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[Liz]

I get cold sores. I have herpes! Though I haven't gotten one in a few years, so maybe it is actually a passing thing.

[Lines]

Never had a cold sore. CLEAN! (Also, I can't remember if cold sores are permanent or not. You may not break out, but I can't remember if that means that the virus is actually gone or not. I know people confuse them with canker sores, which are not permanent.)

Sleeping with someone you know who has an STD is ALWAYS A BAD IDEA. It doesn't matter if she's not having an outbreak, there is still the possibility that you can get it. And from what I learned in health and human sex class, it's not like the commercials - even if you are on medication, you will never happily ride a bike while having an outbreak. Even if you are using forms of birth control, those aren't fool proof, so the best way to make sure you don't get an STD is to just not have sex with someone that you know does.

[0bsessions]

health and human sex class

I support the title of this class due to its specific title. It implies to me that somewhere in the curriculum is a health and giraffe sex class.

[Blue Kitty]

maybe they forgot the e?  It would mean there could be a kinkier version of it

[dennis]

To the best of my knowledge, cold sores are not a permanent condition, whereas genital herpes is. One can lead to the other, allegedly, if you engage in oral sex with someone with cold sores, said cold sores can transmit to genital herpes.

On the other hand, this could very well be one of those sex urban legends. I myself am not willing to try and find out first hand, though.

Genital herpes are just cold sores on your genitals. Cold sores are just herpes on your mouth. They're both permanent conditions. Once you have herpes, you will always have herpes in you. You may not ever have an outbreak, but you will still have the virus laying dormant inside you.

Two main strains are herpes are simplex 1 and simplex 2. 1 is commonly found orally while 2 is commonly found genitally, but both can infect any area. You can have herpes on your eye.

You can receive genital herpes by receiving oral sex from someone with cold sores, and vice versa.

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 8 men have genital herpes. It is likely that it male-to-female transmission is easier than female-male transmission. It is likely that someone with herpes doesn't know they have herpes.

Transmission is far less likely between outbreaks than during.

What do they teach kids in school these days anyway? Jesus.

[Lines]

health and human sex class

I support the title of this class due to its specific title. It implies to me that somewhere in the curriculum is a health and giraffe sex class.

Health was one class, human sexuality was a different class. The latter was the one I took in college and was definitely the more interesting of the two. Maybe somewhere there is a giraffe sexuality class! You never know.

[calenlass]

To the best of my knowledge, cold sores are not a permanent condition, whereas genital herpes is. One can lead to the other, allegedly, if you engage in oral sex with someone with cold sores, said cold sores can transmit to genital herpes.

On the other hand, this could very well be one of those sex urban legends. I myself am not willing to try and find out first hand, though.

Genital herpes are just cold sores on your genitals. Cold sores are just herpes on your mouth. They're both permanent conditions. Once you have herpes, you will always have herpes in you. You may not ever have an outbreak, but you will still have the virus laying dormant inside you.

Two main strains are herpes are simplex 1 and simplex 2. 1 is commonly found orally while 2 is commonly found genitally, but both can infect any area. You can have herpes on your eye.

You can receive genital herpes by receiving oral sex from someone with cold sores, and vice versa.

According to the CDC, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 8 men have genital herpes. It is likely that it male-to-female transmission is easier than female-male transmission. It is likely that someone with herpes doesn't know they have herpes.

Transmission is far less likely between outbreaks than during.

What do they teach kids in school these days anyway? Jesus.

This is mostly true, I think. However, according to my gynecologist, who may or may not be full of shit, simplex 1 doesn't always "take" if you were to get it in the genital region (i.e., your immune system generally destroys it). I gathered from what he said, although I'm still not clear on it, simplex 1 tends to clear up on its own more often than simplex 2 ever will, like the way there are some kids who manage to get rid of HIV infections somehow.

[est]

I would not do this ever and I don't understand why anyone else would.  Perhaps if you fell in love with someone and it turned out they had it that could be a different story, but casual sex with someone that has a rather easily-transmittable and incurable STD doesn't sound like a good idea at all.

[ForteBass]

It's pretty much a bad idea.
Of course, if you're really into russian roulette, then it's a good idea.
But only if you're really into it.

[E. Spaceman]

I am sure we can all agree that purposefully swabbing your dick in herpes is a bad idea

[Boro_Bandito]

Call me old fashioned, but the term casual sex has always sounded wrong to me anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get laid, that is on the top priority of things for me to do in my life, but casual sex with someone you hardly know has never felt like people are going for the right idea. This may be due to my inexperience but I've heard relationships before sex were the preferable choice. Or maybe I'm just a prude.

[blaha 41]

update: she sent me an email while i was out tonight saying that, because i said that "i wouldn't even consider sleeping with you b/c you have herpes," we are "done" as friends.

yeah this sucks.

so far i've only read through the CDC's literature on it, wikipedia's article on it that ODDLY positioned herpes as "NO BIG DEAL," and talked to my friend's dad who is a GP who said "yeah, it's just a skin disease, but you'd be dumb to expose yourself," but apparently i haven't done enough research and i have to talk to HER doctor friend about it.

i would rather not ever knowingly expose myself to herpes, and SOMEHOW this obviously makes me the bad guy.

whoa... multiple capped phrases... i must be really worked up 

[Spluff]

Tell her that it's okay, there was no way in hell you were going to sleep with her anyway.

[Boro_Bandito]

HA, oh man. I like this one.

But on the serious note, it doesn't sound like you guys were that great of friends if something like this gets in the way so easily, sounds like she was looking for something different than being a friend.

[thebrosef]

Yea I'd say that if her reaction was that poor then she is probably not someone who you should spend a lot of time associating with. That is not a very fair reaction on her part. Because not wanting herpes is basically the normal reaction to them.

[michaelicious]

Yo man what's her number?

[The extra letter]

Knowingly sleep with someone who has genital herpes?

Not in a million years.

I'm fairly well-adjusted in most respects, but I will admit to having a phobia of catching skin diseases. Herpes just freaks me out far too much. Hell, I'm ashamed to admit that I won't buy food from a place where one of the serving staff has cold sores. Even if I really liked the infected person, my wang would be far too busy trying to hide somewhere behind my kidneys to perform.

[DonInKansas]

It is likely that it male-to-female transmission is easier than female-male transmission.

This is the case with damn near every STD, due to the fact that women's mucous membranes are exposed. It's easier for the badness to get in through there that regular skin (unless you've got a cut/scratch on your dick somewhere.)

[IronOxide]

From the commercials I've seen on television it's okay as long as they're not having an outbreak, but I'm guessing it can still spread pretty easily before there are any physical signs to warn you.

But, as Joe pointed out, if you're not attracted to her you really shouldn't be worried about it.

It seems this comment has pretty much flown under the radar, but I feel that it deserves attention because it is wrong wrong wrong, if not in theory then most definitely in practice. First of all herpes is spread through direct skin contact through an infected person. So, to feel safe about this, you have to be sure that first, there are no infected cells anywhere on the person's genitals (not going to happen unless you have a microscope, a lot of time to waste, and your partner doesn't remind you removing their bits, and if you're not sure of that you have to be sure that there is absolutely no chance that there is any kind of abrasion on their skin "down there" whatsoever. Even ones so small that neither party can feel them.

It is likely that it male-to-female transmission is easier than female-male transmission.

Also, because it is transmitted through skin contact and not fluid exchange, there is a smaller gender discrepancy than with most other STIs.

In conclusion. A silly risk to get to touch a lady you seem none too thrilled about touching.

[ulfnir]

Has anyone here ever actually heard of condoms?

Our minds think the same way. 

To the original poster: If you don't fancy her, don't shag her. Pretty simple really.
Besides, no one wants to end up with their dick looking like its got barnacles.

[Lines]

update: she sent me an email while i was out tonight saying that, because i said that "i wouldn't even consider sleeping with you b/c you have herpes," we are "done" as friends.

yeah this sucks.

...

i would rather not ever knowingly expose myself to herpes, and SOMEHOW this obviously makes me the bad guy.

She should have taken a hint the first time and really she should have told you about the herpes the first time. And the second time, she basically went, "I still think we should have sex, but oh yeah, I have herpes! Surprise!" and then got mad when you gave her the obvious answer of no. She's stupid if she thinks that you would sleep with her while you didn't want to in the first place and don't want to get an STD. Holy crap, she is not a good friend whatsoever. You are not the bad guy.

[butmyrobotloves]

I dated a guy once for half a year only to find out from his ex-girlfriend that he had herpes.  I was SCARED SHITLESS.  I've gotten tested twice since then, just to make sure, and luckily have managed to keep clean!  But this is after half a YEAR of lots of unprotected (minus bc, buit what's that gonna do?) sex.  Obviously, we broke up after that, and I've been told that if I wanted to I could have pressed charges for him not telling me, but I'm not sure if this is true.  Bottom line?  Well, I guess there are a couple:

1. People are NOT as honest as they should be about this stuff.  Be careful.
2. It IS possible to have quite a bit of sex with an infected person and end up safe if they're not broken out, although I still would NOT recommend it unless you're really commited.
3. Don't date douchebags.  Unfortunately, there's only so much we can do about that.

[butmyrobotloves]

Holy shit I'm back indeed!  Just took a two year vacation, s'all.

edit:  upon posting this, i reviewed my profile and I actually registered on this forum two years ago TODAY.  shit son, that was magical.  happy forum birthday to meeeee.

[jhocking]

talked to my friend's dad who is a GP who said "yeah, it's just a skin disease, but you'd be dumb to expose yourself,"

Note that this is essentially what I said. I should totally be a doctor. yeah

[onewheelwizzard]

I dated a guy once for half a year only to find out from his ex-girlfriend that he had herpes.  I was SCARED SHITLESS.  I've gotten tested twice since then, just to make sure, and luckily have managed to keep clean!  But this is after half a YEAR of lots of unprotected (minus bc, buit what's that gonna do?) sex.  Obviously, we broke up after that, and I've been told that if I wanted to I could have pressed charges for him not telling me, but I'm not sure if this is true.  Bottom line?  Well, I guess there are a couple:

1. People are NOT as honest as they should be about this stuff.  Be careful.
2. It IS possible to have quite a bit of sex with an infected person and end up safe if they're not broken out, although I still would NOT recommend it unless you're really commited.
3. Don't date douchebags.  Unfortunately, there's only so much we can do about that.

Um, I don't understand the situation at all, not having been there and all, but was there any indication in this situation that maybe she was not telling the truth?  I mean, did he admit it?  Or do you only have her word and a blank STD test result for yourself?

[ImRonBurgundy?]

I'm gonna give the guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he was asking the question on a purely academic level.

That said, no I would not.

[negative creep]

OH SHIT I HAVE GENITAL HERPES IN MY FACE

[butmyrobotloves]

Um, I don't understand the situation at all, not having been there and all, but was there any indication in this situation that maybe she was not telling the truth?  I mean, did he admit it?  Or do you only have her word and a blank STD test result for yourself?

No, he admitted it.  He said he had only broken out once, and actually I felt kinda sorry for his ex because it was right when they started dating and he blamed her for "giving it to him" although she had never had an outbreak.  Until I convinced the girl to get tested, she was just assuming that she DID have it, at least that she got it from him, and she hadn't gotten tested yet, but miraculously we both came out clean.

[redglasscurls]

Maybe somewhere there is a giraffe sexuality class! You never know.

I believe that usually falls under the title of Animal Husbandry, most land-grant/agricultural colleges offer it!

[sleepingfingers]

From the commercials I've seen on television it's okay as long as they're not having an outbreak, but I'm guessing it can still spread pretty easily before there are any physical signs to warn you.

Medical advice from TV commercials?  Or you try...say a doctor, free clinic, reputable website, etc.  Just an idea though.

[idiolect]

Um, no? Sure, sleeping with someone I'm not even attracted to is worth catching a life changing disease for.

Hell, its about on line with getting her pregnant.

What?  No, it isn't.  It's a kind of annoying but totally not life threatening skin disease that there are treatment options for, which no one will ever notice in public.  The biggest ramnification of having herpes is that now you have to tell people you have herpes before you sleep with them, which shouldn't be that hard unless you're doing something otherwise weird like sleeping with total strangers.  Oh, and maybe a few people will reject sex with you because of it.  Big deal.  Having a little blister on your dick is hardly on par with getting someone pregnant.

[Liz]

Medical advice from TV commercials?  Or you try...say a doctor, free clinic, reputable website, etc.  Just an idea though.

I wasn't claiming that they were the authority on the subject, just pointing out what they have to say on the matter. Note that I also gave a flaw of the commercial.

[Jimmy the Squid]

I once knew a girl who got herpes. She would sleep with guys and then tell them about it after the (f)act and, unsurprisingly, they were pretty unhappy about it. She has recently moved to another state to live with her boyfriend of about 5 minutes. I'm pretty sure she hasn't told him yet. All in all I am just glad this girl is now further away from me than she was before. 

[RedLion]

That's almost as bad as people who go around deliberately infecting random partners with AIDS.

..Well alright, not quite so bad. But still quite an asshole-ish thing to do.

[Darkbluerabbit]

Having a little blister on your dick is hardly on par with getting someone pregnant.

On the other hand though, pregnancies can be made to go away.  Herpes is with you for life.

[Johnny C]

On the other hand though, pregnancies can be made to go away.

That is easily one of the worst ways you could have said that.

[0bsessions]

I dunno. I kinda liked the dark and foreboding overtone.

[David_Dovey]

That is easily one of the worst ways you could have said that.

I think it's the most tasteful way I've seen abortion referred to on the Internet to date.

Although to be fair, that's because I'm a horrible person.

[idiolect]

Between having to have an abortion (assuming that's what I'd choose to do) and having a couple of treatable blisters every now and then, I'll take the latter, thanks.

[Johnny C]

I think it's the most tasteful way I've seen abortion referred to on the Internet to date.

"Fetus from my genitals? Me, not from my genitals.

"Look, here's the funny thing. I don't know you, yet I have hired a variety of men to create a certain sort of relationship with you.

"What? Oh. A death relationship."

[calenlass]

Besides, no one wants to end up with their dick looking like its got barnacles.

Dude that is Genital Warts.

Herpes Simplex 2 is far more painful and far less treatable.

NSFW, dudes.

Between having to have an abortion (assuming that's what I'd choose to do) and having a couple of treatable blisters every now and then, I'll take the latter, thanks.

Burn yourself until the skin blisters a couple of times on your dick or in your vagina with a butane lighter every 6 weeks or so and then reassess your opinion.

Dudes I do not have herpes. This is what the lady from the health center told us when we had the building-wide program on safe sex.

[Johnny C]

When did this thread become "Would you rather have herpes or abort a baby?"

[idiolect]

When did this thread become "Would you rather have herpes or abort a baby?"

When bbqrocks said that contracting herpes was about on par in terms of badness with knocking someone up.

[Johnny C]

I was more hoping someone would jump to the next step and answer the same question but with a cleverly-placed "why."

[Tom]

The next step from abort a baby is....

If you chose not to abort the baby, would you give it up for adoption or not?

[calenlass]

Or you could just keep it. I have had my share of pregnancy scares, and I can say at this point that contemplating keeping it is not as terrifying as it seems initially. Sure, your lifestyle will change, but it isn't the end of the world. People do it every day.

[calenlass]

PS I would not keep it anyway

[Tom]

Or you could just keep it. I have had my share of pregnancy scares, and I can say at this point that contemplating keeping it is not as terrifying as it seems initially. Sure, your lifestyle will change, but it isn't the end of the world. People do it every day.

I now see a VOID stamp on this post

[calenlass]

Hey, the general estimate is that the earth can hold about 10 billion, right? It ain't full yet, bitches!

[Tom]

We can make more room by euthanasing the very very old and those with terminal diseases. Though the latter would be like saying "if we all start walking to the shops instead of driving, we'll save the world!"