Tania that sounds like a real shitty time. I have never been to a career fair before and now I am even more inclined to avoid them for as long as I can manage

Today was...I dunno, it crystallized some things for me. It was my birthday today, and I didn't do anything special for it, but just spending time with a few good friends + really sweet engrish emails from my family made me really happy! But then I decided to call my dad, though I had been putting it off for a while. Pretty much every time I'm on the phone with him, he keeps me tied up for two-three hours even if I tell him I need to go, and it's been very consistent for the last several times that I end up in tears (of frustration mostly).
The situation is complicated but dumb-complicated and not worth going into. At the end of the call I felt very strongly for the first time that I don't like being upset, I want to be happy! (I dunno I guess usually when I'm upset I'm just caught up in feeling upset, and it hadn't occurred to me before to be frustrated at having to be upset instead of happy.) I really don't want to have to deal with this right now, because it's so exhausting having to work through it and it really compromises my ability to devote myself to my studies. Also my life is really great otherwise and it's like...annoying that I can't just be happy?
I really look forward to graduating and I wish I could put off working through this until then. I love school, but I could be so much better at it.
Anyways for a while after the call I was overwhelmed with how much I had to do and literally unable to make decisions but I had a good friend I could sort through this with and now I am resigned to letting myself be too unsettled to make serious progress on homework. Hopefully I will fall asleep soon.