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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267874 times)

MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #300 on: 13 Mar 2009, 22:57 »

to be fair, almost everyone i have met who has really clicked with me cos they are funny and cool and smart and whatever has not only been into music but also been into maybe at least 75% of the same music that i am into, so (for me anyway) in most cases personality type and interests seem to just kind of go hand in hand and i'm not really as superficial and judgmental as i might seem to be.

and yeah, i look for the same qualities in partners as i do in friends too. partners got to be friends first imo.
So, basically, you do your dating on Last.FM?

Oh, man, that was wrong, I'm sorry.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #301 on: 14 Mar 2009, 00:33 »

Oh, man, that was wrong, I'm sorry.

no offense taken, it's cool.

basically it is not really all that unusual for me to, after meeting someone who i really like and is very similar to me, end up asking them about music and subsequently find out that, hey, what do you know, they're really into music and they seem to like most if not all the same stuff i do. for me it seems to just be part of a bigger type of personality in general. subsequently, people who like music radically different to what i like or don't give a shit about music at all usually end up being totally different from me in about a thousand other ways too. when it comes to dating, i do tend to see similar interests as an absolute given and probably wouldn't ever consider dating anyone who didn't share them, but i don't think it is shallow cos i see it as just having similar personality types and in the end we do usually end up being more compatible as friends or partners anyway. i feel like this question gets asked a lot cos of the hypothetical "well, what if you met someone who was totally perfect but didn't like sonic youth" scenario, but honestly, that is a silly question because it doesn't ever really actually happen! everyone i have met who i have really liked or expressed any interest in has liked sonic youth cos the type of people who are like me and who i would like also like sonic youth. that is just how it goes.
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Slick

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #302 on: 14 Mar 2009, 00:36 »

Dear Relationship Thread,
How can I go about rediscovering the sensation of affection?

Cordially,
James
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #303 on: 14 Mar 2009, 00:59 »

I like how that's what you thought I when I used the word affection.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #304 on: 14 Mar 2009, 02:14 »

If a girl likes nickelback I won't even look at her.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #305 on: 14 Mar 2009, 03:14 »

I once dated a girl that kept trying to make me listen to Good Charlotte.

Maybe that's why I'm so fucked up.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #306 on: 14 Mar 2009, 07:08 »

If a girl likes nickelback I won't even look at her.

Amazing.

My boyfriend doesn't like jawbreaker, or half the music I like, but we kinda work. He like a lot more Doom and D-beat than me, when we are in the same city, it just means sometimes we go to different shows and meet up afterwards. I find it harder that he doesn't like dancing and I do!

To reply to all the lovely replies to my question. Part of the reason I'm bummed out, is because I'm so bothered. But it's nice having strangers on the internet telling me to stop being stupid. I like meeting new people, esp. ones that want to go to art galleries with me! (My boyfriend will, but we can't really have conversations about it in the same way.) I'm glad to know in my short rambling rant made him sound dickish. If nothing else I feel better. Thankyou internets! (Although...the guy in question DOES like jawbreaker, would this change anyone's answer?  :lol:)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #307 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:33 »

Maybe that's why I'm so fucked up.

THE LITTLE THINGS LITTLE THINGS ALWAYS THEY ALWAYS HANG AROUND
THE LITTLE THINGS LITTLE THINGS THEY TRY TO BREAK ME DOWN
THE LITTLE THINGS LITTLE THINGS THEY JUST WON'T GO AWAY
THE LITTLE THINGS LITTLE THINGS MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #308 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:34 »

I have never listened to Jawbreaker, so no. Sometimes I will eat a jawbreaker, though.

Dear Relationship Thread,
How can I go about rediscovering the sensation of affection?

Cordially,
James

Come to the states so I can give you hugs and bake you cupcakes.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #309 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:37 »

Is that because you think I was taking you seriously or you're actually offended by the idea of it not mattering that someone doesn't like Jawbreaker?
Naw, b, it's because I have a sense of humour.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #310 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:40 »

to be fair, almost everyone i have met who has really clicked with me cos they are funny and cool and smart and whatever has not only been into music but also been into maybe at least 75% of the same music that i am into

I guess this goes for me, too - most of my friends even like the same type of music as I do, and they are all open to new things (as I try to be). it just happened that way? I dunno.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #311 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:45 »

On the music issue:

This new guy I'm dating has no taste whatsoever in music. He seriously thinks that U2 is a good band. I mean come on! But he's really really nice and I am still going out with him.

I.e. I find it pretty important to be compatible in regard to taste in music etc., because I'm a huge music nerd, but what I learned from this is probably that it can work out in spite of the other person's taste? At least as long as they are willing to listen to new things and broaden their horizon. The person I was a couple of years ago probably would have dumped the guy for his taste but it occurred to me that this would be a pretty small-minded thing to do.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #312 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:53 »

see, I basically don't date, so I feel really silly talking about this. but would any of you dump someone if they were really, hideously ugly? like, be honest with yourself. if you're just not attracted to someone, then you aren't, and that's hard to overlook. and for me, physical attraction is not totally unimportant, but there are certain other things that play into attraction. I would rather not date a guy with terrible music taste in the same way I wouldn't want to date a guy with a terrible sense of humor.

then again, I really don't date. I feel kind of shallow now.
« Last Edit: 14 Mar 2009, 09:55 by Allybee »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #313 on: 14 Mar 2009, 09:54 »

I dunno, for me, music taste is an issue. And I have a history of dating ferocious music elitists. This only causes a problem when we have different music we are snobs about, which is the case in my current predicament. Him: 80s goth, metal, freak folk (Akron/Family, old Animal Collective, etc.), 80s/90s indie pop (Beat Happening, The Vaselines, etc.) where as I am into 90s-current indie rock, rap, punk, 90s emo and hipster scum electro. This issue also makes it super difficult to pick out makeout music.

AND ALLY: I wouldn't date someone who was 'hideously ugly'. And frankly, I don't think that makes me a bad person.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #314 on: 14 Mar 2009, 10:07 »

Ally, I wouldn't dump someone for being really, hideously ugly because I wouldn't start dating someone who was really, hideously ugly.

In terms of music, it's borderline irrelevant if you share additional common interests. If you don't share common interest in music, move onto another hobby you might share, if you don't have any other hobbies, the problem is that you are a boring person and should consider expanding your horizons. My girlfriend is really into the new Britney Spears single and I've been known to listen to my fair share of terrible music, but this is largely irrelevant because we have many other similar interests. You really only need a handful to make it work. Rachel and I listen to different music, have different taste in sports (She loves American football, I prefer baseball) and our taste in movies is on at least slightly different wavelengths (Every time we commit to watching a movie, we generally both love it, but we've spent a good hour trying to compromise what to watch), but we both like WoW and have nearly identical taste in TV and bunches of other little things.

There really should be no one definitive hobby you should let get in the way of a relationship if the other person is similarly mature enough to let you enjoy it without interfering with it. Any well rounded individual should have enough hobbies that you can fall back on a different interest.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #315 on: 14 Mar 2009, 11:19 »

"Ohh, I love your fat, pudgy belly. It's cute the way you wheeze and click in your sleep, though I think it's a good thing we're both sound sleepers. I like popping your pimples and plucking your bushy eyebrows. I'm willing to look past the decay of your greening, almost translucent toenails. We can fix those, too.

mom?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #316 on: 14 Mar 2009, 12:15 »

2 cents:

I think that music taste doesn't really matter all that much as long as the person is willing to give other genres a chance.

If they refuse to listen to music that you happen to like and always play stuff they like when you are around there might be a problem.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #317 on: 14 Mar 2009, 12:59 »

You only have the luxury of discriminating based on musical taste if you have common musical taste. I've never encountered anyone on- or off-line that shares my particular musical interests, and I've looked for a long time. The best I can do is gravitate towards people who like a few things that I enjoy, and even those people seem to be fairly scarce.

y'all are spoiled.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #318 on: 14 Mar 2009, 13:30 »

The only way I wouldn't date someone based purely on music tastes is if they only listened to music I absolutely hate. I will listen to just about basically anything once, but I know what I don't like. Besides, some dude who's top 3 favorite things are Nickelback, Celine Dion, and gangsta rap has serious issues. I think I'm more elitist about movies and art than I am music.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #319 on: 14 Mar 2009, 13:52 »

Tania's ideas are what I think are correct regarding other people's musical tastes. If music is important to you it will be a big deal to your relationship. I think it comes down to if they a person who enjoys music and is willing to listen to something and evaluate it on it's own merits. Lots of music is really good, and most decent rational people will probably like what I like, because frankly I think it is good music.
If you are what I like in people and I am what you like in people then most likely we will like the same things in music/art/food/literature. I could love someone who didn't like my favorite bands if I could still have intelligent discourse about music with them. Furthermore, a person is more attractive if they have different tastes and they can enhance my life with it.


So, basically, you do your dating on Last.FM?
Tried that, did not end well.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #320 on: 14 Mar 2009, 13:55 »

Furthermore, a person is more attractive if they have different tastes and they can enhance my life with it.

This.
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Allybee

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #321 on: 14 Mar 2009, 14:32 »

yeah, that makes a ton of sense to me. maybe I should amend my terminology; by "taste" I mean "general inclination," as in, I seek a partner who shares an inclination towards the same types of music. I guess "taste" implies that I'm expecting someone to like every band that I do.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #322 on: 14 Mar 2009, 15:15 »

Strip away all your possessions. They're not important.
Strip away your clothes. Those aren't important either.
Hair? Nuh-uh.
Interest? Nah.
Face? Forget it.
Picture yourself naked, completely exposed, in the middle of a nothing. A big nothing where your favourite bands, TV shows, activities do not exist.
Everything is a dressing, we are more than a sum of our interest. There are ugly people and there are beautiful people. All covered in dressing.

The outcome of relationships has little to do with dressing beyond initial attraction.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #323 on: 14 Mar 2009, 17:06 »

Regarding music, it's only borderline irrelevant if you think it is.

I think the important thing is to realize that the converse is also true; music is only really relevant if people think it is. Quite simply, some people use music to define themselves and send messages about who they are as a person while other people may just be listening to music because somebody happened to leave the radio on at work. While music can be representative of a person's values and personalities, there's also going to be plenty of times where making judgements based on musical tastes will be roughly as accurate as reading tea leaves; hell, sometimes it's going to be markedly less accurate since music often carries cultural baggage that a casual listener may be unaware of. For example, Jimmy posted that he likes black metal and is in a black metal band. There's any number of assumptions I could try and make based off that information, but at the end of the day, all I would be doing is trying to see how what stereotypes I can match Jimmy up to in my head. Call me crazy, but that just seems like a rather poor way of going about things.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #324 on: 14 Mar 2009, 17:14 »

Quote
Everything is a dressing, we are more than a sum of our interest. There are ugly people and there are beautiful people. All covered in dressing.

All I am imagining are naked people slathered in ranch.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #325 on: 14 Mar 2009, 17:41 »

In the end, aren't we all just naked monkeys dipped in ranch dressing?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #326 on: 14 Mar 2009, 17:47 »

freak folk (Akron/Family, old Animal Collective, etc.), 80s/90s indie pop (Beat Happening, The Vaselines, etc.)

Julia, you should give me your boyfriend.

And actually I prefer it when the boy's tastes and my tastes are similar but not the same like how you and he are. This is why I gravitate slightly toward more rock oriented dudes, cuz I am still hell of tweepop (I bought a Murder City Devils album today though to maybe balance it out more. It's the one with Boom Swagger Boom which is the best song)
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #327 on: 14 Mar 2009, 18:01 »

I have never listened to Jawbreaker, so no. Sometimes I will eat a jawbreaker, though.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #328 on: 14 Mar 2009, 18:18 »

Naw, b, it's because I have a sense of humour.

Methinks our senses of humour do not match up well.

see, I basically don't date, so I feel really silly talking about this. but would any of you dump someone if they were really, hideously ugly? like, be honest with yourself. if you're just not attracted to someone, then you aren't, and that's hard to overlook. and for me, physical attraction is not totally unimportant, but there are certain other things that play into attraction. I would rather not date a guy with terrible music taste in the same way I wouldn't want to date a guy with a terrible sense of humor.

then again, I really don't date. I feel kind of shallow now.
I know it probably sounds a bit shallow but you can't fuck a personality. I've known people who were entirely fun, charming and genuinely lovely people but if there is no physical, sexual attraction there then there is little point pursuing a relationship as it will ultimately fail (this is different when someone's physical attractiveness is altered later by external factors; accidents, diseases etc...). In the end there needs to be enough physical attraction to create the impetus for a relationship to be initiated or it would just never go anywhere, you'd just be friends.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #329 on: 14 Mar 2009, 18:20 »

If they refuse to listen to music that you happen to like and always play stuff they like when you are around there might be a problem.

my boyfriend doesn't exactly refuse to listen to my music, but he just seems really disinterested in it, and there have been times when i have sent him stuff that i thought he might enjoy, and he'll be all like "oh hey, this is kind of nice" and then go back to listening to linkin park and other awful things. i don't think this is a total dealbreaker, but it feels like a slap in the face because i am a huge music geek, and i can't even discuss music with him without him seeming disinterested, and it's somewhat disappointing.
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #330 on: 14 Mar 2009, 19:15 »

see, I basically don't date, so I feel really silly talking about this. but would any of you dump someone if they were really, hideously ugly? like, be honest with yourself. if you're just not attracted to someone, then you aren't, and that's hard to overlook. and for me, physical attraction is not totally unimportant, but there are certain other things that play into attraction. I would rather not date a guy with terrible music taste in the same way I wouldn't want to date a guy with a terrible sense of humor.

then again, I really don't date. I feel kind of shallow now.
Well physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, and personally, I wouldn't try to get into a relationship with someone I didn't already find attractive. Come on, I want a girl that I can walk with in broad daylight, not just at midnight.

On the music issue:

This new guy I'm dating has no taste whatsoever in music. He seriously thinks that U2 is a good band. I mean come on! But he's really really nice and I am still going out with him.
U2 is a good band.

Tried that, did not end well.
The most action I get from Last.FM is a Czech chick who's obsessed with Jamaicans/Brazilians/Africans.


She is cute tho'.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #331 on: 14 Mar 2009, 19:57 »

Ally, come to Northwestern. "But he's so funny" is pretty much our tagline.

On the topic of music tastes/common interests, I feel as if I inadvertently got myself into a bit of a pickle. On the one hand, I tend to be attracted to guys who share my taste in some facet of pop culture; on the other, I totally, totally abhor the elitist attitude that that taste generally comes with. So I am initially limiting myself to a fairly small portion of my immediate dating pool, and then further narrowing it down to the few dudes who maintain a kind of snobbish taste with a fairly populist attitude. Is this ridiculous?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #332 on: 14 Mar 2009, 21:19 »

Ally, come to Northwestern. "But he's so funny" is pretty much our tagline.


dating scene at northwestern pretty bare? a lot of my friends struggled to find cool people to date when we went there.
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Dude is hardcore.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #333 on: 15 Mar 2009, 00:04 »

Fuck you, relationships  :x
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #334 on: 15 Mar 2009, 00:12 »

Tommy surely you aren't suggesting physical beauty as a metric for the values of someone's opinions?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #335 on: 15 Mar 2009, 05:56 »

I have never listened to Jawbreaker, so no. Sometimes I will eat a jawbreaker, though.

I could swear we played Jawbreaker for you at Bostoncon.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #336 on: 15 Mar 2009, 07:40 »

If you did, it wasn't worth remembering. Oh snap.

(I don't remember Jawbreaker, but I do remember Boris and that you did play some other stuff and it just wasn't my cup of tea.)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #337 on: 15 Mar 2009, 07:49 »

I am pretty sure Jawbreaker fell into that category.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #338 on: 15 Mar 2009, 08:45 »

On the "how important is musical taste?" issue ...

It is not important to me that someone listens to the same music I do.  However, if someone does, it is definitely an indicator to me that they might listen to that music for the same reasons as I do, which is really really attractive to me because it means we can share the experience of listening to music by enjoying the same aspects of it.  I personally listen mainly to slower, deeper, more psychedelic, more bass-heavy music as a general rule, and I do it because I like to feel overwhelmed by sound, and it is cool when a piece of music causes a reaction in me that I am not exactly in control of.  I like music that takes me out of myself due to some aspect of the sound itself (reference points: the guitar solo in "Indian Bones" by Dead Meadow, or the bass drop in "Rutten" by Skream ... these specific moments in these songs consistently create physical sensations in my body and therefore alter my mind in their own way, and it's moments like that that I look for in music).

It's not that I want someone who has the same list of artists in their iTunes as I do.  It's that I want someone who, when I am given a new experience by a piece of music, can share that reaction with me or at least sense what is happening in me when I have it ... in other words, someone who listens for the same things in music as I do.

I have trouble connecting on a musical level to someone who listens to music primarily for lyrics.  Lyrics are generally last on my list of priorities when I listen to a piece of music, so someone who listens to music for completely different reasons from mine will probably not be able to understand why I listen to the music I listen to ... and that's more important than actually sharing interest in the specific artists I listen to, by a long shot.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #339 on: 15 Mar 2009, 11:55 »

Dear Relationship Advice thread,

How do you make friends?


Thanks,
Emaline
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #340 on: 15 Mar 2009, 12:46 »

i just hang out with my friend's friends and they eventually become my friends too. I don't remember how i got those first couple of friends though.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #341 on: 15 Mar 2009, 13:03 »

I've met all of my close friends in school actually. My two best friends and I met when we were six, and we became friends because they thought I seemed lonely since I was the new kid in class and also very shy. One of them only came over to my house because her mom told her to do it. This is probably not the answers to how to make friends in general, but I think it's a cute story anyway.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #342 on: 15 Mar 2009, 13:40 »

it's a lot easier when you're in school, admittedly. i met most of my current friends in classes and through my various part-time jobs, volunteer positions and other friends.
if you're not in school, finding something fun to do outside of work like taking some classes or volunteering might help you meet people who share your interests.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #343 on: 15 Mar 2009, 13:47 »

Ok, let me rephrase my question


Dear Relationship thread,

How do you make friends if you are not in schol, stuck in a lease that won't be up until February, working 40 hours+ a week with people who think you are strange*, in a small town?

Thanks,
Emaline

*people who work in a record store think I have strange tastes in music. I was talking about playing music for my plants and one person said "just make sure you don't play anything strange or scary." And I said "well, I mostly play for them whatever I've been listening to lately" and their response was "right. Don't play anything strange for them"
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #344 on: 15 Mar 2009, 15:05 »

Emaline: do something in your free time.

Before I moved to where I live now, I had rather few good friends. Then a guy told me that there was a sword-fighting club in town, so I checked it out. It was awesome, incredibly nerdy, and all the people I have met there are completely awesome. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to find something that you really like, and find other people doing the same.


Dear relationship thread: last night I spoiled two guys chances of getting laid by flirting with the girls they were trying to sex up. The thing is, these girls are far too old for any flirtation between me and them to lead to anything. Does this mean that I'm a fucking bastard?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #345 on: 15 Mar 2009, 16:26 »

Emaline, try taking a community art class or something when you've got free time. Or go to bars and start conversations with people. You could even have a get together at your house and you tell your friends to invite other friends. I think most of the people I've met recently have been friends of friends and the internet.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #346 on: 15 Mar 2009, 16:39 »

Recently, I have my two friends over whenever possible. They have no friends either. We once went to starbucks and posted an ad on craigslist telling people to meet us there. Nobody showed up.

The closest community college is in a town that the bus doesn't go to(yet. I think they are building a station closer to there, so maybe they will start having buses go there). I've thought about taking some classes there in the past, but not having a way to get there causes a lot of problems.

In my spare time recently, I've taken up playing my bass. On my porch. With my volume turned up to a decent level. I thought maybe people would say something to me, but no one has.
When I'm not playing bass, I am painting, which requires supplies, so I go to the art store a lot. I've tried talking to people there, but so far nothing.
When I'm not painting, I'm reading, which makes me go to Borders a lot. I've talked to some of the workers there, but nothing seems to go beyond, "you like Neil Gaimen? Me too!"
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #347 on: 15 Mar 2009, 21:14 »

Who doesn't like Neil Gaiman?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #348 on: 15 Mar 2009, 21:46 »

Recently, I have my two friends over whenever possible. They have no friends either.

This doesn't make sense.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #349 on: 15 Mar 2009, 21:54 »

The bigger point to be drawn from those experiences is that most people at Borders are not there in active pursuit of friendship - they're there to buy a book, and get the fuck out. The burden is on you to charm their pants off, or do whatever it is you do, to kind of make your mark on their existence, and to instigate the opportunity for a second meet-up. Basically 1. give them a reason to want to see you again (your stellar personality and/or superior taste in whichever area of common interest) and 2. give them opportunity to see you again.

I am like the loneliest drifter, though, do not take my advice without a grain of salt.
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