Topic: Sleeping with people with genital herpes? (Read 42012 times)

blaha 41 · « **on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:26 »

the quick question: assuming you don't have genital herpes, would you consider having casual sex with a person who has told you that he/she has genital herpes?
edit: I am in no way thinking about having sex with her. i'm just amazed that she said other healthy people have had sex with her knowing she had herpes.

the context
- became close friends with a girl/woman (she's 32).
- she wanted to sleep with me... i said no and told her it was b/c i wasn't mature enough to handle extended casual sex (i'm 26 if it matters...though the reason was that I'm just not attracted to her). she was upset, but we continued to become even better friends.
- during a serious conversation a week ago or she mentioned that she had genital herpes.
- last night she asks me to have sex with her, and i reply, "I... uh... can't really can I (because she has herpes and i don't)"
- she then tells me that it (herpes) hasn't stopped anyone else before... meaning at least three people she's friends with have had sex with her knowing that she has herpes... which just totally blew my mind.

Do people normally knowingly have casual sex with people with herpes? the entire concept just blows my mind. i just spent an hour googling herpes, and it still sounds like a dumb idea to sleep with people who have it.

disclaimer: this is my first new topic and I've probably screwed something up already, but this is the only place i can really talk about this since it involves a friend.

jhocking · « **Reply #1 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:30 »

Quote from: blaha 41 on 21 Feb 2008, 13:26

I'm just not attracted to her

Given this point, I'm confused why you're even asking. Are you considering pity sex or something?

Liz · « **Reply #2 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:33 »

From the commercials I've seen on television it's okay as long as they're not having an outbreak, but I'm guessing it can still spread pretty easily before there are any physical signs to warn you.

But, as Joe pointed out, if you're not attracted to her you really shouldn't be worried about it.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #3 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:33 »

Why do you want advice from us? We're the internet! Ask a real life friend!

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #4 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:34 »

Quote from: Nike, the Goddess of Victory

Just do it

bbqrocks · « **Reply #5 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:36 »

Um, no? Sure, sleeping with someone I'm not even attracted to is worth catching a life changing disease for.

Hell, its about on line with getting her pregnant.

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #6 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:38 »

Quote from: ampersandwitch on 21 Feb 2008, 13:34

Quote from: Nike, the Goddess of Victory
Just fuckin' do it

0bsessions · « **Reply #7 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:39 »

Oh, what the fuck.

That's it. I quit.

jhocking · « **Reply #8 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:40 »

Incidentally, your description indicates that she first propositioned you well before mentioning the herpes. Given her previous duplicity, perhaps you shouldn't give much weight to her claim about others not being fazed by the herpes.

bbqrocks · « **Reply #9 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:43 »

Dude, aren't you slightly fazed by the fact that you almost slept with someone with herpes without knowing they had herpes?

Ozymandias · « **Reply #10 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 13:44 »

Common adverse drug reactions (≥1% of patients) associated with valaciclovir therapy are the same as for aciclovir, its active metabolite, and include: nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, anal leakage and/or headache. Infrequent adverse effects (0.1–1% of patients) include: agitation, vertigo, confusion, dizziness, oedema, arthralgia, sore throat, constipation, abdominal pain, rash, weakness and/or renal impairment. Rare adverse effects (<0.1% of patients) include: coma, seizures, neutropenia, leukopenia, tremor, ataxia, encephalopathy, psychotic symptoms, crystalluria, anorexia, fatigue, hepatitis, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, toxic epidermal necrolysis and/or anaphylaxis.

Ask your doctor if once-a-day Valtrex is right for you.

Sox · « **Reply #11 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:12 »

It would seem to me that the general consensus is 'not a great idea'. Sounds like she has her fair share of problems and it's best you don't get involved. Whether she had herpes or not, sleeping with her was always a going to be a bad idea.
Why would you even need to ask this? Are you jus' taking us for a ride?

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #12 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:16 »

I feel like I have herpes just from reading this thread.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #13 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:18 »

When in reality it's from your sinning.

blaha 41 · « **Reply #14 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:19 »

Quote from: jhocking on 21 Feb 2008, 13:40

Incidentally, your description indicates that she first propositioned you well before mentioning the herpes. Given her previous duplicity, perhaps you shouldn't give much weight to her claim about others not being fazed by the herpes.

that's why i came here to ask if what she said was likely to be true based on other people's experiences because to me what she said sounds crazy.

Quote from: bbqrocks on 21 Feb 2008, 13:43

Dude, aren't you slightly fazed by the fact that you almost slept with someone with herpes without knowing they had herpes?

i didn't almost sleep with her... i gave her a flat "no" the first time. herpes or no herpes i'm just not into her at all like that.

ThePQ4 · « **Reply #15 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:27 »

If you're not into her, why are you agonizing over it? You told her no, if she propositions you agian, just set her straight --you're not interested, it's not going to happen.

And for the reccord: according to the Valtrex commericals, it's still possible to pass along the herpies virus when you have no sign of an outbreak. So...just don't do it unless you're totally into the person, I guess.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #16 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:35 »

Or if you're just really okay with getting herpes

ThePQ4 · « **Reply #17 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:41 »

Well, personally, if I'm going to get an STD, I'd like something a little more "exciting" then Herpes, thanks....

Alex C · « **Reply #18 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:45 »

If I get an STD I at least want it to be something that's eventually named after me.

jhocking · « **Reply #19 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:46 »

Quote from: ThePQ4 on 21 Feb 2008, 14:41

Well, personally, if I'm going to get an STD, I'd like something a little more "exciting" then Herpes, thanks....

See now me, I tend to feel that the less debilitating the disease, the better.

Sox · « **Reply #20 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:47 »

I can't imagine how horrible it would be to catch a disease called "whipstitch". It sounds painful.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #21 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:47 »

Has anyone here ever actually heard of condoms?

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #22 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:55 »

There's an appropriate Achewood for this, I just know it.

jhocking · « **Reply #23 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 14:59 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 21 Feb 2008, 14:47

Has anyone here ever actually heard of condoms?

Condoms are not completely effective against preventing herpes. Without getting too graphic, it depends a lot on where exactly the herpes outbreaks are occurring. It's a greatly reduced risk of course, and if it is someone you really love then herpes isn't really all that bad, but the OP already pointed out that he isn't attracted to this woman.

ThePQ4 · « **Reply #24 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:00 »

What makes you think we haven't heard of them??
I don't think that condoms protect from herpes, seeing as how it can spread to areas outside of the condom-covered areas.

(goddamn, people...you're too fast!!)

0bsessions · « **Reply #25 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:01 »

Hmmm...to out of context sig quote Joe, or not to out of context sig quote Joe...I do so like my current sig.

jhocking · « **Reply #26 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:03 »

Now that's just horrible.

Slick · « **Reply #27 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:06 »

A condom is not necessarily enough to protect the rest of you from herpes. Still, it's probably* safe to sleep with someone who has herpes unless they're presently having/just had/about to have an outbreak. Herpes is something you can have and not know about, because it manifests as sores and only shows up periodically. Unless there are actual visible sores, it's unlikely that it'll transmit, but it's never a completely safe thing to do.
I'm assuming the sores would make it actually painful to have sex, so it should be easy enough to avoid.
At any rate, I would not condone sleeping with a person who has herpes on a casual basis anyways. I can see how some people might do it, but I wouldn't. If I was seriously into a person, and they were upfront and we were careful about it, I would consider it, but for a casual thing, just don't.

Amusing anecdote: Shortly after I first fooled around with a lady with no clothes on, I got jock itch, which is basically athletes foot except on your jock. Basically, I'd just got back in town, started going to the gym after class, and didn't shower right away afterwards. I then proceeded to spend the next little while freaking out because I thought it could be herpes and I thought it might be jock itch and I didn't want to call this girl (who is regularly 3000 Km away from me) and say "so, uh, hey, do you have herpes?" until I realized I could just head down to Student Health Services on campus and get that shit looked at. The sores didn't break or 'ooze' which was a good thing, and it responded nicely to an anti-fungal so I am OK.
Maybe that was too much information, but I think it's hilarious in hindsight.

~~Oh, also, new dude, what the fuck is with this thread? Asking strangers who you have no reason to expect to have expertise on a subject about something like this? Dude.~~ Manda is probably right on this one.

*Probably means we are not entirely certain

bbqrocks · « **Reply #28 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:14 »

Quote

i didn't almost sleep with her... i gave her a flat "no" the first time. herpes or no herpes i'm just not into her at all like that.

That is not the point. The point is she didn't tell you you had herpes whilst propositioning you with sex the first time and you don't seem all too bothered by that.

clockworkjames · « **Reply #29 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:16 »

Seriously man, you ask for help on /b/ about this sort of thing.

Not only do I not really plan on ever sleeping with anyone that old (Doubt I will live long past 30 tbh) but just, a nasty STD transferred by contact? I ~~am pretty sure~~ know I wouldn't bone anyone if I knew they had an STI. Maybe I am just weird but in all honesty it's up to you, just don't make the wrong choice. Is herpes not viral like a cold sore anyways?

Suppose it might feel like your rubber is ribbed...

redglasscurls · « **Reply #30 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:17 »

Good lord people, I'm so tired of everyone jumping on new people any time they try to start a thread. When did everyone turn into such assholes? Is it an automatic right now when you hit 500 posts?
If you'd actually paid attention to the question, he was asking if anyone thought sleeping with someone with herpes was ok, or if LIKE HIM, they thought it was a terribly bad call no matter what.
This is an interesting topic for conversation, because it involves sex and gross stuff, and everyone likes that.

Sox · « **Reply #31 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:21 »

Quote from: bbqrocks on 21 Feb 2008, 15:14

That is not the point. The point is she didn't tell you you had herpes whilst propositioning you with sex the first time and you don't seem all too bothered by that.

Give the guy some credit. He may have started the thread, but assume he isn't a complete idiot. He just isn't presenting himself very well, is all.

bbqrocks · « **Reply #32 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:26 »

And there was me assuming the internet.

Ok, lets assume he isn't a complete idiot, but he still gave no sign to us that he was in some way disturbed by this. And the fact that they were still close enough for her to proposition him last night indicates that he can't have made that big a deal out of it. Is this making sense? I think I need more sleep.

Quote

Good lord people, I'm so tired of everyone jumping on new people any time they try to start a thread. When did everyone turn into such assholes? Is it an automatic right now when you hit 500 posts?

No one jumped on me. Everyone here seemed perfectly civilized and non-assholeish.

jhocking · « **Reply #33 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:27 »

Quote from: Slick on 21 Feb 2008, 15:06

Maybe that was too much information, but I think it's hilarious in hindsight.

I have a similar story. When I first started using condoms with spermicidal lubricant I got a rash that I was afraid was herpes. Turns out I'm allergic to spermicide; I'm fine so long as I was it off right after.

Slick · « **Reply #34 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:29 »

Quote from: clockworkjames on 21 Feb 2008, 15:16

Is herpes not viral like a cold sore anyways?

Cold sores are herpes.

bbqrocks · « **Reply #35 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:33 »

The most hilarious but tragic tale involving an STD I heard was a guy who was giving a girl oral sex and somehow he got his eye in the way, and caught chlamydia in his eye.

Slick · « **Reply #36 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:36 »

I do not believe anyone when they say anything about chlamydia and eyes. I have heard those stories too many times.

The best one I heard, though, was of the strippers in a sketchy bar putting a dude's eyeglasses inside, then back on his face and contracting it that way.

Ã¶de · « **Reply #37 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:37 »

MusicScribbles · « **Reply #38 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:43 »

Oh man, that is just...
Where did that come from?

bbqrocks · « **Reply #39 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:44 »

Quote

I do not believe anyone when they say anything about chlamydia and eyes. I have heard those stories too many times.

Guess he caught it from the chlamydia fairies, then.

What the hell is that picture?

littlelove · « **Reply #40 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:51 »

okay, as soon as anyone says anything about any type of genital... difference... a big, giant red flag should go up that warns you not to even think about going there...

and I say difference as in STD, not like, a third testicle.

Slick · « **Reply #41 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:52 »

BB, do you actually actually know and trust the fellow in question? Because I have heard many people who knew a guy who got chlamydia in the eye. It is very easy for one person to invent the story and then pass it on to so many people.

Ã¶de · « **Reply #42 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:55 »

Internet.

I think if you're going to have sex you should be as safe as possible (duh). As people have said, herpes is hard(er) to catch when it's not flaring up, right? I guess that might be an acceptable risk, if you wear a condom, but depending on the circumstances I probably wouldn't do it.

jhocking · « **Reply #43 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:58 »

Quote from: Slick on 21 Feb 2008, 15:52

It is very easy for one person to... pass it on to so many people.

Not unlike chlamydia itself.

BobJoeJim · « **Reply #44 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 15:59 »

It's the gift that keeps on giving!

Johnny C · « **Reply #45 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 16:09 »

Tommy has no problem with giving away sexual diseases, but keep your fucking hands off of his Slint shirt.

Also, seriously. Perfectly reasonable idea behind it that got somehow misinterpreted. It's like the worst game of Telephone ever played, except you could just scroll up and read the question to make sure he's got it right. Don't bite the new folks!

thebrosef · « **Reply #46 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 16:13 »

Cold sores are herpes.
[/quote]

From my understanding, they don't really work the same way. And my understanding is drawn from the fact that I dated a girl for two years who got cold sores regularly (once every couple of months i guess is regularly) on/around her mouth, and I am happy to say that I am cold sore and herpes free. Apparently she got them since she was little, and her dad gets them too. Which leads me to believe they were passed on somehow. But this thread has done a good job of making me feel like kissing that girl was a sketchier decision than I initially thought. I'm rationalizing by saying that she was/is a pretty foxy* lady.

*Foxy as in good-looking and not looking like a fox. Just so I am differentiated from you internets and your furries.

Edit: My quote got messed up, but give me a break. At least I didn't quote tunnel.

ruyi · « **Reply #47 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 16:19 »

perhaps you've just never had an outbreak! that's not uncommon. good for your immune system. but really, they are related. there are two types of herpes viruses: one is associated with cold sores, and another with genital herpes, but both of them can afflict either kind of mucous membrane.

anyways the answer to this thread is don't have sex before marriage!

0bsessions · « **Reply #48 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 16:25 »

To the best of my knowledge, cold sores are not a permanent condition, whereas genital herpes is. One can lead to the other, allegedly, if you engage in oral sex with someone with cold sores, said cold sores can transmit to genital herpes.

On the other hand, this could very well be one of those sex urban legends. I myself am not willing to try and find out first hand, though.

thebrosef · « **Reply #49 on:** 21 Feb 2008, 16:27 »

Quote from: ruyi on 21 Feb 2008, 16:19

perhaps you've just never had an outbreak! that's not uncommon.

Thank you for undermining my confidence. 100,000 will die for your mistakes here today.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Sleeping with people with genital herpes? (Read 42012 times)

bbqrocks

bbqrocks

bbqrocks

bbqrocks

bbqrocks

bbqrocks

BobJoeJim

thebrosef

thebrosef