
Please marry me tonight. Or tomorrow.
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If QCcon doesn't push this thread to at least three pages, I'll lose faith in everyone here.
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"Yeah, I just scream 'baby-lover'."
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Overheard in the smoking area at work the other day:
"She didn't even care I'd pissed myself inside of her"
LOL... is that even possible? because last time I checked you can't piss while you're having sex. It's almsot impossible.
It's creepy.
I remember when I was like 9-10 year old and I was with my father in town. Two guys with some fancy office costumes were behind us while we were waiting the traffic light to turn green. And just before people started to walk I listened to one of the elegant guys saying this in such an elegant way:
"I swear dude I fucked her so HAAAAARD!!!!"
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'I couldn't possibly take that it's way too big!'
(Colleagues talking about the impossibilities of transporting Zucchini's on bike fromHeerhugowaard to Amsterdam).
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"He does like it in his eyes."
- Jodie (in reference to Jens)
"None of the tattoo men would touch my penis for less than $200."
- Old man in thrift store (crazy?)
"It's too big, he can't fit it in his mouth."
- Me!
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Liz's current sig:
I think we're about 10 years away from really, really convincing fake dicks
Is an out of context quote. It's better in context. We were discussing the intricasies of phalloplasties for transmen. Ten years from now you will be able to get a fully functioning dick and only people who take a really close look will know it's the result of surgery. Of this I am certain. You won't be able to come all over somebody's face though, unfortunately. Babysteps, y'know?
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Darryl, we just want to hear about the dicks, not their explanations!
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Wait so will you be able to come all over other places, aside from the face? What the tits? The small of the back? The stomach? The dog?
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At work:
Coworker: "I swear to god I've seen that chick and that dog in a porno/"
Me: "Were they in a scene together?"
Coworker: "No, it was like the girl was dropping the dog off at this dance recital and the dance recital turned into some hardcore orgy."
Me: "Ah"
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"I think I'm going to crawl into that bed now"
"I think I'll join you."
- Oli/Jon
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Addendum:
"If I spoon you in the night..."
- Oli
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"Punching's so much fun"
- part of a song from a kid's show called Romper Room
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Holy crap I loved Romper Room!
I used to have a Romper Room game on Commodore 64.
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That song sounds more like Romper Stomper Room.
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Next patch it's going to be wonderful with the changes to Bacon.
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"Every young lady should have a pearl necklace."
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"I don't want to lick the man's crotch."
- Jens
"Do you have the strap on?"
- Liz
"Maybe Oli got off."
- Liz
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"with the feathers and elmer's glue you can make your wang look like a peacock"
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"I dont care who the hell you are. If'n you come near my house and land again,i will shoot you with this here shooty thing"
This was said by the people liveing next door to me.
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"He tried to fuck the furry but it was actually a bear."
- My father, earlier tonight.
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"with the feathers and elmer's glue you can make your wang look like a peacock"
I would prefer Elmer's to super glue.
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"You feel like Anne Frank. Let's talk about this."
"I'd say this summer has been very much like the Holocaust."
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"I have a penis and balls, I don't give a fuck!"
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"Every young lady should have a pearl necklace."
Not so much out of context as possibly a double entendre.
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They feel like testes! Big, meaty ones!
I've heard several others that I thought at the time would be great for this thread, but then I always forget before I get back on the computer.
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This isn't my quote, but...
"Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis"
Yeeeeaah :laugh:
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"Oh, it's a white baby!"
During my photoshop class.
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"She's always stabbing herself and bleeding everywhere."
- Jodie
"Presumably the G-spot"
- Jens
"If you had enough money to hire prostitutes AND a Roomba..."
- Oli
"Should we maybe remove our clothing?"
- Jens
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Overheard at the bar at Feng's, a really nice sushi restaraunt in Hartford:
"So then, are you into beastiality, or just gay?"
I have no fucking clue what they were talking about!
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"If you had enough money to hire prostitutes AND a Roomba..."
- Oli
It's very expensive.
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If you want to get a good prostitute, that is.
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No one else should date my mother! Hey! Mom! Incest is the newest thing!
- my roommate on the phone
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Don't you live with your dad?
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right now i'm looking at a picture of adolf hitler giving a blowjob to elvis presley
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It's very expensive.
<3
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"Wouldn't it be weird if I was fucking your mom?"
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Don't you live with your dad?
My father, two roommates, and four people on the other side of the house, yes.
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right now i'm looking at a picture of adolf hitler giving a blowjob to my father, two roommates, and four people on the other side of the house.
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(http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c213/hey_there_fatty/mrdink.jpg)
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"I'll check under your sheets later" - a security guard to young Islamic-Australian girl at the UMAT yesterday.
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"You can't say 'fish' and not make me come."
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"As far as I'm concerned, Jesus is dead to me"
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"Hooker named Lay Person of the Year" -- The Bowie County Citizens Tribune/DeKalb News
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You would die faster from nostalgia than starvation.-- A guy on another forum
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"Like, I can't just tell him I'm afraid of his penis."
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"Fuck me in the ass; my tits are ready!!"
-My friend Tiny
"So I, like, hate these girls who play all hard to get. I'm like, 'I wanna fuck you,' and they are all like, 'WAIHHHH'"
-Teenage guy on Solomons boardwalk
Drunk redneck A (referring to my power button tattoo): "So if I press it twice, will it turn you off?"
Drunk redneck B: "Why the hell would you want to turn her off?"
I love this thread.
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WHAT'S A COCK BALLS!?
- small child in the restaurant I was at earlier
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"Pretend you're a cowboy and lasso my cock with your vagina lips."
:-o
That one's just nasty, haha.
I shoved it in and it burst all over my dress
A girl was talking on the phone about putting something in the trunk of her car yesterday, followed by....
At least it smells nice!
...and that's when my laughter broke free.
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(5:20:36 PM) Darryl: yeah, more discriptive
(5:20:39 PM) tommydski: oh
(5:20:42 PM) Darryl: size, length
(5:20:45 PM) tommydski: smallish
(5:20:50 PM) tommydski: under an inch for sure
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"Only white people get pimples"
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"It's so dry in Central Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling; the Methodists are using wet-wipes; the Presbyterians are giving out rainchecks; and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water."
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"whichever one has a little sea horse wang is the male"
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Man I had not looked in this thread before. Turns out there is an awful lot of me in it. Thanks guys, this is why I can't hang out with the internets.
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I just remembered this because the smell of Ramen cooking made me think of it:
"This place smells like VAGINA!"
- my friend Becky, upon walking into school
Edit: Also, another Becky gem:
"I want to go to Amsterdam and taste the magic brownies!"
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I think people are not sure what "out of context means."
"Well I got it mostly from the front, but I then I took it from behind."
Out of context one might think this was vaguely sexual! In reality, she was talking about photos she took.
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hey mine was kind of out of context because we were actually playing chicken by sending each other increasingly worse images from the rule 34 website. i just like making darryl look like a weird pervert instead.
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"you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!"
"the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more. "
"I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. "
couple of my favorites from Textsfromlastnight.com
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"Okay, I admit, it would be hard to do it with your pants on"
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"It has to be ice cold. I'm not putting that in my mouth" - Jodie.
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"I can't hear you, I'm a dinosaur" - Jodie.
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"Anarcho-sexyism."
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(5:20:36 PM) Darryl: yeah, more discriptive
(5:20:39 PM) tommydski: oh
(5:20:42 PM) Darryl: size, length
(5:20:45 PM) tommydski: smallish
(5:20:50 PM) tommydski: under an inch for sure
This one is actually better in context. We were discussion the heart shaped birthmark on Tommy's butt. Jordan taking it out of context turned it into some lame dick joke.
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(5:20:36 PM) Darryl: yeah, more discriptive
(5:20:39 PM) tommydski: oh
(5:20:42 PM) Darryl: size, length
(5:20:45 PM) tommydski: smallish
(5:20:50 PM) tommydski: under an inch for sure
This one is actually better in context. We were discussion the beetle on Tommy's butt. Jordan taking it out of context turned it into some lame dick joke.
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"Did you shove a lemon up it's ass?"
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[19:28] Jimmy the Squid: i'm trying to just rub it on his mouth and then he just licks it up
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me:
I said our relationship is a Gonzo
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“That’s the trouble with Italian aeroplanes – too much hair on the wings”
(http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g295/moustachedpainless/sirhenryat.jpg)
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[08:43] Jens: ugh
[08:43] Jens: hello again liz
I thought we lived in AMERICA?! If I can't go down to my corner store and buy a gallon of goat's blood, what kind of America am I living in?
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It's true, Jens truly does hate me.
Silly twat.
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"The next time you go outside you should let me blow on you."
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"It's difficult by yourself."
- Matt
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Gemm: Is it a big one?
Kylos: Not for long.
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Just try and explain this one, guys:
"In my hands... I am holding 5 lumps of camel dung. This is my finest moment."
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My favourite out-of-context quote doesn't even make sense in-context:
"Hills are slow!"
-Andrew Maier
which was followed a few days later by:
"Stairs are heavy."
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Andrew Maier takes several days between comments, apparently.
Also, I think you know a different Andrew Maier than I do. The one I know owns a coffee shop and makes me think of Elton John minus sunglasses.
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Overheard today:
"I can't wait to go home so I can wipe my ass."
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girl in class, "are you fisting me!?"
it was during lab. No one was fisting her, especially not me... yet.
"Wouldn't it be weird if I was fucking your mom?"
also, I hear this alot from my dad. except he usually says , "is it weird I AM fucking your mom?"
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That explains a thing or two, yeah.
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girl in class, "are you fisting me!?"
it was during lab. No one was fisting her, especially not me... yet.
You'd think you'd... feel... ?
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Small fists?
No. Wait. That's not the only option.
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"If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college."
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random utterings from friends of mine....
"I'd shit in a bin full of orphans without even breaking a sweat!"
Me: "Dare I ask how much you'd drank at that point?!"
Friend: "Out of his cock? Or in general?"
"I've gotta be honest, those shoes really don't match those nipples!"
and my favourite: "Pokemon's basically just badger-baiting for kids..."
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"This song is not about casual sex."
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"You shit too fast!"
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Man I had not looked in this thread before. Turns out there is an awful lot of me in it. Thanks guys, this is why I can't hang out with the internets.
Wait, is this why she hasn't been around lately? doh
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"I'd shit in a bin full of orphans without even breaking a sweat!"
This is from The Mighty Boosh
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"If it's a severed head, I'm gonna be very upset."
-Wayne's World.
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"I'd shit in a bin full of orphans without even breaking a sweat!"
This is from The Mighty Boosh
so apparently my mate is not only a plagiarising bastard, but also a plagiarising bastard with terrible taste in comedy shows...
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"I'd shit in a bin full of orphans without even breaking a sweat!"
This is from The Mighty Boosh
Damn man, that show makes no frikkin sense.
I like British humor, it's great. Monty Python makes my Python hard. :wink:
Seinfeld, doesn't make sense when I'm sober, give me a few tokes and I'm great, I can understand what's going on.
Mighty Boosh, well...
Sober or high, doesn't make no goddam sense.
What the hell is the deal with the mailboxes on their heads?
Quote-machine is broken. Should take 4-5 business days to fix.
Sorry for any inconvenience.
Oh, and for the horribly obvious sexual innuendo.
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The full quote is "I'm so evil I'd shit in a bin of orphans without breaking a sweat"
I'm guessing the "mailboxes" you're referring to are the magical doors, which are magical doors.
If you need to be high or drunk to find things funny, other than stoner films, it's probably not funny in the first place. Like stoner films.
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"Bullets! My only weakness, how did they know?!"
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"I'm wearing the wig."
Actually, that one is worse IN context. Hm.
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The full quote is "I'm so evil I'd shit in a bin of orphans without breaking a sweat"
I'm guessing the "mailboxes" you're referring to are the magical doors, which are magical doors.
If you need to be high or drunk to find things funny, other than stoner films, it's probably not funny in the first place. Like stoner films.
Well yeah except that Seinfeld is funny. Really very funny.
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Is it funny, or funny when you're high? I don't really get your point without that clarification.
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"Don't worry, slugger... I'm not hurting your mother!"
Also there's Overheard (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/).
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"Is it scribblies?" - on the top page of my logic notes
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Is it funny, or funny when you're high? I don't really get your point without that clarification.
funny
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"Oh my god, there's a bear in my Cereal! AHHH!"
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I want to learn how to swing soooo bad.
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"Holy hell, are my new boxers made of wool? 'Cause my weasel's getting heat stroke." -Bob Kelso.