THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Is it cold in here? on 27 Feb 2014, 12:41
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Akima: "Ritual hand-washng in a bowl-full of crocodile tears"
Caspian Sea Monster: "Heaping pile of nope"
GarandMarine: "Projecting [psychologically] so hard you could use them for PowerPoint"
My wife: "[Local politician] is so colorful she should be painted over"
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We've had some corkers from the conductor of my opera chorus (I hope it's ok that this is just someone I know, not everyone knows).
"A bit like a cat-shaped aeroplane"
"Get the gerbil in your nose"
"Experience the vowels in your body"
Also I don't know if this is a common phrase I've just not heard before but a woman at work the other day talked about feeling "like a spare thumb" which I just loved.
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I am replying to this thread so that I can see the replies cause I think dis thread is goin' places :mrgreen:
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Quoted in OP, part of the cool kids club 8)
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While we were trapped in front of an oft-repeated rant about how video games are making people psychopaths, my friend interjected with "Look, you're preaching to a choir of Satanists here."
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I once got called up by a friend who cheerfully informed me that he had stigmata.
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Astigmatism? Or did he actually mean stigmata?
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No, he actually meant stigmata. But he announced it in an amazingly cheerful voice so I nearly died laughing. When that had passed, a good 15 minutes later, it transpired that he was very pleased to have found a DVD of the Gabriel Byrne flick.
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Now that right there is a non-sequitur.
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These are pretty sexist or slut-shamey ones from my rather conservative Southern mom, but they still crack me up:
"She didn't hit 30, 30 hit her. With a crowbar wrapped in barbed wire."
"If she'd had as many pricks stickin out of her as she's had in her, she'd look like a porcupine."
My friend Anna, re. Elliott Smith:
"well, the thing is with elliott is that i think he ate breakfast and pooped out beautiful songs every day so he really made it hard to not be obsessed with his shit"
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A friend was telling me about her boyfriend, who has a messed-up pituitary gland and therefore needs a testosterone injection in his butt every few weeks (among other treatments). The main phrase used was "Takes man-juice in his arse regularly".
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A friend was telling me about her boyfriend, who has a messed-up pituitary gland and therefore needs a testosterone injection in his butt every few weeks (among other treatments). The main phrase used was "Takes man-juice in his arse regularly".
Lol that phrase cracked me up
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These are pretty sexist or slut-shamey ones from my rather conservative Southern mom, but they still crack me up:
"She didn't hit 30, 30 hit her. With a crowbar wrapped in barbed wire."
"If she'd had as many pricks stickin out of her as she's had in her, she'd look like a porcupine."
I laughed way too hard at both of these. Gotta love the South baby.
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Army friend from Muleshoe TX in the late 1950s, in need of a meal: "I'm hungry as a bitch wolf with nine starvin' sucklin' puppies!"
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My late wife's description of a friend of hers, a professional virgin: "That cherry's been pushed so far back she's using it for a tail light."
I guess that means it's a tart cherry, right?
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As a child, or maybe teen, I was really confused by something my grandmother said one time in response to some complaint made by...someone. I don't remember the specifics.
But I do remember looking at her for a long moment in puzzlement, going over in my head as to what I'd heard, trying to make it make sense, or figure out what she'd actually said (I've realized over time that I have some intermittent malfunction in my audio translation neural network where normal spoken words turn into nonsense for a moment).
Finally I gave up, having exhausted anything that made any sense, and spoke to her in a questioning voice what I thought she'd said. "Er...wait...uh...tough... tough kitties? What?"
So yeah, she might have had a good laugh about that one. But damnit I remember forever now what she *actually* said, though I admit I usually use my version instead.
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...So what did she say?
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Whoops. Sorry, thought I'd typed it.
It's something alliterative, and it ain't 'kough kitties'.
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Well, a saying I've heard is "Tough titties, said the kitty, the milk has run dry."
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Oh man. I have a ton of winners haha. Most of them are slips of the tongue rather than creative wordplay but they're just as amusing to me none the less. :-P
My mom a few years ago, in regards to one dish at Christmas dinner: "Mashed potatoes- straight from the potato!"
My best friend Megan, when talking about our childhood memories: "Did you guys ever have a McDonald's Christmas?" (She meant birthday....but we all felt pretty bad for her for a couple seconds haha)
Me, while watching the Oscars last year, after explaining that I just don't understand the appeal of George Clooney, he appeared on camera and caught me off guard: "His teeth.....are so....SMART."
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a professional virgin
So...a nun?
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(http://kcamara.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/3401923411_5914c1f1b8.jpg)
In ancient Roman religion, the Vestals or Vestal Virgins (Vestales, singular Vestalis), were priestesses of Vesta, goddess of the hearth. The College of the Vestals and its well-being was regarded as fundamental to the continuance and security of Rome. They cultivated the sacred fire that was not allowed to go out. The Vestals were freed of the usual social obligations to marry and bear children, and took a vow of chastity in order to devote themselves to the study and correct observance of state rituals that were off-limits to the male colleges of priests.
Not necessarily!
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That's very nearly the same thing.
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My grandmother is known for having asked for her "Walter" one Christmas eve. She actually meant to say "Wintermantel", which means "winter coat". But she kept calling it "Walter" for like a minute until someone pointed it out to her. She almost collapsed from laughing afterwards.
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anybody else remember this gem?
Also yes I am aware that I'm once again brandishing The Useless Broom Made Entirely Out Of Dicks at the fanboy ocean, and I DO NOT CARE.
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Of course I remember the UBMEOD!
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My favorite way to describe something universally awesome is to say "Dude, ____ is tits and ass." It applies to any gender or sexuality! If you like tits, you're gonna like this. If you like ass, you're gonna like this. If you like both, yeah, you're definitely gonna like it. If neither applies... well, you're probably asexual, and I have literally no idea how to satisfy you, so just take my word for it okay?
I may or may not be totally tanked (while still possessing incredible proofreading skills, thanks Racer 5 IPA) while writing this.
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I've heard of "tits" meaning awesome, but never heard of "tits and ass". A logical extension, I guess, but calling something "ass" is usually a bad thing.
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a good old-fashioned secret crush... sometimes they fill your stomach with butterflies, other times it's fire-ants and vampire-bats
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Sometimes they fill your stomach with kittens, other times it's kittens :( :D
The other day, I asked a patient how he was feeling. He said he felt like "a toothless dog sitting on a mountain of bones" :o
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Life's a bitch and then you die.
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A couple of days ago I came up with the perfect phrase to describe Nigel Farage - 'a windsock full of bullshit.'
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"yeah, it's attached using this weird rubbery adhesive I like to call 'artificial snot'"