THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: KickThatBathProf on 13 Dec 2009, 17:57
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So I was in a mall yesterday and I saw the most ridiculous ad the other day:
(https://a323.yahoofs.com/ymg/ept_sports_ncaaf_experts__29/ept_sports_ncaaf_experts-593410121-1260537776.jpg?ymwu9VCDIqBjjeUm)
See if you can find all the things that are wrong with this ad!
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The trombonist has a girlfriend?
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December 10 - 13 is only three days, not four. But the mostly wrong thing is that
The trombonist has a girlfriend
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10, 11, 12, 13
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The trombonist has a girlfriend?
:-(
I should have known I would get shit on.
Actually the joke I had thought of was "The trombonist is smiling when he is playing"
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10, 11, 12, 13
Yeah that looks like 4 to me too.
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I say that with the greatest love for trombonists.
Also, the scenario in my mind was that he was about to play and his "girlfriend" ran up an hugged him. He is now smiling, so he does not continue putting the trombone up to his lips, but he is not ready to put it down.
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Hey guys
Why are they on a roof?
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He's a trombonist. He can't afford an actual place to live, which is why he needs sweaters, which he can only afford at a 30% discount.
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Also, the scenario in my mind was that he was about to play and his "girlfriend" ran up an hugged him. He is now smiling, so he does not continue putting the trombone up to his lips, but he is not ready to put it down.
No, at that point the trombonist would be angry that his "girlfriend" interrupted his practice
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Maybe he was trying to impress his girlfriend by playing the trombone, and she realized the only way she was getting out of it was to give him a big hug. She will not let go until he does.
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She is the savior of the neighborhood
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Hey now, my cousin is a trombonist and he has a wife.
She's an oboe player though, so make of that what you will.
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I had a girlfriend who was an oboist :x
ITT: All of you make fun of my life
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No, your life just neatly intersects with our jokes.
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He's holding the Trombone wrong.
The Trombone is also the focal point of the ad, not the sweaters the two people are wearing.
Oh, and the trombonist has a girlfriend, is smiling, and she doesn't really look very sincere with her smile in hugging him.
La
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Maybe his hand was burned in a fire and he had to learn a new way to hold and play the trombone. Maybe he's the Django Reinhardt of the trombone.
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ah,
i see
the trombonist who is not getting laid market... that's a huge market.
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she doesn't really look very sincere with her smile in hugging him.
La
That's probably because she's wishing that she went home with the saxophone player all those long nights ago.
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That's probably because she's wishing that she went home with the saxophone player all those long nights ago.
Nah, everyone knows that she wanted to go home with the trumpet player. ;)
La
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Maybe she did, Jimmy, and then when she got back to his place he put down his saxophone case and said:
"You know, I don't usually play the saxophone. I was just filling in tonight because the regular saxophone player couldn't make it."
And then he reached for the trombone.
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Nah, everyone knows that she wanted to go home with the trumpet player. ;)
La
Fun Fact: La plays the trumpet!
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It's a Banana Republic ad.
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Hai guize how do u improov th areo dainamics of a tormbonists car?
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And then he reached for the trombone.
These euphemisms are getting a little wild.
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Welcome to middle school band
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Remember, you can't spell "Bassoon" without "ass".
Which is another name for a donkey.
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Also, the Italian name for bassoon is faggotto. Try saying that one in front of a middle school band class.
Hai guize how do u improov th areo dainamics of a tormbonists car?
Man, if we start with the musician jokes, this is going to be a bad time for everyone who isn't me (I know a lot).
Finally, all wind players blow, strings FTW.
p.s. I used to play a wind instrument!
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Q: What's the definition of a quarter-tone?
A: Two tin-whistles playing in unison.
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Also, the Italian name for bassoon is faggotto. Try saying that one in front of a middle school band class.
The ancestor of the trombone is the sackbutt
And please let's not get into band jokes I hear enough of them as it is
(p.s. the answer to mine was "take the pizza sign off the top")
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Dude, you started it! It's your fault. There's a reason I didn't do concert band for three of my four years spent in high school.
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Well that was kind of mocking everyone else making jokes about it
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That trombonist appears to be setting up his embouchure rather poorly. It seems that his corners are too high as well as he is setting up to place the mouthpiece too low on the mouth. Also his hand position is not conducive to either fast or accurate slide movements. Finally, he is clearly not preparing to breathe correctly, as his throat is too tense.
BRASS PEDAGOGY WHAT WHAT
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also he'd punch the lady in the head on the high notes
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Maybe when she shrieks in pain she could match the tone!
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He isn't William Riker
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That trombonist appears to be setting up his embouchure rather poorly. It seems that his corners are too high as well as he is setting up to place the mouthpiece too low on the mouth. Also his hand position is not conducive to either fast or accurate slide movements. Finally, he is clearly not preparing to breathe correctly, as his throat is too tense.
BRASS PEDAGOGY WHAT WHAT
Not to mention he is likely practicing his instrument outside in what is likely cold weather conditions
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No seriously let's ,ake this a musician jokes thread I love musician jokes
Why is a concert grand piano better than a studio upright?
The grand makes a bigger crash when you tip it off a cliff.
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(http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/7606/jx0k2yq.jpg)
Terrible pun
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Q: What do you use a banjo for?
A: Kindling for an accordion fire.
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Fine. Whatever.
Q: What's the difference between a trumpet and a government bond?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q: What do you call an [instrument] with an answering machine?
A: An optimist.
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What's the difference between a chainsaw and an oboe?
Vibrato, plus the chainsaw is easier to tune.
A car runs over a squirrel and a trombonist at the same time, what was the difference?
The squirrel was on his way to a gig.
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No, there were skid marks before the squirrel
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Q: What's the difference between a viola player and a seamstress?
A: A seamstress tucks up frills . . .
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What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
Absolutely nothing, it's the size of the violinists' head that's different.
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An orchestra is engaged on a long tour of Europe. It's all going as smoothly as can be expected until, with three weeks to go, the conductor suddenly and unexpectedly falls ill on the day of a performance. Desperately, the tour manager calls a meeting of all the players and asks if any of them can fill in for that night's performance. Just for tonight, he promises them: after tonight we'll find a proper replacement conductor for the rest of the tour. As it turns out, the only member of the orchestra who volunteers for the job is the first viola player. The rest of the players are sceptical, but with no other volunteers the viola player gets the job. Well - he's a sensation! A prodigy! The other members of the orchestra are amazed; the audience members are astonished; the critics are falling over themselves reaching for superlatives. The next day everyone agrees that the first viola player should keep the conducting job for the remainder of the tour, and so he does - until the last night of the tour, by which time the original conductor has recovered sufficiently to resume his job. Reluctantly, but proud of his achievement, the viola player returns to his first viola chair, whereupon the second viola player turns to him and says:
"Where have you been for the last three weeks?"
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The Trombone is also the focal point of the ad, not the sweaters the two people are wearing.
It's a Banana Republic ad.
Of course, if this were an American Apparel ad the focal point would have been the girlfriend's ass.
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And/or the guy's tromobone ifyouknowwhatimean
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What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
Absolutely nothing, it's the size of the violinists' head that's different.
Actually, there are three differences.
1) The viola can hold more beer.
2) The viola burns longer.
3) You can apparently tune a violin.
We all know that violas burn longer than violins, why is that?
They're usually still in the case.
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Haha, I was scrolling down to write that, but then you beat me to it :( They made me smile on, uhm, Little Christmas Eve last year. I think it was last year?
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Q: How many flautists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. She holds the bulb up and the world revolves around her
My ex-girlfriend (a flautist) told me that one.
After which, I (a trumpeter) told her this joke:
Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: Only about two decibels
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Here's one for trombonists:
Q: How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One holds it up and the other drinks until the room spins.
Q: How do you know when the singer's at your door?
A: Can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Also, through high school, the orchestra conductor would ask for the foggotti, and we clarinetists would be immature enough to giggle a little bit. Band conductors knew better, I think.
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Q: How do you know when the singer's at your door?
A: Can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Amusingly enough, I was at band practice today and, while working on a new 15 minute song, it took about 5 tries to get the intro right because I couldn't work out when I was meant to come in and the drummer and I (he does backing vocals) couldn't decide on which of us should be doing the low growls or high shrieks (we're a black metal band).
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15 minute song...(we're a black metal band)
It was either that or prog rock. You've chosen correctly.
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Not really a joke but still kind of: At a music exam I had once, one question was to calculate the speed of two airplanes, with one standing on the ground and their machines producing a chord instead of noise.
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Yew know what perfect pitch is?
When you throw a banjo in the trash and it hits an accordion.
You know when the stage is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five, one to screw it in and four to say how much better John Bonham would have done it.
Then there's a longer one that goes after basses but I'll have to remember it
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Q: What do you use a banjo for?
A: Kindling for an accordion fire.
half-kerble
okay now for another musical phrase and we can go for the perfect authentic kerble
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What musicians make up a string quartet?
A good violinist, a mediocre violinist, an ex-violinist, and somebody who hates violinists.
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Q: What's the difference between onions and bagpipes?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up bagpipes.
Q: What do you call an accordionist who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
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15 minute song...(we're a black metal band)
It was either that or prog rock. You've chosen correctly.
or GY!BE wannabes.
And I would like to say that the rumors about being able to tune a violin are baseless lies. I had to try to tune my brother's back when he first started, the only thing that had the least bit of grab on the pegs was all the dirt jammed in there. And after I had almost gotten it, I found out I was tuning it upside-down, he said it went EADG, so I assumed it was the same as guitar. It isn't.
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nah dude, i find its pretty common to tune a cello from the top down, so i think it would be the same on a violin. i guess thats a thing with bowed instruments?
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also when tuning shit like that only use the pegs if you gotta do a shit ton of tuning. the pegs arn't like guitar tuners they dont have much grab at all. the fine tuners near the bridge are all you usually need to tune.
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If your violin pegs are slipping, you can take them out and draw on them in chalk (they probably make special chalk for it somewhere, but my teachers always used regular old chalk), and it'll help.
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Why does the symphony only have a 20 minute intermission?
So you don't have to re-train the percussionist
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Good quality violins don't usually have the fine tuners because it messes up the balance of the strings, so often you have to use the pegs. I have some special black stuff which helps the grip, but I've seen people using chalk too. Violins aren't hard to tune; the difficult part is that they have to be really really well tuned because you can't compensate for slightly off tuning by breathing differently like you do with wind or brass instruments.
I'm afraid I don't have any musician jokes. This is a shocking state of affairs.
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You can compensate for being slightly out of tune by putting your fingers somewhere differently. It is pretty much necessary by the end of any concert when the stage lighting has resulted in your instrument being a different temperature than when it started. That's why you always work your fingerings so that you avoid open strings whenever possible.
Also, it's not breathing differently. The breath has to be the same no matter what. It's how you hold your lips that needs to change.
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Hey guys
Why are they on a roof?
Trombonist On The Roof
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A most unlikely sight
It might not mean a thing
But then again it probably doesn't
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wait really? because i have definitely seen violinists use fine tuners before, but i guess they dont have as good of violins.
oh weird.
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My violin has fine tuners...
...
:cry: :cry: :cry:
....
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hey guys, do you know why lumberjacks make such great musicians?
it's because of their natural logarithm! (cue riotous laughter)
this is my most favorite joke ever! i tell it to everyone. i may have told it on the forums before but i don't remember.
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Your joke is bad and you should feel bad.
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You'll never be as good as Khar, Jimmy.
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Your joke is bad and you should feel bad!
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(http://www.facepunch.com/fp/emoot/zoid.gif)
Fix'd
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I'm not saying that all violins with fine-tuners are bad, just that the really good ones don't usually have them.
Good point about moving your fingers, I was thinking about open strings. And clearly I don't know anything about non-stringed instruments.