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Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 13:11

Title: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 13:11
abraham lincoln was never president
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 13:18
winston churchill was actually incredibly underweight, but appeared large because of all the snakes he hid under his coat. when threatened by a political opponent he'd rip his coat off and rain snakes upon them
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 13:22
jfk was actually a timelord and has been every single president since
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Pilchard123 on 27 Jan 2013, 13:27

I like the second one though.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 13:46
dr. evil was actually closely patterned after mahatma gandhi's alter ego
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Carl-E on 27 Jan 2013, 14:04
FDR could walk fine, he was going for the sympathy vote. 
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: ackblom12 on 27 Jan 2013, 14:08
Why did the politicians cross the road?

To turn themselves in to law enforcement for embezzling of funds and misleading the public.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 14:15
mitt romney actually mailed in his vote for vermin supreme
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 27 Jan 2013, 15:04
Scott Walker is actually a decent human being who cares for people.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Kugai on 27 Jan 2013, 15:52
The NRA Board is actually a bunch peace loving Hippies.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: RedWolf4 on 27 Jan 2013, 16:36
FOX is a reliable and unbiased source of news presented by a diverse and qualified team of individuals.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 27 Jan 2013, 18:19
Sarah Palin really is a caring, devoted wife who enjoys occasional caribou hunts.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 18:27
(can this thread maybe not just turn into sarcastic snipes at politicians you don't like?)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 27 Jan 2013, 19:31
FDR could walk fine, he was going for the sympathy vote.

well, up to a point anyway. double irony.

(http://static.tvfanatic.com/images/gallery/ray-gillette-picture.jpg)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Sorflakne on 27 Jan 2013, 19:32
Rush Limbaugh doesn't actually believe anything he says, he just sells what sells.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 27 Jan 2013, 20:34
William Howard Taft was famous for swinging naked from chandeliers at state functions.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: henri bemis on 27 Jan 2013, 20:39
Scott Brown only farts on Tuesdays, and has an impressive collection of Scott Baio vinyls.

(I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do here, except make up things about politicians.  So that's what I do?)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 28 Jan 2013, 00:40
If I've figured out Unicorn's rules for the thread, it has to involve politicians, be incorrect, and be funny. Am I right?

KISS played at George W. Bush's Bar Mitzvah.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: RedWolf4 on 28 Jan 2013, 03:56
George W. Bush's Bar Mitzvah was just a front to sell City Wok to China.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Cire27 on 28 Jan 2013, 05:15
jfk was actually a timelord and has been every single president since

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7y2xPucnAo&list=UUurvu3r_s-yq-6f9WRs4TKA&index=14

j-j-j-j-jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay ef kaaaay
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Carl-E on 28 Jan 2013, 05:20
Obama had a white-house showing of Lincoln.  He invited several other politicians. 


Not a single republican showed up...



Unfortunately, that one's true. 
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Pilchard123 on 28 Jan 2013, 10:35
So is the game here to think of the best incorrect political joke, or is it to work out what the game is?
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Jace on 28 Jan 2013, 10:46
After losing to Sub Zero in Mortal Kombat, Baraka changed his name to Barack and attended law school, eventually becoming president of the United States
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 28 Jan 2013, 12:53
After years of trying to raise Atlantis from the ocean, Margaret Thatcher's plans to revive the British Empire once again were thwarted once she realised she was trying to annex Norway.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 28 Jan 2013, 13:48
Margaret Thatcher is pursuing a second career as a country western singer.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 28 Jan 2013, 14:30
Gerald Ford actually played football - and was pretty good at it, too.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Carl-E on 28 Jan 2013, 14:47
That's neither political nor incorrect. 



Not sure if it's a joke, though...
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 28 Jan 2013, 17:14
I was wondering if someone would get it. (In reality, he was drafted by an NFL team - which one I don't recall)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Patrick on 28 Jan 2013, 17:18
Bill Clinton's penis has not been anywhere that might be considered scandalous in politics
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 28 Jan 2013, 17:31
George Washington had like, thirty goddamn dicks
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 28 Jan 2013, 17:50
The whole cherry pie thing? George thought it unwarranted.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 28 Jan 2013, 19:13
Martin van Buren was the original Marlboro Man.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 28 Jan 2013, 19:34
Theodore Roosevelt was actually an oil tycoon, and his plans to lay waste to the great northwest were thwarted when a photographer sold his "hunting" photos to an environmentalist ad agency.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Kugai on 28 Jan 2013, 21:06
Stevie Wonder has perfect 20/20 vision
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 28 Jan 2013, 22:04
Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis were accomplished break dancers.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jan 2013, 04:50
Stonewall Jackson was actually the name of a landscaping company based in Marietta, Georgia.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 29 Jan 2013, 09:31
Vladimir Putin is an accomplished Judo and Karate master, and even wrote a book about the sport.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Redball on 29 Jan 2013, 10:10
Vladimir Putin is a flatulist.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: LTK on 29 Jan 2013, 10:23
Vladimir Putin invented Poutine on a diplomatic visit to Canada, naming it after a bastardised French spelling of his name.

(Guess where I stole that joke from?)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Jan 2013, 11:34
Immanuel Kant plagiarized his work from the deep philosophical analyses done by Sarah Palin.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Pilchard123 on 29 Jan 2013, 11:57
You Kant be serious.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Blood-Tree on 29 Jan 2013, 12:32
That's not remotely Hum(e)-orous.

Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Jace on 29 Jan 2013, 12:40
Kim Jong Il is actually a rapper.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Redball on 29 Jan 2013, 12:41
That's not remotely Hum(e)-orous.

Locke the doors! Here we go again.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 29 Jan 2013, 13:10
genghis khan made cracking puns a crime to which the only recourse is death and i swear to god i will carry out his legacy
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jan 2013, 13:48
Kim Jong Il is actually a rapper.

...named PSY.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Blood-Tree on 29 Jan 2013, 14:21
Locke the doors! Here we go again.

Lucky I know A. lockSmith
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jan 2013, 18:09
Sir Francis Bacon actually preferred chicken.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: CrowFairy on 29 Jan 2013, 19:26
William McKinley only wanted Hawaii so he could have those drinks in coconuts whenever he wanted.

Teddy Roosevelt made the Panama Canal by himself with his bare hands.

Incidental fact about myself and Teddy Roosevelt:
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Jan 2013, 19:55
Newt Gingrich's next two weddings will be Betazoid style.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jan 2013, 19:55
Barack Obama is secretly still smarting that Jim Harbaugh didn't sign his program for him at Bears training camp that one time.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Jan 2013, 20:10
Mitt Romney's hair changes color when you press his belly button.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Kugai on 29 Jan 2013, 20:27
Ronald McDonald is a Vegan
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 29 Jan 2013, 20:40
you're not very good at this 'jokes' thing are you
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Jan 2013, 21:19
Calvin Coolidge invented gangsta rap.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 29 Jan 2013, 22:19
Huey Long is the third cousin twice removed of rock star Huey Lewis.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 29 Jan 2013, 23:17
If you touch a blue carbuncle to Harry Reid's lips he becomes the only person on earth able to pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull".
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 30 Jan 2013, 04:52
Hillary Clinton was once offered a contract to play for the Chicago Cubs. She wisely turned it down, because she didn't want to hit behind Leon Durham.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 30 Jan 2013, 06:13
Martin van Buren was never actually elected President. The 1836 election came out an exact tie, and van Buren overwhelmed William Henry Harrison in a Greco-Roman Steel Cage tie-breaker to win the Heavyweight Title, and the White House.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: henri bemis on 04 Feb 2013, 17:05
James K Polk invented ultimate frisbee.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 04 Feb 2013, 18:27
Sarah Palin killed 'er a b'ar, when she was only three.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 04 Feb 2013, 22:53
Al Gore had been sick of Kim Jong-Il's shit for a long time, and finally snapped, swimming to North Korea from Guam, battling his way unarmed to the Chairman's Palace, and killed Jong-Il with his bare hands. The state media portrayed it as a "natural death", but no one can refute Jong-Il's head mounted above the fireplace at Al Gore's house, right between Muammar Gaddafi and Richard Nixon.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 04 Feb 2013, 23:18
Cleopatra was the original creator of "Dilbert".
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 05 Feb 2013, 06:57
James K. Polk never really existed. He was made up completely by the Democratic Party. His speeches were ghostread by others "portraying" him, and in fact for the entire four years "he" was in office, the White House essentially sat empty.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: dr. nervioso on 05 Feb 2013, 07:13
James K. Polk was actually a pig with a tophat
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 05 Feb 2013, 08:26
Arnold Schwarzenegger was actually just a stunt double, and the actual acting was done by Marcus Aurelius.

Grover Cleveland was not the only US President named after a city. Others included Seymour Ketchikan and Percival Keokuk.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: henri bemis on 07 Feb 2013, 08:17
James K. Polk is almost Weird Al's favorite president.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 07 Feb 2013, 08:50
Abraham Lincoln was a professional wrestler, known in the ring as "The Kentucky Killer".
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: snalin on 07 Feb 2013, 08:51
If you touch a blue carbuncle to Harry Reid's lips he becomes the only person on earth able to pronounce "Eyjafjallajökull".

The eruption of Eyjafjallajökull was actually set off by the Icelandic government on purpose - the plan was to use make fun of how foreigners pronounced the volcano's name to inspire a national sense of superiority. It's the most successful government in modern history.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 07 Feb 2013, 16:24
Allen West collects tokens.

(Recycled from an old Laugh-In joke).
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Zingoleb on 07 Feb 2013, 17:39
Spiro T. Agnew rose from the dead to run for president under the slightly less ludicrous appellation of "Vermin Supreme."
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 07 Feb 2013, 18:02
Wasn't "Vermin Supreme" part of the Cobra Commandos? Or was that Dan Quayle?
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 07 Feb 2013, 19:04
Mitt Romney also goes skeet shooting but unlike Barack Obama he donates the meat to the homeless.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Carl-E on 07 Feb 2013, 19:15
Damn skeets...
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 08 Feb 2013, 14:08
Theodore Roosevelt's true passion in life was needlepoint.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Bluesummers on 08 Feb 2013, 14:16
Chris Christie and Andrea Bocelli are actually fraternal twins, separated at birth.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 08 Feb 2013, 17:31
Boehner looks so unhappy all the time because he is holding back farts.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: jwhouk on 08 Feb 2013, 20:35
Abraham Lincoln wasn't a vampire hunter.

Dolley Madison, however, was. She had the White House staff take all the silver from the White House so the advancing British horde of vampires wouldn't try to melt it.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 08 Feb 2013, 20:48
Al Gore eats the hearts of the enemies he has slain to gain their strength.
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Pilchard123 on 09 Feb 2013, 03:14
She had the White House staff take all the silver from the White House so the advancing British horde of vampires wouldn't try to melt it.

This guy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_de_Hevesy#World_War_II_and_beyond) actually did that, only it was Nazis and gold.

<mod>Fixed Link code</mod>
Title: Re: politically incorrect jokes
Post by: Is it cold in here? on 09 Feb 2013, 14:24
Sarah Palin picks her nose and eats it.

EDIT: After washing the dishes at a soup kitchen Paul Ryan goes and flosses the teeth of the less fortunate.

EDIT: Al Gore won the Adult Video Industry Association award for Best Performance in an steamy scene between him and a Higgs Boson.