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[maxcavsm]

I was going to put this in my sketchbook thread, but I wanted this to stand out, because I really wanted to hear one way or the other with some critique. Had a lot of little photoshop BS problems and hangups, but after just crashing through it, I came up with this for my prologue page.

And no, the parts in black and white aren't just my being lazy...they're for dramatic effect...(SUUUURE they are....)

Anyway, here we go.

[Emaline]

I think it'd be interesting with the hand and blood in black and white as well. Overall, it looks nice.

I'd read more. I'd like to know more of whats going on.

[maxcavsm]

Okay, based on guidence, here's the changes.  Added a little shadow/backlighting to the people, figuring the light source would be overhead.



Only took an hour or so to fix everything, which for me is setting a land speed record for dialogue bubbles and playing with Photoshop Elements.

[Shishio]

I think the second version of your page is much better than the first.  No offesne, but the internal monologue in the first version is way to cliche.

[maxcavsm]

Bad news then, Mac's going to be doing a litte monologuing/exposition to get things up to speed.

But, I do appreciate the feedback.  I am wondering how to exactly get around all of the history and get the boys into the middle of Iraq without devoting hundreds of comics to build it up.

[Shishio]

You could spread out scenes that are flashbacks throughout the story, (Without the damned cliche monologues.) or write your story Y - The Last Man style.

I think a lot of novice writers feel compelled to explain everything about their worlds and characters to their readers, which is only natural, because you want people to appreciate your work.  There's just one problem.  Readers DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

Readers don't want exposition; they want action, character interaction, romance, etc;

Any good writer will tell you to always start In Media Res. (In the middle of things)

What you should set out to accomplish first, is hook your reader.  Once the reader cares about your story and characters, then you can go back and do any neccessary explaining.  As long as you do it carefully.

Also, it's much better to show, not tell.  For an example of what I'm talking about, read the story by Phil Craven in volume three of Flight.

[Narr]

I agree with Shishio here.  The second is better than the first, because it's just showing a situation rather than explaining it.  The first reads too much like a noir graphic novel (without actually being noir style) than what I assume you intend the comic to be.

Anyway,

MOAR

[TheBoredOne]

I personally like monologue.

Sets the mood for the comic, gives us a general sense of the character.

It gives you the idea that you're about to be told a story, rather than just witness the events unfold.

Also, if you're being told a story (with the narrator being "I"), then.. obviously the character doesn't die.
Otherwise, how is he telling you?

I suppose that's a matter of personal taste though.

I really liked your uses of black and white, shading and color for contrast.

Do you plan on mostly making it in color? Or mostly black and white?

[maxcavsm]

Wow.  I leave for a couple of days and I've got positive comments waiting for me?  Aww...good stuff!  Thanks gang!
Got several more comics posted on my Myspace site, but it's definately a slow-go process for me.  Real life and gaming conflicts, of course.  But I'm getting them done!
Thanks for the positive feedback. I've got the first three comics up on my Myspace site and I'm working on four now!

[josh.teneycke]

I like the naritive from the first one better. It sets the mood for the scene. Without it, the second comic gives a sense of what's going on, but tells us abolutely nothing about the characters personality or why he is in the situation he's in. Something you might want to try is removing the blue and red text boxes and let the naritive stand on its own. That would kind of make it a bit more noir, but I don't think that's what you're going for.