Topic: The Mike Rowe Fanfiction Thread (Read 21630 times)

jeph · « **on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:29 »

Quote from: Ozymandias on 01 Mar 2008, 12:16

Give me Mike Rowe any day. That dude is all man and humor. He is sculpted out of the purest form of testosterone. He is like an old school demi-god of a man. I would like to arm wrestle him. And then when my hand hits the table, as it of course would because you cannot possible compete with that level of man, he would look into my eyes and suddenly jump across the table, pushing me to the floor, his rough, stubbly chin brushing against mine as he forced me into a passionate kiss. His arms, so strong picking me up and turning me over as his rips my pants off. His hands, rough and calloused grabbing me as he rams his gigantic dick(it is like, 14 inches at least) into my wanting ass. And I would cry from the pain and joy of such an act.

Such a beautiful act.

Fuck no does this belong in the TV forum.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #1 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:39 »

Why am I suddenly reminded of Jimbo?

tania · « **Reply #2 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:40 »

14 inches?!

Tom · « **Reply #3 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:44 »

it is but a measure of his worth

Ozymandias · « **Reply #4 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:44 »

You cannot look at Mike Rowe and not assume the man is packing some epic junk. The stuff of legends. The kind of phallus that women look at and pass out from in terror and lust. He would make horses jealous. I don't want Mike Rowe to degenerate in Chuck Norris jokes, but let's face it: that man could probably do push-ups with a flaccid cock.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #5 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:47 »

Quote from: Ozymandias on 01 Mar 2008, 12:44

You cannot look at Mike Rowe and not assume the man is packing some epic junk.

A more true statement was never made... but I am not seeing a bulge. Pants too baggy, perhaps?

Tom · « **Reply #6 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:50 »

that big dicked black guy in the porno you just watched was really Mike Rowe incognito.

Narr · « **Reply #7 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:51 »

rancidhooligan, it's clearly running down the inside of his right pant leg. It almost goes down to his knee, in fact.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #8 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:53 »

Ah yes, how foolish of me. I was thinking that it might be wrapped around his waist, like a belt.

Patrick · « **Reply #9 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:58 »

Quote from: ephemere on 01 Mar 2008, 12:40

14 inches?!

And that's just when it's flaccid.

Mike Rowe is the new Anal Prolapse.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #10 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 12:59 »

No he isn't.

Chuck Norris is dogshit. He's an annoying little man who got popular through ironic jokes because he is so damn stupid. It is bullshit, that Chuck Norris.

Mike Rowe is legitimate mansex.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #11 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:04 »

I thought that was Carlos Mencia.

Patrick · « **Reply #12 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:09 »

Carlos Mencia is NOT legitimate mansex.

Tom · « **Reply #13 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:18 »

Carlos Mencia is legitimate mensex

Ozymandias · « **Reply #14 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:19 »

God, this thread is ruined. Why the fuck would anyone fucking mention Carlos Mencia.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #15 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:20 »

Quote from: KimJongSick on 01 Mar 2008, 13:09

Carlos Mencia is NOT legitimate mansex.

I meant that he was dogshit and got popular through ~~ironic~~ stupid jokes.

Sorry, Ozymandias, it was not my intent to ruin your thread. At least I posted a picture of Mr. Rowe for your ogling pleasure.

Patrick · « **Reply #16 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:31 »

Doesn't matter, you mentioned Mencia, now I have to pierce my scrotum straight through with a javelin.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #17 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:35 »

^Pictures, please.

Wow. I pulled a virtual masturbatory cock block. Ozymandias was getting all hot and bothered about Mike Rowe and the mere mention of Mencia killed the mood.

Appy polly logies. This was an unintented faux pas.

BrittanyMarie · « **Reply #18 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 13:46 »

I fixed it, guys!

Hunter · « **Reply #19 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 14:15 »

Quote from: rancidhooligan on 01 Mar 2008, 12:47

[

A more true statement was never made... but I am not seeing a bulge. Pants too baggy, perhaps?

PIC!

A man of class does not show wealth or superiority.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #20 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 14:17 »

Touché.

Ã¶de · « **Reply #21 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 15:29 »

Quote from: Ozymandias on 01 Mar 2008, 13:19

God, this thread is ruined. Why the fuck would anyone fucking mention Carlos Mencia.

I was all ready for a boner and then I wanted to chew my toe off.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #22 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 15:30 »

Mike Rowe's next dirty job: Guy who lives off of a webcomic.

Patrick · « **Reply #23 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 15:36 »

Mike Rowe's next dirty job: beating Carlos Mencia with a baseball bat.

OH GODDDD UNF

Emaline · « **Reply #24 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 18:57 »

If Mike Rowe was here right now........ I would do the kind and hostly thing to do and offer him a drink.

And then maybe some hot sex.

imapiratearg · « **Reply #25 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 19:29 »

I'm sure if Mike Rowe were here, he would be simultaneously flattered and creeped out.

Tom · « **Reply #26 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 19:41 »

But mostly horny

Hunter · « **Reply #27 on:** 01 Mar 2008, 22:36 »

He does hang out with all those burly construction workers.

jeph · « **Reply #28 on:** 02 Mar 2008, 04:52 »

Quote from: Cartilage Head on 01 Mar 2008, 15:30

Mike Rowe's next dirty job: Guy who lives off of a webcomic.

Webcomics are not a dirty job, unless you consider crushing self-loathing, constant anxiety, and drinking too much to be "dirty."

Coreh · « **Reply #29 on:** 02 Mar 2008, 07:12 »

i don't call that dirty.
i call that thursday.

Patrick · « **Reply #30 on:** 02 Mar 2008, 14:47 »

Hell, sounds like the life of Gerard Way.

Jeph is Gerard Way, guys.

RedLion · « **Reply #31 on:** 02 Mar 2008, 18:36 »

My favorite part of Dirty Jobs as of late is that he's more or less run out of jobs that are sufficiently dirty to do and so is stretching to find things to film, which he then over-exaggerates in terms of just how insanely dirty they are.

Barbecue chef? Really? You can do better, Mike.

calenlass · « **Reply #32 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 05:29 »

Well, if he's stuck just looking for jobs in the States, of course he'll run out. He should go to the ruby mines in sri lanka (they're all full of muddy water) or something.

jhocking · « **Reply #33 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 07:54 »

If he started going to other countries the show would stop being fun and become depressing.

rancidhooligan · « **Reply #34 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 09:56 »

Right?

Like, "Hi, I'm Mike Rowe with Dirty Jobs. I'm here in China, at a huge factory with no air conditioning or windows. I, along with 500 14 year-old girls are going to make cell phones for Motorola..." That'd be awesome.

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #35 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 10:29 »

the best part about Mike Rowe is that he doesn't need to do Dirty Jobs. he was already rich.

he gets dirty for fun.

negative creep · « **Reply #36 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 17:09 »

At least then some people would maybe start thinking.

thepugs · « **Reply #37 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 20:26 »

How has no one mentioned the Opera?

He did Opera, guys!

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #38 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 21:20 »

Quote from: KimJongSick on 01 Mar 2008, 15:36

Mike Rowe's next dirty job: beating Carlos Mencia with a baseball bat.

OH GODDDD UNF

Beating Carlos Mencia with a baseball bat would be the least dirty job ever. It would represent a step forward for mankind, on par with Neil Armstrong's march on the moon, except with fewer conspiracy theories.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #39 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 21:26 »

Also, dirty jobs are usually jobs other people don't want to do.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #40 on:** 03 Mar 2008, 22:23 »

Well Yeah he's sung Opera, and now that he's the spokesman for Ford trucks alongside his two hit TV shows (He narrates Deadliest Catch, remember? And actually now that I mention it Ice Road Truckers as well) he's really loaded. But He started out in Baltimore, in the EMF department at Towson University. Then Professor Mckerron told him he had a good voice and he switched his major to Mass Comm. I know this, it is stuff of legends among the halls of the Media Center at my school. Since he's the only guy from either department to make it big, we sort of have to cling to it.

DonInKansas · « **Reply #41 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 00:12 »

I knew he was running out of Dirty Jobs when I saw the one with the bubble gum picker uppers in NYC.

That's seriously a job? OMGWTF

Mike Rowe does Hamlet:

Patrick · « **Reply #42 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 03:19 »

If he wants a dirty job he should move to the South African border and become a gun runner. Or he could come here to Albania and traffic people and drugs. If that ain't dirty money I don't know what is.

captain zoe · « **Reply #43 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 08:40 »

Quote from: Boro_Bandito on 03 Mar 2008, 22:23

Well Yeah he's sung Opera, and now that he's the spokesman for Ford trucks alongside his two hit TV shows (He narrates Deadliest Catch, remember? And actually now that I mention it Ice Road Truckers as well) he's really loaded. But He started out in Baltimore, in the EMF department at Towson University. Then Professor Mckerron told him he had a good voice and he switched his major to Mass Comm. I know this, it is stuff of legends among the halls of the Media Center at my school. Since he's the only guy from either department to make it big, we sort of have to cling to it.

He also used to be one of those on-screen personalities for QVC, the home shopping network.

Pure sex.

Narr · « **Reply #44 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 10:26 »

Quote from: Cartilage Head on 03 Mar 2008, 21:26

Also, dirty jobs are usually jobs other people don't want to do.

So braining Carlos Mencia to death via baseball bat wouldn't count as a dirty job?

Patrick · « **Reply #45 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 12:20 »

In that context, I used "dirty" in a literal sense. I mean, as much as I'd love to see Mencia get the shit kicked out of him, I don't feel like cleaning up the resulting goo from the pavement.

Well, hell, the cleaning of Mencia-goo from pavement is a good contender.

I realize "Mencia-goo" is just begging to be OOC sigquoted.

Boro_Bandito · « **Reply #46 on:** 05 Mar 2008, 13:11 »

Quote from: KimJongSick on 05 Mar 2008, 12:20

I mean, as much as I'd love to see [Carlos] Mencia... I don't feel like cleaning up the resulting goo from the pavement.

Its true, I can see how this is one of the better out of contex quotes out there.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: The Mike Rowe Fanfiction Thread (Read 21630 times)

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

Narr

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

rancidhooligan

thepugs

captain zoe

Narr