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Author Topic: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done (WARNING! TALE OF EXTREME ANIMAL CRUELTY)  (Read 13632 times)

Switchblade

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Kind of a dumb/sinister tale really, this one.

My house developed a rodent problem a few months back, and being the lazy slobs we are it took us forever to tackle it. Last week, I got us a humane trap and set it up. Plan was to catch a mouse, release it a couple miles away in a hedgerow somewhere, rinse and repeat until there are no more mice.

Here's where the stupid shit comes into play. The other night, the trap paid off, catching its first mouse. Unfortunately, at the time a friend of ours was asleep on the couch, and its frantic "help, I'm stuck in a humane trap!" scrabblings woke him up. Drunk and pissed off at this agitated mouse, he promptly decides that the best thing to do is kill it, and selects what he believes to be the quickest, safest, easiest and most humane method available - our microwave oven.

I'll skip over the details. Let's just say that we're not certain we can ever trust that microwave to be clean, ever again, despite the fact that the mouse was at least still inside the trap when he did this...

The funny part is that, even sober, he still insists there's nothing wrong with nuking live mice. Never mind that the RSPCA can and have prosecuted people for exactly that in the past - as far as he's concerned, "it's some lesser creature, I can do that shit."

Anyone else got similar stories involving random stupidity? More "dumb stuff" and less "horrible cruelty to God's creatures" please.

EDIT: also gah, blindness

Put the warning in there, just in case. - Inlander.
« Last Edit: 30 Jan 2008, 17:36 by Inlander »
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #1 on: 30 Jan 2008, 17:19 »

Um, how can you be friends with someone who has done something like that? Seriously, that is fucking horrible.
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Switchblade

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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #2 on: 30 Jan 2008, 17:26 »

This literally happened something like two days ago, and this is a guy I've known for three years. He was my friend long before he was a mouse-murderer, and aside from this one thing, he's a genuinely awesome bloke.

He just apparently has a block in this one area. Apparently, in his world, getting microwaved is a painless, humane process resulting in near-instant death in less than a second without suffering. We're having a hard time convincing him otherwise. He's under a ban from interacting with the mice in any way now, even if they're really annoying him - future violations will result in the suspension of all couch privileges.

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Inlander

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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #3 on: 30 Jan 2008, 17:29 »

This is one of those stories I wish I hadn't read. In fact, I'm tempted to put a warning in the thread title.

Oh, by the way, hi Switchblade.
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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #4 on: 30 Jan 2008, 17:37 »

Awesome, I scrolled straight past it.
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Switchblade

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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #6 on: 30 Jan 2008, 17:55 »

This is one of those stories I wish I hadn't read. In fact, I'm tempted to put a warning in the thread title.

Oh, by the way, hi Switchblade.

Hi to you too.  8-)

And yeah, the warning's a good idea.

Please people, come up with funny stuff to balance out this horrific tale of woe. Please?
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Lila

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Semi-related. Raccoons, not mice, and the release was peaceful, but it's funny anyway. http://orangeride.com/archives/2002/raccoon/index.html
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I have had many pet rodents and stuff, my favourite pet EVER was the smartest rat ever, so much character and outsmarted people and dogs alike. His name was ratfink, he was albino and he died of cancer, Apart from that he was uber happy and stuff.

This still made me laugh in the "OMG THAT IS HORRIBLE! but holy shit that is so fucked up it is kinda funny" way.
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Get some new goddamn friends. That's disgusting.
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One day ends and another begins and we're never none the wiser.

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Yeah. Really. That would be a huge "Friends Off" call for me.
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WARNING: Disgusting article link. Do not read this if you can't handle gory-like details and/or like cats.

Animal cruelty disgusts me. Sadly, the article linked above happened relatively close to where I live. I heard about it before I left school and as soon as I got home, I had to curl up with my kitty and reassure myself that no one would ever hurt him like that. I seriously get teary eyed trying to imagine what happened to that cat. Tell your friend about things like this and ask him to imagine either scenario happening to him. Then ask him if he still thinks it's ok. If he says yes, punch him in the face and then find a new friend.
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C Patrick Carolan

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An even worse story of cat abuse. Again, don't click the link if you can't handle gory details.

I wasn't going to post this until Linds posted the link above, but it happened pretty close to where I live and it's a little too close to the story in the OP's post for comfort.


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Jimmy the Squid

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In an attempt to move away from animal cruelty, here is a story about my dumb friends.

I knew these guys in highschool who thought giving each other smileys (keeping a cigarette lighter lit for an extended period of time, then burning someone with the hot metal leaving a smiley-face burn mark) was a great idea. They then decided to do this with a jet lighter. After they got bored of this one guy got the jet lighter and a piece of metal he found lying around his house. He heated the metal with the jet lighter until it went red and put it on my friend's arm. The dude needed skin grafts and some silicon replacement skin for about a year. He still has this massive burn scar on his arm.

My friends in highschool were fuckwits.
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jhocking

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I have several somewhat sickening stories of animal cruelty, both perpetrated by myself and friends of mine.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I punted a rat?
« Last Edit: 30 Jan 2008, 21:46 by jhocking »
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Ben yayayayayayayay

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*cute kitten pics link*

I know you included a warning with the link, but you will never be forgiven
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I'd hate to essentially brand myself by being a moron. I'd probably end up referring to his scar as the Red Badge of Idiocy.

Honestly. I've poked myself in the finger with a soldering iron by accident before and frankly, once was enough to convince me that some clamps and a small vise was a good investment.
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The son of Barry Alvarez, the UW-Madison football coach was arrested a few years back on animal cruelty charges for microwaving his roommate's pet parrot. I think he ended up getting like 5 years probation and 200 community service hours. Alvarez Sr. was pretty much a god in my hometown, so it was pretty funny to see this all play out on the news.
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One day ends and another begins and we're never none the wiser.

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Can we please lock this thread?
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I like the way you work it.

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Its got fair warning in the title I'd think, is locking really necessary? No one here is condoning animal cruelty and are simply either relating news stories or their true disgust for the idiocy of friends.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

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Animal cruelty is an important subject and no change can ever happen -- for better or worse -- without discussion. I refuse to lock this thread.
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I have several somewhat sickening stories of animal cruelty, both perpetrated by myself and friends of mine.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I punted a rat?

You have, actually. I rememebr reading the story and laughing a lot.
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Inlander

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Attention please, everyone.

Animal cruelty is really fucking horrible. We all know that. We all agree with that statement. We don't need to hear any more about it. Let's not kid ourselves: any further stories about animal cruelty that get posted in this thread are going to be for our collective horrified titillation, not for us to go "Tut tut, that's naughty." So let's not post any more, okay? Lest we end up becoming hypocrites.

So, to reiterate Switchblade's original question, anyone got any stories of stupid things their friends have done, that don't involve animal cruelty?
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öde

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How about snorting metal dust in Engineering at school?


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Snorting wasabi powder in lines like cocaine?
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Hat

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I knew these guys in highschool who thought giving each other smileys (keeping a cigarette lighter lit for an extended period of time, then burning someone with the hot metal leaving a smiley-face burn mark) was a great idea.

I still have marks on various parts of my body from where I thought this was cool. The worst part is people keep trying to figure out if they spell anything when really all they say is "I was a fucking twit of a fifteen year old who drank too much"
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SeanBateman

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Re: Stupid Things My Friends Have Done
« Reply #28 on: 31 Jan 2008, 00:37 »

This literally happened something like two days ago, and this is a guy I've known for three years. He was my friend long before he was a mouse-murderer, and aside from this one thing, he's a genuinely awesome bloke.

He just apparently has a block in this one area. Apparently, in his world, getting microwaved is a painless, humane process resulting in near-instant death in less than a second without suffering. We're having a hard time convincing him otherwise. He's under a ban from interacting with the mice in any way now, even if they're really annoying him - future violations will result in the suspension of all couch privileges.



The fact that you could still be friends with someone who did this, and that the repercussions of him doing so again would be nothing more than to deny him fucking couch privileges, and more than anything the fact that you would come back to the forum just to fucking talk about it proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are just as bad as I always thought you were.
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SeanBateman

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The fact that I came back just to give you shit, however, doesn't really say anything great about me either.
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Kieffer I have no doubt in my mind that you are the single most compassionate arsehole in the world.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Well, nothing we didn't already know.

My friends and I had one of those highschool science projects where you pick something, anything to experiment with and hand a report in on it. We chose to find out how quickly the ground up coating of Sparklers burns. Basically this ended up with us filling a 2Lt Coke bottle to the brim with ground up Sparkler dust. The result was a 2 minute white flame that rose about 7 to 8 feet in the air and filled the neighbourhood with smoke for a couple of hours. Like any good scientists we did this more than once to make sure our findings were sound. The second time the bottle fell over and began spinning around, spewing forth fire in every direction. I not only left a melted mound of plastic stuck to my friend's driveway but it also cracked the shit out of the concrete. Good times.
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ledhendrix

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That actually sounds so awesome. Where can you get that much sparklers for cheap?
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Hat

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We used to do that shit on the beach, as well as make flaming tennis ball cannons. Basically if theres some sort of home made explosive device you can make and set off on a beach, i've made it and set it off on a beach

Also! Stupid things my friends have done!

At the staff party for work a week or two ago, we got very drunk on a boat. Then we moved to a bar where we had a bartab set up, across the road from my work. I lasted about an hour before I was asked to leave the premises for being too drunk (they have pretty strict laws about allowing intoxicated people in venues here) anyway, I wasn't particularly surprised, especially because I'd evidently blacked out by this point. The stupid thing was what I found out had happened shortly after I'd allegedly left, when one of my workmates, along with a former workmate who he replaced, were kicked out not long after I was, and wound up scaling the wall of the two story building, climbing in through the staff room window, making it into the public area of the bar without running into each other and then being immediately thrown out again by the bouncers and told they weren't welcome there anymore.
« Last Edit: 31 Jan 2008, 01:11 by Hat »
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jhocking

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We used to do that shit on the beach, as well as make flaming tennis ball cannons.
In the middle of the desert is great for these sorts of shenanigans. Back when I lived in Egypt, my friends and I would routinely burn or explode things at night while out camping. Even just lobbing aerosol cans into the fire from the safety of a ridge made for awesome fireworks. The main thing holding back our pyrotechnic ambitions was that if we ever got too out of control the army would probably think we were a terrorist training camp and blow us away.


Most of my stories about friends doing stupid things are of the "you had to be there" variety. They probably have more stories about me being an ass than I of them.
« Last Edit: 31 Jan 2008, 01:32 by jhocking »
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Switchblade

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One of my mates who used to live in Berlin was talking about how his friend's mum was a dentist, and had access to one of these ultrasonic sterilizing machines for cleaning her tools.

Turned out, if you fitted a drainpipe to the thing in the right place, then dropped a can of Pepsi down the drainpipe and turned the machine on, the vibration was enough to force all the gas out of solution pretty much instantly, blowing the back end of the can off and launching the can a couple of hundred yards.

Pretty funny, up until the point where they accidentally fired it into the art gallery across the road.... :-)

(maybe I should have gone with this story for opening the thread...)
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Once upon a time, when Dissy was an ickle sophomore in High School, he and his friends convinced a "mutual" friend (the guy was an asshole) To snort an entire Pixie Stick.  The guy was high from the weed and tobaccy he smoked inscesently.  He agreed to do it if we paid him on the order of 50 bucks, for the whole thing.  He got one snort, then his eyes buldged out then proceded to run in a circle yelling "OH, MY GAWD, IT BURNS!  IT BURNS!  WITH A CITRUSY FLAME!"  We didn't pay him, but instead laughed hysterically at him about it almost everyday.
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In my 9th grade biology class me and my friends were bored and chewing gu (class hadn't started yet). Then I, the intelligent person I am, realize that there was a power outlet underneath our lab table and that chewing gum wrappers have aluminum foil in the design. So I carefully separated the foil from the wax paper, folded it up into to prongs, reached for the hole.... *BAM*. I must've got blown back a couple feet, the outlet was smoking a little and my fingertips on that hand were blackened for like a week after. The teacher wasn't in the room during any of this, and none of the other kids talked, just laughed, so I got away with it. I heard of another kid getting suspended for doing something similar.

Also, in my sophomore year on July 4, me and my brother were out visiting our friends (also two brothers) who lived on the outskirts of town (which, if you know lubbock is basically semi-arid strips of dead land and cotton fields, perfectly flat.) Well, we bought a bunch of fireworks since it was outside city limits and we took them there. After launching off single bottlerockets and jumping jacks and whatever for a while, we got a little bored of it and so decided to put our creative minds together. We grabbed one of the younger brother's old teddy bears and more or less using tape and string tied about 30 bottle rockets around it, all facing the same direction so it looked like this massive, hulking rocket frankenstein. Then we packed in a bunch of smaller fireworks (whistlers, jumping jacks, M30s and black cats) and used newspaper to secure them on top. We cobbled together all of the fuses of the bottle rockets so we could light is at once and set it on top of this piled of dirt and cement chunks about 30 yards from their house that was about 15 feet high, and basically made it into a launchpad. I lit it on top of the hill, and scrambled down as fast as I could, and we all watched as this hulking beast slowly wobbled into the air for a few seconds, and then exploded, which we realized too late that all of the smaller ones would then be set loose. They sort of raned down on us, and so we ran, not nearly all of them were lit, but still another part of the stupid moment. None of us got hurt, but we could have very easily.

Note: No actual live animals were harmed during either of these anecdotes, unless you consider humans to be animals still and then it was really only me.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

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My friend was cycling down a hill in the rain and decided that he didn't like getting rain in his eyes so he closed them. He got to the bottom of the hill fine then hit the kerb and came flying off.I was a bit annoyed that he only broke his pinky, doing something that stupid deserves a lot more pain.
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The snorting of salt, not smart. Also I got rolled down a building site in a barrel once.
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0bsessions

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This was most definitely the worst thread ever.

Then lunchy, McTaggart and Dan saved it. Especially McTaggart, what with that mouse on a frog/toad/whatever. I awed.

Stupid things my friends have done? Jesus...

I had a friend named Jess in High School. We kept in touch briefly after graduation, until the following: I ran into her in Manchester, NH one day. I was working. She had gone to a college in the western part of the state and I asked her why she wasn't there. She informed me she'd been kicked out. She was livid. She said they kicked her out for dealing coke. I brought up the fact that I seem to recall that she was, at the least, dealing pot. "That's entirely different!"

I found out a couple years later that she was telling the truth! She was just doing coke and dealing pot. Well, of course that's all well and good! Note, this isn't a judgment on folks who choose to do whatever, but it's pretty explicitely stated in most colleges that dealing will get you expelled. You commit the act, be prepared to face the consequences when you get caught and don't be a fucking baby about it.

More to the matter of myself being stupid as well: Anyone familiar with skitching?

Now that you are, let me regale you. I have multiple friends who are into skating, my brother Chad included. Back over the summer when I was nineteen and he was seventeen, we had a few friends over, two of whom were skaters. Chad and our friend Rob suggested they try skitching on my car. Our other skater friend, Del, found it too risky and declined. So he and our other friend Brandon all piled into my car and the other two grabbed their boards and proceeded to the rear bumper.

Note, we lived on a hill. I myself once crashed my bicycle on this hill and tore my skin up something fierce (I still have a scar on my hip some 16 years later). I took off down the hill with Chad and Rob in tow. After about sixty yards, I saw Chad waving his hand. I thought he was waving it forward indicating to go faster, so I sped up to about thirty. Rob held fast, but Chad started to wobble and he lost his grip and faceplanted. The reaction in the car was mixed. Brandon was laughing hysterically, Del was shocked and scared and I was somewhere between. Unfortunately, with Rob still on the bumper, I couldn't just stop suddenly, I had to slow down first so he could safely release. Chad was still moving, but when I got to him, he was wobbling and barely able to get up onto his knees, much less stand. On top of this, his face and shirt were covered in blood. I had to one arm him and help him back up to the top of the hill and into our house. The first thing I heard was "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"

Chad developed a bubble-like scar (He called it his lucky bubble) over his lip that eventually had to be removed. To this day, he has a scar where it was and is incapable of growing facial hair in that spot, which prevents him from really ever having a moustache.
« Last Edit: 31 Jan 2008, 08:42 by 0bsessions »
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1. Make snowball
2. Pour small amount of gasoline onto snowball
3. Light
4. THROW

That was a crazy night.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Switchblade

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This was most definitely the worst thread ever.

Then lunchy, MacTaggart and Dan saved it. Especially MacTaggart, what with that mouse on a frog/toad/whatever. I awed.

Yeah, I definitely picked the wrong story....  shame it was all I could think of to talk about at the time.
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Chrasstor

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I'm seriously just bothered that your friend would waste perfectly good mouse... There's starving kids in Africa that would kill for some good mouse.



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that is the tastiest looking mouse I've ever seen.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

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I had a BB gun that I took apart and put stronger stuff in. Made it shoot alot further but was totally inaccurate after 20 yards.

Friends had a few too.
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Get some new goddamn friends. That's disgusting.



Seriously. I don't care how long I've been best friends with someone. If they did this shit, I would probably never talk to them again. That story is revolting.
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tania

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man, i love my friends and everything but i have literally mountains of these from living/hanging out with them. there's definitely lots more but just off the top of my head right now:

- forgetting a kettle on the stove and subsequently nearly burning the house down

- putting a pizza in the oven and then falling asleep immediately after, also nearly burning the house down

- putting a metal pot in the microwave and leaving the room for an extended period of time, also nearly burning the house down

- mistaking the stairs for the washroom and urinating down them

- mistaking a jacket pocket for the washroom (how?!) and urinating into it

- writing on our fridge "TRY TO REMEMBER TO GIVE IAN MASSAGES" with permanent marker on the pretence that any marker found remotely near a fridge must automatically be water soluble (not surprisingly, tommy actually blamed this on me for leaving sharpie markers in the kitchen)

- accidently feeding ian (mentioned above) peanuts despite his near-deadly peanut allergy... repeatedly

i know none of these seem particularily remarkable but you have to keep in mind they happen on at least a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. i don't really know how to justify my continuous tolerance of it. i guess in person said friends are really a lot more loveable than they sound.
« Last Edit: 31 Jan 2008, 18:41 by ephemere »
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

jhocking

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- forgetting a kettle on the stove and subsequently nearly burning the house down
Did it melt? I've melted pots that way.

Multiple times.

Refer to my previous post where I noted that my friends probably have a lot more of these sorts of stories about me than I do about them.
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