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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #350 on: 16 Mar 2009, 01:37 »

Dear Relationship Advice thread,

How do you make friends?


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Go to parties with current friends. Or so what I do. Hang around Universities. :|
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #351 on: 17 Mar 2009, 05:17 »

I would never dump somebody because they were hideously ugly. I don'T think I would even date them to begin with. I have this friend who I've had a thing for for years and when he finally was single and available and told me he was into me I couldn't even bring myself to touch him because I was grossed out by him. He's a fairly cool person, he just has poor personal hygiene. Like, he has the most amazing character which is probably what I was attracted to, but his teeth are yellow and he can't stop bitin his nails and he picks on himself all the time and cracks his knuckles and I wouldn't mind all of that at all if he could do it in private where I didn't have to see it, godamnit! I hope this doesn't make me a shallow bitch, but I'll risk that.

Anyhoo. Guys, can I ask some advice about a relationship question? I would really appreciate it because my situation is getting increasinly uncomfortable. it involves my flatmates though and I'm not sure if that counts. Advice would very much appreciated though. So I'm a girl, and I live in University halls in a flat with five other girls, none of whom I knew at all before we moved in together. There are three who behave like they are the bosses, and three "outsiders" one of which I am. Recently, the three bosses have really been going crazy. They put up these little notes, like instructions on how to do your dishes and stupid stuff like that. I mean, who do they think they are? I get along with the two other girls fairly well, they are my friends but sadly neither of them is home very much. So it's basically me against the three others. The situation is getting gradually worse, I really feel that they hate my guts. Why? because I'm different. I don't really know why. But whenever I come into the kitchen and they are there, it's incredibly uncomfortable. I'm really making an effort to be friendly, but they will barely say hello to me. They hold grudges for ages, too. I feel that they are punishing me for my life choiced and because I'm different. Yes, I like to have different boys over, so what? Apparently in their book, that makes me a slut who is best not talked to. They probably also notice that something is wrong with me, i.e. the bipolar thing, because I guess there is no way they coud NOT notice that. But coming clear about myself is out of the question, that is a fairly personal thing and I'll only tell that to people I like and who I feel comfortable with. I wouldn't want to give them any more ammunition against me. So maybe that makes them really insecure and they don't know how to treat me, but they don't ask me about it and instead choose to treat me with what I feel is contempt.

So I guess I have three options: a) Move the hell out. b) Ignore the narrow-minded prudes and let it be their problem. c) Try to make amends and improve the realtionship. I feel like I've attempted to do c) any number of times, but then I'll slip and a scruffy naked guy will walk from my room to the bathroom and one of them will see and be offended.

Sorry this is so longwinded. I guess I'm a little spaced out. All I want is to live with people who are open-minded and cool and around who I can just be myself and where I don't have to watch every goddamn step I make. Is that really too much to ask?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #352 on: 17 Mar 2009, 05:37 »

Krina:

I've been in this situation from both sides, on one hand I've lived with two people in long tearm relationships and I'd just had a marrige enulled and gone a bit ummmm. "wild". My housemates were none too chuffed with a parade of scruffy men either. But it was the not keeping the house clean they really hated and blamed the fact I always had someone over for this fact, not to mention two people make more mess than one.

I've also rented my spare room to a guy who brought horrible skanky girls home, he actually locked me out of my own sitting room/kitchen to fuck one of them VERY loudly. I threw him out after that. These girls were so nasty I started locking a lot of my things in my room, I was honestly worried about them being stolen, which sucked as I owned then house. He was my lodger.

From both of these I reallised: Living with other people can be hard.
                                          My flat mates were sort of right, it can be a bit invasive if someone has people over all the time.
                                          Notes are for assholes, conversations are for grown - ups. If people on reality shows can sit down and talk about stuff ANYONE CAN!
                                          Living with people from the same social circle/lifestyle etc. is a very good idea (Unless they like boinking skanks.)
                                          My taste in men is not as bad as I thought .

Move out, or go back to theirs! Hope that's even slightly helpful.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #353 on: 17 Mar 2009, 05:53 »

It's not as if I have terrible guys over ALL THE TIME. I have someone over probably twice a week, and those are mostly the same two guys. My flatmates have people over all the time and they make terrible noise. I don't think it's offending to them that I have people over, because we all do that - and apart from maybe some sex-noise which is definitively not crazy loud, we keep fairly quiet. We are certainly not the people who hoover at 9 am on a Sunday or play annoying charts music really loud at night. I have the impresson that they feel offended because I have guys over. None of the three mean girls is seeing anyone and I think that maybe they are really only jealous. One of the other girls has a boyfriend, and they made really petty jokes about how that girl and her boyfriend don't need to go to the gym instead because they have sex instead. How narropw-minded is that, please? If someone has a good sex-life, they should be happy for her, right? And the other day I got bashed because I had been to loud at night, but they made a point that I was making the noise with someone else. The vibe I get from them is that they begrudge me that I have boys coming over. As far as I know, none of them has had a date all year and none of them is what you'd call attractive so my guess is that they're really jealous. Does that make sense?

All I want is live in peace here, I don't feel the need to make these people my friends but it would be nice if we could just be polite to each other and be a little more accepting.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #354 on: 17 Mar 2009, 08:05 »

*people who work in a record store think I have strange tastes in music. I was talking about playing music for my plants and one person said "just make sure you don't play anything strange or scary." And I said "well, I mostly play for them whatever I've been listening to lately" and their response was "right. Don't play anything strange for them"

Wow.  Do they think that the plants will turn evil and carnivorous or something?

I am stuck in a similar situation of being in a smaller town with no friends.  Since I am 27 now I feel a bit strange trying to hang out with the college crowd.  All my old college friends are back west in the bigger cities.  I have been given the advice to try using the Internets to find people in my area but that has not worked.  Perhaps it's best to try to go to big community events and try to mingle?  I dunno.

If you happen to find a solution to this small town situation send me a note.  It sounds like you are trying to keep yourself social.  Keep it up.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #355 on: 17 Mar 2009, 08:55 »

Krina, I'll be honest, you kinda sound like a not so great roommate. When I lived with my first roommate, he'd have different girls over every week, and that was all fine and dandy, but I'd often be kept awake by their sex noises, and then I'd get to see some random girl wrapped in a blanket or a towel or a tshirt come waltzing down the hall to go to the bathroom. Its fucking annoying. Just as I don't let my naked bits hang out in public areas, I'd expect the same respect from roommates and their... friends. You will never see me naked/half naked/verging on naked in the livingroom, kitchen, hallway, office(even though it is my office and not one else uses it), or back room. These are not proper places to be naked in a shared home.

So, if you have a boy(or many boys! Or girls! Or any consenting adult! Because its your life and your vagina and you can play with whoever you want) sharing a naked night with you, and he must absolutely run to the potty, make him put on a god damn shirt and some underwear.


And tell them about your bi polarness. People out terrible jerk faces who laugh at people with disorders that they cannot control. If anything they will probably be very understanding, and maybe it will explain a lot of your behavior to them.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #356 on: 17 Mar 2009, 09:37 »

No, I actually make people wear underwear / my robe.

But telling them about myself is completely out of the question.

Edit: Apart from the sex thing, I think I'm a fairly decent roommate! I clean up after myself, I take the hair out of the shower drain, I take the trash out, I cook dinner for everybody. I don't play my music too loud. These are all qualities that have made people like living with me in the past. I make an honest effort to be friendly to everybody. As for the sex thing, am I seriously expected not to have sex anymore just because I live with other people? This has never been a problem for me before because in the past I've always lived with people who were having sex as well - everybody did it and nobody complained. I don't think we're all that loud either, it's not as if I am a domina or anything. I'm sure not the person who is having a party in the flat without telling the other flatmates beforehand or inviting them!

Dire Bacterium, yes, one of them is a Christian, I don't know about the others. 
« Last Edit: 17 Mar 2009, 09:53 by Krina »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #357 on: 17 Mar 2009, 09:40 »

I don't suppose any of your roommates are religious, are they? Their behavior is very similar to some of the deeply christian people I've known, and if that is true of them there is no helping you. They will judge you as long as they know you and there isn't anything you can do about it.

(note: I'm not referring to all christians, just the ones that I have known who behave this way)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #358 on: 17 Mar 2009, 09:52 »

krina, i've been in your situation, except i'd always have the SAME guy over, he made sure not to walk around naked, and offered to help cook and clean and we didn't actually spend a lot of time IN the apartment cause that got boring quickly so we didn't infringe on their personal space.

i don't think i was a horrible roommate. it's just that the girls i ended up living with during first year of university were sheltered hermits.  :|  during my second year of university, i lived with a more social group of girls, was dating the same guy, and they actually liked him and said he could stay over as often as he wanted.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #359 on: 17 Mar 2009, 11:29 »

Some people just can't live together well. Try your best to talk things out, and if that doesn't work, consider moving out. Also, remember that you can't control their behavior but you can control yours. If there is little stuff that can be done (cleaning up more, etc.) do your best to do it, just in the interest of peace.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #360 on: 17 Mar 2009, 14:23 »

Dear relationship thread,

A year ago I modeled for a guy, we have kept in vague contact since. I ran into him a cafe in Halifax(where I am right now), last night. We got to talking but he was just on a work break so he asked if he could have my email, later on last night he messages me on msn from his phone, asking me out to lunch today, because while he would like to go for dinner, he had to work at 2pm because of patty's day. I have never been on a proper date(Like, where I was not already someone's girlfriend for a month or so). So I figured why not, I say yes and there are a few more things, anyhow, he calls me when he gets off at 3am(I told him he could do this) when he got off work. Telling me to be ready around 11:30 so he could pick me up(I am unfamiliar with the bus system here so), but that he'd call around 11 to make sure I got up(I was a bit tipsy). Basically he was really forward and precise and seemed extremely interested and flirty. Now a few of the meeblers have told me I am too attractive for an admittedly eh looking but quite charming russian guy.

Today, woke up, got ready, sat about, waited, no call, waited, no pick up, waited waited, it's 6pm now and I am suitably confused. He has updated his facebook and seems like things are usual for him. So did I get stood up? What have I done wrong here.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #361 on: 17 Mar 2009, 14:35 »

Slap him in his dumb russkie face.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #362 on: 17 Mar 2009, 14:40 »

With your cock.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #363 on: 17 Mar 2009, 14:57 »

So did I get stood up?

Sounds as though.

Quote
What have I done wrong here.

Nothing. This happens to people from time to time, usually through no fault of their own. Maybe he chickened out. Maybe he remembered he already has a girlfriend. Maybe he's just an asshole.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #364 on: 17 Mar 2009, 14:58 »

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #365 on: 17 Mar 2009, 15:15 »

well, he is russian, and all russians are douchebags.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #366 on: 17 Mar 2009, 15:31 »

I must fail at roommates. I feel that my roommates are some of my closest friends, and that there are certain things they should know. Being open with someone while living with them, definitely makes everyone's lives easier. My current roommates knows about my depression, my low self esteem, and my sexual prefrence. I've been at the same job for a year and they maybe know that I have low self esteem, but that's it. And I've partied with these people. Its just a lot easier to understand someone when you know more about them.

But whatevs. Obviously, I am wrong. And you should keep secrets from people you have to live with because it works out so well, and makes everyone's lives easier.



Sorry. I am being a passive agressive bitch.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #367 on: 17 Mar 2009, 16:01 »

@ tender and benji:

I totally respect the common space. I always clean up after myself immediately, so that's not the issue. I just think it's really anal that they are playing the notes game. I mean, the polite thing to do would be to say it, or am I completely mistaken here? Also, due to my ups and downs I'm probably not the easiest person to live with, but I always make a point of being friendly and polite to everyone. But it's not all that nice to come into the kitchen, say "Hi everybody, how are you" with a smile and just be completely ignored. I don't want to control anybody's behaviour, but I think that basic politeness is the least I can expect, right? I feel that I really am persona non grata and the atmosphere is becoming toxic.

Also, yes, we all have our own rooms.

What I can do is change my room (I live in halls) if I pay 25 pounds. I guess I'll make an enquiry about that, and/or call a flat-meeting. I'm just in a pretty weak position, and I really want to humiliate myself in front of them. I feel like I've made numerous attempts to ameliorate the communication in the flat.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #368 on: 17 Mar 2009, 17:15 »

Krina, I'll be completely honest here:

You just kind of sound like you're a shitty roommate living with other relatively, but not quite as shitty roommates. The thing that leads me to believe this is:

I'll slip and a scruffy naked guy will walk from my room to the bathroom and one of them will see and be offended.

No, I actually make people wear underwear / my robe.

These two statements? See them here? They aren't what I would call reconcilable. It leads me, the reader, to believe that you are glossing over details that may make you look unfavorable. Considering I already feel you look unfavorable in this situation, it's not helping.

Quote
But telling them about myself is completely out of the question.

This is, without question, a mistake. You have, apparently, a very serious mental disorder that has a large effect on one's social characteristics. You have this disorder and are living with five other people and you owe it to them, as a member of this small community, to give them an understanding as to what they are dealing with.

I'm twenty-five years old and have, since I was eighteen, lived with sixteen different people by last count, so I have my fair share of roommate knowledge. You are perpetrating one of the more annoying problems a roommate can make, and that is the overly open individual. Sex is cool and all, but you need to realize that you live with and must respect the wishes and boundaries of five other people. There are few things more annoying than seeing a half naked person you do not know wandering around in your hallway. Honestly, ANY coupling that involves a person who does not live there tends to be a pain in the ass, as that's one more person clogging your bathroom and infringing upon your living space that you didn't sign on for. This is doubly annoying when you're already forced to live with multiple people. You shouldn't be expected to stop having sex, but you also need to accept that you're not going to win any friends with the behavior you're exhibiting.

Please, when you respond to this, refrain from using the term "small/narrow/closed-minded" you've officially used up the entire planet's quota of that already overused and misunderstood phrase for the better part of the next decade. Seriously, I'm not seeing any real small mindedness in your description. Not everyone is open about their sexuality. If anything, you're being small minded in your refusal to accept their social mores. To be honest,t his entire thing reeks of late teen melodrama to me. My advice? Find a new living situation, this is not the one for you.
« Last Edit: 17 Mar 2009, 17:34 by 0bsessions »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #369 on: 17 Mar 2009, 18:22 »

all russians are douchebags.

hey, i'm... wait, yeah, you're right.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #370 on: 17 Mar 2009, 18:41 »

if I'm half russian, am I just a bag?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #371 on: 17 Mar 2009, 18:45 »

I am not Russian at all. Inexplicably, I am kind of a douche.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #372 on: 17 Mar 2009, 19:06 »

if I'm half russian, am I just a bag?
you're more of an ucheb.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #373 on: 17 Mar 2009, 19:17 »

not all douches and bags are russians, though. not even all douchebags. see the following diagram -



unfortunately i am not good enough at diagrams to incorporate half-russians into this.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #374 on: 17 Mar 2009, 19:23 »

Umm...



I am obviously a prevert, because that looks kinda dirty to me.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #375 on: 17 Mar 2009, 19:27 »

You know, I think douches and bags are two separate circles, and a douchebag is a subset of bags. Hold on, let me diagram this in UML.



See, Douchebags are a type of bag and an essential part of a douche. Russians, meanwhile, are a type of douchebag.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #376 on: 17 Mar 2009, 19:47 »

Ozy, I think you hit the nail right on the head with that diagram.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #377 on: 17 Mar 2009, 21:17 »

well, he is russian, and all russians are douchebags.

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #378 on: 17 Mar 2009, 21:36 »

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #379 on: 17 Mar 2009, 21:44 »

In my experience Russians are douchebags until such time as you manage to communicate with them. If you can't speak the same language as them then they'll walk over your broken body if it's between them and the subway ticket office. But if, while they're doing so, you manage to croak out in Russian "please help me", they'll suddenly drop everything and drive you to the ambulance in their crappy little Russian car and personally make sure you get a room and medical attention.

But that might just be St. Petersburgians.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #380 on: 17 Mar 2009, 21:56 »

We're not all horrible monsters, Harry! Yah, but that does sum up most of us pretty well. However, this brief stint of people owning up to their Soviet heritage proves we are total hotties, though. Look at the evidence.
« Last Edit: 17 Mar 2009, 21:59 by Skibas_clavicle »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #381 on: 17 Mar 2009, 22:05 »

i hear people in moscow are douchebags too. my sister spent a year or so working there and made literally zero friends because nobody would talk to her beyond providing the absolute bare minimum help she needed with anything. there were a number of occasions where she tried to make eye contact with people and they would do this thing where they'd very obviously look away and in the opposite direction or, even worse, turn around and walk away from her in mid-conversation. she's actually a really outgoing talkative person too. i don't think i could ever go to russia because i am shy and afraid of everyone and the people would probably definitely make me cry.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #382 on: 18 Mar 2009, 00:45 »

Okay, so, relationship thread, maybe you can help me.

The back story's pretty typical: When I was 15, I dated this guy with whom I was madly in love.  I had lusted after him for a year, we went out for six months, and then he broke my heart.  So it goes.

I've been dating this guy who I really do love for about a year. We're very compatible, he's incredibly sweet, we've got similar life goals, we've been living together for six months, and we have a lot of fun together most of the time.  That said, I've never felt as consistently crazy about him as I did about that ex (in fact, I've never felt so consistently crazy about anyone else I've dated).  I know, however, that in any kind of real, sustainable relationship, you're not going to be madly in love all the time.  And I have plenty of moments where I'm all melty inside over my current boyfriend, even after a year together.  So I'm in general not too worried about it.

The problem is that I've been having these weird dreams where I get all makey-outy and sometimes have sexytimes with that ex (who I haven't seen in about a year, mind you, and he has a girlfriend, and he's actually kind of an asshole).  And I tell him about my boyfriend now.  And I decide it's okay for me to cheat, because it feels good, and because I still love him.  And I wake up feeling guilty--really, really guilty.  I consider telling my boyfriend, but I feel like it'd be weird and would make him feel unnecessarily insecure.

Is it normal to have dreams like that?  Do I subconsciously believe I'm "settling" for my boyfriend (maybe it's telling that I considered phrasing this question, "Am I settling...")?  Am I being deceitful in not talking about this with him?  Or is it okay for me to keep them mentally filed as a set of ridiculous dreams, try to forget them, and move on with my life?
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #383 on: 18 Mar 2009, 02:43 »

Yes. It is entirely normal to have dreams like that. No, in all likelihood you do not believe you are settling for your boyfriend. No, you are not at all being deceitful, it is just a dream, chill out. It is totally acceptable for you to file them away in your memory along with the lyrics to that Duran Duran song and the name of that guy you met at the post office and just lose it entirely. Whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM, ELIZZYBETH, WHAT ARE YOU STUPID??? It will just make him feel bad or that he's doing something wrong and really, it's probably just your psyche feeling a little sexy and dredging up a symbol of passion and lust from your subconcious.

It sounds like perhaps you are feeling a little bored in your current relationship, as you say you've been going out for a year and typically, or so I've read, every three months or so you tend to reevaluate your relationships, is it going well, is this guy right for me etc... That doesn't mean that anything is wrong and sounds perfectly natural to me. Also since you were 15 when you dated this other guy you probably were all madly in love with him but that's really just a side effect of all the crazy teenage hormones making you feel everything (not just love) much more accutely. My theory, based on limited information and entirely subject to change, is that maybe you're still in love with the ideal of your ex and the passion and lust that went along with that relationship even though he treated you badly and your current relationship sounds like a much better fit.

My advice, and if I had my masters degree I could say it was my professional opinion, is that you should maybe do something to make your current relationship a little more interesting. Go out somewhere you haven't been before/in ages. Have sex somewhere different than in the boring old bedroom (even if it's just somewhere else in the house, but make sure any housemates are out at the time). Try different positions, stuff you haven't done before, stuff you've both been fantasising about. Best case scenario is that it is all terribly sexy and awesome, worst case scenario someone falls over and gets lacerations/concussions/a broken coccyx and awkward questions at the emergency room.  Any or all of these but particularly the last two would help to release some of the pent up sexual energy you might have that is bouncing around inside you and manifesting in sexy dreams about terrible guys.

The very fact that this worries you and makes you feel so guilty means that you probably have a pretty good relationship going there and that you're probably just feeling like it's a little humdrum. Some spontaneous action should alleviate that feeling.
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #384 on: 18 Mar 2009, 04:26 »

well, he is russian, and all russians are douchebags.

</3

I think that as a Pole my opinion is historically justified.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #385 on: 18 Mar 2009, 07:23 »

My theory, based on limited information and entirely subject to change, is that maybe you're still in love with the ideal of your ex and the passion and lust that went along with that relationship even though he treated you badly and your current relationship sounds like a much better fit.

This is pretty spot on. You will probably never have that same emotional rush you did with him. You will never again have your first love. That doesn't mean that your current relationship isn't as deep. It probably has the potential to be deeper. But you're older now and that rush of emotions will never come again. A large part of that is that it was the first time you experienced those emotions, and so everything was new and exciting.

Regarding dreaming about your ex: I still dream about all of my exes from time to time, and someone from college that I had thing for but that we could never quite make happen. It happens. It's generally not a big deal.
« Last Edit: 18 Mar 2009, 07:31 by benji »
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #386 on: 18 Mar 2009, 07:30 »

But you're older now and that rush of emotions will never come again.

Based on my own experience in my mid 40s, I would disagree.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #387 on: 18 Mar 2009, 08:21 »

Okay, could be wrong. I've definately been more in love then I was with my first love, but I've never again had the confusing euphoric rush where I didn't know which end is up.

EDIT: I should also say that I was incredibly rushed with that first post, and probably should have thought about what I was saying a bit more. What I meant was, falling in love will never be a completely new experience again. There's always excitement with relationships, but I think after you've been through it once or twice, you kind of understand the feelings a bit more. That sense of something new and unexpected is always exciting, and I think it's a uniquely intense experience when it's not just a new person or a new stage in the relationship, but when the idea of being in a relationship is something entirely new.
« Last Edit: 18 Mar 2009, 08:29 by benji »
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Alex C

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #388 on: 18 Mar 2009, 10:13 »

Sadly, Russia sounds like the place for me. I try to keep interaction to a minimum unless I already have a rapport with the person. It's honestly fairly random and inexplicable when I feel at all interested in someone.

Unless they're pretty.
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Krina

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #389 on: 18 Mar 2009, 13:19 »

Obsessions - thanks for your point of view. I'll make a point of not using the term "narrow-minded". ;) I'm pretty sure that I only said that because I was upset and I needed to vent. Can you see that? Also, if people talk about their issues, they tend to voice things in a fairly subjective manner. I'd NEVER say to my flatmates "you narrow-minded, stuck-up bitches!". I try to make a point of treating people the way I want to be treated, so I'm really trying hard to be friendly and polite to people, no matter whether I like them or not.

You're right, it sounds like teen drama. What can I say, you live and learn. But I'm honestly trying. I mean, I asked you guys for advice, for example, doesn't that say something? I know I'm fairly immature, which is because I was brought up as an extremely sheltered little princess. So adapting to the real world doesn't always go without bumps along the road.

You might have a point that it would be better to be upfront about my issue. However - I've been in that situation where I've had to explain about myself A LOT. In my experience, a lot of people have prejudices against that sort of thing. I've experienced that if you feel uncomfortable with telling someone about that sort of thing, it's probably best if you don't do it. That's just my experience, I appreciate your viewpoint, but in the end I guess I just have to do what feels right to me because it's me who's living my life and not you. Also, and I will word this extremely careful so as not to step on any landmines, in my very limited experience of the world in general and the matter of living with people in especial, people who have very set opinions on how the dishes have to be done and how the kitchen furniture has to be arranged and who talk about other people the way my flatmates do, *might* not be the most open-minded people in the world and therefore *might*, just might, not be all that open-minded about mental issues. Of course I could be proven wrong, but the risk is too big for me. If you tell something like that to the wrong person, it can completely ruin a person's reputation, I've seen it happen and I really don't want that to happen to me. Once I've said the words, I can't take them back. Also, everybody has their ups and downs, and as long as I manage to be civil and not throw a tantrum in public and manage to be polite, I don't think I owe anybody any explanation about myself.

Also, I'm not really sure why you have the impression that I'm a "kind of a shitty roommate". The naked thing happened once or twice. I probably should have been clearer about that. Yes, I have boys over. However, my flatmates have their friends over too, and probably more so than me. Hell, one of the other girls basically has her best friend living here. Yes, sex noise can be a pain. However, I'm not the only one - one of the other girls has her boyfriend over all the time. Also, people will have sex, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Apart from castration maybe? (joke) The girls I don't get on with that well made jokes about my flatmat's sex life that seemed inappropriate to me. Also, it doesn't seem right to me if people make jokes about MY friend in MY presence. Hence the "narrow-minded" comment. Apart from the fact that I am a sexual being, I'm fairly quiet, I don't have gatherings without talking to the others about it beforehand, I clean up my mess. I've lived with a fair share of people as well and I've been to boarding school (in boarding school, you could count yourself lucky if other people were not having sex in your bed, having sex in the same room as other people was common practice) - I've never felt this uncomfortable with people I lived with before and most people I've lived with actually liked living with me. So I think it's really not all me!

Can I still post here or do you all think that I'm a horrible bitch now? :( I only wrote this essay to show you that I'm a decent person (I hope), I'm just a confused little girl who is TRYING, does that count for something?

It all doesn't really matter any more because I've found a new place to live.

tl;dr - I'm half Czech, what does that make me?
« Last Edit: 18 Mar 2009, 13:23 by Krina »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #390 on: 18 Mar 2009, 13:40 »

Honestly, from reading your posts, I think you just got stuck with bad roommates. I don't know them, so I can't say they are bad people, but some people just are not good roommates. One of my meatlife friends had a situation like this in college and it was really hard on her. The only way she could fix her situation was move out. She did it the nice way, though, by helping to find a replacement roommate and not just up and leaving. From the way they are treating you, first I think you should try to have a meeting with everyone in the house and try to figure out what's going on. If that doesn't improve anything, you should probably start looking for somewhere else to live and see if you can sublet your spot. You're supposed to feel welcome where you live, not feel like someone who's invading foreign territory.
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #391 on: 18 Mar 2009, 14:41 »

Czechs are responsible for Pilsner Urquell and are therefore judged to be outstanding people.

Slovaks are also acceptable since Hostel 1 and 2 took place in their country.

The jury is still out on ukrainians, belarussians, and latvians.

Lithuanians are ok too.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

Josefbugman

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #392 on: 18 Mar 2009, 14:47 »

Dear relationships thread, I am now the only remaining virgin in my house (at uni) usually I would not find this especially worrying, especially in regard to the fact that one of my housemates apparently needs... chemical help, in order to get it up. But I couldn't help but wonder as I walked through the park today as to wether or not I am not having a relationship because I don't want one, or because I am too afraid to, I mean I had a relationship last year and it was bad, I certainly did not enjoy it despite liking the person I was with, but I am not sure wether that shows willingness to engage with other people or simply fear of my own sexuality.

I mean, is it because I actually don't want sex that I am not looking for anything? Is it so that I don't change my current personality at all and I have convinced myself that I have reached a peak of development? Is it because the housemates are somewhat silly and I think "If they can do it, so can I"? or is it just plain fear of getting turned down?

Welcome to hear your thoughts (based on what you know of me) and I hope this doesn't come across as slimy whining.
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #393 on: 18 Mar 2009, 17:08 »

I am now the only remaining virgin in my house (at uni)

This is of no importance.  Lasting relationships don't generally come by planning, but by serendipity (and not being a hermit, I guess).  A willingness not to block them out is assumed, but actually will come of itself when the circumstances call for it.  In my case I had no relationships at all until I left university - I then went on to marry and bring up a family, so clearly being a late starter was no particular disadvantage to me.  OK, that marriage ended after 22 years, but I'm not embarrassed by that.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #394 on: 18 Mar 2009, 17:28 »

I have had no relationships and I am just about done university!
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #395 on: 18 Mar 2009, 17:45 »

My friends like to remind me that I'm doing something wrong because I hAven't lost my virginity at 12. I'm 16.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #396 on: 18 Mar 2009, 18:11 »

I always cringe a bit when I hear things like that.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #397 on: 18 Mar 2009, 18:44 »

My friends like to remind me that I'm doing something wrong because I hAven't lost my virginity at 12. I'm 16.

Your friends are stupid and are probably the kind of people who shouldn't be having sex at an early age.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #398 on: 18 Mar 2009, 19:43 »

Agreed with Drill King. Your friends sound like douchebags. Harsh I know, but I calls them likes I sees them.

Besides, what's the big deal? Most of the people I know (myself included) who have discussed their first sexual encounter usually follow the same routine; "It was awkward and bumpy". Geez, sounds like something real fun to look forward to on paper now, doesn't it? It's the initial hump (no pun intended, although feel free to chastise me for it) that's the big issue. Have sex when you feel ready and all the stuff, rather than be pressured into it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #399 on: 18 Mar 2009, 20:15 »

I lost my virginity at 14, and have had sex with 12 other people since then. I feel pretty gross about it, and regret a lot of it. Vaule yourselves, kids. I didn't learn that meaningless sex is just kind of like eating white rice. It's good every once in awhile, but honestly, its just really really boring.

Save sex for someone who actually means something to you. And I don't mean, "wait until you're married," or "only have sex with the person you love." I mean, have sex with someone who's name you'll remember forever, someone important. And its fine to have a number of important people.
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