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Author Topic: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.  (Read 9359 times)

Jackie Blue

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Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« on: 27 Mar 2008, 05:23 »

"7. Is it true that coffee (caffeine products) can help you sober up?

The short answer to the question is no, caffeine products do not speed up the process of becoming sober. Your liver is responsible for eliminating the toxins (including alcohol) from your bloodstream. The liver eliminates alcohol at a fixed rate over time. The time frame required to reduce your B.A.C. (blood alcohol content) may be different for each person. Bottom line: If you have been drinking, no amount of coffee is going to make you a safe driver - you coordination and concentration will remain impaired until your liver has had time to do its job. There is no way to speed up the process.

So what is happening when you feel more alert after a couple of cups of coffee? Your body is responding to the caffeine. Caffeine stimulates the central nervous system and may cause you to feel more awake and clear-headed -but don't be fooled. That caffeine stimulated alert-feeling does not signal that you're B.A.C. has dropped or that you are sobering up. In fact, hot liquids have been shown to increase the rate at which alcohol is absorbed through your stomach and into your bloodstream. Speeding up alcohol absorption into the bloodstream does nothing to speed up the liver's rate of toxin elimination. So, the long answer to the question is that the only thing that drinking coffee will do is help you pass the time - and time is exactly what your liver needs. Coffee does not sober you up."
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Border Reiver

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #1 on: 27 Mar 2008, 06:05 »

Absolutely correct, but what drinking coffee does do is give your body the time to work on those toxins while you are concious.  Time the only thing that can sober you up for reals.
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Muskrat121

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #2 on: 27 Mar 2008, 08:19 »

Of course coffee doesn't sober you up.  But hopefully the shower and the coffee will give Faye enough of a jolt to get out of this 'poor me' syndrome.
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Border Reiver

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #3 on: 27 Mar 2008, 09:30 »

That and the adrenaline surge from being frightened by Hannelore "She Hulk" Ellicotte-Chatham
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"It's a futile gesture that my sense of right and wrong tells me I should make." Is It Cold Here, 19 Mar 2013, 02:12

DoubleAW

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #4 on: 27 Mar 2008, 09:36 »

What if she had coffee? Then she'd kill EVERYONE.
« Last Edit: 27 Mar 2008, 09:40 by DoubleAW »
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amandathehunter

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #5 on: 27 Mar 2008, 09:42 »

HANNERS SMASH!
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JReynolds

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #6 on: 27 Mar 2008, 10:45 »

You're right-- a drunk drinking coffee will become a wide-awake drunk.

Faye's in the position where one drink is both too much and not enough.
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Jackie Blue

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #7 on: 27 Mar 2008, 12:15 »

It's just something that annoys me in movies, TV shows, etc., and it has been mentioned at least a dozen or two times in QC.  It's just bad information.

Also, coffee is a diuretic so it will dehydrate you even MORE which means that you will probably have a big old hangover.

If you're drunk and need to sober up, drink a lot of water or Gatorade, at least those will help your liver "empty the trash" as it were.
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Muppet King

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #8 on: 27 Mar 2008, 13:32 »

Two or three bottles of water before bed will leave you hangover free and desperately needing to pee in the morning.
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Barmymoo

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #9 on: 27 Mar 2008, 14:17 »

What is gatorade? Is it very, very sugary? Because I've never had a hangover but sugary drinks give me really bad headaches and I don't think it would improve my headstate to get a sugar headache to go with my hangover.

Could just be me, though.
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celticgeek

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #10 on: 27 Mar 2008, 14:24 »

This is Gatorade:

Gatorade
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Jackie Blue

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #11 on: 27 Mar 2008, 14:24 »

Gatorade has sugar, but not very much.  Most importantly, it has more electrolytes than plain old water.  Lack of electrolytes is what makes your brain hurt after you drink.  A big glass of Gatorade and some food before bed virtually guarantees no hangover, and I have tested this theory after drinking upwards of 16 pints of beer.
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benji

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #12 on: 27 Mar 2008, 14:26 »

You can also get non-sugary electrolyte drinks some places. Usually they come in powdered form. The ones without sugar are usually pretty disgusting though.
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Barmymoo

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #13 on: 20 Apr 2008, 12:10 »

I went on that website but the introductory film scared me so I closed it again.

I think, on reflection, that two friends who lived in Canada for a while have mentioned it. Can you dye your hair with it? Or is that another form of coloured beverage?
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

scrubadub

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #14 on: 25 Apr 2008, 06:19 »

If I drink Vodka and Redbull it has so much caffeine in it that I drink myself sober. I know that I'm smashed off my face, I just don't feel it.

Even if its purely the placebo effect or the fact that I've stopped drinking, coffees definitely make me feel less drunk and more focused.
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Muppet King

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #15 on: 25 Apr 2008, 06:31 »

I went on that website but the introductory film scared me so I closed it again.

I think, on reflection, that two friends who lived in Canada for a while have mentioned it. Can you dye your hair with it? Or is that another form of coloured beverage?

You're thinking of Kool-Aid.

I tried the Gatorade method two days ago and it did not work for me.  All it did was turn my piss neon green.
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Evander

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #16 on: 25 Apr 2008, 09:14 »

I drink cut out the middle man, and drink Sparks.
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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #17 on: 04 May 2008, 18:05 »

Usually, I find that drinking almost the same quantity of water as you did alcoholic beverage (not alcohol, this doesn't require a TI-83) will ensure sobriety in a few hours. It also will ensure a feeling of bloated, holding-back-the-floods-in-the-time-of-Noah, bladder-'sploding doom, but if you aren't drinking near a toilet you deserve to leak urine into a little plastic jar nestled up to your hip for the rest of your life.

There is an easier solution. Learn how to just maintain a buzz. This can be difficult, as it requires a resistance to peer-pressure, stupity and the part of your brain that also tells you "Get three double cheeseburgers, it'll be great!" and "Let's argue on the internet about something pointless and stupid." Needless to say, a knight errant must go on many a quest and rescue many a maiden-head before this can be accomplished. Simply put, don't be an honorary member of CKY, and you will be fine.

Also, if buying he same weight of flour is more expensive than what you are drinking, expect a hang-over and probably liver cancer.

Just for the record, C-mo is fucking repulsive. I've only been arrested twice, and the Captain was a major conspirator in both.
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Squishi

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Re: Coffee does not sober you up, kids.
« Reply #18 on: 05 May 2008, 12:52 »

The misconception that coffee sobers you up lies in science! Muahaha.
To explain: Alcohol dilates your veins, so when you drink alot, the veins/vessels in your head dilate and press against your brain. That hurts, and can make you feel a bit... blurry. Coffee, on the other hand, contracts veins/vesseles, so when you drink a big cup of coffee after drinking, your veins contract and stop pressing against your brain. Taadaa, headache gone, everything slightly less blurry.

I find drinking a pint of water between every 2 pints of beer (or between every 1 shot of evil eveil spirits) completely annahilates the hangover demon.

 :mrgreen:
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