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[Caspian]

Just helping a brother out.

http://providence.craigslist.org/cas/990071466.html

[Professor Snuggles]

      Hey guys did you see this thing I found?
      /
 

[Professor Snuggles]

The joke here is that it is really old

[Professor Snuggles]

So, you see, a dinosaur is telling you about it.

Get it?

[Caspian]

The joke here is that it is really old

really? lame. And here I was thinking I'd found something fresh and bizarre off the internet.

And yes, that dinosaur joke was quite subtle and cutting.

[Slick]

I was hoping Ozy had started this thread and that the only text in his post would be my name followed by a question mark, all in italics.

[Blue Kitty]

You know what, fuck it, I'll do it


This doesn't seem appropriate T-Rex
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[Tom]

we have a pointless thread

[Slick]

I think my ridiculous fantasy personal ad would have to be looking for a 30 year old woman who would come online and pretend to be a 20 year old guy who would passively flirt with me for about a year before arranging a meeting and revealing her true identity as the night janitor in one of the buildings on my campus.

[Ozymandias]

Man.

You could find some choice places for relations if you dated the night janitor on any given campus. Or if you were one.

I need to become a sexy night janitor.

Addendum: James, we can set this up. Let me know.

[tania]

james sometimes when i read your posts i get the uncomfortable feeling that the only reason you are able to so consistently come up with such brilliant and confusing posts like this is because you aren't coming up with them at all and they are all just based on real things that have happened to you.

[jhocking]

When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit.

This is not hygienic at all.

People, never go straight from the brown hole to the pink hole.

[Slick]

Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to do it from behind while someone else does it? This is the post for you then.

You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also ability to fake an orgasm is a plus.

I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in and go straight to the washroom, and close the door. I will come in and close and lock the door, close the shades and turn off the lights. I will turn on the TV and the Nintendo. I will take off my clothes and begin playing. I will be knelt upon the bed, butt angled up.

When you hear the start sound on the TV, I am ready for you. Turn the bathroom lights off if they were on, then come out. You will look at me and appreciate my body, I will pointedly not look at you, focusing entirely on the TV. At the beginning of the first level, you are to begin with the lube.

[0bsessions]

There is no magic flute in Super Mario Bros. That's Super Mario Bros. 3, the original used Warp Pipes.

[0bsessions]

In retrospect, I suppose Warp Pipes would be even easier to work into that.

[Slick]

At the end of level one, I will trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. Do not disrupt me then. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I want you to penetrate me. I may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. You may comment on how good I feel, how tight I am, but every time you speak you must use EXACTLY THREE WORDS or you will ruin it for me. Continue having sex until the level ends. I will not take the secret level skip. If I die you will pull out and spank me until the level restarts. Show no mercy. I deserve it.

When I reach the flag, I will again trigger the fireworks and then fake orgasm. You must now pull out. When the 1-3 starts penetrate my ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD” OR “YES” no other conversation is allowed. I will not speak.

When level 1-4 starts I will enter the first warp pipe. I will drop the controller and turn on you, pinning you to the bed. You will resist. Do not go easy. I will not go easy. You must pick up the controller and continue playing or it will hurt you more. You are allowed only to say things like “OH GOD” OR “NO”. When you reach the boss I will blow my load and you will lose concentration. You will lose the level. You will die. The princess will die. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Why did you do that”, “Oh god”, “Oh god no”. Crying is NOT ALLOWED.

If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.

I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.

[Slick]

I am going to go shoot myself in the face now.

[Patrick]

Don't do that, read what my friend posted on Craigslist yesterday instead.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cas/989507047.html

[Katherine]

Oh man I'd like to see how many replies he gets.

[Scandanavian War Machine]

brilliant!

[Patrick]

As of the last time we talked, he'd only gotten a few scammer replies. I'm really looking forward to any actual replies he may get.

[Ballard]

shiiit I just came back to this thread to show someone the narcissistic craigslist and it's expired. No chance someone has a screenshot?