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[mberan42]

The Spam thread inspired me to do this.

Take a movie quote and replace one word (or a few) with another. You don't need to include the original quote, either.

For example:

"Come with me if you want to buttsecks."
"Buttsecks moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
"Buttsecks only pawn in game of life."

IT MAKES IT FUNNY AMIRITE

[Scandanavian War Machine]

"We were somewhere just outside Barstow in the desert when the robots began to take hold."

[Alchemist]

Well, as long as we're going straight to the sophomoric level:

"Houston, we have a penis."

"Momma always told me life was like a box of penis."

"You will believe a penis can fly."

/bypass obvious Jerry Maguire quote

"I can't lie to you about your chances, but you do have my penis."

"Good...bad...I'm the one with the penis."

"Buckle your seatbelt, Dorothy, cuz penis is goin' bye-bye."  (0.0)

"How many times have you penised that poor woman?"
"Couple."
"So, what you not worried about no long-term damage?"
"Little."
"Hey, Kay, have you ever penised me?"
"No."
"I ain't playing with you Kay. Have you ever penised me?""
"No."

[Thnikkaman]

I am the sandwich.

[Thy Dungeonman]

'Tis but a pancake!

[Thnikkaman]

SPAM OVER MAN! SPAM OVER!

[Rizzo]

To quote George Carlin;
We're gonna fuck you Sherrif... but we're gonna fuck you slooow.

[Electric Monk]

"I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to buttsecks me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without buttsecks... without buttsecks. Because it's buttsecks that defeats us."

[elcapitan]

"Squeal like a horn, boy!"

"First I took his horn. Then I took his other horn."

"Somehow, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful horn."

"Get away from her, you HORN!"

"Use the horn, Luke!"

[Thnikkaman]

No, try not. DO, or do not. There is no spoon.

[Cartilage Head]

"Go ahead..make a cake."
(Ryan Stiles actually made that one up..it was so funny..)

 "LUKE..I AM HARRY POTTER."

[Thy Dungeonman]

Say hello to my little armadillo!

[karl gambolputty...]

Adapted from the TV version of Scarface:

"Manny, this town is like one big chicken, just waiting to get fucked"

[Lines]

/bypass obvious Jerry Maguire quote

what, "You had me at penis."???

"All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. MATERNITY! MATERNITY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! MATERNITY! MATERNITY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!"

"YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOY TOY."

[Greenhouse]

(The shining)
"HEEEEEEEEEEEERES CUNNILINGUS!"

(V for vendetta)
"Cunnilingus is a symbol, as is the act of cunnilingus. Cunnilingus is given power by people. Cunnilingus, in and of itself is powerless, but with enough people behind it, cunnilingus can change the world"

[onewheelwizzard]

Star Wars quotes minus any word, plus "pants."

1 A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2 You are unwise to lower your pants.
3 We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4 She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them.  See to it personally Commander.
5 These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
6 I find your lack of pants disturbing.
7 These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe.  I suggest we use it.
8 Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
9 General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10 I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
11 TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
12 Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
13 Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought onboard.
14 You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
15 Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
16 Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17 That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
18  Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
19 Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
20 Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong.  Especially for  your sister!
21 Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
22 Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23 Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants,  I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
24 I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25 You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

[redbeardjim]

To follow up on onewheelwizard:

"Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants."

[Lines]

onewheelwizard, that was EXCELLENT.

the princess bride, with porn.

- That's right. When I was your age, television was called porn. And this is a special porn. It was the porn my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
- You've got an overdeveloped sense of porn. It's going to get you into trouble someday.
- Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my porn. Prepare to die.
-  Offer me everything I ask for.
   Anything you want.
   I want my porn back you son of a bitch.
- Farm boy, fill these with porn - please.
- Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the porn?
- This is your last chance! Surrender now!
  PORN FIRST!
- Hear this now: I will always come for porn.
  But how can you be sure?
  This is true porn - you think this happens every day?
- You rush a porn man, you get rotten porn.
- I've hired you to help me start a porno. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.
- And remember this, never forget this: when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy porn!  
- Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in porn. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting.
- You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a porn war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when porn is on the line!
- Boo. Boo. Boo.
  Why do you do this?
  Because you had porn in your hands, and you gave it up.
- Westley, what about the POUS's?
  Pornos Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
- First things first, to the death.
  No. To the porn.
  I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
  I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand,
  you porn faced buffoon.
- DROP... YOUR... PORN! (also works very well with pants.)

[Alchemist]

/bypass obvious Jerry Maguire quote

what, "You had me at penis."???

"All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. MATERNITY! MATERNITY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! MATERNITY! MATERNITY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!"

"YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOY TOY."

No, but since you asked for it:

SHOW ME THE PENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!1!!!11eleventyone

[Ozymandias]

LOTR works well with pants too.

"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise. "Don't you leave pants Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to."

If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword...
...and you have my bow...
...and my pants.

"I know what it is you saw, for it is also in my pants."

"Always remember Frodo, the Ring is trying to get back to its pants. It wants to be found."

"Gentlemen, we do not stop till pantsfall."

Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been pantsdropping?
I haven't been droppin' no pants sir, honest. I was just cutting the grass under the window there, if you'll follow me.

[Thy Dungeonman]

You want the pants?! You can't handle the pants!

[öde]

What happens in my pants, stays in my pants.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

(pulp fiction! yay)

Whether or not what we experienced was an 'According to Hoyle' miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of booze. Booze got involved.


The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's booze fucking with you. Fuck booze. Booze only hurts, it never helps.


You don't fuck with a man's booze. It's against the rules.

[Thy Dungeonman]

This isn't where I parked my llama.

[Night Rocker]

I'll be pants-ed

Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Porn. The Porn, oh, you don't know the Porn? He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Mrs.Mullens., she's the Porn. And the Porn ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Porn. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Porn ruined that, too, with a little thing called Playboy! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Porn is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

[mberan42]

Fat, drunk and in love is no way to go through life, son.

[cTony]

"My Mama always said, Life was like a box of pants; you never know what you're gonna get."

"Well, it's not the men in your pants that counts, it's the life in your pants"

"Of all the pants in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine"

[Valrus]

I'm kind of surprised no one's mentioned "One does not simply * into Mordor," where * is any verb.

[Lines]

"One does not simply twirl into Mordor."

[Thy Dungeonman]

"You shall not pants!"

[Night Rocker]

heres a rock n roll theme

One does not simply rock into mordor!

YOU SHALL NOT ROCK!

I choose a rock life for you

[Scandanavian War Machine]

Halford could rock into mordor with his eyes closed.

</off topic>

[greenMonkey]

Gratuitous misworded Serenity and Firefly quotes:

"Plus, I can kill you with my wang."

"Kaylee, this wang crashes, you crashed her."

"Jayne, your wang is talking.  you might want to look to that."

"Now we have a boatful of citizens right on top of our… wang. That's a fun mix."

"Book: Captain, you… mind if I say wang?
 Mal: Only if you say it out loud."

"I know they tell ya, you never hit a man with a wang, but it is, on occasion, hilarious."

[valley_parade]

"Who's going to buttsecksjack your fucking buttsecks?"

"Well that's why they put the instant buttsecks in the fucking game! So you can see if it's bullshit!"

[KharBevNor]

The Wicker Man with buttsecks:

"Some things in their natural state have the most vivid buttsecks"

"I think I could turn and live with animals. They are so placid and self-contained. They do not buttsecks in the dark and weep for their sins. They do not make me sick discussing their duty to buttsecks. Not one of them buttseckses to another or to his own kind that lived thousands of years ago. Not one of them is respectable or unhappy, all over the earth"

"The building attached to the ground in which the body lies is no longer used for Christian buttsecks, so whether it is still a churchyard is debatable"

"Do sit down, Sergeant. Buttsecks are so much better absorbed with the knees bent."

"They do so enjoy their buttsecks lessons"


"Of course seargeant! It's far too dangerous to buttsecks with your clothes on!"

May: "Can I do anything for you, Sergeant?"
Howie: "No, I doubt it, seeing you're all buttsecks mad!

"You will never know the true meaning of Buttsecks"

"And now, for our more dreadful buttsecks"

"I believe in the buttsecks eternal, as promised to us by our Lord, Jesus Christ. "

"It is time for your appointment with the buttsecks man"


Brazil with orgasm:

"Hi, there. I want to talk to you about orgasms"

"How do you account for the fact that the orgasm has been going on for thirteen years?"

"Bad orgasm. A ruthless minority of people seem to have forgotten good old-fashioned orgasms. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow orgasm. If these people would just play the game..."

"Sorry, I'm a bit of a stickler for orgasms. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures? "

"Mr. Lowry, can you wait in reception? You're giving her orgasms"

"Orgasms are my forte!"

"This is orgasm retrieval, not orgasm dispersal"

"Care for a little orgasm? Hmmm?"

"Don't fight it son. Orgasm quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating"

[Lines]

bambi with...penis!

Thumper: Those are penises.
Bambi: Pen... Pen!
Thumper: Look! He's trying to talk.
Bambi: Pen!
Other rabbits: He's trying to say "penis."
Thumper: Say, "Penis."
Bambi: Pen.
Thumper: Penis.
Bambi: Pen!
Thumper: Uh-uh. Pee-nis!
Other rabbits: Come on, say "Penis." Say "Penis"...
Bambi: Penis!
Other rabbits: He talked, he talked! He talked, mama! The young prince said "penis."
Bambi: Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis... Penis!
Thumper: No, that's not a penis. That's a butterfly!

Mrs. Rabbit: What did your father tell you this morning?
Thumper: If you can't say penis nice... don't say penis at all.

[bucky_2300]

"What are your sheep doing up in that tree?"
"I reckon they think they's buttsecks."

"Have you got any buttsecks?"
"No sir, no buttsecks at all. We're completely out."
"Well how can you call yourself a cheese shop if you don't have any bloody buttsecks?!"

"Blessed is the buttsecks."

"It's an airborne virus, that causes bleeding from the nose and mouth, difficulty with speech, and eventually buttsecks."

"Now Janet, don't worry. We'll just play along and pull out the buttsecks when the time is right."

[öde]

But why is the buttsecks gone?

With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible buttsecks from things he'll never know.

I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the buttsecks.

Buttsecks is what the world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

You know what we need? We need some buttsecks.

Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the buttsecks?

Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? I was puzzled, frustrated. Was there no buttsecks in this car? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts?

I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things. Won't be long now before they buttsecks us to shreds.

The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the buttsecks.

Is this not a reasonable place to buttsecks?

[Trollstormur]

"The truth."
"The truth?"
"The truth is we're headed out to Vegas to croak a scag baron named Hello Kitty. I've known her for years but she ripped us off."
"And you know what that means!"
"Means she's cashed her last check...."

[Kirbo]

"Storing dead african-americans ain't my roody-toot-tootin buisness."

[wavewatcher]

The Buttsecks is life

(apologies if this has been done)

[Ozymandias]

A shadow and a threat have been growing in my pants...

[Ravenbomb]

I've had it with this motherfucking buttsex on this mother fucking plane!

[Thy Dungeonman]

Well, as long as we're on that bandwagon (lol Snakes on a Bandwagon lol)...

"Luke...I am your buttsex."

[Night Rocker]

Harry Potter

'You killed my dad!'-Harry

"No harry, I AM YOUR FATHER!"-Voldamort, or however it is spelled

*Harry's scar burnt like it was touched with buttsex*

[Night Rocker]

Harry Potter

'You killed my dad!'-Harry

"No harry, I AM YOUR FATHER!"-Voldamort, or however it is spelled

*Harry's scar burnt like it was touched with white hot buttsex*

[TynansAnger]

Time for the Godfather, with marmots
What can I do on this, the day of my marmot's wedding
I made him a Marmot he couldn't refuse
Leave the gun, take the marmots
We're  going to go to the marmots
I know Marmots! Monday Tuesday Wednesday!
Tell Mike it was only marmots. I always liked him.
Do you renounce marmots?
You have to answer to marmots, Carlo.
This one time, this one time I'll let you ask me about my marmots.

[Night Rocker]

Harry Potter

'You killed my dad!'-Harry

"No harry, I AM YOUR FATHER!"-Voldamort, or however it is spelled

*Harry's scar burnt like it was touched with white hot buttsex*

my comp was laggy and must of posted it twice. Sorrry. but i guess its twice the buttsex!

[Thy Dungeonman]

"This is where the pancake begins"

From a couple of Star Wars movies.

[bujiatang]

Spaceballs:

I'm surrounded by pants!  

They've gone to pants!

PANTS PANTS PANTS!