THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: calenlass on 30 Mar 2011, 16:21
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Dear Tania,
I know you are super busy, but I would like you to participate in making my final presentation for my french class, if you can. It's super easy, I promise! I don't remember what all the options were, but I picked "Describe a Francophone country and make us want to go there", and since I hate the class and I have 3 other final projects to do at the same time, I decided to do "facts" about Canada. Also it has to be kind of bland and dumb to be funny because it is an intro class and also full of Normal People, so. I am sorry I guess. I would do something else but I don't want to actually make any real effort for this class.
Some ideas I had:
-National food is poutine/everyone subsists on poutine
-The Poutine is a creature (like the haggis) that evolves from beavers who chew on too many maple trees/eat too much maple syrup/whatever
-Everyone lives in a chateau.
-There is a government-subsidised healthcare plan for moose.
-Everyone has a backyard barbecue to celebrate the first time the weather drops below freezing, before it REALLY starts to get cold.
-Everyone wears plaid.
-Ice Hockey is the national religion.
Basically your part would be to sit in front of your webcam and smile long enough for me to make a rather obvious looped recording, and one clip that will come before the loop in which you look at the camera and wave and say "hello". This is because "my friend Tania, who is Canadian, is joining us LIVE" and also I will dub over your "hello" with "bonjour" but in my voice, unless you want to do that too. Possible addition at the end of "Canada est le meilleur pays de tout le monde!" in an awful not-french accent.
Love, Katie
PS: If you can't or don't really want to, I can always get someone else, because since you don't really say anything I guess it does not matter if they are really canadian. I just thought of you first, I guess.
PPS: If anyone has any other blasé ideas to contribute, feel free.
PPPS: Criticise elsewhere. I am getting an easy A out of this.
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canada ain't francophone but quebec is?
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Are you looking at old quebec or new quebec sort of culture? Because if it's old quebec(more rural areas, mostly excluding montreal etc) there is a lot of silly stereotypes and funny weird traditions to be found.
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I dunno, I was just going to do canada because I can already make some jokes about canada and now I just have to do them in french? But I guess I could make jokes about Quebec, that would prolly be better, even though I don't know much about it.
The chateau thing and the poutine thing still apply, right?
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Where did you hear the château thing? It is puzzling to me.
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British Columbia is weed country.
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Where did you hear the château thing? It is puzzling to me.
I live in a chateau, don't you?
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Also don't forget to mention Canada's strange attachment to Rush/Sloan/Bachman Turner Overdrive/this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ILAdKBicMc)
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What about the toques, dear lord don't forget the toques
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Talk about the church in Quebec and secretly swear like a sailor.
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Where did you hear the château thing? It is puzzling to me.
I live in a chateau, don't you?
you live in banff dude you don't count
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Also don't forget to mention Canada's strange attachment to Rush/Sloan/Bachman Turner Overdrive/this guy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ILAdKBicMc)
Can't see it!
But all the same, don't (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_AP39jVxZw) forget (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFzQX2i6mwo) these (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FQO1fj1MJU) dudes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45evxIiYhuU).
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That Memphis song is actually pretty awesome
don't tell anyone I said that
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(http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/239/photoon20110330at2149.jpg)
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more facts about canada:
- it is over ten years old
- if all countries were ocean creatures, canada would probably be a whale. russia would be a bigger whale. not excessively bigger but i mean, like, fairly notably bigger
- 20% of canadians are members of broken social scene
- the sexual position usually known as "doggy style" is instead called "ranger time"
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(http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a300/calenlass/OhBoy.jpg)
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i am not sure if my middle-school--french-teacher professor would like the ranger time one, but I so want to use it
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The reason it's called ranger time is because doggy style is the name for the proper position in which you eat poutine.
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canada ain't francophone but quebec is?
and parts of New Brunswick
and parts of Ontario
and parts of Manitoba
and parts of Saskatchewan
Worth noting you're not allowed into first grade in Canada until you can draw Saskatchewan.
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Katie, don't forget that Wayne Gretzky is deputy prime minister, and that the national motto is "oh, soh-ry aboat that, eh."
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www.canadiansexacts.org
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Thank you for that, How I Met Your Mother.
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also i bleed maple syrup
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Don't mounties get in fist fights with bears?
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Only during their training session. After that it's frowned on as unfair to bears, who are our brothers in nature.
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Whatever, don't ruin my dreams of mountie/bear boxing matches that are cheered on by lumberjacks. The part of Canada I visited was not heavily forested, so I can still hope!
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In which case I can recommend you to visit Dorset in Ontario on Thursday nights between October and May. Meet outside the Beer Store, 5pm, bring some dried meat.
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canada ain't francophone but quebec is?
and parts of New Brunswick
and parts of Ontario
and parts of Manitoba
and parts of Saskatchewan
actually new brunswick is the only actually bilingual province in the country & by "parts" of saskatchewan i gotta tell you that only gravelbourg is fransaskoise nowadays
Worth noting you're not allowed into first grade in Canada until you can draw Saskatchewan.
clarification: saskatchewan's borders are actually eldritch forms that constantly shift, carving out eerie sigils in the centre of the continent
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the thing about the first grade is true it's just that it's more about knowledge of ancient and terrifying forms
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1 in 4 canadians is actually a bear in a mansuit
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Tim Horton's is a secret plot by the RCMP to slowly Canadianize the US.
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Also don't forget Grandparent's Day and the Judicial System. Taffy Pulls were never so important!
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Tim Horton's needs to hurry up cause mmmm Tim Horton's
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rumour has it if you stand in front of a mirror and chant stephen harper's name three times, his face will appear but you still won't understand or care about canadian politics
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poutine is actually straight-up a myth we made up to see what americans would do with it, and it turns out you can get poutine at a ton of places in the states now. incidentally hey guys how are those obesity stats down there
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nobody in canada has a chimney. we were a nation of smokers so we have a natural immunity to woodsmoke just filling up rooms
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poutine is actually straight-up a myth we made up to see what americans would do with it, and it turns out you can get poutine at a ton of places in the states now. incidentally hey guys how are those obesity stats down there
Fat as always, dude.
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we have the world's largest inland oil reserves and they're actually easy to access, but the plan for 21st-century canadian dominion over the world hinges on that supply so we built the oil sands to trick everyone into thinking that it's like a super labourious process so they stay away
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<--- Home is often confused with living in Canada.
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I hear that there is border control for people trying to get out of Saskatchewan (thanks for that one Johnny, I nearly believed you as well).
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Life in most Canadian suburbs actually does resemble Trailer Park Boys.
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Truth: It's harder to get in Canada than it is to get out of it. In my experience anyways.
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truth: the canadian-american border is another elaborate lie, the real border is exactly one kilometre north and every foot of it is lined with bear traps
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this is why canadian expats living in the states are derogatorily referred to as "trapskippers"
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Canada is known as the great white north not because of the amount of snowfall there, but rather for the massive amount of cocaine consumed by it's residents.
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John Candy was right, the national capital actually is Toronto.
Ottawa's a ficticious town made up by angry Ontar..ians.
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all canadians are eternal. none of us will ever die
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why do you think the murder rate's so low and the police don't really investigate murder. it's a hoax. there are no murders. we made those numbers up to trick you and you believed us
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Canada is known as the great white north not because of the amount of snowfall there, but rather for the massive amount of cocaine consumed by it's residents.
alternatively, it's all the jizz from their furious masturbations
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All Canadians are two to four Welsh Corgis in a human suit.
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Some facts about Canada (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDVDqJ7o8LE)
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Truth: It's harder to get in Canada than it is to get out of it. In my experience anyways.
Yeah seriously we had to go back and forth over the border a couple of times due to the silly importation rules when we moved up here.
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In Canada, first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women
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Then you get the poutine
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Yes the women make the poutine what else could I possibly have meant?
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It's the only logical conclusion
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Good thing I'm not Canadian then. You'd never get poutine.
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make sure to show lots of kate beaton comics! also that like louis riel is a popular canadian rapper.
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Ugh
Something with a bit more tune please
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQf13B8epw
:-D
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"Dude watchin' with the Brontes" is so good that I can't even properly work my way through her archives and read more of the comic. Whenever I need a Beaton fix I can pull that one up and it amuses me every time.
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Truth: It's harder to get in Canada than it is to get out of it. In my experience anyways.
Depends. For a US citizen it probably is that way. For a Finn it is the reverse. Crossing the border at Sarnia with my wife was a pleasant experience. We were steeling ourselves for a delay after seeing the long line of Americans being questioned (I guess the border guard just happened to be on alert looking for handguns or something). A Mounty respected officer of the R.C.M.P. happened to notice the covers of our passports. Waved us out of the line, grabbed the passports, stamped them, and said "Welcome to Canada".
Or may be it is a conspiracy of Hockey fans?
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In my experience getting into Canada was pretty easy, then again I went through Michigan. Flashed the passports and kept driving. I twas much more nerve racking coming back. We were freaking out a little, thinking they would pull us out of line or something, we almost forgot why we spent the weekend in Canada.
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When going into Canada with Eed for Tronnocon she tought us a trick: on you way in, be exceedingly polite to the nice Canadians. On your way back, pick a male attendant and flirt like hell.
You get in and out faster. How about that.
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Despite holding a Canadian passport, I find that my passing of the border in either direction is eased by hamming up a home counties accent. I've never lived in the home counties, but exploiting rampant anglophilia isn't beneath me.
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When coming back to Australia I've found that the best thing to do is to bring a book to read while you're queuing for hours while the hundreds of people in front of you get their luggage screened and dissected and scrutinised in extreme detail.
Australian customs and quarantine: they don't muck around.
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I went fishing in Canada!
I caught a huuuuuuge fish.
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Was it salmon?
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Nothing more canadian than that, I swear.
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Not even troot?
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When going into Canada with Eed for Tronnocon she tought us a trick: on you way in, be exceedingly polite to the nice Canadians. On your way back, pick a male attendant and flirt like hell.
You get in and out faster. How about that.
It's true! Also she said never to flirt with the Canadians, which I took as good advice, considering we were one of the few cars to not get searched.
Depends. For a US citizen it probably is that way. For a Finn it is the reverse. Crossing the border at Sarnia with my wife was a pleasant experience. We were steeling ourselves for a delay after seeing the long line of Americans being questioned (I guess the border guard just happened to be on alert looking for handguns or something). A Mounty respected officer of the R.C.M.P. happened to notice the covers of our passports. Waved us out of the line, grabbed the passports, stamped them, and said "Welcome to Canada".
Or may be it is a conspiracy of Hockey fans?
Interesting. Then again nobody really likes Americans. Probably for good reason.
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Was it salmon?
It was troot!
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It was troot!
You can't handle the troot! <-- Bad Jack Nicholson impression.
I visited relatives in Vancouver. It seemed a pretty nice place, and I don't recall getting in or out of Canada was particularly difficult.
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My border patrol officer on the Canadian side was a friendly grandma who told me I looked handsome in my passport picture
8-)
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Yeah well, eff you too, Vancouver:
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3130/5790071073_2f4bdf4f36_b.jpg)
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Photoshop. The lettering is too clear.
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Not photoshopped. Their corporate head office is in Richmond BC so naturally they'd be Canucks fans. Also the US company "Bostons" has its headquarters in Texas !
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Apparently it's also the new logo, as per their website.
Dang, Canada. Boston's not even that well known for pizza, why would you name a company "Boston Pizza" to begin with?
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Also in BC, after you have a nice meal at Vancouver Pizza, you can stop by Tim Horton's and enjoy yourself a nice Vancouver Cream Donut.
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So do they sell Sam Adams Vancouver lager in Canada, now?
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If they do, everyone is probably too busy drinking something domestic to care/notice.
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Real men drink Guinniss anyway.
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Real men don't have to proclaim what real men do or do not do.
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Real men spell Guiness correctly, too. Probably.
I never understood where the name Boston Pizza came from either. Is Boston known for making extremely mediocre pizza? Because that might be it.
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Dems fightin' words
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Real men spell Guiness correctly, too. Probably.
I never understood where the name Boston Pizza came from either. Is Boston known for making extremely mediocre pizza? Because that might be it.
I've never found the pizza in Boston to be that great. I'll begrudgingly doff the cap to New York on that one.
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(http://media.riemurasia.net/albumit/mmedia/99/rs6/vbz4/125381/824160722.jpg)
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The Cows with Guns and Chickens in Choppers have reinforcements!!! :-o
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Real men spell Guinness correctly, too. Probably.
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Reel men spell how they like.
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Real men don't spell, they drink.
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Glad I never professed to being a Real Man, thank god. Now excuse me while I flounce off into the sunset in my frilly knickers.
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Glad I never professed to being a Real Man, thank god. Now excuse me while I flounce off into the sunset in my frilly knickers.
:psyduck:
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it is a thing we do here in canada
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We told you we were more liberal
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So, uh, Van City what the heck?
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Nicely done, asshats.
edit: Okay, so there were 7 arrests in Boston, but only one of them was for "inciting a riot".
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The other six were for illegally pahrking cahrs in the hahrvahd yahrd.
Is that right?
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Probably, you really CANNOT pahk a fucking cah there.
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Probably, you really CANNOT pahk a fucking cah there.
The impression I got during my only 3 day visit to Bruinston is that yes, indeed, you can pahk a cah there. In fact you can double-pahk a cah there. And if it gets crowded triple-pahking is the accepted remedy. As well as taking a left turn across three other lanes packed with cahs going straight ahead.
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It's in the middle of a campus, there are tons of trees and walkways and there's always people hanging out and having picnics or playing catch.
Not only can you not park there, you can't exactly drive through it either. Yards are not for driving on!
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Hey so this is a bit old, but on going to and from canada, when I went with allison to go hang with dovey, I had a backpack, the guy called me up and was like "what's in the backpack?" I was like "toothbrush, clothes, deodorant" and he was all "okay, you're good" without even so much as taking a quick look inside. Meanwhile a group of brown people were getting their luggage torn apart.
On the way back into the states, they do a xray thing, and there were two hasidic jewish guys on the bus, and I guess they had to have all kinds of background checks and extra questioning. But the dudes knew they would so they were first off the bus.
DISCRIMINATION WOO!
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The only place I've ever been searched was in Beijing Capital International Airport. I was giggling the whole time.
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I had a backpack, the guy called me up and was like "what's in the backpack?" I was like "toothbrush, clothes, deodorant" and he was all "okay, you're good"
For a more interesting experience, you could have reminded him that the July 7th 2005 bombers in London carried their bombs in backpacks.
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Hey so this is a bit old, but on going to and from canada, when I went with allison to go hang with dovey, I had a backpack, the guy called me up and was like "what's in the backpack?" I was like "toothbrush, clothes, deodorant" and he was all "okay, you're good" without even so much as taking a quick look inside. Meanwhile a group of brown people were getting their luggage torn apart.
On the way back into the states, they do a xray thing, and there were two hasidic jewish guys on the bus, and I guess they had to have all kinds of background checks and extra questioning. But the dudes knew they would so they were first off the bus.
DISCRIMINATION WOO!
When my family came up for the holidays last December my brother in law(a black dude) was the only one who got checked at the airport, despite having a wife and two kids.
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Clearly he hired those actors to hide something.
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I once made the mistake of going to the Victoria and Albert museum whilst carrying a month's worth of luggage (I think I was on my way to Jens and Kris's for Christmas and I had one bag entirely full of Christmas presents). The guy at the front desk sort of blinked at the number of bags, asked me to open each one and just looked at the top layer of things in the bags, not even moving things around to see what was under them. We're talking a 60 litre rucksack, a large suitcase, a shoulder bag and a travel bag all filled with stuff. I could have been carrying anything in there - body of a small child, a variety of bombs, smuggled Asian art that I'd snuck out of the exhibit, anything at all.
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When I went to Boston I got checked leaving Sydney. I guess because it was like, 40C heat and I was wearing jeans, boots and was carrying a heavy leather overcoat. No one gave me a second look in Boston where it was about -12C. It was ok, I knew it would happen. I have made certain choices about how I look and I'm prepared for the consequences.