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Author Topic: This is the thread where we create the mythology of Kieffer  (Read 13161 times)

Ozymandias

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What I am saying is that it is now required that since Kieffer has been banned twice that we should just go ahead and deify him and propagate the mythology of how great he was and how much less the forums are for lacking him.

He had the best fashion sense. If those Queer Eye dudes were mostly straight and combined into one person and then given amazing hair, that would be Kieffer.
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Storm Rider

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This was not a good idea for a thread.
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[22:06] Shane: We only had sex once
[22:06] Shane: and she was wicked just...lay there

Ozymandias

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Fuck you, Bryan, the people deserve to know about everything Kieffer did for us.
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Vendetagainst

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well wasn't he the guy who gave Jeph the whole webcomic idea in the first place?
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Quote from: Sox
I think it's because your 'age' is really only determined by how exasperated you seem when you have to stand up.

Quote from: KharBevNor
PEW PEW PEW FUCK OFF SPACE

tania

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i hung out with him once in chicago with julia and he gave me cigarettes and we got high and watched wilco. also he was very nice to my friend leslie, which i appreciated cos it was the first time leslie had ever met people from the internet. very cool guy.

to make this story more suitable for a mythology thread, i guess i could lie a bit and say that while in chicago i also saw kieffer get so angry he threw a car and immediately after proceeded to bang every girl in grant park. or something.
« Last Edit: 09 Aug 2008, 13:21 by ephemere »
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Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

Cartilage Head

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 He is pretty cool a lot of the time. Sometimes he goes a little far, but he is usually funny.
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Ozymandias

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I hear his balls taste like bourbon.
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Cartilage Head

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 Probably more like sweaty, hairy balls.
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Tom

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This was not a good idea for a thread.

Why is this in the past tense? :-D
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Chesire Cat

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I never really got the whole Kieffer thing.  Like he came outta know where posted 6,000 times a day and had in-jokes with most of the regulars.  Like he got all A's without ever having done his homework.
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Vendetagainst

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he was just one of those people who was clearly superior to everyone else, I think that was why he was ultimately banned. Jealousy is a deadly thing, and we all know that the fat cats in Washington didn't like it when he stole the hearts of the masses.

Anyone else blame Jeph for this? Because I do.
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Quote from: Sox
I think it's because your 'age' is really only determined by how exasperated you seem when you have to stand up.

Quote from: KharBevNor
PEW PEW PEW FUCK OFF SPACE

Tom

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Who better to plot mythology than the ones who new him not!
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Chesire Cat

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Right off the bat I though Kieffer was an alt account of Tommy or an invention of Est and Jeph.  That is until I saw pics of him in the photo thread of the time.
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Ozymandias

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Kieffer has been around longer than when he appeared out of nowhere. Much longer. Since before the dawn of the forums, actually.

He's the Morning Star.
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Vendetagainst

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so he was real? why was he banned?
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Quote from: Sox
I think it's because your 'age' is really only determined by how exasperated you seem when you have to stand up.

Quote from: KharBevNor
PEW PEW PEW FUCK OFF SPACE

Ozymandias

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Because he did too many good things for the forums and est got tired of not having to mod stupidity.
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BrittanyMarie

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Licking Keiffer is a very similar experience to the hallucinogenic experience people receive after licking certain toads, only it tastes like Knob Creek and there is yet to be one bad trip reported. It is highly illegal, and highly fun.
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What about orgasmic chemistry.

I can expand the definition of that if anyone wants to roll around to my Fortress of Love.

Emaline

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Is this supposed to be random facts about Kieffer a la Chuck Norris facts? =lease tell me I am wrong. That shit is just not funny. Plus Wal Mart is now printing them on notebooks/posters/t-shirts. Ugh.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

Ozymandias

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Actually, I intended it to be more truthful and less ridiculous than that.

I honestly believe his balls probably taste of bourbon.
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BrittanyMarie

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God damnit I missed the point again. Carry on!
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What about orgasmic chemistry.

I can expand the definition of that if anyone wants to roll around to my Fortress of Love.

ForteBass

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Like he came outta know where

Dude, really? Really?

To be honest, I loved Kieffer. He was the villain that everyone loved to hate. I mean, let's face it facts. In all the time he';s been banned, you people still talk about him. I'd say that's some staying power for the old boy right there.
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valley_parade

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To me, there seemed like there was the gabbly Kieffer who was a pretty alright dude, and the forum Kieffer who seemed to be a massive dick for nil reason.

I did like that "ratings as a poster" thread he made!
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Vendetagainst

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I just read his poster rating thread and I gotta say... he was one hell of a dude. I mean, he's like the kinda guy you kinda want to hurt severely but also the kinda guy you run to to be insulted.
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Quote from: Sox
I think it's because your 'age' is really only determined by how exasperated you seem when you have to stand up.

Quote from: KharBevNor
PEW PEW PEW FUCK OFF SPACE

ForteBass

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Star Wars porn among other things.
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Dissy

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And Kieffer was who again?

I jest.  Kieffer is a pretty cool guy
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Hat

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And lo, God did give unto us his only son Kieffer, who was born to this world in the guise of a baby, but nay it was no ordinary baby for he was the Lord, given to us to absolve us of all sins. And so under the light of a single unyielding star did the Virgin Mother give birth to Kieffer in a stable, while three kings and three shepards watched on, and brought gifts. Then nothing happened for a long time and then we nailed him to a cross.

Good times.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Kieffer was banned because I organised it to be so.

Take that however you want to.
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Ozymandias

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Jimmy is Judas, Pontius Pilate, and the Jews all in one.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Pontius Pilate wasn't a bad guy. He was a dude who liked being in power and didn't want the Jews to turn against him so he just did what they suggested and had a guy, who was basically a trouble maker, killed in the most horrific way imaginable.
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Hat

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Of course you'd say that you fucking murderer
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power metal set in the present is basically crunk

calenlass

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Jesus christ, this is the best thread to come back to after 2 weeks' absence.

Thank you, Ozy.



(verbal irony intended)


Also, guys, why are we trading stories about Kieffer? Is this even necessary? I mean, everyone knows the notorious legends of the great Makeout Hobo. Don't they?
« Last Edit: 09 Aug 2008, 22:28 by calenlass »
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Lines

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And lo, God did give unto us his only son Kieffer, who was born to this world in the guise of a baby, but nay it was no ordinary baby for he was the Lord, given to us to absolve us of all sins. And so under the light of a single unyielding star did the Virgin Mother give birth to Kieffer in a stable, while three kings and three shepards watched on, and brought gifts. Then nothing happened for a long time and then we nailed him to a cross.

Good times.

Best post in this whole dang thread.
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Lunchbox

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What I do not think some of the newer people understand is that Kieffer was actually the Makeout Hobo.
How can you, O Comic Readers, not deify him now?
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est

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Kieffer started out as this young guy who was kind of cool and seemed to be trying really hard for people to like him, but he was kind of funny sometimes!  Then he was actually funny and put on a snarky assholish manner as a part of his humour!  It was some good times.  The somehow he became a massive dickhole and wasn't that funny anymore and also maybe he thought that all the times I'd put him on 3-day temp bans for posting porn or being a massive fucking douchebag were jokes or something because the rules don't apply to him and anyway ha ha, who would ban him 4reals, rite?
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jhocking

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Kieffer was actually the Makeout Hobo

Literally people, she's not exaggerating.

Chesire Cat

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That, Est, sounds alot more like the Kieffer I remembered.
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Patrick

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I heard that motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.
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Thomas Edison

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I heard that motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.

It was thirty two.

And they were all sentient.
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I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

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Leinad

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I have no idea who Kieffer was, or is. Sounds funny tho.
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tommydski

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Thanks for posting!
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ZJGent

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In real life Kieffer is just a human person. Same as all supposedly famous, popular, or different people are generally just boring old humans. I mean, in real life, he isn't even that much of a douchebag, or terribly funny. I mean, sometimes you think maybe he thinks he is more funny than he is, but then you realise that that would add a level of interest beyond common human mediocrity.

Shit D what am I saying, no way, the guy's actually a robot alien sex toy from the other side of Neptune.
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Ozymandias

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I don't like what you're saying here, man.

I mean, if you were right, that would mean everyone here could be different in the meat world from how they are on here. I mean, that can't be true right?

That....don't fucking say that.
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Thomas Edison

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What, Ozy, you're expecting me to actually be Thomas Edison?


Well... I'm afraid there's something I gotta' tell you...
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Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

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I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

Patrick

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Nah. Kiff did.
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0bsessions

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Because this thread is the perfect way of deterring the idea that this forum is a trifle insular and cliquey.

Seriously, Jordan, a thread that is essentially little more than an excuse to make in-jokes and verbally fellate a guy who hasn't even been allowed to post in this forum for about four months now? How is this a step up from those RP threads you were complaining about?

I really do hate to sound so negative, but threads like this are quite probably a big part of the reason we don't get a lot of quality new folks in here.

What's next? The "Boro_bandito is a pretty swell guy thread?" The "Sam is a minor but grows a great beard thread?"
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Liz

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Well. Phil is pretty great. He might just deserve his own thread.
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Lines

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A lot of people on this forum are pretty awesome. Having met a bunch of them, I'd say that I'm sure a lot of other people are awesome in real life, too. I wouldn't make threads about individual people though to talk about their awesomeness. On this board it's generally pretty easy to tell if people like you or not.
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I came damn near close to doing that once.  Had a wicked bump on my noggin, afterwards.
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I walked into a door. It hurt.
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Dimmukane

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It was more of a dash.
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