I did not like this game. Let's try and just break it down into pros and cons.
Pros:
- Physics were good.
- Police system is better this time, a couple of times I've thought THIS IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE but then realised it's actually WAY more realistic - if you hide in an alleyway or an underpass and in real life, the cops would be unable to see you there without searching properly, that would work. But... well, go to cons.
- Range of guns was good, and they were mostly fun to use. As with GTA IV, the second I had a rocket launcher I would nuke anything within spitting distance.
- Doesn't force you to do mundane shit this time. Much. See cons.
- Jonah Hill, who somehow brings likability to an utter douche of a character.
- I actually liked Michael. Somehow.
- I unlocked Packie to use on heists. Loved that.
Cons:
- Re: police system. It was easy to cheat it. On the mission where you steal a drill, I broke into the truck to alert the cops, then went and hid behind a dumpster. The cops then forgot about me and I literally stole the same vehicle I had stolen before they even got in their cars to drive away.
- The game plays off mundanity and gameplay stretching as immersion. Ooh, properties for sale! Ooh YOGA? Ooh stock market! Fuck you. They were completely unnecessary to finish the game anyway (aside from the yoga which was a goddamn story mission for fuck's sake) which meant they were even less necessary for the game.
- Why the fuck do Trevor and Michael's missions show up on the map when I am playing as Franklin? Before I figured out the colour coding that drove me fucking crazy. Once I knew the colours less so... until I realised that all the purchasable properties showed up on my map regardless of who could buy them. Just why the fuck are properties not for sale to certain people?
- Franklin is a blank slate. He has no character.
- Michael hates his life, but he has created it. His family are all squealing shitcakes because he is a terrible father and thinks money is a substitute for love. Well done Michael. Am I meant to sympathise?
- Trevor is a cunt. He is fucking horrible. Is he meant to be satirical? It doesn't work. Which brings me to...
- ...The torture mission, which really made me quit the game entirely.
- Some of the missions are long. Too long. One of the missions is 20 minutes of driving and cutscene. I got a gold for it though! Okay then?
- Anyone who wrote a plane or helicopter mission into this fucking game (especially since I got a plane tutorial after doing a mission in which I HAVE TO FLY A PLANE) deserves a slap.
- The game so, so, so, so clearly telegraphs that it wants you to choose the 'good' ending. But I didn't. Because Trevor is awful. So I chose to kill Trevor. Are ya sure? the game asks me. Of course I'm fucking sure, he is a mad dog that needs putting down. So I chased him. Then I shot him. And he was dead. Wow. Letdown. I played Michael's ending next. Michael finds out his kid got into college. YOUR HEART STRINGS ARE BEING TUGGED. Slightly better mission, better but shorter chase, quite a cool setting for a shootout, and then it gives you a choice whether to let Michael live or die, are you fucking serious? I just chose to kill him. Fuck you game. And then I played the 'good' ending, which had so much more fucking effort put into it that it's insulting to me that they gave me a choice. Either run with your bullshit or don't, don't pretend like you're giving me a chance to decide how the story finishes and then completely dick me for choosing the wrong one.
- After a few missions I was so wealthy that I didn't need to ever do anything again. Franklin is a ghetto kid, and he earned enough money within around 30 hours of gameplay that he never needed to work again.
- There are like, four heists in the entire game. That's an exaggeration, but they give you the option of levelling up different guys and you use them for sweet fuck all.
- The RPG elements. I don't want to take my character running to grind his stamina statistic. Fuck you. This is not an RPG.
- Chop. Fuck chop. Thank fuck the game didn't make me use him, except for one random mission where I changed to Franklin, started with him with me, had forgotten how to use him, and so I just got in a car and drove away. I was given no penalty. I am glad I was given no penalty, but that's quite bad design.
- Trevor's missions are dreary as fuck, and the game spends a long stretch forcing you to only play as Trevor.
- The three protagonists add nothing whatsoever, it's okay to switch characters mid mission but it's not exactly a HOLY FUCK NEW GAMEPLAY STYLE moment.
- Virtually zero compelling characters in either the foreground or the background, but at least it wasn't trying to make me feel warmth and companionship for fucking Little Jacob.