Most dialogs and scenes are great, so I'll pick only the IMHO best.
Daria:
Helen (to Daria): We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just... don't... get it! (slams fists on table) What's wrong with you?!
Daria: Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake.
Jake: I'll say!
Daria: I have low esteem for everyone else.
Jane: This is just like a high school.
Daria: You know, I get the feeling we'll be saying that all our lives.
St. Patrick's Day: It only seems like high school. Actually, it's much worse.
Jane: *That's* what we'll be saying all our lives.
Marina - Daria? What about your goal?
Daria - Um, I don't have any.
Marina - Oh, come, Daria. You must have some goal.
Daria - My goal is not to wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.
Helen - Daria, did you take a career aptitude test?
(Daria hands paper to Helen)
Helen - A mortician?!
Daria - Hey, it's not my fault. Neck model was already taken. (looks at Quinn)
Helen - "Your lack of interest in personal interaction makes you an ideal candidate for working with the dead."
Daria, have you given any thought to your career plans?
Daria - I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the bucket.
Helen - I can't believe you're not more ambitious.
Daria - You want me to kill people to drum up business?
Christopher Titus:
According to the Los Angeles Times, 63% of families in America are now considered dysfunctional. That means that... I'm in the majority! It's the people with the mom, dad, brother, sister, white picket fence, those people are the *freaks*!
Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader.
Every great man was thought to be insane before he changed the world. Some never changed the world. They were just insane.
My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.
I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.
A crappy life is a great excuse to live a crappy life.
Always apologize first--it annoys the crap out of people.
Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called "Everyone Should Think For Themselves".
"Losing builds character." You know who said that? A loser!
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs harder.
Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.
We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse.
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, "Booty - mmm mmm."
Christopher Titus: Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.
(flashback)
Ken Titus: I got a little story I wanna tell you. Once upon a time, your dog got hit by a truck this morning!
Christopher Titus: All he does is mess with people's minds.
Ken Titus: You're right. I do.
Christopher Titus: See, you're doing it right now!
Ken Titus: No, I'm not.
Christopher Titus: Yes, you are.
Ken Titus: All right, I am.
Christopher Titus: Stop it!
Christopher Titus: What do you mean, "Dad is dead"?
Dave Titus: I think... dad is dead!
Christopher Titus: Not a lot of gray area here, Dave. Dead? Not dead? Is there a pulse?
Dave Titus: I don't know.
Christopher Titus: I have taken half a day off work. There better be a corpse! I mean... what makes you think he's dead?
Dave Titus: He's been in his room for four days now.
Christopher Titus: Right, and?
Dave Titus: Without getting a beer.
Christopher Titus: Oh, my God!
Futurama:
Leela: We're going to deliver this crate like professionals.
Fry: Aww, can't we just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it?
Bender: Too much work! I say we burn it, then say we dumped it in the sewer!
Dr. Zoidberg: Now open that mouth and lets have a look at that brain. (Fry opens his mouth) No, not that mouth, the other mouth.
Fry: I only have one mouth.
Dr. Zoidberg: Really..?
Fry: Uh... could I see a human doctor?
Dr. Zoidberg: Now listen, young lady, I know everything there is about humans.
Bender: I refuse to fight! I'm a concientious objector.
Fry: A what?
Bender: You know, a coward.
Bender: Hear me, hear me! Stop eating Popplers! Stop eating them with honey mustard sauce. Stop eating them with tangy sweet-and-sour sauce. Stop eating the new fiesta Poppler salad. Stop taking advantage of the money-saving 12-pack. Stop enjoying Popplers on the patio, in the car, or on the boat. Wherever good times are had!
