THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: GarandMarine on 10 Dec 2013, 06:28
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Welcome to Whose's Post Is It Any Way? The exciting new forum game show where the rules are made up and the points don't matter.
In the tradition of the show, each poster has to improv a witty one liner response, or if they want even write out a quick scene in response to a prompt. You then leave a prompt for the next poster.
Our first prompt....
Things you never want to hear from your Mother in Law!
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That wasn't chicken...
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When I gave birth to you...
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Right now leave a prompt for someone else :P
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Sorry, was going for the thing they do on the show where it gets changed after a bunch of answers. Always entertaining when Dennis and Addison riff of other contestants.
Questions you wouldn't see on an exam paper.
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Sorry if anyone noticed me messing round with this thread, I still don't know what all my moddy buttons do...
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Is your answer to this question correct?
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Mornington Crescent!
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What were you doing behind the Bike Shed last Friday?
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Let's see if we can't get this going again, hm?
Alternate endings to famous films
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Sandra Bullock lands back on earth just to find it is populated by monkeys.
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The Statue of Liberty turns out to be a fake, and he really was on another planet the whole time!
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It turns out that the monkeys had no resistance to Earth viruses and they all died of the flu.
Slumdog Millionaire: In the final scene, as the hero's running across the train station towards his beloved, he's hit and killed by an express just before reaching her. As the credits roll, "Dumb Ways to Die" plays.
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Make fun of The Mittani's hair
Open fire in Luminaire
Warp at zero to a gate
Use a fleet Typhoon as pirate bait
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Charlie Croker - "Screw you guys, I'm going home".
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Turns out he was just fond of roses.
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Turns out he was just fond of roses.
You beat me to it :x :-D
Turns out the guy wasn't dead, the kid really wasn't seeing dead people, and the whole movie was a figment of his schizophrenia...
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Keyser Soze is Tyler Durden.
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The Village was an alien zoo.
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"Good thing I wiped the programming on that R2 unit."
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Luke missed the shot, the Death Star blows up the planet and ends the rebellion.
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Neo puts his pride away and calls tech support for help at the end of the first movie.
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Things you don't want to hear at an airport
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Look everyone- it's Justin Bieber!
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"Attention, passengers. Due to an equipment fault, the regular Flight QA923 to Singapore has been replaced by a live-fire training course designed for military androids. We apologise for the inconvenience and wish you the best of luck."
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"We're all out of coffee."
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"This plane doesn't even HAVE a Phalange!!!"
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"So there I am, hand just covered in lube and blood, the guy's screaming, and...oh, hold on. Please remove your shoes and empty your pockets..."
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*ding* "Good morning everyone and welcome to flight Herpy Derp with service to Chicago O'Hare....
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"YO Dave! That guy, over there! It's their suitcase that's vibrating."
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"Welcome to beautiful Detroit, enjoy your stay."
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"Mountains and you: A PSA on air safety and survival after a crash for the average traveler. . . . "
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"We're all out of coffee."
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Attention all passengers. Owing to a technical fault with the aircraft servicing facilities, none of the rest of the day's flights will have functioning toilets.
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To use the airport Wi-Fi, please enter your credit card information.
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*Whispered to another Air hostess* "Did the pilot remember his meds today?"
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*Whispered to another Air hostess* "Did the pilot remember his meds today?"
*whispered back* "Is he sober enough to fly?"
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Dear passengers, owing to increases in the price of aviation fuel, your luggage allowance has had to be halved. Please feel free to deposit any surplus items in the charity bins adjacent to check in.
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Attention passengers, a new Federal Regulation means that the sale of alcohol and coffee will be prohibited in airports and other public transport venues. This regulation takes effect in ten minutes time. Please queue in an orderly fashion.
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The worst thing to say on a first date
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Happy Birthday Grandma
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You have ruined sex forever! :mrgreen:
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You look sexier through night vision goggles.
That's a nice dress. It'd look even better in my basement.
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So how much do you normally charge your customers?
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"I am legally obligated to inform you that..."
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So you did use Photoshop on your profile picture...
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Does this look infected to you?
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Don't mind that beeping from my ankle. I'm still within the two mile radius.
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Look, I'm not saying I am one, I'm just saying I can see where they're coming from, okay? Children's skin looks really smooth...
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"Do you like Fiva Beans?"
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"After my seventh or so stint in prison..."
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"Think we can make this quick? I got a date the next table over in ten minutes. . . "
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Okay so I've not been entirely straight with you, but if you could just go ahead and pretend to be my wife to this guy who's walking over here...
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Howabout something seasonal?
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS YOU WERE NOT EXPECTING.
"It's a nice thought, but what am I going to do with 100 Meerkats?"
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"Look, while I appreciate the effort, summoning Yog-Soggoth and his Undead Legion to scour the Earth of the undeserving doesn't really count as a present per se, since most of the Earth is currently in flames. I just don't think the benefits for me overcome the costs. But I suppose it's the thought that counts, right?"
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"Look, I know I said I wanted Emma Watson under my tree in nothing but ribbons, but dammit Earl the police are starting to ask a lot of questions!!"
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"...you know, I think you took "White Elephant gift party" a bit too seriously Dave"
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"When I said 'a merry Christmas', I can safely assure you I was not referring to Meriadoc. Let him go please."
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When I said "same old shit as always" I was talking about clothes and gift cards not the contents of your litter box...
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"Jim, I know you mean well, but I don't think you can even GET a license for a tank in this country. . . ."
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Since it is coming up on the new year:
People you don't want to have to kiss at midnight!
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Actually you totally can get a tank license, it's not even that difficult. Their weapons systems just have to be rendered inoperable.
Current prompt:
"Why are you running?" "Aunt Mildred is coming, flee for your lives!"
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Probably the case in America, but I'm not sure how it stands here in Australia with vehicles that can reasonably be expected to drive through or over anything local law enforcement can field.
Current Prompt:
"Great, stuck in the car with the ex on New years. . . . "
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I would expect Australia to be similar to English law, and I know there's a fair amount of tanks in private ownership in the U.K., in fact England is where I'm looking to possibly get my hands on a T-34/85 from a refurbisher.
It will cost me approximately more money then I will ever have. Ever.
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Ohh...hi...there, uh...my parole officer........I um...I didn't expect to see you here."
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Thinking about it that would be a great setup for a blind date scene in a movie.
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That'd be pretty cool if you do manage it though GM. . .
"He was a convicted serial killer, she was his parole officer. . . "
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Probably the case in America, but I'm not sure how it stands here in Australia with vehicles that can reasonably be expected to drive through or over anything local law enforcement can field.
Couldn't find info about tracked vehicles but Queensland allows wheeled armored vehicles...last two on the page (http://www.tmr.qld.gov.au/Registration/Conditional-registration/Recreational-vehicles.aspx). What other states and territories within the country allow is up in the air but at least one allows them.
Back on topic: "Mom? Sis? Yikes!"
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You're saying I could have a decommissioned ASLAV?
Oh god I would be the last person who should be able to get one. Anyway . . .
"Oh, Madeline! Ummm . . . So when was that sexual harassment course on again at work?"
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"....you realize you're in violation of the restraining order right?"
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"Oh, hello, Miss Cyrus..."
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"Oh, hello, Miss Cyrus..."
"...how's your daughter Miley?"
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"Wow, the world record for most simultaneous STDs? No you're right that's really impressive... uh..." *tries to inch away*
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"So you're a xenomorph hive queen huh? That's eeh..that's gotta be interesting!" *gulp*
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"hold on a second, I need to put my teeth in"
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"Like the fangs."
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"What, no, I'm not wearing body glitter. This is just the skin of a killer. . . "
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Look, we had some good times, some laughs, but this relationship is strictly business, ok Jabba?
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I hope you don't mind if I eat this limburger, garlic, and onion sandwich first
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"What do you mean mono's contagious?"
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Alright
HEADLINES YOU DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE.
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Coalition manages to not fuck anything up this week.
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"Tony Perkins Laughed Off Fox News, Disgraced"
"Huckabee/Perry Marriage Announced!"
"Pope Recalls U.S. Bishops For Disciplinary Hearing"
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"Westboro Baptist Church Advocates Gay Marriage"
"Kanye West Gives Away All His Money, Becomes Hermit"
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"You win!! Yes you. What did you win? Well, the van will be along shortly. . . ."
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Gates admits: "Apple's iPhones are much better than ours"
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Apple admits product prices artificially inflated, all owners to receive refund.
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Literally nothing happened today.
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NSA admits to violating U.S. and International Law, Agency closed pending investigation
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Winner!!!
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Nice!
"Boehner: 'I'm Sorry'"
"U.S. Bans Confederate Battle Flag, No One Complains"
"Bank of America's Assets Seized In Daring Midnight Raid By FBI"
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'Bush/Cheney: "We lied." Both to face charges'
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"Banks, Politicians come clean: 'Yeah, we have no clue what we're doing. We're just so lucky you were all so uninformed for so long.'
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"Something happened and nobody said anything!"
Classic Questionable Content scenes - if they were written by Shakespeare!
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Comic #12
http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=12
(Act 1, Scene... whatver)
Enter Dame Faye of Georgia from the doorway
Lord Marten of Reed: "Ah! Good evening to thee Dame Faye!"
Dame Faye: "Good evening to thee Lord Reed, wouldst thou join me for an evening meal? I am quite famished and would enjoy company to enertain me, for the day hath been long and uneventful"
They exit to the street to head to dinner, and are approached by a footman in the livery of Dame Faye's mother, Baroness Whitaker of Atlanta.
Dame Faye: "Ah, your pardon Lord Reed, I believe this messanger seeks my attention."
The messanger leans close and whispers a brief message, Lady Faye exaggerates a sigh and responds loudly:
Dame Faye: "You may inform the Baroness that I am going to dine with a lovely gentleman of the Reed family, and he has no foul intent on mine chastity, you may further tell her when she inquires that I left my bodice dagger in my boudoir. Now get thee away from here, or I shall order thee lashed!"
The footman departs quickly.
Lord Reed: "Is thy mother always so concerned for thy personal safety m'lady?"
Dame Faye: "Thou art lucky the Baroness did not see fit to come herself, thou would be hard pressed to keep thy head attached for standing on the same part of the walk!"
The gauntlet is thrown.
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Comic 193 (http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=193)
CHORUS:
"Our scene: a tavern, early in the eve
At table, sit Lord Marten and his Steve."
STEVEN:
"Forsooth, my robe is almost dry of beer;
My pride is nearly gone, let us leave here."
LORD MARTEN:
"As you wish. I also wish to go
to see the Lady Faye, one whom you know."
(LORD MARTEN AND STEVEN STAND AND MOVE TO EXIT)
(ENTER ELLEN)
ELLEN:
"My lords! I humbly beg of you, leave not
without my number. Steven, you are hot."
STEVEN:
"I thank you for your grace, but didn't you-"
ELLEN:
"-I merely wished to be certain that you
were not a scoundrel and a scheming cad,
who tries to fool young women; I am glad
that your behaviour was not loud or crude,
indeed, you made me think I was quite rude.
You have my number; please, give me a call;
I'll gladly answer, any time at all."
(EXEUNT ELLEN)
STEVEN:
"Surely, this must be some kind of jest;
this Ellen, she must clearly be the best;
Outmaneuvered at my every turn!
my loins are such afire, I think I'll burn."
LORD MARTEN:
"I did not need to know about your loins,
but you have clearly earned some coins."
CHORUS:
"Butts"
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*Dives for a foxhole as the gauntlets start flying.*
Well this got good quick. . .
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Iambic pentameter isn't actually all that hard, once you get the hang of it.
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But how do we get Brian Blessed into the Comic?
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....someone email jeph. I will gladly help organize a fundraiser for a set number of yearly strips featuring Brian Blessed.
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"It's a nice thought, but what am I going to do with 100 Meerkats?"
Compare them, of course!
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To what?
:-D
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How about People who shouldn't rap?
"My name is DJ Phalliz and I'm here to say
Kill your friends, kill them with a knife" (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1171)
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*walks out and does his best Sixth Sense kid creepy whisper impression* "Everyone"
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DJ Mel (Gibson)
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DJ Zombie...throwing the beats then grabbing some eats
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M..mm..mmmm...Mel Tillis.
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DJ Mel (Gibson)
I'm DJ Mel and I'm here to say
Fuck women and black people and the Jews and historical accuracy and basic humanity
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*Points up.*
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OK
PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN'T BE ELECTED TO POLITICAL OFFICE
"Ladies and gentlemen, President Rodman."
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Horror at the Capitol, 50 Killed in Stampede
WASHINGTON, Jan. 20, 2033 (AP) -- On this very cold January morning, the President-elect approached the podium and placed his hand on a Bible:
"I, Marten Tiberius Reed, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."
The crowd cheered for the new President Reed. The jubilation soon turned to horror, however, as an AnthroPC suddenly appeared on the jumbotrons set up at the Capitol. The robot declared, "NOW ENDS THE AGE OF MAN." The crowd, not knowing how to react, stood silent. Suddenly the robot was replaced on the screen with a picture of a man pulling open his butthole, infamously known on the Internet as "Goatse". Fifty people died in the ensuing panic, including an elderly man named Kirk. When it was revealed that the AnthroPC behind the incident was Pintsize, Reed's own AnthroPC, the House of Representatives approved articles of impeachment against Reed. If convicted by the Senate, Reed would be the shortest-serving president in history.
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Any one currently serving the United States government for a factual answer.
For a comedic answer...
Washington, 20 Apr 2021 (Reuters) -- President Lohan has been elected to an unprecedented third term by the American populace, citing her advances in plastic surgery reform, cocaine distribution and her signature legislation which legalized drunk driving in 2018...
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DREW CAREY!
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Anyone who has ever thought "If I were president. . . "
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....Drew Carey would be okay as president actually.
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so I said to myself..."why try to be an evil overlord? The sheeple will elect anyone with a plastic smile, cheap promises and a polyester suit. All the benefits of overlord, none of the heros shooting at me."
-Barbara Walters interviews former President Obama, 2041
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Ladies and Gentlemen, President Kanye West and First Lady Kim Kardashian.
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Scratch my last, whoever coined the term Sheeple should not be president.
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Washington, 20 Apr 2041 (Reuters) - After an unprecedented 98% voter turnout following a nine month whirlwind campaign, Justin Beiber was confirmed as winner of the Presidential race against Chuck Norris.
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Washington, 20 Apr 2041 (Reuters) - After an unprecedented 98% voter turnout following a nine month whirlwind campaign, Justin Beiber was confirmed as winner of the Presidential race against Chuck Norris.
After the results were announced, reporters on Fox News argued with each other about why the Republican Party nominated a 100-year-old candidate for President. :-D
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Chuck Norris doesn't get old, he just gets leatheryer.
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Chuck Norris doesn't get old, he just gets leatheryer.
They say the Grim Reaper checks under the bed for Chuck Norris...
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BZZZT! Justin Bieber is Canadian!
"Please raise your right hand and repeat after me: I, Louis Székely, Junior..."
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BZZZT! Justin Bieber is Canadian!
"Please raise your right hand and repeat after me: I, Louis Székely, Junior..."
Great, as if the birther crowd didn't already have a big target...you add in a Mexican-American-Hungarian Jew from Massachusetts I think their heads would actually explode from frustration and anger :-D :-o
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"Please raise your right hand and repeat after me. I, Carol Elaine Channing ......"
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I suppose it would be cheating to post a picture of Rob Ford.
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Things you don't want happening to you the day before your finals
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All that you have studied for has been for nothing, the test doesn't matter. You either passed or failed long ago :roll:
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"You have the right to remain silent, you have the right..."
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"How the hell did I get to Shinan??!!"
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"I'm sorry, sir. It looks like you've got Butts Disease. There is no known cure. On an unrelated note, good luck with your Creative Writing final tomorrow!"
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"All of the water is out on campus and in the city. Anyone wishing to shower must sign a release, or pay the (insert ungodly amount of money here) to be bussed over to the next town."
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Grog the Prepper walks to the nearest rain puddle and begins processing potable water thru a filtration system.
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"You seriously got Lyme Disease from a tick while playing woods ball with your paintball buddies????"
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:( not funny. that happened to the Son&Heir's best friend :(
and
I had a scare myself a few years ago.
"Old, slow and fat does not mean I'm not Wiley, Sneaky and a dead shot"
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(It coulda happened to me. I was playing Laser Tag the day before I graduated from college.)
"You mean you didn't see that the container on the sink was Metamucil?"
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"....shit. How the fuck did I get to Tijuana?"
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"The good news is that the procedure went well, and all indications so far is that between it and the medication you'll be as good as new in about a month.
However, as you've noticed, it looks like you are exhibiting a rather rare side effect; we expect this hyper-increase in your libido to cool back down after a week or so, month at the extreme outside. In the meantime..uh...well I suppose we can show you a couple quick meditation pointers..."
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The good news is you now know all there is to know about human sexuality. The bad news is this is a physics class.
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"So... about this tail you seem to have grown over night"
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"No, I don't know how it got into that tree, but we have to get the school mascot's costume out of the trunk!"
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Test cancelled on account of upcoming prison sentence
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The good news is you now know all there is to know about human sexuality. The bad news is this is a physics class.
That could still work out... I started to write an example question, but then realized it would more properly belong in the TMI thread. :roll:
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"All of the water is out on campus and in the city. Anyone wishing to shower must sign a release, or pay the (insert ungodly amount of money here) to be bussed over to the next town."
Last week when my shower didn't have hot water, I kept thinking: "I hope this doesn't happen on a test day, or I'll be stressed out as fuck."
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And also:
"I'm sorry honey, but I don't think we're meant for each other."
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^ That happens more often than you'd believe.
Well, rather, it happened to me last year. As if I wasn't stressed enough :-\
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"And in breaking news, researchers have proven what we all sort of thought for a while. Turns out, a lot of college courses are actually just money sinks and you were probably better off just apprenticing in that industry in the first place. If you had that big final today for the list we're about to show, heh, yeah, oops."
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I'm kinda doing both. (I really haven't figured out how I swung that one.)