Edit: Ok this was mostly a response to Wet Helmet's original couple of posts, but the internet shat out and I had to go do stuff and it's been a few hours. I haven't read the interim replies or changed what I was going to say.
I find more and more that my upbringing was rather singular. The "it's MY [whatever]" thing actually did work in my house, but only because my sisters and I used it as well (only on each other, though, because my parents were careful not to misuse or abuse things that were specifically ours). This might have something to do with how my parents taught us to think about money, and how it is a means to an end (if you want something, you will probably have to pay money for it) and how the saving of it is security for future freedom from want or need.
I went to a pretentious rich kid school from age 7 until 17 when I graduated, and throughout high school all of my friends got cars for their birthdays. Granted, not all of them drove to school every day, but that was because they just didn't want to pay for gas or couldn't be arsed. I didn't get my own car until I got a job the summer after my senior year, and that was only because I bought it and was making monthly payments to my dad, who was the actual title owner. I am expected to pay for maintenance and repairs too. Basically, except for the title, which my dad still owns as a favour to me to save money on the insurance, it is MY car. When it got totalled, the insurance money went to ME, and I picked out the new car myself. No one has any say over what I do with my car except me. It was this way with both of my sisters, as well, although neither of them have had to replace theirs yet.
It was the same way with books or movies or whatever: you asked permission to borrow it, and the other person had every right to refuse for whatever reason they wanted. With the TV, it was a case of priority or seniority; i.e., whoever was watching something first had control of the remote at least until the particular program was over, or if someone watched, say, The Muppet Show (yeah that was me) every week, it was understood that for that half hour or hour I would watch the show and it was at the least exceedingly dickish for someone to try and change that.
I cannot remember or even think of any potential situations wherein my parents would not treat any of their children as individuals with opinions and rights to those opinions and choices. The issue of "it's MY house" has never even arisen, and in fact I do not think that phrase has ever left either of their mouths. They have always given me advice and related their own experiences when relevant to try and give me some perspective and then let me make my own choices. This is, of course, relative; for instance, if I were going to try and buy drugs or something with the money in my savings account, before I turned 18 my mother would've just locked me out of the account, or taken the keys to my car away for driving 130 miles down to Statesboro on a school night or something. But since I never saw drugs as a good potential return for the investment of my money, I never had to bother with that, and I suffered "grounding" (nothing outside school or extracurriculars for a few weeks) for the Statesboro trip.
I suppose it has to do with the fact that my parents have complete faith in the fact that they have done their absolute best to raise thoughtful, reasonable kids, and they realise that beyond that they cannot ultimately control the actions of another being. I have always appreciated the fact that they made this clear to us as their children, as well, because it reinforced that if they made mistakes, they were only humans and mortals doing the best they knew how, not some sort of irreproachable gods who handed down mandates and privileges from on high to their offspring. I think ultimately it has caused me to have a great deal of respect, rather than fear, for both my parents, and it has only grown as I come to realise how much good they have done me.
Also:
If I have succeeded as a parent, then they will do that without b) getting a sexually transmitted disease
Sometimes accidents happen, or your kid might get lied to. A friend of mine (well, I haven't talked to her in like a year, but I guess she still counts) was with her significant other for two years and he never told her he had the herpes, but now she does too and she had no idea until she got a breakout and thought she was dying or had the plague or something. She was going to sue him, but he got a job overseas and can't be reached anymore. So I guess what I am saying is that sometimes you can teach your kids to be responsible and shit can still blow up in their face.
Double Edit: Linds basically said what I did.
EditEditEdit: Guys what the fuck? I have never in my life asked for ice cream for dinner. I do not even do that now that I am feeding myself. I do not like being ridiculously sick and I never have. What the hell, dudes?
