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Author Topic: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!  (Read 9593 times)

Ultra Violence

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2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:18 »

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muteKi

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #1 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:20 »

Some of those ideas seem like just trying to fight off Godzilla with a toothpick.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #2 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:21 »

I'm thinkin' 2012 is whe the zompieapocalypse happens, The Mayans knew this with their science.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #3 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:21 »

Someone has too much time on their hands.
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ThePQ4

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #4 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:28 »

...You know, I was just thinking "Does this mean that when the 2012 passes and nothing happens, this website will be converted to the Zombiepocolypse Headquarters page?"...
But Boro sort of beat me to it in a way.
Anyhoo, the website...kinda creepy. But you know people are totally buying stuff from there like -crazy-.

Edit: ...Is anyone else alarmed by the fact that there are no "sexual supplies" on this website? 'Cause I don't know about the rest of you, but in the prospect of impending doom, I plan on getting laid...a LOT... Unless they figure, "Well, we're all going to die anyway so no one is going to need condoms and they'll all be in too big of a hurry for lube..."
« Last Edit: 27 Mar 2008, 19:33 by ThePQ4 »
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Butch

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #5 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:49 »

So, they stopped the calendar at the winter solstice in 2012... does anyone else think that the Mayans made their calendar, going far beyond what they would need in their lifetime and their many ancestor's lifetimes, and then when they reach the end of a random cycle of the year, the creator of the calendar said, "And I'm tired of writing."  People read into it centuries later and take it as something significant when ol' Frank just saw no point in writing further.

I'd like to think so.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #6 on: 27 Mar 2008, 19:54 »

I so want to buy one of those gas masks, just because they look awesome.

Edit: ...Is anyone else alarmed by the fact that there are no "sexual supplies" on this website? 'Cause I don't know about the rest of you, but in the prospect of impending doom, I plan on getting laid...a LOT... Unless they figure, "Well, we're all going to die anyway so no one is going to need condoms and they'll all be in too big of a hurry for lube..."

Well, I'm guessing when the shit hits the fan, people will be trying to repopulate, not trying to decrease their chances of pregnancy, so no condoms.

Also, real men don't use lube. Real men use gravel.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #7 on: 27 Mar 2008, 20:05 »

What you do with driveways is your own business.  I am not going to ask.



I am guessing that this pulls items from all of Amazon.com, because I just don't see how all three of these items are related to survival.
For one thing, that knife looks like a piece of shit.


The 15 inch United Cutlery survival knife, on the other hand, looks BADASS.  I would keep it under my pillow. 
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #8 on: 27 Mar 2008, 20:16 »

Cause I don't know about the rest of you, but in the prospect of impending doom, I plan on getting laid...a LOT...
When I read your post I suddenly thought about this term I once heard, "emergency sex." The phrase is pretty cool, but the book is pretty much the most depressing thing ever.

Cam

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #9 on: 27 Mar 2008, 21:19 »

IIRC, the Mayan calender was based on the stars and in 2012 there is some kind of alignment or change that happens every 20,000+ thousand years.  I am willing to bet, at that point, their really fucking long period of time counter goes up by one and the calender starts over again. Or, if you are superstitious, Holy crap, end of the world!!!
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Darkbluerabbit

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #10 on: 27 Mar 2008, 21:51 »

Edit: ...Is anyone else alarmed by the fact that there are no "sexual supplies" on this website? 'Cause I don't know about the rest of you, but in the prospect of impending doom, I plan on getting laid...a LOT... Unless they figure, "Well, we're all going to die anyway so no one is going to need condoms and they'll all be in too big of a hurry for lube..."

Err, back to this:

These fancy items can be found in the Self Defense section.



I dunno about you guys, but I've never heard of anyone using handcuffs or a slapper for self defense. 
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #11 on: 27 Mar 2008, 21:54 »

If I was threatening someone and they hit me with a slapper I think I'd just be way too taken aback to do anything. I'd just stand there looking dumbfounded that I just got hit in the face with what is ostensibly a sex toy giving the other person ample time to hop it.
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Coreh

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #12 on: 27 Mar 2008, 22:09 »

wow. i didn't even know some of those things existed.
a water-purifying wand? how awesome!

i know where to get my Christmas 2011 shopping done!
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NarwhalSunshine

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #13 on: 27 Mar 2008, 23:48 »

that gas mask is pretty useless if you have eczema.
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Narr

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #14 on: 28 Mar 2008, 00:57 »

Survival Essential Items (according to Amazon)

I am guessing that this pulls items from all of Amazon.com, because I just don't see how all three of these items are related to survival.
For one thing, that knife looks like a piece of shit.
Huh.  Guess I better buy 3:10 to Yuma along with a survival knife and MREs to survive the zombie apocalypse.
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ThePQ4

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #15 on: 28 Mar 2008, 06:56 »

Maybe there is some kind of hidden "Special Instructional Video" hidden within the Special Features, like an easter egg?
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jhocking

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #16 on: 28 Mar 2008, 07:36 »

DVDs would be extremely useful in the event of apocalypse. I mean, you can use them as reflectors for signaling others, or you could fashion them into makeshift throwing knives.

ThePQ4

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #17 on: 28 Mar 2008, 08:06 »

Yeah, but then you just go to Wal-Mart and stock up on the $1 kiddie-DVDs. You don't make throwing knives and reflectors out of $20 videos. Seriously.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #18 on: 28 Mar 2008, 08:41 »

Yea, but when you come across that one working DVD player in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, you'll feel pretty stupid watching Barney's Adventures when you could have had 3:10 to Yuma.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #19 on: 28 Mar 2008, 08:43 »

...Well, I'm not saying you can't buy 3:10 to Yuma to WATCH, but I certainly don't endorse the idea of converting it into a weapon in the event of the impending apocalypse.
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jhocking

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #20 on: 28 Mar 2008, 08:48 »

wait, people would watch 3:10 to Yuma?

RedLion

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #21 on: 28 Mar 2008, 08:54 »

I don't think the Army Survival Manual would really help much. My dad was a Colonel and commander of a cavalry batallion of tanks. I remember reading his copy of it a long time ago, actually. I'm sure the version of the Survival Manual he had was older than the one they're selling, but it doesn't really say anything other than pure common sense.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #24 on: 28 Mar 2008, 11:44 »

They have the parts for a bicycle generator! Those things are amazing, you can generate a pretty respectable amount of electricity in a few minutes.
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Switchblade

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #25 on: 28 Mar 2008, 12:55 »

IIRC, the Mayan calender was based on the stars and in 2012 there is some kind of alignment or change that happens every 20,000+ thousand years.  I am willing to bet, at that point, their really fucking long period of time counter goes up by one and the calender starts over again. Or, if you are superstitious, Holy crap, end of the world!!!

That's close to being accurate, except that the interval in question is a "mere" 394 years, not 20,000.

a quick explanation, for those who care (if not, disregard the rest of this post)



The mesoamerican "Long Count" calender notates as follows:

B'ak'tun . Ka'tun . Tun . Winal . K'in (although the actual Mayan notation was vertical, with the largest interval at the top, as opposed to the far left as presented here)

A k'in is one day. There are:

20 K'in in a Winal - 20 days
18 Winal in a Tun - 360 days (about a year)
20 Tun in a Ka'tun - 7,200 days (19 years, 11 months)
20 Ka'tun in a B'ak'tun - 144,000 days (394 years, six months)

Here's today's date (March 28, 2008) notated in the Long Count:

12.19.15.3.11

Here's the Long Count notation for December 20th 2012:

12.20.20.18.20

here's the long count notation for December 21st:

13.0.0.0.0

This will mark the start of the 13th B'ak'tun, the 1,872,000th day since the beginning of the Long Count. That's approximately five thousand, one hundred and twenty-eight years and nine months.

The whole thing about the Mayan calendar being a "countdown to 0" is complete bullshit.
« Last Edit: 28 Mar 2008, 12:58 by Switchblade »
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Switchblade

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #26 on: 28 Mar 2008, 12:56 »

Double post. I suck cocks.
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NarwhalSunshine

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #27 on: 28 Mar 2008, 13:01 »

I don't think the Army Survival Manual would really help much. My dad was a Colonel and commander of a cavalry batallion of tanks. I remember reading his copy of it a long time ago, actually. I'm sure the version of the Survival Manual he had was older than the one they're selling, but it doesn't really say anything other than pure common sense.
It's pretty much the same, the boy scout manual would be much more useful.
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negative creep

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #28 on: 28 Mar 2008, 13:45 »

Switchblade, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't taht mean the beginning of the 14th B'ak'tun rather than the 13th? Like the year 2008 is in the 3rd millenium, not in the 2nd?
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thegreatbuddha

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #29 on: 28 Mar 2008, 13:49 »

Here's the Long Count notation for December 20th 2012:

12.20.20.18.20

Err, shouldn't that be 12.19.19.17.19?

[/pedant]
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clockworkjames

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #30 on: 28 Mar 2008, 14:04 »

Quote
The Adventurer from Hydro-Photon is an ultra-light UV water purifier that destroys 9999% of the bacteria, viruses and Giardia flourishing in your questionable water source

9999% ?

is that like, OVER NINE THOUSAND PERCENT!
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KharBevNor

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #31 on: 28 Mar 2008, 15:18 »

'The Adventurer from Hydro-Photon' sounds like the title of a sci-fi movie from the 40's
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #32 on: 28 Mar 2008, 15:31 »

This is exactly what I need to survive the apocalypse.

You've got to know where your towel is.


I am still laughing at the deadpan sarcasm is this quote.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #33 on: 28 Mar 2008, 15:58 »

A towel would be a pretty useful thing to have in an apocalypse.
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Scandanavian War Machine

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #34 on: 28 Mar 2008, 16:14 »

yeah, you're gonna need something to hang yourself with when the zombies break down your retaining wall.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #35 on: 28 Mar 2008, 19:08 »

That is why you always keep one bullet loaded in a gun you don't use, a derringer or something. You don't want to end up using all your ammo. It would really suck if it ended up being a dud.

My friend already has a gas mask, but I think I need to get one, and he needs a new filter for his. Is the glass in gas masks rated for impacts?
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leperphiliac

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #36 on: 28 Mar 2008, 20:27 »

We only have a couple more years to cash in on the hysteria!
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jeph

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #37 on: 29 Mar 2008, 01:05 »

Doggs if the apocalypse ever happens nothing short of living in a cave with 15 years worth of canned goods and ammunition is going to make any difference. There is no point in worrying about it!

Also assuming that a culture that died off because they couldn't figure out fucking CROP ROTATION knows the SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE is pretty retarded.*

Personally I hope I die in the initial heat flash/blast wave.

*However given the universe's sense of irony and the multiple converging energy crises and environmental issues, if shit ends in 2012 I will not be particularly surprised.
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jeph

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #38 on: 29 Mar 2008, 01:07 »

Also thoughts about this sort of thing used to really freak me out, until I lost hope.

Now it's not so bad!
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Slick

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #39 on: 29 Mar 2008, 01:15 »

I am with you on the lost hope. The only problem is every once and a while you have to wake up from the simple bliss of not caring and freak out for a while until you hyperventilate, keel over, and forget what happened again.
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jeph

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #40 on: 29 Mar 2008, 01:30 »

Whatever. At least if shit goes down it'll be an interesting way to go.

How many people can say they were alive during the fall of their civilization, let alone the fall of all advanced human civilization?*

*I point to Margaret Atwood's observation that if shit fucks up now, we've used all the easily-accessible resources so shit ain't gonna rise back up again.
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Trollstormur

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #41 on: 29 Mar 2008, 02:26 »

jeph you know how to shoot? you ever in the area of boise idaho, i'll teach you how to shoot. it'll be important for the impending apocalypse.
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #42 on: 29 Mar 2008, 04:38 »

Doggs if the apocalypse ever happens nothing short of living in a cave with 15 years worth of canned goods and ammunition is going to make any difference.
Canned goods? What about MREs? You could survive on them for 15 years, but I don't know if you would really want to. Maybe if you had 15 years of ice cream too.
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jhocking

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #43 on: 29 Mar 2008, 07:01 »

I just remembered my forum tag. Apparently this is my doing?

Switchblade

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #44 on: 29 Mar 2008, 09:21 »

Switchblade, correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't taht mean the beginning of the 14th B'ak'tun rather than the 13th? Like the year 2008 is in the 3rd millenium, not in the 2nd?

Nope. the Gregorian calendar counts from 0, which artificially bumps all the numbers up by an integer. year 0 was actually the first year of the first decade of the first century of the first millennium. The year 10 was the start of the second decade of the first century of the first millennium, the year 100 was the start of the second century of the first millennium, and the year 1000 was the start of the second millennium.

In other words, years 0000 to 0999 all played out in the first millennium. years 1000 to 1999 were the second millennium, and years 2000 to 2999 will be the third.

It's a common misconception that this millennium actually started on January 1st 2001 - people claimed that because they were forgetting to include year 0. It's the equivalent of forgetting to include yourself when you take a head-count.

The Long Count did not begin at 0, however - it began at 1.1.1.1.1 - the first k'in of the first winal, of the first tun of the first ka'tun of the first b'ak'tun. The current b'ak'tun number is 12 - meaning we are currently in the 12th b'ak'tun - eleven have been completed, the 12th is yet to be completed. When it ticks over, we'll be in the 13th.

In other words, the Long Count does not measure how many intervals have been completed - it measures the intervals that have been completed plus the one we are currently in

Here's the Long Count notation for December 20th 2012:

12.20.20.18.20

Err, shouldn't that be 12.19.19.17.19?

[/pedant]

Again, no. All the components of the Long Count - Tun, Winal, etc. - are expressed fully. The B'ak'tun number doesn't tick over the moment the 20th Ka'tun is reached - it ticks over the moment the 20th ka'tun ends.

The same is true of our own calendar. there are three hundred and sixty-five days in a year (ignoring leap years for a second) and there are 31 days in December. The year doesn't change until the thirty-first day of December - the three hundred and sixty-fifth day of the year - has completely transpired

Incidentally, there is another level of time-keeping above the B'ak'tun - one which represents 20 b'ak'tuns. That number represents a period of 7,880 years, however, so we're still in the first one.

To me, the interesting thing is that the LCC is actually more mathematically and logically consistent than the Gregorian calendar. It's fundamental basis is base 20 math - everything comes in 20s. The only reason there are 18 Winals in a Tun is because that makes a Tun roughly (to within five days) equivalent to a solar year.

The Gregorian, on the other hand adheres explicitly to the spin and orbital period of the Earth, and throws in the lunar cycle for good measure. This is unfortunate because all of these figures were dictated entirely by arbitrary random chance. To make matters worse, the number of Terran days in a Solar year (365.25) is a multiple of a prime number. Worse than that, it's a multiple of a prime number plus a non-integer, making it impossible to mathematically subdivide into a series of neat, uniform intervals.

Hence why four of the months have 30 days, seven have 31, and one has 28.25. if you divide 365 by 12 you get 30.41667. if you divide it by 30 you get 12.1667

The mathematically optimal calendar would actually have to throw the concept of "months" out the window and settle for seventy-three weeks of five days. If we didn't want to lose the concept of months altogether, we would have to reduce the year to five months of seventy-three days instead. Even then, you'd have to have one year in ever four where you tacked a whole extra day onto the end just to make the numbers match up.

The modern calendar is a mathematical mess because the figure at the core of it - the length of a solar year - is a very awkward number indeed.

the Long Count, on the other hand, is based on some very solid mathematics, and it's honestly a shame that they dropped two Winals per Tun just to make it adhere (even roughly) to the Solar year.

Math is delicious!
« Last Edit: 29 Mar 2008, 09:56 by Switchblade »
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negative creep

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #45 on: 29 Mar 2008, 09:53 »

So to write the current date in a similar way you'd have to say 3.1.1.8.3.29? Third millenium, first century, first decade, 8th year, Third month, 29th day. Am I getting it now?
« Last Edit: 29 Mar 2008, 10:52 by negative creep »
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Switchblade

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #46 on: 29 Mar 2008, 09:57 »

exactly
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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #47 on: 29 Mar 2008, 10:27 »

*I point to Margaret Atwood's observation that if shit fucks up now, we've used all the easily-accessible resources so shit ain't gonna rise back up again.

Man, Handmaid's Tale was a depressing day by day account of American pseudo Christian-Islam.
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Listen to SLOAN you CUNTS.

Nodaisho

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #48 on: 29 Mar 2008, 17:05 »

Actually, Jeph, oil-wise, I don't think there would be a problem. Six billion human skeletons and who knows how many animal skeletons? Not as much from each as a dinosaur fossil, but I have little doubt that there were fewer dinosaurs, since more space was required to keep each one alive. And that is just the animals alive now. Not the ones that are already dead.
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I took a duck in the face at two hundred and fifty knots

leperphiliac

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Re: 2012 is coming! STOCK UP!
« Reply #49 on: 29 Mar 2008, 17:16 »

It seems quite possible that the Mayans' adherence to mathematical principles at the expense of cooperation with natural phenomena had a lot to do with their disappearance and inability to survive as a culture. If anything, the approach of 2012 and the end of their calendar should remind us to live more cooperatively with the world around us, instead of trying to force it to adhere to our ideas of order.
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