THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Inlander on 18 Mar 2010, 16:06
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Cross-posted from the blog thread, because I know not everyone reads that and I feel a very strong desire to share the most extraordinary piece of prose I've ever read with as many people as possible.
This ad was in the arts pages of Melbourne's broadsheet newspaper, the Age, yesterday:
Publishers: Who's the Stallion?
This book won't make you vomit. But you'll want to hit somebody! If you're male. Sing from the rooftops if female. Outsell Dan Brown if a Publisher. Guys will buy it to rip it to shreds Girls to shove it up the boys and me because it keeps surprsing me: 200,000 words of evidence. An overwhelming critically compelling mass. Savvy sexy & salacious. And live on TV before launching I'll place history's most romantic most controversial and most polarizing bet. Depending on the Readers' response to the question on the last page: I'll win the bet! Or lose (my last $10,000). Males mad and emasculated by the book will vote No! Females triumphantly empowered by it will vote Yes! The question: Of 1,000 Heroes from 10,000 years who on the basis of popular genes is Stallion of The Millenium? Evidence in the book proves conclusively that the winner of this once in 10,000 years World title contest is Your humble servant. Publishers unafraid to publish The Stallion, contact him: [name & email address]©2010
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Surely the only way that could have been written is with a computer translator.
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The author's name at the end of the original ad is John McWray, which is rather an Anglophone name. Incidentally a Google search of that name yields almost nothing beyond a suggestion of an alternate spelling.
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LET'S BUY THIS FUCKING BOOK
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Johnny I have come up with a marketing strategy for you:
(http://i435.photobucket.com/albums/qq71/HDS_Overflow/BandVomit.jpg)
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That's what you get for reading The Age.
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this band won't make you vomit
my years of unrequited love for john cameron and the furious struggle with alcoholism that has resulted would argue otherwise
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trust me harry this marketing strategy is gonna work way better
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I didn't know a millennium was 10,000 years.
Self-publishing authors are some of the most entertainingly insane people you can experience.
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That's the thing, though! He's not self-publishing. He is advertising his book with the clear and specific intention of attracting the interest of publishers.
That ad is just under 200 words long. The author claims that the book is 200 thousand words long. The mind boggles at the thought of 200,000 words written in such a style.
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I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.
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Did you take a picture of it?
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Well, not self-published yet. The pathology of the self-declared genius just has such a common pattern to the behavior, whether it's writers, inventors, artists, "scientists". There used to be a guy on AOL who claimed that he had built an entirely new understanding of physics from the ground up.
And it loses its potency over time, but this guy (http://www.sff.net/people/dangallagher/) really made a splash in the science fiction world a few years ago with his relentless campaign to win a major award for his craptastic novel.
An interesting common pattern is the belief that their novels hold the power to greater understanding of the world/god/self far beyond whatever moral the story may have. And truth be told, this kind of lunacy occasionally gains traction as with The Celestine Prophecy or The Alchemist, and then the author gains validation for their delusion as a prophet rather than as just a writer.
The fact that this guy is proclaiming himself "the best" whatever means that he's far more interested in creating a following rather than simply selling a book.
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I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.
What you're getting at here is basically what I was thinking. This guy and the Timecube guy gotta work out a four-day Earth self-help book deal and make millions.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a55/ddovey/alot-o-puke-dude-vomit-1460.jpg)
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Why would you do that?
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Dovey, I just finished a slice of pizza.
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that dude has some impressive vomit
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DUDE USES VOMIT GUN
IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE
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THERE'S VOMIT EVERYWHERE
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His aim is terrible.
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That's why it went everywhere.
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What would be terrible now is if some cold-hearted mod merged this with the "What are you eating?" thread.
People would be so surprised!
(Also nauseated. Very nauseated.)
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Vomcano.