Topic: What was the funniest thing anyone's ever said to you? (Read 19091 times)

yelley · « **Reply #50 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 10:10 »

yeah... i guess maybe you're right.

inflatable_slide · « **Reply #51 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 15:48 »

holo-cowst? thats liek the holocaust only with cows!

jodizzle · « **Reply #52 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 16:50 »

Quote from: Ptommydski on 29 Aug 2008, 04:16

Conversation with Brett (Hat) in Gabbly tonight

Man, Brett is one of my favourites.

Ballard · « **Reply #53 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 18:33 »

Quote from: inflatable_slide on 29 Aug 2008, 15:48

holo-cowst? thats liek the holocaust only with cows!

Man, I am very difficult to offend. In fact, even the holocaust aspect of the joke doesn't offend me. I am, however mortally offended by just how unfunny that is.

Protip: If you're going to say something in poor taste, at least make it unbelievably funny so as to justify saying it.

For example, several chapters of the Israeli Rocky Horror Picture Show call themselves RHPS Holo-casts. This is funny.

Minineko · « **Reply #54 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 22:43 »

Calculus teacher

Quote

We look at red. I see red. You see a different red. But who cares? It's red!

Then 90 minutes of senile ranblings.

Social Bacon · « **Reply #55 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 23:05 »

He's right you know.

imagist42 · « **Reply #56 on:** 29 Aug 2008, 23:21 »

That is why solipsism is fail. Clearly there's enough consistency between individuals' perceptions that it doesn't matter if they are, in fact, different.

Jace · « **Reply #57 on:** 30 Aug 2008, 03:46 »

In our gaming group, we were going to a city called Ba-sing Sey (I think thats how you spell it, how the hell should I know?)
And of course, this city has giant walls. So, I said the only logical thing.
"Lets just walk in"
My friend Jeremy looked at me in the most serious face ever and said "One does not just walk into Ba-sing Sey"
5 minutes of laughter commenced. We thought it was funny. I'm sure you won't.

Inlander · « **Reply #58 on:** 30 Aug 2008, 05:29 »

So that was just a city in your game? It'd be funnier if you said that when you were actually going to a real live walled city, like Tallinn in Estonia or Visby in Sweden.

Eli · « **Reply #59 on:** 30 Aug 2008, 10:22 »

I think a lot of times one just has to be there to find something funny, but to contribute:
Marshall: Haha.
Ugh.
My own mother drew nudes...

Elizabeth: ...
Marshall: I was like, "Mom. Eww!" And she was like, "The human body is beautiful!"
Hippies.
Elizabeth: Yeah. That's exactly why people have sex in the dark.

Marshall: Haha.
Having sex in the dark might be hard...
What if you tripped and fell? It'd hurt and stuff. Like, "Oh hey, I'm going to go have sex. Ow! That hurt!"
No wonder so many old people die having sex... they're sensitive to falls as it is and the trip over some chia pet or something and... s'all she wrote.
Elizabeth: Haha.
Marshall: Oh yeah, they blame it on strokes and heart failure.
Uh-uh.
We all know it's the chia pets!!
Elizabeth: Haha. I don't think most people get up and walk around during sex, love.

Marshall: Well you have to walk from the light switch to the bed!
There are bound to be chia pets in the way!

Edit: This isn't the funniest thing anyone's ever said to me, just a funny thing said to me.

Kgummy · « **Reply #60 on:** 30 Aug 2008, 19:29 »

Quote from: PantsFTW on 30 Aug 2008, 03:46

In our gaming group, we were going to a city called Ba-sing Sey (I think thats how you spell it, how the hell should I know?)
And of course, this city has giant walls. So, I said the only logical thing.
"Lets just walk in"
My friend Jeremy looked at me in the most serious face ever and said "One does not just walk into Ba-sing Sey"
5 minutes of laughter commenced. We thought it was funny. I'm sure you won't.

... The impenetrable city for Avatar? You were doing an Avatar game?

Did you try using a giant drill/train thing?

Thrillho · « **Reply #61 on:** 01 Sep 2008, 18:24 »

Overheard on a bus.

'I didn't think I needed a condom coz like, I'm already pregnant, and like, once you're pregnant... you can't get like... MORE pregnant, right?'

imagist42 · « **Reply #62 on:** 01 Sep 2008, 22:02 »

She has a point.

normz · « **Reply #63 on:** 02 Sep 2008, 03:26 »

*friend whilst high* If grey is the new black whats the new orange *cue silence as everyone ponders how profound this guy is*

blanktom · « **Reply #64 on:** 02 Sep 2008, 04:52 »

Quote from: RedLion on 29 Aug 2008, 01:14

This probably isn't the least bit humorous to anyone reading this, though. In fact, it probably makes me sound like an ass. And soon it will just become one of those inside jokes between friends that they pretend are still soooo hilarious, but theyboth really know that it's just stupid now and not funny at all, yet they still laugh at it.

I'll make you a deal. I will start randomly interjecting 'I got TiVo, nigga' into random but fitting conversations if you start shouting 'Bring On The Trumpets' for no real reason halfway through similar points.

The extra letter · « **Reply #65 on:** 02 Sep 2008, 06:10 »

Back when I was still in school, a fairly respectable science commentator came to my school to speak to my class.

"See, that's why you shouldn't be involved with anyone crazier than you. The sex is excellent but it's not worth it in the long run".

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #66 on:** 02 Sep 2008, 07:08 »

I went to this metal festival out in the country a couple of years ago. It was in a little valley and it got absolutely freezing at night so my friends and I, stoned out of our minds set up a little gas burner thing inside the tent, with the strict rule of "if you are inside the tent, you are sitting down at all times" eventually more people began to come into the warm tent and a couple of them were dumb enough to want to dance near the open flames. At this point a dude named Curly stands up, grabs them and forces them to sit down and says:

"We are stoners in a fucking tent! This is not a fucking night club. If you are in this tent then you sit the fuck down."

Several minutes later I was discussing time travel paradoxes with a friends girlfriend whe Curly pipes up again with "We are not rocket scientists. We're stoners in a fucking tent. Start talking about metal damn it!"

valley_parade · « **Reply #67 on:** 02 Sep 2008, 07:31 »

I was in an argument with a friend once. He had the comeback "Dude..you should've been a blowjob".

I know it was an insult, but it caught me just right, and I fell over laughing.

Freakishly · « **Reply #68 on:** 06 Sep 2008, 06:51 »

'' What if your mother had a blowjob and then kissed you goodnight? ''

I still have no idea why.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #69 on:** 06 Sep 2008, 07:18 »

Have you guys ever heard of making a fire outside of the tent, Jimmy?

fatty · « **Reply #70 on:** 06 Sep 2008, 08:01 »

My friend in a structures lecture spent half an hour laughing like crazy real quiet, and though no-one knew why, they were laughing as well from behind their books. When we asked him what was so funny, he said he thought the lecturer had said "shit wall" instead of "shear wall". It was the most unfunny thing I've ever heard.

Thrillho · « **Reply #71 on:** 06 Sep 2008, 12:18 »

Quote from: Freakishly on 06 Sep 2008, 06:51

'' What if your mother had a blowjob and then kissed you goodnight? ''

I still have no idea why.

That might just be the greatest first post in the history of this forum.

Eris · « **Reply #72 on:** 07 Sep 2008, 03:12 »

"I don't even like the word homophobic because it has 'homo' in it." - DigeriDave

My housemate is full of stupid things like that. Tonight he informed me that "super glue is sticky".

Jace · « **Reply #73 on:** 07 Sep 2008, 07:25 »

Quote from: Eris on 07 Sep 2008, 03:12

"I don't even like the word homophobic because it has 'homo' in it." - DigeriDave

My housemate is full of stupid things like that. Tonight he informed me that "super glue is sticky".

You should let him know that it gets really slick if used as a masturbatory aide. It just needs a lot of friction to do that.

Stryc9Fuego · « **Reply #74 on:** 08 Sep 2008, 09:50 »

It amazes me how much crap is hilarious when you are drunk/stoned/hopped up on goofballs. It's also amazing how much of this stuff is just downright stupid afterwards.

While playing D&D when I was 16 (and drunk off of Schlitz... I know, but like I said, I was 16!), we ran into a werewolf, and got initiative. A friend of mine Andre called his action as "Kick him in the gnards!"

I still wonder why I thought that was so funny.

Advice! Only try this when the DM is drunk, too. We got a free couple rounds for the werewolf being stunned.

Ozymandias · « **Reply #75 on:** 08 Sep 2008, 10:45 »

Wolfman's got nards!

Metope · « **Reply #76 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 05:19 »

My friend told me about the closest he had ever been to having romantic feelings for someone:

"You know, I thought I had feelings for her, but then I realized that I just needed to take a dump."

I guess that's funny in a kind of weird and sad way (and no, he's not five).

Stryc9Fuego · « **Reply #77 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 06:08 »

So he gave a shit until he took a shit, huh?

...sorry.

Metope · « **Reply #78 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 13:34 »

Aw man, I'm surprised you even admit we have the same parents.

Metope · « **Reply #79 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 13:48 »

You were an accident.

Metope · « **Reply #80 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 14:01 »

... Because you started it!

Sorry, I just had to. Now, let's unclog this thread!

bbqrocks · « **Reply #81 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 14:41 »

man, that was fairly funny at the time...'My sister was an accident. Just...don't tell her.'

True story. One of my friends said it. She still doesn't know.

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #82 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 15:40 »

similar thing happened to me once. my friend's (let's call him "Steve") parents once, for some ungodly reason, told me "hah Steve's totally adopted. shh don't tell him, he doesn't know."

this secret knowledge had been a burden ever since...until i realized that someday, when the time is right, i can use this against him in some way. it will be amazing.

clockworkjames · « **Reply #83 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 16:59 »

Reverse Bel-Air it and stick it on youtube.

SilentJ · « **Reply #84 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 17:44 »

A text I got from a friend this afternoon.

"Man, I wish I had some hoes. Then maybe God would make it rain and I wouldn't have to mow the goddamn lawn."

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #85 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 18:55 »

The funniest thing that anyone ever said to me was not said by a person, but rather by a TV, and it was not said to me but rather to a friend of mine while I was in the room.

It was "Do you have feelings of sexual attraction towards your friend Joe?"

To put this in its absurd, absurd context, we were both shrooming our heads completely apart, the TV had just turned on entirely spontaneously and without any input from either of us (we figured out later that it had been TiVo's fault), and the first image the TV showed, as it asked this question, was a massive marquis proclaiming it to be "The Moment of Truth."

So picture yourself ... hanging out with one of your best friends, in the middle of enjoying some overwhelmingly good drugs, you're both entirely psychologically vulnerable, your heads are too goofy for either of you to form a complete sentence without serious effort, and without even the slightest warning, the TV in the room switches on, declares a "Moment of Truth," and asks your friend if they want to have sex with you.

Fucking classic.

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #86 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 20:17 »

that's fucking amazing

sean · « **Reply #87 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 20:55 »

I remember the post where you talked about that whole trip.

That was an even greater post!

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #88 on:** 11 Sep 2008, 23:01 »

Quote from: Cartilage Head on 06 Sep 2008, 07:18

Have you guys ever heard of making a fire outside of the tent, Jimmy?

Fire-ban dude. It's kind of illegal to start a fire almost anywhere here.

jhocking · « **Reply #89 on:** 12 Sep 2008, 14:26 »

So to skirt the law you lit a fire inside your tent? Good thinking.

MadassAlex · « **Reply #90 on:** 12 Sep 2008, 19:36 »

Stoners in a tent!

Ozymandias · « **Reply #91 on:** 12 Sep 2008, 21:19 »

Quote from: jhocking on 12 Sep 2008, 14:26

So to skirt the law you lit a fire inside your tent? Good thinking.

Clearly, the law has nothing to do with the flammability of the continent and everything to do with the sense of its inhabitants.

Ballard · « **Reply #92 on:** 12 Sep 2008, 21:35 »

Quote from: MadassAlex on 12 Sep 2008, 19:36

Stoners in a tent!

I would go see this band.

LittleKey · « **Reply #93 on:** 10 Oct 2008, 00:04 »

I would go see a band named "I would go see this band". In fact, if I ever make a band, that's a possibility for a name. Oh, and I wish I had something to actually... uh, contribute to this thread, but I'm too tired to think of funny things right now. I'll edit later.

spoon_of_grimbo · « **Reply #94 on:** 20 Oct 2008, 18:15 »

me and my mate were having a drunken argument over which one of us is the more evil, when he burst out with

"i'm evil! i'd shit in a bin full of orphans without even breaking a sweat!"

we decided on the spot that our band would use that as the title for our next song...

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #95 on:** 30 Oct 2008, 22:01 »

From overheardinnewyork:

Giggling drunk girl #1: Look! Someone spilled Kool-Aid all over that seat! Or at least I hope it's Kool-Aid.
Giggling drunk girl #2: It very well could be Hawaiian Punch.
Giggling drunk girl #1: I don't even want to know what happened if it was Hawaiian Punch!

I experienced serious deja vu while reading this. I am pretty sure I have had this conversation before with my best friend.

The point of this is that nothing you ever say will ever be unique or original, regardless of how clever you think it is.

Barmymoo · « **Reply #96 on:** 01 Nov 2008, 13:08 »

Did you have that conversation in New York?

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #97 on:** 01 Nov 2008, 13:58 »

Ballard · « **Reply #98 on:** 01 Nov 2008, 14:00 »

Hahahaha oh god I feel terrible for laughing at that.

Chesire Cat · « **Reply #99 on:** 01 Nov 2008, 14:30 »

Sitting around hungover at a first house for breakfast when some guy the host knew walked in the back door

Quote

"Oh that's just <blank> he always comes in Caia's backdoor."

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: What was the funniest thing anyone's ever said to you? (Read 19091 times)

inflatable_slide

normz

Freakishly

bbqrocks