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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 145020 times)

Emaline

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #150 on: 03 Jun 2007, 20:10 »

True story:

Upon almost reaching orgasm, a guy once told me to "calm down." That's about when I said "get off, and get out."
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

_nic_

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #151 on: 06 Jun 2007, 19:06 »


IM SEXACUTING YOU!!

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Valrus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #152 on: 07 Jun 2007, 15:31 »

Upon almost reaching orgasm, a guy once told me to "calm down."

Ugh, put that dangling modifier away. Look how pendulously and grotesquely it dangles.
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Emaline

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #153 on: 07 Jun 2007, 18:32 »

Upon almost reaching orgasm, a guy once told me to "calm down."

Ugh, put that dangling modifier away. Look how pendulously and grotesquely it dangles.


Sorry, grammar nazi.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

billythehick

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #154 on: 08 Jun 2007, 12:22 »

"woah, i'm gonna devote, like, a whole page to this on my blog"

better still if you say video blog.
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #155 on: 10 Jun 2007, 12:45 »

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Stefan Autsa

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #156 on: 10 Jun 2007, 13:28 »

Here's a few:

"Shit, the camcorders almost out of tape."

"They were right; blood is the best lubricant."

"I just thought I'd let you know that I was dared to say something stupid during sex by some people on a message board, but I decided not to, because, as I told them, I love you and don't want to jeopardise this thing we have.  I may love the sexoffenders.com forums, but I love you more.  I thought you'd just want to know."
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Mikagon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #157 on: 11 Jun 2007, 23:52 »

Old but still funny,

"Is it finally over?"
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I'm a girl! I have a vagina for god's sake!

sarielthrawn

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #158 on: 14 Jun 2007, 23:38 »

"I love you dad"


... and for the record, tears make the best lube.
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dps

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #159 on: 16 Jun 2007, 01:28 »

"Let's get this over with.  There's a football game on ESPN in 3 minutes, and I don't want to miss the kickoff."
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Stefan Autsa

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #160 on: 16 Jun 2007, 01:43 »

"Have you seen my tazer anywhere?"
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Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #161 on: 16 Jun 2007, 13:45 »

"FREEBIRD!"
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sarielthrawn

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #162 on: 17 Jun 2007, 04:44 »

From Bill Hicks:

"Mommy, why am I bleeding?"

From The Simpsons:

"It tastes like burning!"
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AlecTrevylan006

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #163 on: 17 Jun 2007, 11:14 »

http://photos-927.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v77/95/122/598175044/n598175044_628927_1471.jpg

And I'll always be a fan of shouting out the name of their family members and such... I'm the kind of guy who screams out "Oh Margaret!" and she stops and goes "wait... my mom?"

Blue balls are a small price to pay in the name of comedy
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Alphapenguin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #164 on: 17 Jun 2007, 19:25 »

These are more gender-specific than most, but they're worth it. Of course, they only really work towards the start of sex. 

For a guy to say to a girl: "OH GOD, IT'S EATING ME!!!"

And the other way around: "OH GOD, IT'S A SNAKE!!!"
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Indigno

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #165 on: 27 Jun 2007, 16:05 »

"Wow!  This new thing works GREAT!!!"
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HPPH

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #166 on: 27 Jun 2007, 18:05 »

"Im just a sweet Transvestite from Transexual, Transilvania" gotta love Rocky Horror Picture show  :-D
Sorry but for quite a few of us, screaming that aloud is a turn on.
« Last Edit: 28 Jun 2007, 15:14 by HPPH »
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Shremedy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #167 on: 15 Jul 2007, 06:35 »

1.  "What was your name again?"
2.  "Oh my God, he's got a gun!" (said while looking around behind partner)
3.  "The doctors said I was cured, but I fooled them...."
4.  "Sex, like murder, should never be performed before witnessess, right?" (based on a line from a Steven Brust book)
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jesswah

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #168 on: 15 Jul 2007, 07:57 »

A few weeks ago, in my room at my parents' house I got:

"Imagine if your parents walked in now..."

Not exactly a turn on...
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wMike

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #169 on: 17 Jul 2007, 06:34 »

From your wife/GF:

Right before entry "Stop, I don't have to do this". As she leaves the room "I need to call ( best friend's name) and tell him I got my period"
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glenngjp

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #170 on: 17 Jul 2007, 09:55 »

Just a few things I feel should be added to the list;
A high pitched whistle in your partner's ear,
THIS IS SPARTAAAAA,
Any C huck N orris joke, and of course
Leeerooooy Jenkins!.

Oh my god! Any time you type C huck N orris without the spaces, it puts Anal Prolapse! Bahahaha!
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TrekkieTechie

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #171 on: 18 Jul 2007, 21:31 »

"I haven't fucked like this since grade school."
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Mikagon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #172 on: 19 Jul 2007, 21:22 »

"My god! You feel like warm pudding!"
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I'm a girl! I have a vagina for god's sake!

snubnose

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #173 on: 20 Jul 2007, 01:16 »

Oh my god! Any time you type C huck N orris without the spaces, it puts Anal Prolapse! Bahahaha!
Chuck Norris ... you're right.
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TrekkieTechie

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #174 on: 20 Jul 2007, 14:32 »

You know, there's a reason it does that.
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ReverandMaynard

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #175 on: 23 Jul 2007, 11:03 »

Don't really know if this has been posted yet, but I'm a big fan of...

"So... what was your name again?"
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snubnose

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #176 on: 24 Jul 2007, 04:47 »

Don't really know if this has been posted yet, but I'm a big fan of...

"So... what was your name again?"

Just a  couple postings above yours.

1.  "What was your name again?"

Like most statements given here, this one has the problem of being not believable unless its a one night stand.
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ReverandMaynard

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #177 on: 25 Jul 2007, 13:46 »

Ah, my bad, I guess I should've more carefully read the thread instead of just skimming it  :angel:

Anyway, since it's already been said, I've got a few more nice ones to offer... and my bad again if they are reposts  :wink:

"Do you accept Visa?"

"On second thought, let's turn off the lights."

"And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!"

"Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober..."

"I want a baby!"
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Othello

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #178 on: 25 Jul 2007, 15:30 »

I not sure why this one isn't on the thread yet. (maybe I missed it)

"This is my boomstick!"

And many other lines that fall out Ash's mouth.


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Mellow D

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #179 on: 26 Jul 2007, 03:16 »

"Is it in yet?" "Your over 18 right?" and after things are done" Your video was much better"

"is it in yet?" should i find it odd that my girlfriends didn't freak out/be annoyed/make much of a reaction when i said that? :?
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Cenyu

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #180 on: 26 Jul 2007, 04:05 »

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring - Bananaphone...."

Or the annoying Crazy Frog jingle.

Acually every annoying jingle.
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Washu

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #181 on: 27 Jul 2007, 10:57 »

"You know, I probably shouldn't be doing this until I get the results for those tests back..."
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Steverett

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #182 on: 31 Jul 2007, 16:17 »

This one works for either:


TETSUUOOOOO!
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Khatt

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #183 on: 01 Aug 2007, 17:50 »

Just start speaking in tongues, if you know latin then start screaming it.

Also, the entire time give a sports play-by-play type thing. Of course, baseball is classic, but if you're really creative you could try something like curling or synchronized swimming.
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Lotus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #184 on: 02 Aug 2007, 18:19 »

Compliments of Mike Doyle from 24, and to use after climax:
"The device, IT BLEW!"
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flyingpenguin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #185 on: 02 Aug 2007, 18:46 »

Just put your finger to your ear and yell something like, "WEAPONS FREE, TAKE  HIM/HER DOWN"
any movie tagline: "In a world of 1's and 0's, are you a 0, or The One?"
The full Eagles fight song,
and of course, "Ahhh! Ninjas!"
one more: "DOC!"
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tonyb640

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #186 on: 09 Aug 2007, 02:44 »

Right when you get done roll off and
'"say that'll do pig, that'll do"

works for both sexes but if the guy says it...on seconed thought never say this you will be killed in your sleep
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Mikagon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #187 on: 09 Aug 2007, 23:11 »

After sex:

"Fuck where'd the condom go?"
-A few moments later-
"Oh right, I didn't put one on."
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I'm a girl! I have a vagina for god's sake!

kk974

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #188 on: 10 Aug 2007, 15:04 »

unless any of yall are texas aggies, or at least know of Texas A&M, you probably wont find it amusing, but i have gotten a kick out of yelling "GIG EM, AGS"

although that may just be my twisted humor... =P
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teh pwn queen

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #189 on: 10 Aug 2007, 23:21 »

During climax or post-coital, just smile at your partner and say.... "Oh yeah, I rock" and just get up and leave.
Giving off the impression that you did everything.
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jsnipe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #190 on: 11 Aug 2007, 10:40 »

five simple words:

Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, mushroom MUSHROOM!
Badger,Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, etc etc.

bored with typing it, but I can't stop singing it!
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snubnose

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #191 on: 11 Aug 2007, 16:52 »

QC #599 says one should just fart during sex... its a check if the partner really loves you, though. Not a worst thing to say, or, in this case, do.
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ChaoticEvil

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #192 on: 12 Aug 2007, 02:05 »

Take a look and when you penetrate say, 'holy shit.. something died up here!.. I can feel it's ittybitty carcass.'
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flyingpenguin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #193 on: 12 Aug 2007, 15:13 »

Pull a guitar from out of nowhere and launch into "Purple Haze" and when your parter asks what you are doing begin screaming the lyrics.
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Alphapenguin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #194 on: 12 Aug 2007, 18:19 »

If your partner is a guy, when he takes his pants off, scream out "OH MY GOD IT'S A SNAKE!!!"

If your partner is a girl, in mid-sex, scream out "IT'S EATING ME ALIVE!!!"

Enjoy!
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We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

GuyIncognito

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #195 on: 13 Aug 2007, 08:10 »

First "Please don't bite - noooo!" then "Please, please for the love of God, don't swallow!!".
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iconoclast

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #196 on: 14 Aug 2007, 21:54 »

"And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!"

Win.
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b1plusb2

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #197 on: 14 Aug 2007, 23:55 »

I have to ask this more than I would like to..."You're watching the t.v. again aren't you?"

It totally ruins the mood, and I should learn by now not to have the t.v. on.
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mcfly

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #198 on: 16 Aug 2007, 18:41 »

"Oh man, the laxatives are kicking in.."
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Penitent Tangent

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #199 on: 18 Aug 2007, 18:07 »

This might have been done already;

"Autobots, roll out!"
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