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Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Yayniall on 25 Dec 2009, 20:48
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Thread for bad jokes.
I was playing pool with an owl the other day, I was on my way to clearing up when out of nowhere I miscued and potted the white.
I turned to my opponent and said "that's two hits."
"Two hits?" he responded "two hits to who?"
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I don't get it.
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A recent news story in Newcastle, a truckload of terrapins crashed into a truckload of tortoises.
A spokesman from Tyneside police said "the accident were a turtle disaster"
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I'm trying to decide if the poor grammar is attributed to the locations mentioned in the joke.
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Two sand particles are walking in the desert. One tells the other: "Hey! I think we are being followed!"
Am I doing that right?
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I'm trying to decide if the poor grammar is attributed to the locations mentioned in the joke.
It is. Saying were instead of was is so prevalent all over the north of England that it's more dialect than poor grammar. So to continue in this vein...
A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vet:
Yorkshireman: "Ah've come to see thee abaht me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay lad, I've browt it wi' me."
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A man goes to a tailor in ancient Greece with a toga. The tailor says, "Euripedes?" The man says, "Eumenides?"
I think I may have told this one before
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
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There's suddenly a deep, philosophical meaning within that, but I'm not high.
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It symbolizes a person's ability to get over something they fear. Or something.
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what did you call me
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Why did Schrödinger collapse the wave function?
The box was starting to smell.
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There were two peanuts walking down the street.
One was assaulted.
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Q: What do you call a horse in pyjamas?
A: A Zebra.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
I also got a yellow paper crown. Dad and I had a competition to see who would be the last person with theirs on. Long story short, he's very competitive and ripped mine off.
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this is like the twentieth time i've seen this exact thread come up in my short-time lurking this board
just thought it had to be said before this went any further.
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No, this one's different. They don't put dead baby jokes inside Christmas Crackers.
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Harry you are just asking for it.
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I don't think that people have christmas crackers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_cracker) in other countries apart from the UK and a few commonwealth places, possibly explaining some of the confusion
Did you hear about the two tramps who were arrested last night? One was eating fireworks, and the other was drinking battery acid.
To cut a long story short, one was let off, and the other was charged.
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Why did nobody hear the pterodactyl go to the toilet?
Because he had a silent pee.
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nice
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How did the fat lady, bearded lady and contortionist die?
In a freak accident.
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That's very sad!
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How did the fat lady, bearded lady and contortionist die?
In a freak accident.
Oh god. No, no, no. Why did I have to find out this way?
Oh god noooo
When's the funeral? Oh shit, this can't be real
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Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
Q: How do you put a crocodile into a fridge?
A: Open the door, take the elephant out, put the crocodile in, close the door.
Q: How do you cross a river with a crocodile and no bridge?
A: Swim across, the crocodile is in the fridge.
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Did you hear the joke about the No and Me neither?
No
Me neither
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Do you get it?
No
Me neither
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A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, Professor! What if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" The professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion! That's my wife!"