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[J-cob9000]

so.
i'm 14.
yeah, i know young.

I've never had a girlfriend until now.
i feel all special and stuff inside.

so.
me being the shy bastard i am, asked her out over IM.
we've been friends for like.. a year now?
I've always liked her and she knew it.
so, yesterday, this happens...
yoohoopants:   will you be my girlfrann?
yoohoopants:   ugh
yoohoopants:   blush blush blush
loIdinosaurs:   Wil there be sex? :O
yoohoopants:   sure if you want
yoohoopants:   has to be protected though
loIdinosaurs:   lololol
yoohoopants:   dun want no babies
loIdinosaurs:   xD
loIdinosaurs:   I like babies!
yoohoopants:   but not when you dun got a job
loIdinosaurs:   Get a job you lazy bastard! D:
yoohoopants:   I CAN'T
loIdinosaurs:   SUPPORT MAH BABIES
yoohoopants:   i am lame and dumb
loIdinosaurs:   LIES
yoohoopants:   fine
yoohoopants:   but for real
yoohoopants:   posed to say: of course jacob
loIdinosaurs:   Devin is gonna kill both of us
yoohoopants:   idk
yoohoopants:   *c
loIdinosaurs:   But sure we can give it a shot
yoohoopants:   yay
btw, devin is her ex who hates my guts.

yeah.
but now. i am so confused.
what do I do? I mean, i just hang out with her at school and we're supposed to be seeing Dark Knight later today, I think. Might not though. idk. Depends on what she says.
So.
I mean, i know the regular rules.
like, be nice.
don't crowd her.
stuff like that.

problem is.
she's nice on IM and stuff.
but today after school she like.. ignored me. I was standing there talking to someone else and then i just shut up and stood there for a while. She left without saying bye or anything.

maybe i have a messed view of how it's supposed to be.

but.
give me advice.
what do you do with a girlfriend in 9th grade?
and no, i can't drive.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

you're first mistake is that you're asking the INTERNET for advice about GIRLS.

you see what you did wrong there?

[Leonidas]

Whenever I'm faced with any problem I just ask myself what would Steve McQueen do in this situation. It always seems to work out for the best.





However, I can't really imagine Steve McQueen asking out a girl via IM.....

[0bsessions]

The obvious solution to this is to advise the forumite to either "STICK IT IN HER POOPER" or "suck the next seven dicks you see," but I am unclear on the legality of putting forth such advice to a minor.

Please advise me on how to handle this, internet.

While I wait, I will give some clearly legal advice to the original poster: You type like a retard. I have seen retards type in person and that is how they do it. If you want to have any lasting relationships in the future, learn not to type like a retard.

[benji]

Hey, um... This is probably not the best site for this kind of thread. People won't take it very well, as you're already seeing. You may want to find more of a teen advice board.

And guys, he's 14 and excited about his first girlfriend. Romance + Youth = unfortunate choices sometimes.

To your question: you're doing fine. She was probably ignoring you because she's as confused as you are. It will take some time to redefine the boundaries of your relationship. Take her to the movie. Buy her some pop-corn. Hold her hand. Tell her that you "had a really good time tonight." Even if you didn't.

[0bsessions]

I would like it noted that I was an excellent typist and speller at the age of fourteen. This was primarily the result of the fact that I did not have a girlfriend and had plenty of time to practice.

I guess what I'm saying is dump the broad and do your homework. You obviously don't have time for both. I am actually kind of serious here. If you have such terrible anxiety and poor enough social skills that the first solution you had to this problem was "ask the internet," you probably shouldn't be dating yet.

[Liz]

There is nothing that can save this thread. Therefore,

[J-cob9000]

wow. you guys have serious niceness issues.
and yeah, i'm aware that you guys are mostly nerds who've never *had* a girlfriend. I was hoping more for a girl to answer. That way she could tell me what *she* enjoys.
I mean, because you know how all girls come from the same mold and they are all exactly the same and what they enjoy would *obviously* be what Nikki would enjoy.
I'm well aware of what you're supposed to do with them, I was just hoping for some advice to keep her as my girlfriend for a bit longer.
Obsessions: I can handle both a girlfriend and homework at the same time. It's not like she's some high maintenance chick. She's pretty laid back.

And to the rest of you, fuck you.
And that is an awesome picture.
Thank you. I will use it sometime.
What is the prize?

[Leinad]

Ok, first a little bit of dating advice:

Make a point of going up and talking to her in just a normal way, first of all. Talk to her A LOT! You need to get to know her, not just have her be your girlfriend.
Secondly, don't just stand there if she walks up next to you, say "hi" "how was your day" wassup" or if you feel it will go over well "hey babe" and giver her a hug. I mean, come on, a lady likes to be noticed and feel appreciated and special. Don't pay more attention to someone you only classify as "someone else" when your freaking GIRLFRIEND walks up. Don't stop paying attention to them, but make it obvious to her that she is worth your time.

Secondly, post this in the blog-thread, that is what everyone else does.

[SimpsonsParadox]

I was more chucking at the fact that he asked us for help, then insulted us. It brought a smile to my day.

As for serious responses; A) You're 14 B) its the Intrawabs C) You don't type at what's considered a 'decent' level for seriousness and D) You're asking for help in not being extremely awkward at an age where you probably SHOULD be extremely awkward.

The most serious answer you're likely to get is from benji. Follow his advice.

[Be My Head]

"I mean, because you know how all girls come from the same mold and they are all exactly the same and what they enjoy would *obviously* be what Nikki would enjoy."

I'm confused....are you being serious?


So

[jhocking]

loIdinosaurs:   SUPPORT MAH BABIES

so excellent

[imapiratearg]

As adorable as that conversation was, you might want to take this to the blog thread and delete this one, or to some of your Meatlife friends or family.

Did I do it right, guys?

[0bsessions]

I've dealt with too many teenagers that aren't Sam-like to really get this thread. I'm not sure if the kid is really just a troll or a complete moron after that "all women are the same" remark.

[jhocking]

I'm not sure if the kid is really just a troll or a complete moron

what the hell dude, he's probably just kidding (the emphasis on "obviously" especially indicates this) and even if he isn't, it's generally best to assume the person is kidding if someone ever tells you something that upsets you. Much better for your blood pressure.

you two are making immature jokes about contraception

Funny, I was thinking how the jokes were unusually mature. As in, I'm really startled by the thought of a fourteen year old girl shouting SUPPORT MAH BABIES

[Dissy]

wow. you guys have serious niceness issues.
and yeah, i'm aware that you guys are mostly nerds who've never *had* a girlfriend. I was hoping more for a girl to answer. That way she could tell me what *she* enjoys.

PAGING JOE HOCKING!

Honestly, trying to get advice on the internet is asking to be made fun of.  Know what I can do, I can write in ITALICS or BOLDand not use the silly IM shit.  Trying to insult us by calling us "nerds" is laughable.  Everyone is a nerd.  Haven't you seen Revenge of the Nerds?  And nerds get more hells more action than non-nerds.

I mean, because you know how all girls come from the same mold and they are all exactly the same and what they enjoy would *obviously* be what Nikki would enjoy.
I'm well aware of what you're supposed to do with them, I was just hoping for some advice to keep her as my girlfriend for a bit longer.

Either you are joking here, or you are truly an idiot.  Please, go mature for a few years, then come back

[tania]

actually, i think dating at 14 is totally okay. even expected. it's good to have practice.

i'm aware that you guys are mostly nerds who've never *had* a girlfriend.

for this particular forum... not really true at all but i can understand why you're kind of pissed so i'll let that one slide. you wanted a girl to answer and you got it.
there isn't anything you can do to "keep" her as your girlfriend. i am going to be really frank about that. either she wants to be with you or she doesn't and if you try to pressure her, you're a dick. so, here's what you can do: be nice to her. think about what she wants, not what you want. communication and honesty are absolutely crucial in relationships, especially first ones, so make sure you talk to her and make her feel okay with talking to you about whatever you want to discuss, and don't lie about anything cos that is a recipe for disaster. of course, this sounds really self-explanatory but it's a lot harder to do in person because it's scary to be honest about things. this isn't advice to keep her as your girlfriend per se, and also you're like 14 so really how serious is this going to end up being. mostly these are things that it is good to remember when it comes to being in relationships in general. the more you can skip the bullshit the better.

we do have a blog thread, so keep that in mind for future posts. also, the majority of posters on this forum are quite a bit older than 14 and may not care too much about your girl troubles so tread lightly.

[J-cob9000]

"I mean, because you know how all girls come from the same mold and they are all exactly the same and what they enjoy would *obviously* be what Nikki would enjoy."

I'm confused....are you being serious?


So

that was sarcasm.
and yes, sarcasm does not work on the internet, i know. but i felt as though i had to anyway.
but yeah, this might've actually worked if you guys weren't going to be complete retards about it.
You could've clicked on the thread, read it and been like, "Okay, this kid is stupid and doesn't need to be here, but since i don't know one thing about him or who he is, i will be nice. He could be a perfectly mature 14 year old." And then you would've said something like Leinad said.
See, Leinad is nice.
Follow his example and stop being bitches.

also, the majority of posters on this forum are quite a bit older than 14 and may not care too much about your girl troubles so tread lightly.

It's sad when fourteen year olds tell adults how to behave in public.
And they don't give a shit, then they don't have to post.


but yeah, you guys have rather pissed me off, so someone can close or whatever.

[jhocking]

Trying to insult us by calling us "nerds" is laughable.

Tangent: I was ruminating just the other day on how I have a hard time remembering that to most people the word "nerd" is an insult, because to me it's kind of a badge of honor.

you guys have rather pissed me off, so someone can close or whatever.

Unfortunately for you this has been a pretty good example of why it's not a good idea to start threads like this here. The lesson for you to take away is that when you post a message out in public among strangers, people tend to talk back.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

i was just thinking that same thing the other day, Joe.

[0bsessions]

Oh shit, I think I hurt a fourteen year old's feelings.

The only feelings I had at fourteen were towards my substitute History teacher.

Seriously, though, I hated being talked down to as a teenager too. You know what the best way to respond to that is? Not being a reactionary crybaby about it. if someone ribs you for being an idiot, take it in stride or posit your position without coming off as a moron or jerk who can't take a joke. If you act like a child, people will treat you like a child and I find myself hard pressed to believe you've never heard this before. If you act mature about it, which you've most assuredly not done, people will react well and stop ribbing on you.

P.S.: "Never had girlfriends" is probably not the insult you want to use on one of the internet's most webcestuous forums (Or anywhere, really, that crack stops holding water with anyone over the age of seventeen). Seriously, Tommydski probably has his dick in another forumite as we speak. Try making fun of the fact a lot of us are old as dirt and probably don't have souls.

[0bsessions]

I'll tell you why Yahoo! Answers exists:

God fucking hates us.

[Dissy]

J0n, get your ass on gabbly and stop posting.  We have talked about this


I just noticed this.  The kid is calling us nerds, yet his s/n is a pokemon.  I just hurt myself laughing

[jhocking]

Try making fun of the fact a lot of us are old as dirt and probably don't have souls.

For a thread that probably shouldn't have been started in the first place, this shit is gold.

[Leinad]

See, Leinad is nice.
Follow his example and stop being bitches.

I am so lording this over you all for eternity.

But also, Jesus, was I really that nice? It was just basic advice that anyone could have given.

[0bsessions]

[Be My Head]

It's sad when fourteen year olds tell adults how to behave in public.

Fucking sigged!

[sean]

Reading this thread is a bit like watching the OP shove his head in a pile of shit.

Don't shove your head in shit dude.

[benji]

Ok, are we done making fun of children yet? I was hoping to move on to making suggestive comments at old ladies before dinner.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

wow. i've just been sitting here, hitting refresh every 45 seconds or so and laughing just as hard every time.

[J-cob9000]

Midnight Umbreon - Did you see this post here? This is a genuinely thoughtful response from an articulate and intelligent young lady. Focus on that rather than the others in this thread.

Yes i did.
and btw, yes being a nerd is a good thing but we usually don't do too good in the romance part of life.
and also, Pokemon games are pretty epic.
the show is incredibly gay.

oh well.
you people fail. seriously.
except for like.. two of you?
i shall be your friends. or something like that.

@OIC: why not? it's some sort of fetish of mine.
especially on message boards.

[0bsessions]

Ok, are we done making fun of children yet?

Fourteen is hardly what I would call a "child." The OP is more than old enough to have long since learned proper spelling and social skills. His age has nothing to do with his behavior. Shit, look at some of the other forumites we have here around his age. Some of our highest quality posters are in their mid teens.

I was hoping to move on to making suggestive comments at old ladies before dinner.

Paging Edith to this thread. Edith to this thread, please.

and btw, yes being a nerd is a good thing but we usually don't do too good in the romance part of life.

Urban Legend. It is a little known fact that nerds of decent quality are consistently hips deep in trim.

[Be My Head]

oh well.
you people fail. seriously.

But seriously, I don't appreciate being insulted over the internet.

[jhocking]

the show is incredibly gay.

With all the things people are criticizing you for, did you have to go and add this? I am not a fan of people using that word as an insult.

But seriously, I don't appreciate being insulted over the internet.

protip: stop caring

[benji]

I thought he meant bright and cheerful. Granted, I've never seen a full episode of Pokemon, but it looks pretty bright and cheerful to me.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

it is, for the most part.

also, remember He-Man? that show was gay as hell.

[jhocking]

See there's the thing. Saying He-man was "gay as hell" bothers me, but saying it was "gay as a leather pinata" would be right on the money. I'm not sure what exactly the difference is, but there is a subtle distinction.


ADDITION: Don't forget Thundercats.

[Be My Head]

There's nothing wrong with calling something/someone "Gay" as long as they actually are, in the literal sense.

Does Pokemon have Gay tendencies? Yes, (got my franchises mixed up) just look at Pikachu, he's incredibly homo-erotic.

Edit: jhocking, I was being sarcastic.

[J-cob9000]

oh jesus.
yeah.
so.
i'm going to leave now and leave you guys to insult some other person.
seriously, you guys could stop being fucking assholes and try to be nice once.
and here i was thinking that this board was friendly.
fuck that.

and

The OP is more than old enough to have long since learned proper spelling and social skills. His age has nothing to do with his behavior.

My spelling? wtf?
what have i spelled wrong?
just because i don't capitalize my i's and use the right puncuation all the time doesn't mean i don't know how to.
and yeah, i have social skills. I'm just a little nervous as i'm sure you were/would be.

so yeah, i'm leaving now.


@Be My Head: wtf
kirby's not a pokemon.
lol

btw, this is like the fastest growing thread i've had in a while.
why is that you guys can be so nice in the music forum but such assholes elsewhere?

[tania]

i should probably clarify this -

the majority of posters on this forum are quite a bit older than 14 and may not care too much about your girl troubles

because it's a bit harsher than i intended. what i really meant to say was that this forum probably isn't the best venue for your girl troubles. most of the posters here are quite a bit older and we try to avoid that kind of stuff in general. maybe try to read some of the discussions and get a feel for the place before posting next time? not to be a jerk but this particular forum is probably unlike others you've been to in that it is more of a networking community of sorts, and throwing insults at people you don't really know tends to catch them off guard, and then you end up with crap like this.

[0bsessions]

Okay, since the OP is bored of this, I suppose a slightly related change of topic is in order:

My girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm mean. Seriously, the fuck is her problem?

[sean]

@OIC: why not? it's some sort of fetish of mine.
especially on message boards.

That was actually a bit of advice as well. What I'm saying is don't do things that are stupid. Think before you act. Does a forum with the average age of 20-something really care about 14 year old girl drama? No, not really, as you have clearly seen. Think before you post. It will help you greatly. However, if you keep on shoving your head in shit, I'll keep on laughing at you.

And do not use the word gay in a negative connotation. The sooner you break that habit, the better

Edit: Holy shit you people post fast. Oh well, you may all disregard this post.

[Be My Head]

@Be My Head: wtf
kirby's not a pokemon.
lol

Haha, yeah, I'm an idiot. Dunno what I was thinking.

[jhocking]

Yeah man wtf. Kirby is awesome, pokemon can go to hell.

[0bsessions]

I hate you so hard, Tommy.

And Joe, Kirby is not "awesome." Kirby encourages bulimia.

[IronOxide]

Fuck you Joe, Pokemon are awesome.

Also, my spellcheck recognizes the word "Pokemon". I feel like my generation has made great strides into the english lexicon.

[jhocking]

I didn't really mean that, I don't hate Pokemon. My anger was simply riled up by someone making a mistake about Kirby.

[bbqrocks]

I ain't read this thread, or at least most of it, and I know it is a joke right now, but no one has posted a decent long reply yet, so here it is. I am 14 (almost 15), so we're pretty much in the same boat here, well, kinda.

I would like it noted that I was an excellent typist and speller at the age of fourteen. This was primarily the result of the fact that I did not have a girlfriend and had plenty of time to practice.

Before I begin what I have to say, I would like to say I am (for my age group and a couple of years older) an excellent typist and speller. This is also mainly due to the fact that I haven't had a girlfriend for two years. However, most of this typing prowess came along trying to get a girlfriend for 2 years.

I was in a relationship like this 2 years ago. It kind of ended badly. We never talked in real life, never really made out or much, I got too clingy, she dumped me and I went into a pretty depressive state (for a 12 year old). The fact that she then started dating a pretty-much-lowlife and became a fairly large slut didn't help. My advice for this is, try your absolute hardest that you ever can to talk to her about stuff whenever you are around each other. You're going out, so I assume you know each other's interests. If you have some in common, try and connect with her through that, spark up a conversation (I've known this to win over the affection of a girl better than all the posturing and flirting anyone can do). If you don't have anything in common, or much at all, you need to find out hers and try and connect with them. For example, if she's into music, listen to some of the music she likes. If she's into sport, try some sport or at least read up and become knowledgable about it. But the major thing is, do it in moderation. If you do it too much, or hang around with here too much, the she'll become annoyed and start thinking you're a bit clingy. Try and be ultra-receptive to her emotions and know when she wants you around and when she doesn't. If, after all this, you still aren't connecting and talking, then dump her (no matter how painful it is for you), because it just ain't gonna work out.

[jhocking]

My girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm mean. Seriously, the fuck is her problem?

She's probably a lesbian. You're better off man, go find some hookers.

[jhocking]

"slut" is a noun

burn