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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267937 times)

Lunchbox

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #250 on: 09 Mar 2009, 21:07 »

Yeeeah. It's still not fair though. :'(
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Cartilage Head

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #251 on: 09 Mar 2009, 21:08 »

 It really just depends on how you feel. If you really like him and what to stay with him, you take and break and see if you feel like resuming when he gets back. Just saying there are alternatives if you are looking for them.
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tania

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #252 on: 09 Mar 2009, 22:00 »

yeah, long distance relationships are stupid hard but they aren't inherently doomed for failure. they often can and do work out but it's really just a matter of what you both want. you're not clingy if you wait for him and you're not a bad person if you don't, just do what you think is right for you and the situation.
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #253 on: 09 Mar 2009, 22:01 »

And webcams.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #254 on: 10 Mar 2009, 03:40 »

Hey Relationship thread, Maybe you will have better advice than my sex-crazed boss!
I have been been seeing a guy for a couple of months and I really really like him but in a month he will be leaving for overseas and not returning for about 15 months. What should I do?
I am pretty bummed out but I know that this is a really awesome thing for him so I think I should just enjoy the last couple of weeks I have with him and leave it at that. This is healthier than clining to him and wheezing "I'LL WAAAIT FOR YOOOUU," right?

I have been in this situation, so I guess I'll relate what happened to me and then pretend that everyone else is the same and stuff, yeah?

Basically we tried to stay together even though she was on the other side of the world, then she met someone in Glasgow and then it was all over and we both found other people. But then she came back and was all "I still kind of like you" but we didn't end up together again for various reasons. I think it was probably worse trying to stay together over the long distance when stuff started falling apart, so I think it's best to part ways with the acknowledgement that if you're both single when you're in the same country again, maybe you'll revisit the relationship.

Also, don't let him go to Glasgow.

(P.S. Hey thread I scored a hole-in-one the other night, if you catch my drift.)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #255 on: 10 Mar 2009, 03:56 »

 So guys I have been seeing a new girl after getting over my (mostly on but briefly off) long relationship with a girl, which took about a month. The thing is, while I am aware of it and trying to fight it, I can't get over my near phobia of relationships. I've had about four bad ones in a row now, any advice?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #256 on: 10 Mar 2009, 11:26 »

Stop having shitty relationships.

But yeah, honestly, that's not at all uncommon. Common sense dictates that, if you're not in a long term relationship that's going strong, you're probably off a decent string of shitty relationships, cause if the relationships worked out, you'd likely still be in them. The only real advice is to not think too much about it and just try to enjoy yourself. Some relationships work, others don't. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, you've got plenty of life left to try another one.

Lunchy's problem is effectively resolved by ViolentDove's response. Just let it end naturally when he leaves, make no promises or commitments and if you're both single later, you can maybe pick it up then if it still feels right.
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tania

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #257 on: 10 Mar 2009, 21:01 »

there isn't much you can do in the way of fearing relationships, sadly. it's good advice to not force yourself to be in a relationship if you really don't think you're ready, but at the same time, avoiding intimacy with anyone until you're "over" your past relationships is, i think, equally bad advice because personally i doubt most people ever really get over their past terrible relationships. they're shitty and they suck and they hurt to think about and probably always will a little bit, but that's just part of life and experiencing things. that fear will decrease over time, but it usually doesn't fully go away and that's part of what makes entering a relationship and trusting someone really special in the first place.

okay so that wasn't really advice, i guess the advice part of this post is to not feel too bad about fearing relationships cos i think most people to do at least some small extent, it is part of intimacy, and also maybe probably be honest with her and talk to her about how you feel cos it's pretty understandable to feel that way and good communication is really one of the most important requirements of a not-shitty relationship anyway.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #258 on: 11 Mar 2009, 18:08 »

So, as you all know, I am madly in crush with my best friend. Since he comes into town in one week, I thought "I'll just go for it!" It seemed like a great idea and I was all excited and happy and I just really wanted this to work.

And then we were talking today like normal, and there was some flirting going on, and we kinda started talking about dating in general, and basically he was all "man I wish I could meet a really awesome girl." Needless to say, I was a little crushed.

But since I am totally dumb and can't take hints, I really want him to super reject me, so I can put it far out of my brain that it is something that will happen, because its dumb and it won't ever happen. So, would it be stupid for me to ask him to reject me to get this dumb idea out of my head?
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #259 on: 11 Mar 2009, 19:00 »

Maybe he just plain doesn't see you as someone he'd be in a relationship with. Not all guys want every female body.
You might just end up in the proverbial 'Friend Zone'.

(This feels weird talking to a female about the Friend Zone...)

And, y'know. Asking him to "reject you" would just make whatever conversation you were having awkward.

Your choice really. You can say that you like him, and hope for the best, because the worst that can happen is he says "No.", or you say nothing and wonder for the rest of your life, what could have been.

Who knows? Maybe he's just completely oblivious to the fact that you're female and you like him (sure has hell happened to me a lot of times).
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #260 on: 11 Mar 2009, 19:26 »

The other day my friend said "Brittany, I like you because you don't like me." meaning, he likes being my friend because neither of us have crushes on the other, which makes our friendship drama free and also really comfortable. (granted, it was 7am and I was drinking vodka tonics and yelling ME TOO OMG) Every time a boy who is supposedly my friend tells me he has feelings for me or whatever, I generally don't hang out with them as much anymore since I think it's awkward and I don't want them to crush on me.

And I mean, you're really tough so I know you can handle the awkwardness, but ... I don't know. I don't think I'd say anything, but I also don't know how you and him are together.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #261 on: 11 Mar 2009, 22:23 »

Emaline, if I were in your position I'd just say "I think you should know that I'm attracted to you," and basically leave it at that to the best of your ability.  Don't make it a proposal for a relationship, just an explanation of how you feel.  If you don't ask him for anything, he doesn't have anything to say no to (he can't exactly say "you're not allowed to feel that way"), and if he doesn't have anything to say no to, he doesn't have very much to be afraid of or awkward about.

In my experience, the more freedom people feel in a decision or a judgment, the better the outcome tends to be.  People who feel pushed into a choice of "will you be with me, yes or no, answer now" are likely to react with much less conscious judgment because the constriction of the situation makes them too afraid to really think about things.  What you want to do is remove his fear of hurting you, because if he's afraid of hurting you, he'll make a poorer decision than if he feels as if he can make a choice based on his own needs and desires without worrying about you.  When he can clearly examine what he wants without feeling the need to worry about what you want, he'll just behave with a clearer and wiser head ... and probably warm up more to the idea that you can be attractive to him as well (for that matter it's possible that being afraid of hurting you is the only reason why he hasn't expressed that to you already).

Now, if you're really really afraid that you'll get hurt here, that'll probably come out in what you say to him, and it'll put pressure on him to realize that there's something he can do that you're afraid of ... he'll put so much energy into trying not to do what you don't want him to do that he'll probably end up doing something HE doesn't want to do, and it's all downhill from there.  So basically if I were you I'd put some serious thought into what exactly you're afraid of here.  If you're afraid of being lonely and/or losing a really good friend, telling him to reject you is basically a one-way ticket to precisely your worst-case scenario because you'd literally be acting as if it's exactly what you want.  However, if you can bring yourself to trust yourself and your friend to stay connected regardless of what happens, and you manage to express that to your friend when you explain the situation to him, he'll feel empowered to do what he wants ... and this will be to your advantage, because I'm sure that one thing your friend wants to do is to make you happier.
« Last Edit: 11 Mar 2009, 22:27 by onewheelwizzard »
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Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #262 on: 11 Mar 2009, 23:41 »

I'm usually the least qualified person to give relationship advice to, but Emaline, maybe you are finding yourself having crushes on guys because you are desperate to be in a relationship? I speak from personal experience that I would crush on girls before I even knew them (sometimes after I knew them) because they were already friends with me and I thought they could easily be my girlfriend. Sometimes you may just have to take a step back and realize that you don't need to be in a relationship, although it is nice. I adopted this feeling shortly after my last girlfriend and I broke up, and since then, I've been happier, and I've come to realize that it is easier to talk to the opposite sex if the first thing on your mind isn't "I bet we would be great together."
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #263 on: 12 Mar 2009, 10:40 »

Maybe he just plain doesn't see you as someone he'd be in a relationship with. Not all guys want every female body.
You might just end up in the proverbial 'Friend Zone'.

(This feels weird talking to a female about the Friend Zone...)

It's not at all uncommon. I've actually had it happen multiple times where a girl was into me and I could MAYBE have seen myself interested, but we were already in the friend zone.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #264 on: 12 Mar 2009, 11:16 »

Well, guys, I asked him. And it was a pretty great conversation and reminded me why he is totally my bestest friend in the whole wide world forevers. And no, we aren't dating now. It basically went like this:

Me:"you know I am totally in crush on you, and that you should just completely reject me already so I can move on already."
Him:"well, I do really really really like you, but as a friend"
Me:"you've got to reject me better than that. You've gotta say 'Emaline, it's never gonna happen'"
Him:"Emaline, its not going to happen. Not anytime in the conceivable future. But I don't believe in saying never."
Me:"pshaw. Whatevs. Don't ever not say never. Anyway, you're still my best friend ever and I totally love you."


And then we talked about tacos, and books and coffee shops, and giggled like normal. Nothing changed at all, but I feel better for having said it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #265 on: 13 Mar 2009, 08:38 »

Emaline, reading about your life is pretty much like reading the saddest/cutest book ever, always.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #266 on: 13 Mar 2009, 09:26 »

Dear Relationship Thread,

 I met someone recently while out in a different city, who just blew me away, he was so sweet and funny and interesting and we have nice things in common. Nothing happened (Well, he kissed me and I said no as I am with someone who lives far away) I ended up staying at his,talking until 8am the next day. We swapped numbers and spent the next week texting each other every day, not huge amounts, but regularly. During this we made plans to do stuff togther, as friends. I came up to stay again on monday (Not with him) and he said he'd meet me off the train, which he did. He was then extremely rude and off with me, told me he was too busy to see me and just a completely different person. It was to the point where he was sat on a laptop and ignoring me, also told me to stop complementing him (He has grown a beard, I love beards.) I'm completely confused as to how someone can go from sending messages saying things like "I think I miss you, is that weird" To ignoring me all togther. I also don't get why you'd meet someone only to be rude to them?!? (Esp. as it was a 3 hour train journey bleurgh!) Is it the plutonic thing that's making him be distant and well, a bit cunty?(sorry for the language) Has he sobered up and realised I'm not awesome? (I am awesome) I'm also extremely concerned as to why I'm so fucking upset. I have a lovely boyfriend who I've been with for quite a while, I have amazing friends, why is this one person upsetting me so much? When we said goodbye on monday we had had conversations about when he was working (Coffee/bar with internets) so I could go in and keep him company/when we'd have time to watch movies together, I text him, only once mind, to say when are working etc. no reply. I'm worried as we will be going to the bar tonight and also, to make the point really clear WHY DO I CARE?!?
                             

(Sorry that was such a ramble, if you ever heard me speak, you'd know that's how I'd sound)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #267 on: 13 Mar 2009, 10:03 »

Emaline, reading about your life is pretty much like reading the saddest/cutest book ever, always.

I 2nd this. You could totally write "The Life and Times of Emaline" as a Victorian style serialized novel.

Eliza, there's  a lot to unpack there, and I have to go teach a class, but my first bit of random speculation: Did you just say "no," before, or did you tell him the reason why? If he didn't realize you had a boyfriend already, and then found out, that could have made him upset. It would upset me if I met someone I was compatible with, seemed to hit it off, flirted all week, and then found out they were already involved with someone else.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #268 on: 13 Mar 2009, 10:07 »

There's always a lot to unpack with me....

He tried to kiss me after we'd been talking for about an hour. So for the whole week, he has known I'm not single. Have a nice class x
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #269 on: 13 Mar 2009, 10:12 »

Eliza, your situation seems pretty clear cut. The guy is, as the kids say these days, trying to 'play' you. He wants to get in your pants and it's as simple as that. This is a whole can of worms I would advise heavily against opening. You're happy with your boyfriend and you've got plenty of friends, delete the guy's number and let it go.
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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #270 on: 13 Mar 2009, 11:27 »

Right, there's those books out now that say the way to get women is to be rude to them, thus destroying their self-esteem. I always forget about those. Yeah, if that's what he's trying to do, forget him. You've got a boyfriend. If this guy's going to be rude all of a sudden, why spend the time trying to be his friend?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #271 on: 13 Mar 2009, 12:18 »

Turns out this girl I've been digging on is someone I knew when I was a freshman in high school.

What the fuuuuuuck?
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #272 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:12 »

Eliza, this dude sounds like an ass no matter what. Why keep him around at all? It does sound like he is just trying to get laid, and you know what he is going to do once he gets what he wants from you? He is going to start completely ignoring you. And that'd be the nicest thing he'll do. Seriously, just delete him out of your phone and your life.

(And jesus! You have a boyfriend! What the hell are you doing worrying about this guy?? Even if you were single, my advice to you would be the same. But jesus, do yourself and your boyfriend a favor, fucking forget about this guy.)




I'm sorry my life is so depressing, guys. But I mean, its not terrible! I still love my Davis(my best friend). He is still the most awesomest dude/person ever in the whole entire world ever. And it's awesome to have people like that in your life.

and now I have two "relationship advice thread" questions.

1. Is there a nice way to turn someone down and still be friends with them? I have a friend who I am not nearly as close to as I am my Davis, and if I just turned him down, I'm pretty sure it'd completely sour our friendship. But he constantly hits on me! And its so creepy!  It makes me really completely uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.

2. How would you feel if your current boyfriend hung out with a girl that he used to  fool around with, alone? One of my very good friend and I used to sort of be a thing. We used to fool around a lot. I've only spent one naked night at his house. The same time we were fooling around, he was fooling around with another girl. Which was fine and dandy, because we were just friends who liked to play with each others bits. At some point, he and I sort of lost touch, and he and this girl got closer, and started dating. We started talking again right at the beginning of their official relationship. He is one of my really good friends, and the whole time I've known him he has been a bit mopey, but after they became a thing, he got incredibly happy, and this makes me incredibly happy. I love talking to him now because he is always in such a fanstastic mood, and it makes me very happy to know he is happy. Anyway, he and I haven't hung out in awhile, and I've been dying to  hang out again. His current lady is 32. I am 20. And he is 26. Overall, I've got no beef with hanging out with the both of them, but I just don't know. I don't think I'd have much in common with a 32 year old. I mean, "hey! Your boyfriend's dick has been in my mouth, too!" and "you're ten years younger than my mom!" don't seem like great conversations. So, basically, I kinda want to hang out with him alone, like we used to, minus the swapping of spit, and bodily fluids. I have no intentions of doing anything more than hanging out with him. He says she'd never have a problem with us, but I don't know. I don't want to screw things up for him. I really like that he is happy. Would it be strange for us to hang out alone?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #273 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:25 »

#1 - If the guy hits on you and creeps you out you ought to tell him to cut it out and you're not under any sort of moral obligation to spare his feelings. You'd probably be doing him a favor by showing him that women don't find such behavior acceptable. There might not be a way to let him down gently while also making it clear that what he's doing is creepy, but even if he gets angry and hates you for awhile, if he's the sort of person worth having around he'll get over it. As a general rule the longer you let this slide the harder it will be to put a stop to it. He could be under the impression that you like or are encouraging him. So give him all the assurances you can that you don't hate him and that you like him as a friend but you really aren't appreciating the way he acts. If he can't handle that, tough tits for him, you did what you could.

#2 - If you have no intention of messing around with this dude, and he has no intention of messing around with him, then there's honestly no problem. And this woman shouldn't have a problem, she's far too old to be jealous and possessive. It's obvious you're intimidated by the thought of this woman but I know a lot of people who are friends with their exes, and the exes are friends with their current lovers! You guys were never an item, you were fuck buddies, and she shouldn't be threatened by that. Don't rule out hanging out with the both of them. Have you met her before?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #274 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:36 »

You're never too old for jealousy. I would say go ahead and invite her to hang out as well. If she doesn't think you'll have anything to say to each other, she can always be the one to say no, but by letting her be the one to say no, you make it clear that you're not trying to threaten her relationship with him.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #275 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:41 »

I haven't met her, and in general she seems to be a pretty great and awesome person. When I had some living situation problems, she offered me a place to stay. And when I was maybe going to sue my parents, she along with him, offered me advice and help. While I was on the phone with him, discussing what to do, she was in the background telling him what I could do, and helping him find numbers for me. She even told him to give me her number in case I needed to call someone while he was at work. He declined to give out her number.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #276 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:51 »

Well then I would be hard-pressed to see a potential problem here! She knows who you are, in all likelihood she knows your history with her boy and it doesn't bother her at all. I mean she offered you a place to crash, for fuck's sake. You don't get that every day.

Odd that the boy would refuse to hand out her number when she told him to. What's his angle?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #277 on: 13 Mar 2009, 14:56 »

It's possible that your friend himself might feel awkward hanging out with both of you. Have you talked to him about it?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #278 on: 13 Mar 2009, 15:16 »

I haven't talked to him about all three of us hanging out, and I'm not really sure how he feels about it all. He didn't want to give me her number. He made it a point to tell me that she has been in open relationships all her life. Its confusing and complicated.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #279 on: 13 Mar 2009, 15:19 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #280 on: 13 Mar 2009, 15:23 »

Emaline, I'd relax about it if I were you.  The two of them probably have their shit basically covered, people who are used to open relationships generally do.  I wouldn't worry about upsetting them or making them awkward, because it sounds like that's something that is less likely to happen to them than to you, so just relax about it and let them handle things how they will.  I have some experience with women who are in their early 30s and are used to open relationships, and basically what it tells me is that she is likely to be a totally safe person who will stay cool about just about anything you do that isn't motivated by actual malice for her (and I strongly doubt that you'll have anything like that anytime soon).

Basically what I am saying is that you should totally hang out with the two of them together and/or him alone (or even her alone!  Maybe you'll become friends!  You never know, it's totally possible.)  Just trust that they won't get all weird about you and it'll probably work out that way.
« Last Edit: 13 Mar 2009, 15:25 by onewheelwizzard »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #281 on: 13 Mar 2009, 15:27 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!

dump his ass.


so anyway, in a completely unrelated matter...have i ever told you how much i like Jawbreaker?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #282 on: 13 Mar 2009, 15:33 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!

Make him a mix called "The Official Greatest Mix Of The Awesomest Music Ever" and secretly put Jawbreaker on there. Then he will realize that he does actually like them.


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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #283 on: 13 Mar 2009, 18:21 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!

Make him a mix called "The Official Greatest Mix Of The Awesomest Music Ever" and put nothing but Jawbreaker on there.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #284 on: 13 Mar 2009, 21:58 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!

Accept that not everyone is going to like the same things that you do and that having similar music tastes is really not what a relationship should be based on.


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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #285 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:08 »

Wow. Just wow. I am not even going to dignify that with an response.

And SWM:  :wink:
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #286 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:13 »

Is that because you think I was taking you seriously or you're actually offended by the idea of it not mattering that someone doesn't like Jawbreaker?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #287 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:18 »

just out of curiosity, how important is it to all of you that your significant other shares your taste in music, art, etc?

I guess that for me, this type of similarity plays a really big part in attraction. I hung out with this cool guy today who likes all the music that I've been getting into lately, and it just made it easier to hit it off. I can't imagine being in a serious relationship with someone whose music tastes drastically differ from my own because music is really important to me and it's something that I enjoy sharing.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #288 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:25 »

my new dude doesn't like jawbreaker. what do i do?!

Accept that not everyone is going to like the same things that you do and that having similar music tastes is really what a relationship should be based on.


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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #289 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:28 »

Certain similarities can be kind of important but they become less so as you get to know the person. You might start to like someone because they have similar tastes or interests to you but they only need to be similar, not exactly the same. For instance, my girlfriend doesn't like black metal. Since I'm in a black metal band (and obviously really like black metal) this could be a point of contention between us but honestly you just find out other things that you like to do together. Trying to force your interests onto someone isn't going to help things because no one wants to feel like their partner is trying to change them. I don't try to force Ingelise to listen to Gorgoroth and she doesn't try to force me to listen to Nickelback.
By all means take a shot at introducing them to something you think is rad because they might think it is rad but there are more important things to worry about than if you both like the same band.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #290 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:30 »

i don't think it's that silly. common interests are a big part of relationships. for me, some are more important than others. when it comes to music, it's really important to me and i spend a lot of time listening, talking or writing about the music i listen to. if i'm dating someone and i find the majority of what they listen to repulsive, and vice versa, it's not just a minor disagreement - in my case it's actually a really big part of my life that i can't share with them and a pretty huge dealbreaker tbh. disagreements in other areas of my life that aren't so integral to who i am wouldn't be as big a deal.
« Last Edit: 13 Mar 2009, 22:32 by tania »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #291 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:30 »

just out of curiosity, how important is it to all of you that your significant other shares your taste in music, art, etc?

I guess that for me, this type of similarity plays a really big part in attraction. I hung out with this cool guy today who likes all the music that I've been getting into lately, and it just made it easier to hit it off. I can't imagine being in a serious relationship with someone whose music tastes drastically differ from my own because music is really important to me and it's something that I enjoy sharing.

not important at all. my gf and i like completely opposite types of music. but we like the same types of movies so its all good.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #292 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:31 »

I understand that there will be different musical tastes between people. But there should be some intersection. Especially since most of the people I know around my age range (that'd be 16-24) seem to have music playing near constantly if possible. If there is no intersection in taste (ie, you're a lotta country, I'm a lotta rock'n'roll) there are going to be disagreements.

Also, if you think that just because a guy is at a ska show that all he listens to is ska, you are just stupid. Sorry Megan from Flagstaff, you're stupid.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #293 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:39 »

it's not even like, I'm afraid of disagreeing with someone. this is going to sound really dumb but when I'm really into a song, it feels almost the same way as being really into a person. I just can't stop thinking about it and I feel really amazing and full.

I feel similarly about books and comic books, because when I think they're great I want to talk about them, but they involve a much more significant time commitment than does a song so I can understand if the person I'm with doesn't want to read all the stupid shit that I'm reading. I don't feel the same way about movies, because I'm just not as into them and I can just go watch them with someone else. art is so personal to me that when I find a piece that I love I don't want to necessarily show everyone I know.

huh.

EDIT: I used the word "feel" four times in this post.
« Last Edit: 13 Mar 2009, 22:44 by Allybee »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #294 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:40 »

Thinking about it now, all the girls that I think are awesome/attractive that have similar tastes in music to me are either too old for me, or too far away (Florida...).

Which sucks. Bad.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #295 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:43 »

I couldn't possibly care any less about what kind of art a potential partner likes. The idea of selecting based on the idea hits me as unfathomably silly. But to each their own, I guess.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #296 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:48 »

Liking the same music is a plus, but it's by no means necessary. I have friends and internets who like the same music as me - I don't need a girl to as well. Friends and girlfriends take on entirely different roles for me - qualities I look for in a friend are not necessarily qualities I look for in a girl.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #297 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:50 »

I have to disagree. the qualities i look for in a girl are the same that i look for from my closest friends.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #298 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:52 »

to be fair, almost everyone i have met who has really clicked with me cos they are funny and cool and smart and whatever has not only been into music but also been into maybe at least 75% of the same music that i am into, so (for me anyway) in most cases personality type and interests seem to just kind of go hand in hand and i'm not really as superficial and judgmental as i might seem to be.

and yeah, i look for the same qualities in partners as i do in friends too. partners got to be friends first imo.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #299 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:55 »

I have to disagree. the qualities i look for in a girl are the same that i look for from my closest friends.

I feel the term 'girlfriend' is a misnomer. A girlfriend is more than just a friend who is a girl, and should be treated that way. Just treating her like a close friend is a waste; you've already got some of those - but, unless you are a polygamist, you've only got one girlfriend. The possibilities for great things to do with your significant other that you can't do with your friends are countless - why sit around and play games, or discuss sports, when there are so many more exciting options?
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