Topic: OH, GO TO HELL AMERICA. (Read 12477 times)

Jackie Blue · « **on:** 19 Dec 2007, 17:46 »

Holy fuck. Hollywood needs to stop this shit now. I just saw a commercial for an American remake of One Missed Call and, surprise of surprises, it looks absolutely shit-tastic. It's even rated PG-13 for fuck's sake.

God damn it.

Tom · « **Reply #1 on:** 19 Dec 2007, 23:13 »

AH, FUCK NO!!

the original j-horror film looks so awesome, i gotta watch it quick now.

and what the fuck is this!?

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #2 on:** 19 Dec 2007, 23:23 »

Apparently the Virginia Tech massacre cause them to delay the remake of Battle Royale.

That's stupid.

Then again, maybe it means they won't remake it at all. Considering America already made Series 7: The Contenders - which is arguably better than Battle Royale in many ways anyhow - it seems really superfluous to remake BR.

(Oh, and for your Asian Cinema needs, www.aznv.tv is the best site ever. So, so many amazing films on there that are fucking hard to find. I highly recomment Cure and Hellevator for horror fans)

thehollow · « **Reply #3 on:** 19 Dec 2007, 23:37 »

I just saw a preview for this and thought it looked like shit, I didn't realize it was a remake. Might have to check out the original sometime.

also, am I the only person on the planet that thought Battle Royale was just stupid?

Emaline · « **Reply #4 on:** 19 Dec 2007, 23:49 »

HELLEVATOR!!!!

That movie was pretty great.

And bad.

But mostly great.

thecurse · « **Reply #5 on:** 19 Dec 2007, 23:53 »

Battle Royale is being remade? That is funny. My ex and I were chatting the other day, and she expressed how much she would hate it if that movie were remade (she is in love with the original... she read the books). I simply have to relay this tidbit of information.

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #6 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 00:42 »

Definitely check out the original One Missed Call. It's a Miike film, so you know it's got to be good. The sequel is great as well.

Hellevator was absolutely genius for being a horror film which literally 95% of the entire thing takes place in a big elevator.

In other dream-crushing news, they're also planning on an American version of Oldboy. WHY.

thecurse · « **Reply #7 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 02:03 »

Oldboy could be OK as long as they do not rewrite the ending. I cannot imagine who would be willing to play those characters, though.

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #8 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 02:20 »

I don't know, I just can't see an American version of Oldboy having the same tone at all. Especially as remade by a major studio (Universal).

Ironically, one of my favorite films of all time - Angel Heart - is similar in many, many ways to Oldboy (in one very important way, it was identical).

SilentJ · « **Reply #9 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 04:51 »

Guys, Hollywood has been out of ideas for like fifteen years now. You must have realized this.

This is why like half of the movies that come out per year are remakes. Maybe more.

They fail to realize that the only good movies are out of the few original movies they make.

bryanthelion · « **Reply #10 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 05:40 »

I just got done reading the battle Royale book. The final two lines ruined the whole book for me.

YOU DO NOT END A BOOK ABOUT MURDER WITH SOMETHING SAPPY!

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #11 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 06:03 »

The book (and the film) weren't really about murder, though. That's the whole point. And that's the reason I like it so much. The way the film and book ended really impressed me.

bryanthelion · « **Reply #12 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 06:16 »

Really?

What I liked about the book is the psychology of the students. The relationships and the paranoia really sung to me. It was all wrapped in a nice gorey book. I didnt like the ending because it was too much of a happy ending for a book about untrust, betrayal, and sorrow.

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #13 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 06:41 »

Er, I wouldn't call the ending of the book "happy" per se...

"Bittersweet" perhaps. But we're getting into heavy spoiler territory here.

Dimmukane · « **Reply #14 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 07:50 »

They're Americanizing Oldboy? Fuck that, I'm boycotting that shit. I am going to kill you, Hollywood.

Ã¶de · « **Reply #15 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 08:11 »

Hollywood is a giant baby that eats everything. It shits a lot and sometimes, if we're lucky, gold and diamonds come out. Most of the time it is just shit though (fuck Hollywood).

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #16 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 12:11 »

i think that's the best description of Hollywood i've ever heard.

Ravenbomb · « **Reply #17 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 18:59 »

Battle Royale was a lot better in the 70's when it was Punishment Park. If they remake it then I hope they Americanize it to the point where it only resembles the original in name and basic plot. At least then it'll be a different movie.

CloudyObsession · « **Reply #18 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 19:34 »

God do I hate all the horror movie remakes we keep coming out with. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Omen, Halloween, etc. THEY ALL SUCK COMPARED TO THE ORIGINALS. How long is it going to take for people to realize this?

The Battle Royale book and movie were both amazing. Not really liking the manga though.

jimbunny · « **Reply #19 on:** 20 Dec 2007, 21:30 »

I'm going out on a limb and saying that Oldboy translated into an American setting coud be interesting. It's whole character would change, definitely - its Asian reserve is integral to some of the character developments. But the basic plot structure - very arresting in itself - would do interesting things to an American sensibility.

Of course, it would have to be done well. Which it probably won't be.

booklady · « **Reply #20 on:** 13 Jan 2008, 17:08 »

Ok, everytime I hear Battle Royale mentioned, Glen from Accepted pops into my head with his afro and sunglasses. Must check this out!

KvP · « **Reply #21 on:** 13 Jan 2008, 18:06 »

The Orphanage is getting an American remake. It was worked out before the original even opened.

And get this, the best part is, the guys from Lions' Gate or whoever's remaking it, told the producer they were making changes, because the horror was too subtle.

Got to love ingenuity. I bet they'll hand it off to Eli Roth. He'll gore it up good.

De_El · « **Reply #22 on:** 13 Jan 2008, 18:37 »

Goddamnit no. The Orphanage isn't even...it's not like it's difficult to market to Americans as it is, if they really want to be stupid and save a lot of money, they could just release it with a dubbed language track.

captain zoe · « **Reply #23 on:** 13 Jan 2008, 19:58 »

Quote from: zerodrone on 19 Dec 2007, 23:23

Apparently the Virginia Tech massacre cause them to delay the remake of Battle Royale.

That's stupid.

But not totally surprising, I think. They ended up not releasing The Boondock Saints in theaters because it was right around the time of Columbine, or so I've read.

Joseph · « **Reply #24 on:** 13 Jan 2008, 22:20 »

Whether it is surprising or not, it doesn't change the fact that it's a rather dumb and pointless decision.

el_loco_avs · « **Reply #25 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 04:42 »

Quote from: zerodrone on 20 Dec 2007, 00:42

Definitely check out the original One Missed Call. It's a Miike film, so you know it's got to be good. The sequel is great as well.

Hellevator was absolutely genius for being a horror film which literally 95% of the entire thing takes place in a big elevator.

In other dream-crushing news, they're also planning on an American version of Oldboy. WHY.

I haven't seen Hellevator... and there isn't much in description on imdb. But this almost sounds like it's a rip-off from an 80s dutch movie called De Lift.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087622/

OrigNES · « **Reply #26 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 04:50 »

The american remake of the Eye is by far the worst remake of an Asian horror ever.

bryanthelion · « **Reply #27 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 05:48 »

On the topic of battle royale, I'm rallying around the internet to try to make a multiplayer mod of it. If anyone's interested hit me up on AIM.

Lines · « **Reply #28 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 08:38 »

Quote from: Kid van Pervert on 13 Jan 2008, 18:06

The Orphanage is getting an American remake. It was worked out before the original even opened.

And get this, the best part is, the guys from Lions' Gate or whoever's remaking it, told the producer they were making changes, because the horror was too subtle.

Got to love ingenuity. I bet they'll hand it off to Eli Roth. He'll gore it up good.

What? Why? Whywhywhy? It hasn't even been out that long! What the fuck? WHY.

Most of the movies I've actually liked over the past few years have (almost) all been original and (almost) all been independent films. There are very few I can think of that are major releases compared to all the films I've seen the past few years and all this remake shit is annoying. Hollywood just needs to stop making crap movies already.

Johnny C · « **Reply #29 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 08:41 »

A cursory search reveals that there are already three bands named Hellevator. What a shame.

BREAKING NEWS: One Missed Call has a rating of a perfect 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.

De_El · « **Reply #30 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 17:11 »

TRIUMPH ecks dee

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #31 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 18:34 »

I was JUST ABOUT to post about how I just found out there\'s ALSO a shitty American remake of The Eye coming out.

SERIOUSLY DO THEY ENJOY THROWING MONEY AWAY??

The original version of The Eye is fucking awesome, you should all watch it.

OrigNES · « **Reply #32 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 18:41 »

Quote from: zerodrone on 14 Jan 2008, 18:34

I was JUST ABOUT to post about how I just found out there\'s ALSO a shitty American remake of The Eye coming out.

SERIOUSLY DO THEY ENJOY THROWING MONEY AWAY??

The original version of The Eye is fucking awesome, you should all watch it.

just wait till they remake the sequal, then move on to the likes of Ichi the Killer, already doing a remake of Shutter

Emaline · « **Reply #33 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 20:28 »

I doubt they'd remake Ichi The Killer. I don't think it'd do so great in the American market.

I didn't like the original version of The Eye all that much. I mean, it was alright, but nothing to write home about, you know? However, I'm sure it will be loads better than the American version.

Man, someone should just go ahead and remake Visitor Q. That'd be hilarious.

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #34 on:** 14 Jan 2008, 22:12 »

Visitor Q is doubtful, but I bet you that right now some producer is having the idea that an American remake of Audition would not only be totally jammin' but is absolutely necessary.

EDIT: I went to Wikipedia to see if my theory that mentioning something will make it true and that I'd see "Audition has been licensed by Universal Studios" but found this hilarious information instead:

"The My Chemical Romance music video Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us, first shown in 2002, was based on Audition. The music video is an entire reconstruction (on the band's part) and tribute to the entire movie compressed in 3 minutes and 50 seconds."

And yes, it is as bad as you're thinking.

Man, what HASN'T My Chemical Romance cocked up in their career?

OrigNES · « **Reply #35 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 05:12 »

Visitor Q american version will hold no comparison to the original, I checked a few others and saw A Tale of Two Sisters has a 2008 american version release, I'd like to see them try and do Gozu as an american release

Emaline · « **Reply #36 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 05:37 »

I was being sarcastic about the Visitor Q thing. Not only do I think an American version would be terrible, but I doubt the story would do all that great with American audiences. It's just a bit too strange for them, I think.

Audition is pretty much one of my favorite movies, and I'm kinda of heartbroken to hear that there going to be an American version of it. Again, I don't think it is a story that would translate well with Americans. Aside from that, what I really liked about that movie is how it builds up, and it is pretty much only at the end that you see any action. I know I'm weird for wanting to go through a long period of story, and building up for the action, and a lot of Americans aren't like that. The majority of people that I have shown Audition to don't like it because of how long it takes to get to the action. I would hope this isn't something they would get rid of in the American version, but that doesn't seem likely at all.

OrigNES · « **Reply #37 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 06:20 »

I just think they need to stop making American versions of already good movies, just give them a release over here.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #38 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 07:13 »

Guys, if it cheers you up, over the next two years they're apparently planning on remaking The Evil Dead, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Birds, Death Race 2000, 1984, Barbarella, Escape From New York, The Fly, Sunset Boulevard, Red Sonja, The Dirty Dozen, Friday the 13th, Easy Rider, Conan the Barbarian, The Dam Busters, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Lady From Shanghai, Children of the Corn, When Worlds Collide, Straw Dogs, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, All Quiet on the Western Front, The Bride of Frankenstein, the Howling and Robocop. The Japanese are not alone. If they make only half of them...

Also, staying in Japan and moving away from horror, apparently Darren Aaronofsky's next project is going to be a Lone Wolf and Cub film.

Lines · « **Reply #39 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 07:38 »

They are seriously going to try to remake a Hitchcock movie? Are they on the worst crack of their lives or something? That's just wrong.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #40 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 08:14 »

It wouldn't be the first Hitchcock remake.

But then again, have you seen the new versions of Psycho and the 39 Steps*?

Exactly.

*Though this probably doesn't really count as a hitchcock remake, as it was a book first.

Lines · « **Reply #41 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 08:36 »

No and no. Psycho I forgot about, but still didn't see it, and didn't hear of the remake of 39 Steps. I am going to say that they are probably bad and shouldn't waste my time.

But then again, I don't really waste time on remakes unless someone I trust when it comes to movies says it's actually good, but right now I can't think of an example other than I am Legend.

OrigNES · « **Reply #42 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 10:17 »

I saw the remake of Psycho and that was the only time I watched it. Never again.

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #43 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 10:32 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 15 Jan 2008, 07:13

The Evil Dead, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Birds, Death Race 2000, 1984, Barbarella, Escape From New York, The Fly, Sunset Boulevard, Red Sonja, The Dirty Dozen, Friday the 13th, Easy Rider, Conan the Barbarian, The Dam Busters, The Incredible Shrinking Man, The Lady From Shanghai, Children of the Corn, When Worlds Collide, Straw Dogs, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, All Quiet on the Western Front, The Bride of Frankenstein, the Howling and Robocop.

i'm literally angry with rage!

Quote from: KharBevNor on 15 Jan 2008, 07:13

apparently Darren Aaronofsky's next project is going to be a Lone Wolf and Cub film.

this actually sounds good!

SevenPinkerton · « **Reply #44 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 10:37 »

Not Audition!!

That is seriously one of the best horror movies I have ever seen. It had me scrunched up on my futon in complete suspense. I think I even hugged my pillow.

Why does Hollywood even try? Their idea of a horror is a bunch of stupid special effects and whatever blonde bimbo is popular at the time running around aimlessly.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #45 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 11:22 »

Quote from: Scandanavian War Machine on 15 Jan 2008, 10:32

Quote from: KharBevNor on 15 Jan 2008, 07:13
apparently Darren Aaronofsky's next project is going to be a Lone Wolf and Cub film.

this actually sounds good!

Unfortunately, I looked it up and apparently it is a rumour. So, hopefully, are at least some of the others I posted. Some are already in production or pre-production, however.

KvP · « **Reply #46 on:** 15 Jan 2008, 12:57 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 15 Jan 2008, 07:13

Also, staying in Japan and moving away from horror, apparently Darren Aaronofsky's next project is going to be a Lone Wolf and Cub film.

I heard he was doing a movie about Irish boxers (Marky Mark and... some other guy, used to be Brad Pitt but he dropped out) and then a movie about a washed-up pro wrestler played by Mickey Rourke. Seems a little unadventurous for Aranofsky.

pentaen · « **Reply #47 on:** 23 Jan 2008, 08:49 »

guys, Disturbia was Rear Window, also they stole the classic "Here's Johnny" shot from the shining, i hate that movie

Jackie Blue · « **Reply #48 on:** 23 Jan 2008, 16:59 »

I watched the Korean horror A Tale of Two Sisters last night, and I have no fucking clue how they're going to turn it into a Hollywood movie, other than "by fucking it up beyond recognition".

De_El · « **Reply #49 on:** 23 Jan 2008, 17:49 »

I really hope the remake of Oldboy doesn't pan out, or does badly at the box office. Because if it did well, they'd have incentive to ruin Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and Lady Vengeance as well. An American remake of Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance would be especially frustrating because it's doesn't even have the schlocky stylism of the other two. It's so spare that it's even more sensitive; the slightest change could ruin it much less the vast and stupid changes likely to happen in a recontextualized version.

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Author Topic: OH, GO TO HELL AMERICA. (Read 12477 times)

thecurse

thecurse

Ravenbomb

CloudyObsession

booklady

captain zoe

SevenPinkerton