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Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Tyler on 30 Aug 2009, 11:51
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I decided I wanted a thread about me. So tell me your favorite hypothetical memory of me that could conceivably occur but has not. Nothing too dirty now, Sam.
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Remember that time you shot a guy in reno? good times.
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I remember the time that you got trashed and swam naked through Mirror Lake, frolicking with the geese.
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Remember the time you invited me out drinking and we ended up saving the world from Alien invasion? In front of all those hot Sorority girls?
That was rather enjoyable.
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Best and most fun memory of you was when you chased me down, then shooted my knee cap after that you shoved your big strong batmobile to my batcave and i said "ahh its too big it never fit" and you did go "dont worry lad i use my turbo thrust to get in that tight hole and go deeper than enyone."
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Remember that one time we said we'd meet Andy at Niagara Falls, but we told her the wrong side so we could wave, laugh, and then run away? She wasn't very happy, so we smuggled her across the border and took her to a bar.
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Remember that time when you did a thread about yourself and people were remembering things about you that didn't really happen, but they post it anyways just for the lols. Yeah, that's my favourite.
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Thanks for playing, Scarychips
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Remember that time you actually showed up to a Boston area meetup?
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Remember when we became rodeo clowns?
Exposing the corruption within the clown's union was a definite high point.
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All of my hypothetical memories of you are favorite ones.
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Remember that one time we got really drunk and sang songs a cappella with a bunch of strange people from the internet? Oh wait.
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Remember that one time we accidentally saw that mob assassination and we had to dress up as women to hide in that all-female show?
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Remember the time when we were in Tronno and Phil was snoring really loud and you couldn't sleep and it was okay for the first night but as time went on and the snoring got worse you eventually snapped and smothered him with your pillow until he died? I was still awake trying to make sure that Jason didn't vomit and choke on it in his sleep, so I helped you wrap up Phil's body and drag it out of the hostel. We pulled out his teeth with pliers and set his body ablaze in the dumpster behind the convenience store. I still have those teeth....
Yeah that was fun.
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Remember that time you made a thread and people were all like, "hey remember this and that?". Good times that.
Also chicken.
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Sorry to rain on Tyler's parade, but please don't use images in your sig.
Yelley, I remember that. I watched you guys from the window and then went out and roasted some marshmallows over Phil's corpse and made smores for Stephen, Kat, and Johnny, except Johnny wouldn't wake up and eat his, so I had two.
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Thanks for playing, Malek
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Remember that time we both decided we were going to try and become vigilantes? We spent months joking about our superhero nicknames and what our costumes would look like. I always thought it was benign banter until that day you showed up round mine with those two costumes. You had nicks and cuts all over your fingers from where you'd spent the last fortnight working on them, sewing them together, patching them up. When we put them on, we thought we looked like real heroes. Okay, so looking back, I guess we looked a bit fruity, but come on, we were young, we didn't care. It was those costumes that really struck home the idea for us, and it was from that point forwards we both vowed we'd at least give it a shot.
We spent the next two months looking on YouTube at 'how to fight' and 'self defence' videos, thinking it'd prepare us for the streets of our corrupt city. We should have known better, but we were so young, so eager. You even bought those weights, telling me how it'd only take you a month or so to put on seven pounds of muscle. I remember the nervousness in your eyes as we first stepped out of my apartment in those costumes. You were the mastermind behind this whole idea, yet there you were, standing in your spandex yellow-and-red number, more akin to a newborn baby than a street wise vigilante. I remember you turned to me, and I just smiled. I don't know what it was, but there was something in my smile that just washed all the nervousness out of you. You returned the gesture in kind and took your final step out of my door as plain, blue collared Tyler, and took your first step as a knight of the street.
I remember the first 'crime' we saw being committed. Those two kids, no older than fourteen or fifteen, spray painting the side of the corner shop with racist slurs. You were the one to take the first action, you always are. You let out a cry of "stop", and the kids turned round fully expecting to see a police officer or something, and when they saw two fruity looking wannabe heroes standing there, all proud with their arms on their hips? Well, they laughed their bloody heads off. I remember we slinked away back to my apartment that night. But we weren't defeated. You kept our spirits up with your joyful banter, about how no hero gets it right first time. Look at Spider Man, you said, he still doesn't get it right.
The second night went much the same as the first, our efforts at heroing merely being laughed away by the criminal society, but it was that third night where we discovered what it meant to be heroes. I remember the look on the young lady's face as we handed her the red handbag back. She wasn't sure if she should cry with joy at being saved from the dirty hands of that ruthless mugger or laugh at the fact he'd been thwarted by two fruits-in-tights. We were elevated. It was like no feeling, no high that we'd had before. We were successes, bonafide heroes.
And it's from there it all went downhill.
Word got out about the two spandex clad warriors of the twilight, and before we knew it every tosser was after us. We were the first of our kind out on the streets, and as such we had the biggest target of all painted on our backs. The heads of the crime business didn't want copycat spandex-clads out on the roads, ruining their income, so they ordered we be taken down.
It was the eighth night they got their wish.
They set a trap for us, and we fell into it like the naive idiots we were. It was another mugging, but the woman wasn't really in peril, she was merely in cahoots with the mugger. And when we rushed to the rescue, our heroic battle cries booming over the thick sound of nighttime in the city, they surrounded us. We never managed to count how many there were exactly, but the police estimates fifteen to twenty of the bastards came down on us like a hammer of injustice. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital, you sat by my side, asleep, with your head bandaged and your nose broken. Turns out I'd received the worst of it. Five broken ribs, a fractured skull, a punctured lung and a dislocated hip. When you finally woke up the tears were still fresh in your eyes and all you could say was how sorry you were that you'd gotten me into such a mess. You told me how you were planning on just going back to a normal life after all this. I told you to shut the fuck up and you just stared at me like a hurt puppy. I explained to you that I knew what I was getting into, that I'd expected this to happen sooner or later. I told you I hadn't said anything because it was the first time I'd felt so alive, and that I wouldn't have given it up for anything. The broken bones, the concussion, it was all bloody worth it for the feeling I got from being one of the only good things in a city full of filth. And I knew you felt the same way.
We returned eight years later, no longer as the fruits-in-tights, but as true heroes. We'd spent every day we could in the gym, or in the boxing ring. We'd learned the basics of so many different martial arts I couldn't remember half the names. We no longer wore the stupid outfits, we kitted ourselves out in real gear, with real weapons. You had that baseball bat you'd had signed at Yankee stadium, I had those two telescopic police batons. We were the real fucking deal, and my God did we let the criminal world know it. Newspaper headlines called for us to have a holiday in our name, children dressed up as us for Halloween, fuck, there was even talk of a movie at one point, but it didn't matter to us, all we cared about was revenge for what had happened eight years prior.
We found the guy responsible for our ambush. Mister Michael Harris, scum of the Earth. He had more pies than his fingers could be in. Prostitution, drug trafficking, smuggling, contract killings, he was the guy that was going to make our careers set in stone. I remember how shocked we both were when we found out he had a normal family life, a quiet, clean house in the suburbs, a loving wife, two loving kids, they even had a tyre swing in the front fucking garden.
That wasn't going to stop us though. This man was nothing but dirt.
We followed him home, broke into his house, tied him up and beat him to a state of near consciousness. Then we made him watch as we beat his wife.
And it was here that we realized, he had made us just as bad as he was. We dropped our weapons and ran, leaving Mister Harris and his perfect wife to their perfect life with their freshly made imperfect scars.
We ran, and we never stopped running, Tyler.
And one day, who knows, we might find our way back home.
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Remember that time we decided to sneak into Leonardo's office... (http://clerksflashback.ytmnd.com/)
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I remember at Michael's house when you kissed my neck and I almost touched your blouse.
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Hey Tyler, remember that time where we got drunk and... uh... I don't really remember the rest but you get the idea.
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Remember that time my parents were out for the night and you came over to play 64 and we found my dad's butt plug looking for batteries to put in my new rumble pack and then you kind of just got all quiet and went home.
You didn't have to go home.
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i remember the time your evil twin who looks exactly like you from an alternate dimension showed up and pretended to be you and i spent the entire day looking for clues and engaging in wacky hijinks trying to figure out which tyler was the good one and which tyler was the evil one before i finally killed the evil twin and everything returned back to the way it was.
at least, i think it was the evil one...
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hey remember that time you told me you were going to make me a mix and then you did?
and then we went shopping for my little ponies in chicago?
yeah, those were hypothetically some good times...
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Remember that time we had an OD'ed Michael Phelps in the back of the rental car after that night in Saskatoon? You were really freaking out, screaming, "WE KILLED AN AMERICAN HERO!!" or, "WE FUCKING KILLED AQUAMAN!!!"
Good thing we outraced those cops or we'd be in a Canadian jail, and that's the worst kind of jail.
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Remember that time when the QC forums became Family Guy?
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Remember the time we camped out in your mom's backyard, right before I moved away? And before you moved too I guess, but you know, back in Iowa, before a lot of things. I was so jittery because I had this weirdly intense thing about bugs and we could hear them all but screaming the whole night, and you hugged me close and tried to calm me down...Come to think of it my sense of nervousness about moving and about everything really, that was probably why your mom wanted us to do it. I didn't fucking want to camp in the yard. Did you? But I wanted to be there with you because it was gonna be so soon that you'd be gone, and I'd have to try and make a new best friend, and we'd never figure out what the hell the old man was doing when he went into his garage at night and we heard that noise and. Well. I mean, I know I was a pain then. I was a big baby, and I was being so annoying. I guess I just wanted to say I'm glad we did that, and it meant a lot to me that you stayed. It was more than I had done for you, running out on you like that.
Thanks for staying with me.
I'm sorry I abandoned you. I'm sorry.
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When you took me into the sea of egyptian cotton sheets, gently bringing me to lay on my back, then took me in one night of passion.
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Remember that time you were Captain James T Kirk of the USS Enterprise?
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Remember that time you knew who I was? That was great.
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Remember that time we all got so tight, and Jacques and Antoine got into a fight? The gendarmes who came passed out like a light.
I remember that, too. It's all very bright.
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Oh oh! Remember that time when we went to Chocolateland and there were chocolate bunnies and you couldn't let them go cause they tasted too good. But one of them had vanilla rabies and bit you, so you got a bit crazy and went to swim in the chocolate river, but fell down in the Chocolate Falls. That was fun, wasn't it?
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I think of you as a revolting peasant, Wat?
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You know that chick that used to dance a lot
Every night she'd be on the floor shaking what she'd got
Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot
I mean she was steaming
And that time over at Johnny's place
Well this chick got up and she slapped Johnny's face
Man we just fell about the place
If that chick don't want to know, forget her
Good times. Good times.
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Tyler, do you remember when we skipped out on 5th period on some early fall day, and went down to the reservoir instead? You made me a necklace out of clovers and we talked about the future and when the sun went down we pinky-swore that we would never ever change. Even if we did, that is my favourite memory of you - no, of us.
Or that time that you got drunk and passed out naked on your lawn and we took like, 800 pictures. Duuuuuuuude you were wasted, it was awesome!
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Things don't always happen the way y'expect 'em to. I di'n't even know y'. Y'didn't know me. We'd look out for eachother though. Y'gotta when y'working the same streets, it ain't the safest line of work. People'd go missin'all o' the time.
So that's why I got concerned when I saw y'get in tha' car. S'guy's car had a reputation. Y'were the guy that never stayed the night, always sneaking out when they fell asleep. T'always askin' f'you the next day if you'd already been picked up.
We all knew something was up when Tommy was working y'usual corner. We look out for eachother, but if y'ain't show, y'spot's fair game.
I saw y'cab, asked him to take me to your place. The door was unlocked. Y'didn't answer.
I could have been anybody, y'just sat there crying.
So I held y'. Didn't say nothing. Don't really think there was anything we could've talked about. I don't think I even wanted to know what happened, we just never mentioned it. Y'didn't feel safe in that place alone, so I slept on your couch.
Went out for coffee that morning, talked like we'd always known eachother. Ain't even axed eachothers names. Guess it didn't occur. It was strange y'worked that night. Anybody else would've avoided the streets a while. Same dress, same spot...
Same car. Door swung open, pulled y'right in by y'hair. Y'see some pretty strange pickups in this li'work but ain't ever like that. Called the cops, but they said we ain't see nothing. Guess a grabbed hooker ain't top priority a'these parts. Ain't none these people see a person wh'they look a'hooker. Just a hooker. Ain't see no feelin's. Hell, me neither. N'even in the mirror no-more. But I swear, swear y'god, I saw some. Somethin' anyway. Somethin' in you.
Then y'were gone. Snatched outta broad daylight, never heard from'a'gin. Ain't nobody knew 'bout you as a person. Where y'came from, who y'were. Strange t'think y'were somebody's baby once. We all were. If people thought 'bou'that, would we still be treated the same?
I think I'm gonna get out. I saved a bunch. Gonna do a last job then head out west. I dunno where too, but I ain't stayin' here n'more. I'm gonna get some kinda life goin' again. A good life, be a real person'gin.
Just one more easy job.
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Oh, how embarrassing! A lot of these were me, instead.
Sorry, I'd make that mistake too, hypothetically.
I do remember that one time you found out that I'd taken your Sony Walkman and you shit in my backpack. You still need to figure out how to make your retribution proportional to the crime. I couldn't throw it out because papa wouldn't buy me a new one. I scrubbed and scrubbed, and I thought I was so lucky that your turd had missed the books. It was only later in the year that I found out I was wrong, and that I would have to pony up $70 USD for my smelly, sullied, iHola, Amigos! textbook. I haven't spoken Spanish since.
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Do you remember when you were 7 and the only thing that you wanted to do was show your mum that you could play the piano?
Super rad.
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Hey, Tyler, remember that time you got back to me about me coming to visit? That was great.
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Quiet you. Just started school. Busy as fuck.
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Goddammit I am running out of available weekends, man.
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Hey, remember that time when you ODed? Hey, remember that other time when you ODed, for the second time?
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Remember that time you tricked Hod into killing Baldur then when Hermod went to Hel and Hel said make the whole world weep and I'll give him back his breath you disguised yourself as a female giant who wouldn't weep for Baldur and thus heralded Ragnorok, but then we figured out that you disguised yourself and so we chained you to a rock with a venomous serpent above you and every time its poison dripped onto you, you caused earthquakes with how loud you yelled and how hard you shook?
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Remember that time you didn't call my town "quaint"?
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Shane. It is. This is just something you will have to accept.
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Oh man my favorite memory was when we wore dog suits and rented a hotel room and I slipped my hard cock deep into you and gently reached around and stroked you while you whimpered and howled and yiffed so loud until someone from the front desk came up with security thinking there was something illegal going on and then we laughed and laughed when they left, obviously shaken.
Good times, bro.
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Remember that one time at band camp?
Man I swear, you were all crazy over that flutist...but he didnt seem that into you, i think he was just using you dude.
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I was just about to reminisce actually about those times you softly brushed my cheek as I lay there, sleeping, vulnerable, snoring. The pillow over my face was just an expression of love being made manifest in a brutal, terrifying, exhilarating action.
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After a drunken night when you chatted up my fiance, I neglected to invite you to our subsequent wedding. You heard about the event from a mutual friend, crashed my wedding, and you shat on one of the bridesmaids. Good times, bro!
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hey tyler remember that time we met at tr2nnocon and it was delightfully non-awkward for the both of us even though we haven't spoken before as far as i know?
yeah.
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Shane. It is. This is just something you will have to accept.
I wish I lived somewhere exciting.
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Hey Tyler, remember that time we were just jammin' in your parent's garage, and then you said "Hey, maybe we should start a band!" and so we did and after years of playing shows at local bars we got noticed by a small-time record label, and after more years of playing shows and making records for that label our contract ended and we got picked up by a major label, and ended up getting a lot of air time on MTV, and our subsequent records all went platinum, and we became the biggest band in the world?
Well I really enjoyed snorting all that cocaine and beating all those prostitutes with you. I just wanted you to know that.
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Hey Tyler, remember that time me, you, and Shane moved to New York and lived on ramen and canned veggies? We were broke, but we had some good times. That pigeon who tried to live in our bathroom because the window got stuck open, though, he was not so much good times. His stuffed body still lives on my mantle though. Thanks for making that for me.
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you gave me a panda
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Hey Tyler, remember that time me, you, and Shane moved to New York and lived on ramen and canned veggies? We were broke, but we had some good times. That pigeon who tried to live in our bathroom because the window got stuck open, though, he was not so much good times. His stuffed body still lives on my mantle though. Thanks for making that for me.
Wait, I swear this actually happened.
Well, at least the living on ramen and canned veggies bit.
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So is this what people had in mind when they said they wanted new threads
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I got new threads.
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There is a different thread for that.
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Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to laugh a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
When we had imaginings and we had
All kinds of things and we laughed
And needed love... yes, I do
Oh and I remember you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to cry a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
When we had simplicity and we had
Warm toast for tea and we laughed
And needed love.. yes, I do
Oh and I remember you
You were my sweet love, my first sweet love
My lovey dove my love, lovey dove
No matter what place, whichever the place
I still see your face, your smiling face
In childish dreams, inside my dreams
Like King and Queen, God save our dreams
N'though time may face, though time may fade
It ain't never too late, to learn about love
Learn about love
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to laugh a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
When we had imaginings and we had
All kinds of things and we laughed
And needed love... yes, I do
Oh and I remember you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to cry a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
When we had simplicity and we had
Warm toast for tea and we laughed
And needed love.. yes, I do
Oh and I remember you
You were my sweet love, my first sweet love
My lovey dove my love, lovey dove
No matter what place, whichever the place
I still see your face, your smiling face
In childish dreams, inside my dreams
Like King and Queen, God save our dreams
N'though time may face, though time may fade
It ain't never too late, to learn about love
Learn about love
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
We used to laugh a lot, oh don't you
Remember the days of the old schoolyard
When we had imaginings and we had
All kinds of things and we laughed
And needed love... yes, I do
Oh and I remember you
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Remember that time you, Huda, Tommy, Huda's roommate, and Phil all gave me a cigarette?
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And that cigarette caused a lifelong addiction that led to Eugene getting lung cancer, and dying before his 60th birthday. We went to his grace, remember Tyler? All I could think of to say was "Damn that cursed cigarette, Damn it to hell!"
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The trauma of my death led Phil to start drinking, eventually spiraling into manic alcoholism. His liver failed him sometime around summer 2007 and he was buried by his only relative, a third cousin, in an unmarked grave off Route 57, 80 km out of San Antonio, Texas. RIP.