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[Guido Sarducci]

only when I log in here.

[Johnny C]

Jeph's back? UH, uh. UH! *stashes whiskey bottle back in top drawer of desk* Ah ahah, hey boss, I.. I wasn't *slams drawer* I wasn't expecting you back so soon. No, everything's fine, everything *gently nudges prostitute's head with knee, pushing her under desk again* What? No haha, that noise was.. uh, it was the windows. Squeaky window! You know how winter gets. BAD WINDOW. Aha haha.. anyways. Uh... how are things? How are you... yeah. Okay, I'll just get back to work. Talk to you later Jeph! Hhahaaa! Okay bye! (shut the door please. please, shut the door. yes. thank you lord jesus.)

[MrBlu]

YOUR GOD-DIDDLY-DAMNED AVATAR NEEDS TO CHANGE.

[Johnny C]

It just did.

[Spluff]

You started this, you can't back out now

I clearly just did.

Great, without a context my post makes me look crazy at best.

[Guido Sarducci]

Jeph's back? UH, uh. UH! *stashes whiskey bottle back in top drawer of desk* Ah ahah, hey boss, I.. I wasn't *slams drawer* I wasn't expecting you back so soon. No, everything's fine, everything *gently nudges prostitute's head with knee, pushing her under desk again* What? No haha, that noise was.. uh, it was the windows. Squeaky window! You know how winter gets. BAD WINDOW. Aha haha.. anyways. Uh... how are things? How are you... yeah. Okay, I'll just get back to work. Talk to you later Jeph! Hhahaaa! Okay bye! (shut the door please. please, shut the door. yes. thank you lord jesus.)

Your AV makes me want to kidnap and eat prostitutes. It causes voices in my head that tell me the only way I can save the world from the aliens in the walls is to make skin lampshades and a body suit of fat women so they won't see it's me.


oh wait. That's not me. It's only the tv.

[Johnny C]

if you have epilepsy or something I'll change my avatar but until then HELLO DOGAROO

also jeph while you were gone i wrote this on another forum it is my "NSFW erotic power girl fan fiction"

Power Girl had a very nice apartment. Well it was more of a superhero base. It had a bunch of costumes in the closet but you couldn't see them because she had them hidden behind her secret identity clothes. Some of the secret identity clothes were revealing, more revealing than her uniform with the hole where you could see her boobs. Wildcat looked at them and imagined her wearing them. He got a huge boner and he couldn't hide it because he was wearing the suit.

Power Girl saw it and just laughed, but her eyes also went really wide and she licked her lips a little because it was a really big boner. "Just get comfortable, Tiger," she joked. He sat on her loveseat and tried to cross his leg. He really didn't want to jizz his costume. It was a nice costume and he had worked very hard on it.

Power Girl went over to the large glass and steel entertainment centre that she kept in her room and put an LP on the turntable and lowered the needle. Wildcat was suddenly awestruck at the sing-along melodies, sticky hooks, and driving percussion that began to pour out of the speakers. Power Girl sat down next to Wildcat and he put his arm around her. He totally massaged her one breast while they listened to one song grow from a synth-speckled, half-speed intro into a booming electro-pop burner with handclaps and deep bass – a towering edifice of sound trailed by long wisps of West coast harmonies.

"What is this?" Wildcat asked in wonderment.

"Animal Collective have spent the decade following their own path, figuring out what their music is capable of while also working to bring more listeners into their world," Power Girl told him as she knelt in front of him and pulled down his pants, making his huge boner flop out. "On Merriweather Post Pavilion, their commitment has paid off tremendously."

[Guido Sarducci]

if you have epilepsy or something I'll change my avatar but until then HELLO DOGAROO

Well then HELLO DAGAROO


*sharpens garden shears*

[MrBlu]

if you have epilepsy or something I'll change my avatar but until then HELLO DOGAROO

I've been lurking long enough to know that there are people here with epilepsy.

[Johnny C]

Nobody complained about it the last time, but luckily for everyone involved I have a massive bank of avatars!

[KvP]

Johnny, your fanfic brought me back to a more innocent time (NSFW, if your boss is into reading lots of text)

[Guido Sarducci]

Nobody complained about it the last time, but luckily for everyone involved I have a massive bank of avatars!

I wasn't really complaining. Just trying to be funny in response to it. And playing with my garden shears

>snicksnick<

[Tom]

Remember, folks, penises make Guido nervous.

and stubble

[tania]

"NSFW erotic power girl fan fiction"

in all honestly, i would probably read album reviews written like this. no, definitely.

johnny what i am saying is you should start updating the music blog again.

[Slick]

Oh god kvp that site is awesome. It is from 2003. Someone doesn't like search engines. Wants to surf.
Amazing.

[Gurkburk]

johnny what i am saying is you should start updating the music blog again.

With big boners.

[KvP]

Oh god kvp that site is awesome. It is from 2003. Someone doesn't like search engines. Wants to surf.
Amazing.

Yeah, that thread was the stuff of legend around that forum, back when I frequented it. Thereafter the custom title of "Mikeyliz" was given out to people who exhibited a special kind of willful stupidity and obstinacy.

There are a few Mikeyliz-material kids around here I think.

[Toba]

Whoa hi Jeph, welcome back.  Here's an imaginary bat dick.

[Johnny C]

in all honestly, i would probably read album reviews written like this. no, definitely.

johnny what i am saying is you should start updating the music blog again.

tania i didn't write the music review bits i just copied pitchfork's review and inserted it into clumsy power girl fanfic

[Hairy Joe Bob]

fuckin pitchfork.


*spits behind and makes sign of the devil*

[Chesire Cat]

I guess I should bring up the fact that I laughed my ass off at that. Im tempted to make a blogsite completely rip off Pitchforks reviews, and just change the scores they give the albums and see how many Hipsters like it when it doesn't say Pitchfork anywhere.

[Wolf]

"I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork."

[tania]

i guess if i read pitchfork i'd know that, but... well, yeah.

still, i mean, it's an idea.

[LittleKey]

hello jeph jacques, god of qc and maker of good arts. how are you today?

[Chesire Cat]

Nobody likes a kissass

[Trollstormur]

i think kieffer should be banned also jeph are you a racist? i saw how you said obama was a monkey on S_G

[Social Bacon]

When I was little I thought a racist was a person that ran really fast.

[Guido Sarducci]

Nobody likes a kissass

well, only if they're really kissin my ass.

[Johnny C]

What's wrong with being racy?

huge boner flop out

[tragic_pizza]

Nobody likes a kissass

well, only if they're really kissin my ass.

And have stubble.

[Hairy Joe Bob]

And blow gently...very gently...with their cool, cool breath. Ahhhhhhh!

[Professor Snuggles]

Hey jeph you should make me a mid again

[Guido Sarducci]

Nobody likes a kissass

well, only if they're really kissin my ass.

And have stubble.

You hopin' for a sea change in me?

[jhocking]

When Gryff came back in July of last year, I made him this little summary - which I have updated for February 2009.

You didn't mention stuff that happened to you. You, like, almost died again.

[Spluff]

That's pretty much taken for granted when you're talking about Tommy.

[heather]

SEE THERE ARE REASONS I DON'T EVER COME BACK HERE 

[Alex C]

But the real question is if they're good reasons.

[Alex C]

Well, okay, bat dick may be a good reason.

[Alex C]

But I regret nothing.

[Katherine]

Bat dick is a good reason to come back here.  What if you were on Jeopardy and Alex Trebek wanted to know whether or not bat dicks appear circumcised?  You wouldn't know.

[Guido Sarducci]

You didn't mention stuff that happened to you. You, like, almost died again.

It's taken for granted. I think maybe they did not manage to cure my sleep apnea at all so it was probably all futile.

Also, my lungs burn every other day. I mean literally burn like I'm being crucified. I still haven't quite quit smoking and every time I do it feels like I've been beaten in the lungs by a sock-full of baseballs. What are you going to do though? Complain about it? I mean some of you are familiar with my lifestyle choices in the past. I have abused my body in basically every way conceivable for two and a half decades. All of my ailments are my fault and for the most part I had a lot of fun collecting them. Most of the time I think it's a fair trade off.

I guess 40 is the new 30 because I hit forty and quit smoking, started eating right, working out again, running, I've lost 25 pounds recently and am sparring again. Between 30 and 40 I let myself go a bit> For some reason getting married wasn't all that good for me. I got too sedentary and mentally lazy.

[TheViscount]

You didn't mention stuff that happened to you. You, like, almost died again.

It's taken for granted. I think maybe they did not manage to cure my sleep apnea at all so it was probably all futile.

Also, my lungs burn every other day. I mean literally burn like I'm being crucified. I still haven't quite quit smoking and every time I do it feels like I've been beaten in the lungs by a sock-full of baseballs. What are you going to do though? Complain about it? I mean some of you are familiar with my lifestyle choices in the past. I have abused my body in basically every way conceivable for two and a half decades. All of my ailments are my fault and for the most part I had a lot of fun collecting them. Most of the time I think it's a fair trade off.

I guess 40 is the new 30 because I hit forty and quit smoking, started eating right, working out again, running, I've lost 25 pounds recently and am sparring again. Between 30 and 40 I let myself go a bit> For some reason getting married wasn't all that good for me. I got too sedentary and mentally lazy.

Talk about changes.. Good job. What kind of sparring do you do?

[Guido Sarducci]

I box (badly) and do a little jujitsu. Well, it's supposed to be jujitsu but it's probably not very good jujitsu. We just do things that are handy. You know, you repeat the move until it's an unconscious reaction instead of something you think about. I've been beat on a lot so I do it to try to stay limber and also because I know if I really get into it with someone who wants to hurt me I'll need to put them down fast so I can get away or they'll get me. The main idea is just that practicing on your own doesn't do much in terms of preparing you to actually do it, you know? And the boxing is mostly working the heavy bag to keep my wrists and hands tough, and a speed bag to learn some rythm. I'm hardly WWF material.

[TheViscount]

Interesting.

[Masterbainter]

I'm hardly WWF material.

Haha funny laugh?

[Guido Sarducci]

hah hah nervous laugh?

[phooey]

Jeph is already gone, isn't he.

[Slick]

He was here for like an hour or two?

[Boro_Bandito]

It was never meant to last.

We'll always have Paris though.

[Liz]

We'll always have Paris though.