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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267784 times)

Alex C

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #400 on: 18 Mar 2009, 20:42 »

To me it's less about self-respect and more about STDs, pregnancy and the simple fact that the world isn't really built so that teenagers can get ahead in life while dealing with pregnancy and potentially parenthood. The whole thing is a mess that could be easily avoided by exercising a bit of restraint and waiting until nobody but you and your partner have any say in the decision you make. I'm a big believer in the KISS principle and teen sex can introduce a degree of difficulty into life that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #401 on: 18 Mar 2009, 20:51 »

I just mean in general. Fucking everything that breathes isn't a good idea.

Teenagers shouldn't be having sex all the time, either. Basically, if you can't afford the consequences, you shouldn't be banging.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #402 on: 18 Mar 2009, 21:02 »

I have had no relationships and I am just about done university!

Same. (Minus the fact I am done with uni, not almost done.)

Don't get too bogged down by it. I know a few people, myself included, who got through all of college and still had their virginity. I haven't had a relationship mostly because I can't seem to find anyone that I can get attached to and/or that isn't an idiotic douche. If you're worried you're scared about it, you may just not be ready, which is fine. Everyone gets to that point at their own time. You're still young! Enjoy your life. And if your friends keep ragging you about it, tell them to shut up, because they are being dicks.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #403 on: 18 Mar 2009, 22:20 »

Whatever you do, DO NOT TELL HIM, ELIZZYBETH, WHAT ARE YOU STUPID??? [...]
My advice, and if I had my masters degree I could say it was my professional opinion, is that you should maybe do something to make your current relationship a little more interesting.

Noted!  And thank you for your advice.  I think you're right, and I'll give it a try.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #404 on: 18 Mar 2009, 22:24 »

Yeah maybe if I had less sex I'd finally be more successful in life. Gonna think about that.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #405 on: 18 Mar 2009, 22:30 »

So even though this was a long time ago, it seems like a good question to ask this thread: When you have been dating someone for a long time (like, a year or so) and have been faking it the entire time, when you finally get fed up with how your sex life is going, how do you broach the subject? How do you tell them you've been faking for 13 months and that it isn't as good as you make it seem? Do you tell them at all, or slowly work things you like into it unobtrusively? I have wondered about this for years now.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #406 on: 18 Mar 2009, 22:37 »

Yeah lizzybeth you are a human being and you will think these thoughts sometimes. It's cool. I would postulate that your first head-over-heals thing is like when a bird breaks out of it's egg and mother-fixates on whatever is there. Life will go on.


Katie, I don't know, maybe drop it into conversation that you sometimes fake. I think I would be a bit crushed if a lady just came out and said 'uh, yeah, nothing, the past year, nothing at all' but I would definitely want to try to make it better. Just pretend it is not an always thing because that could make sex super-aggravating and get him too anxious which would not help things.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #407 on: 18 Mar 2009, 22:48 »

Honestly I would say if you've been hiding it for a year don't even bring it up unless you want to be fatally hurtful and permanently burn your bridges. If you tell him then chances are for the rest of his life, every time he hops in the sack his inability to pleasure a woman will be nibbling in the back of his head. There's no sensitive way to break that to someone. It's that twofer of the dishonesty and the average male's self-esteem being intertwined with his performance in bed. It's the nuclear option for the spurned girlfriend.

So I would say, if you dig the guy in other ways, let on that you're bored with the sex you've been having and try to find a method of lovemaking that you do enjoy, together, with no mention of the faking. If you're trying new things out and they're not bringing you to where you want to go you can maybe be honest about that? But make it clear that your vanilla life prior (however vanilla it was) is something you're not going to return to because it's worn thin, not because it's been thin the whole time. If you don't want to go to all that trouble but you like the guy enough not to throw the lye in his eyes, break up with him but don't say a word about the faking, no matter what.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #408 on: 19 Mar 2009, 08:01 »

Yeah, I don't think I'd tell him I'd been faking but the best way would be just to tell him what you do like. "It would be really hot if you...", "[blank] turns me on" which I think people should probably do from the very beginning anyway.
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What about orgasmic chemistry.

I can expand the definition of that if anyone wants to roll around to my Fortress of Love.

Josefbugman

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #409 on: 19 Mar 2009, 09:42 »

I can sort of understand the justifications people give to me for "not having sex" but I wish they were a bit more honest. I mean two of my friends (both girls) have said "oh yeah sex is nothing to be too excited about, its not that much fun you know?" and then probably go off to have some of the most complicated of romantic entanglements I have known for a good long while and I can't help but go "oh come on people!"

The problem is (and this is meant as no reflection on you guys) but I have heard all the arguements before, and whilst convincing the first couple of times, mean bugger flippin' all when put up against the way in which everyone surrounding me seems to be throwing themselves at other people in a desperate attempt to get their things stuck in other peoples things... or visa versa.

anyway sorry to rant, hope everyones having a good day.
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snalin

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #410 on: 19 Mar 2009, 10:01 »

tl;dr - I'm half Czech, what does that make me?

Hot. Incredibly so.


Dear relationship thread: I'm a teenager and my hormones are trying to eat my brains out with lust. What do I do?
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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #411 on: 19 Mar 2009, 10:10 »

Josef, I don't think you should read Tommy as saying sex isn't good. It is enjoyable (most of the time) and it is important to (most) people. But obsessing about it probably won't get you anywhere. If you're primarily starting a relationship with someone, going somewhere, or doing something is because it's the course of action most likely to get you laid, you're probably not doing the best thing for your life in general. I'm a big fan of letting your life be your life and having a relationship when you want one.
Then again, I haven't slept with anyone since my ex-fiance and I split, and that was over a year ago now, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

Concerning your friends who tell you it's not all that important and then get in to all of these romantic entanglements, consider the possibility that your friends might be more like smokers trying to tell you that smoking isn't all that cool then like a doctor telling you about the risks of lung cancer. Once you allow yourself to make your life about sex, it's hard to break that habit. That doesn't necessarily mean you're wrong for saying to others "don't make your life about sex." My minister/mentor tells me regularly "we've got to preach beyond our practice." If all the advice we ever give to people stops at the point where we are personally, we can never inspire anyone to be better then we are. Given that we're all pretty flawed human beings, that would be pretty limited advice.

Your original question, "am I not in a relationship because I don't want to be, or am I just afraid?" that's a good question to ask yourself and I ask myself that a lot. I know I'm shy about romance. I also know that this would be a pretty rotten time for me to start a relationship with someone (with one possible exception). Keep asking yourself that question, and if there is someone, go ahead and take the plunge and ask them out (I am completely ignoring my own advice right now, I might post more about that here later).
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #412 on: 19 Mar 2009, 10:10 »

Snalin, take a cold shower.
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Josefbugman

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #413 on: 19 Mar 2009, 10:22 »

I do think about it a little too much. hmmm interesting area to examine, thanks dude. My life in general at the moment is sedentary, I am trying to rock the oat a little and I figured the best way to do that is to make a major change, though sex may not be one of them.

By the way, I would just like to point out a small hole in the reasoning of "preaching beyond yourself" as you put it, surely it is far better to rely on your own ideas and experience than it is to try and inspire things in other people? I mean how can you prove that beyond you is any better? and if it is then why aren't you doing it? (sorry, been doing theological reading for the last week or so, so I am stuck in that mindset)

Thanks for the advice dude.
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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #414 on: 19 Mar 2009, 11:49 »

No need to apologize to me for being too theological. I'm probably starting seminary in about 6 months, and currently act as one of the lay-ministry leaders of my church. That flaw you point to assumes a rational actor model, which is itself flawed, especially when dealing with individuals. I'm a person. I have faults which I can be aware of, and work to overcome those faults. I can also help people to work on those faults in themselves, even if I haven't yet overcome them. If I can't do this, then I have no business being a religious leader. Example: one of my faults is that I'm shy about romance. I can overcome this fault, I hope. But I haven't yet. If a friend comes to me and seeks advice from me about how they're having trouble meeting women, and it becomes clear to me that he's engaged in the same kind of self-sabotage that many shy men, including myself, engage in, do I better serve my friend in this case by remaining silent simply because I haven't yet overcome that fault in myself? Or do I suggest to him that this might be his problem, acknowledge that it's mine too, and offer whatever little insight I might currently have on it? You're right, it would be better if I had overcome the flaw myself, though I would suggest that it would be worse in many ways if I never had it to start with. People who have never had problems with romantic shyness basically just say "man up and do it," which is all well and good, but doesn't really help as much as talking to someone who struggles with the same character flaw.

Your objection also seems to assume that personal experience is the only authoritative source. Psychologists can draw on a body of research. Ministers can draw on scripture, theology, and philosophy. Friends can draw on any personal knowledge they may have. Perhaps that authority isn't as good as my personal experience, but it's none the less valuable. Put in very simple terms, I can say to a child "you should brush your teeth twice a day," and if I look for it, I can find significant research showing that this habit is of benefit. I can do this, even though I often only find time to brush my teeth once a day. I am preaching beyond my practice: I am saying "we aught to do this," while (hopefully) acknowledging that I don't always succeed at doing it myself.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #415 on: 19 Mar 2009, 12:07 »

Yeah, I don't think I'd tell him I'd been faking but the best way would be just to tell him what you do like. "It would be really hot if you...", "[blank] turns me on" which I think people should probably do from the very beginning anyway.

I agree with this.  Don't let them know "oh, btw, never... yeah, never."  And cut down on faking it.  Let him know you didn't orgasm and suggest different ways next time.  If he becomes curious that something he's done has always worked, well, bodies DO change.  That could be your reason/excuse.  I know that what I liked at 18 is not what I like now. 
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #416 on: 19 Mar 2009, 14:01 »

Dear relationship thread: I'm a teenager and my hormones are trying to eat my brains out with lust. What do I do?

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #417 on: 19 Mar 2009, 14:11 »

that was fast
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snalin

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #418 on: 19 Mar 2009, 14:34 »

Okay, sure.

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Guys, this is taking too long!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #419 on: 19 Mar 2009, 16:22 »

What a tiny hand you have.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #420 on: 19 Mar 2009, 16:29 »

So even though this was a long time ago, it seems like a good question to ask this thread: When you have been dating someone for a long time (like, a year or so) and have been faking it the entire time, when you finally get fed up with how your sex life is going, how do you broach the subject? How do you tell them you've been faking for 13 months and that it isn't as good as you make it seem? Do you tell them at all, or slowly work things you like into it unobtrusively? I have wondered about this for years now.

That was a terrible idea.  Never do it again.  Whatever the outcome might be this time around, the lesson you should take away from it is that faking it is basically always a terrible idea.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #421 on: 19 Mar 2009, 19:50 »

What a tiny hand you have.
It's not that small. It's just that compared to the penis, it looks quite small.


Hey guys.
Random question that doesn't really pertain to me: What is the least awkward thing to say when asking someone out?
Other than like, "Are you lost? It's a long way from heaven."
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negative creep

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #422 on: 19 Mar 2009, 19:54 »

"would you like to go out with me some time?"
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #423 on: 19 Mar 2009, 19:57 »

Anything but shitty pickup lines. I tend to be pretty straightforward and to the point, pretty much like what NC just posted above.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #424 on: 19 Mar 2009, 20:03 »

Yeah, seriously. The best way  is to just ask them.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #425 on: 19 Mar 2009, 20:12 »

I was hoping "this" was a link.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #426 on: 19 Mar 2009, 20:16 »

When I'm asking someone out, I don't even use the words "go out" ... they carry an unnecessary connotation.  I tend to use a two-part format of expressing my attraction to the person in an abstract fashion (so that they don't think I'm specifically looking for sex or specifically trying to avoid it), and then asking if they want to share a specific activity with me that offers a context for partnership-style connection.

Examples:
(To someone I only recently met) "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you.  Would you like to have dinner somewhere sometime next week?"
(To an established acquaintance) "You know, I think I'd really enjoy it if we hung out more often.  Want to check out [upcoming event] with me?  We can hang out and get some food beforehand."

You get the idea.  Make a statement of attraction without asking for it back, and make a request for further connection that isn't actually a request for a new definition of the relationship.  It offers them the choice to redefine the way they see you as a potential partner, without telling them that something will go wrong if they decide otherwise ... and then drops an opportunity into their lap that lets them have fun doing it if they choose to.  It's the perfect way to encourage someone to find out why you're actually a likable person (or, if they already know that, why you'd make a good partner).
« Last Edit: 19 Mar 2009, 20:19 by onewheelwizzard »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #427 on: 19 Mar 2009, 21:46 »

Yeah, my use of the words "go out" was just because I wouldn't actually say something like that in english. I see how they can sound wrong in a situation like that, though.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #428 on: 20 Mar 2009, 15:56 »

Okay, so now it is pertaining to me. There's a rather nice girl that I would very much like to get to know better. I don't know her all that much but I am talking to her more and more and would very much like to be in some sort of relationship that is beyond friendship.
Being me and me being an epic loser, I'm not all that sure of how to ask someone out in a high school context.
Would it be more of a, "Hey, wanna be my girlfriend?"
Or a, "Hey, we should go to a movie on friday."
I know that once you're outside of high school, it's more the latter but in high school, you'd have to be kind of direct with it, right?
Excuse my ignorance.
Thanks.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #429 on: 20 Mar 2009, 16:21 »

i'd say the latter. take her out to a movie or something and see how she feels about spending time with just you and her. if she's into it then maybe you ask her out again. then, i dunno, after you've spent some time together and you're pretty sure she likes you as much as you like her, i guess that would be the right time to ask if she's interested in a relationship. i know high school dating tends to be pretty superficial but still, i don't think most people would jump straight into a relationship with someone they didn't really know. it's probably better to ask them out on a date or something first.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #430 on: 20 Mar 2009, 19:08 »

Yeah, ask something more along the lines of "do you want to see a movie" and not "wanna be my gf." Then again, movies really aren't a good way to get to know someone, because you're sitting in a theater not talking for about 2 hours. Ask her if she wants to go get food sometime, go to an arcade, or hang out at the park, etc. I don't really know you or this girl, but ask her to do something you both enjoy so you can talk and get to know her.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #431 on: 21 Mar 2009, 10:51 »

I agree with the people who have been saying that you should not lead off your proposition for getting to know her better by asking her if she wants to define you as her boyfriend.  However, you should probably make it clear by the end of the first date that heading in the direction of that definition is something you're interested in doing.

Basically you want to do two things: you want to give her the chance to take as much time as she needs to make up her mind, AND you want to continue to give her new and better reasons to go ahead and enter the relationship.  A relationship that begins because one person felt like they had to enter it when they did for some reason is unlikely to succeed.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #432 on: 21 Mar 2009, 14:55 »

I always have a bit of a problem with this kind of thing because as well as not knowing for sure if the other person is actually interested in me, I also don't usually know if they're interested in my gender in general. The Girl From Work who I have a bit of a thing for is definitely straight so that's both questions answered at once but even so I'm having difficulty engineering situations where we see each other outside the workplace. I guess this is a crossover between relationships and friendships: I only want to be friends with her, but I want to be friends with her because I'm a little bit in love with her and just having her around makes me incredibly happy. But I don't want to say that to her because I'm worried she would freak out and never speak to me again.

Also, is it fairly normal to go through a period of being quite indiscriminately interested in sex at about fifteen and then not be at all interested at all by 18? I haven't been sexually attracted to anyone in nearly two years now and I was wondering if this is maybe a hormone rebalance thing that I'm going through? I'd quite like to enjoy sex at some point in the future, I don't want to be asexual.



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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #433 on: 21 Mar 2009, 15:00 »

Could be any number of things. It seems like for most men sexual drive never drastically flags (outside of situations of high stress and the like) but there are tales abound of women who lose interest in sex at any age. You could have a testosterone imbalance, or you could just not really be into it right now. It's probably not anything to be seriously worried about.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #434 on: 21 Mar 2009, 15:10 »

Probably more men than you imply go through periods of greatly reduced sexual urges; but this is quite normal, and can be dramatically reversed under suitable circumstances - as I discovered in my mid-40s.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #435 on: 21 Mar 2009, 15:40 »

There are any number of factors that could be involved ... one's diet and level of physical exercise, for instance, have an impact on one's sex drive that often is not considered.
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also at one point mid-sex she asked me "what do you think about commercialism in art?"

Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #436 on: 22 Mar 2009, 00:44 »

All I think is how I wanna fuck fuck fuck all the time time time.

Dear Relationship Thread,
I have a thing for a girl that had a thing for me three years ago. I had a thing for her three years ago too, but then we drifted apart and now we are friends again and she has a crush on another dude that isn't really going anywhere. We kissed a bit on thursday night and she we were really comfortable and laughing the entire evening. But I don't know how to approach wanting to have a relationship with her. We will be hanging out wednesday, thursday and friday night next week though, because neither of us have much to do in the evenings.

What do I do, halp me internet!
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Rizzla: Fuck
Rizzla: I mean girls who have penises.

Gilead

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #437 on: 22 Mar 2009, 04:13 »

All I think is how I wanna fuck fuck fuck all the time time time.

Dear Relationship Thread,
I have a thing for a girl that had a thing for me three years ago. I had a thing for her three years ago too, but then we drifted apart and now we are friends again and she has a crush on another dude that isn't really going anywhere. We kissed a bit on thursday night and she we were really comfortable and laughing the entire evening. But I don't know how to approach wanting to have a relationship with her. We will be hanging out wednesday, thursday and friday night next week though, because neither of us have much to do in the evenings.

What do I do, halp me internet!
My approach is to keep making out with them, it usually leads to relationships.
« Last Edit: 22 Mar 2009, 06:24 by Gilead »
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ViolentDove

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #438 on: 22 Mar 2009, 06:10 »

Man what is with girls.

Jeez. Way to be confusing.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

Gilead

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #439 on: 22 Mar 2009, 06:25 »

Man what is with girls.

Jeez. Way to be confusing.
Bitches bro.

*slams a beer bong*
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Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #440 on: 22 Mar 2009, 06:41 »

Man what is with girls.

Jeez. Way to be confusing.
Bitches bro.

*slams a beer bong*

Goddamnit Stephanie!

*slams a beer bong*
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Rizzla: I mean girls who have penises.

MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #441 on: 22 Mar 2009, 08:43 »

My approach is to keep making out with them, it usually leads to relationships.
Your avatar just screams "This is bad advice".
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Gilead

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #442 on: 22 Mar 2009, 08:56 »

My approach is to keep making out with them, it usually leads to relationships.
Your avatar just screams "This is bad advice".
My avatar says that every advice is the best advice.
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Slick

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #443 on: 22 Mar 2009, 09:20 »

My approach is to keep making out with them, it usually leads to relationships.

See, when I was little my parents losely explained what a lease (on our car) was as kind of like 'renting-to-own', so my thought was 'why don't we just keep renting our favorite movies from the video store and then we will own them!' but that idea did not fly.
Hopefully it works better with girls? I guess it is like peeing on a sofa to mark it as yours until the owner just gives it to you?
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phooey

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #444 on: 22 Mar 2009, 10:53 »

A better analogy would be sitting on the sofa until the sofa itself decides that it wants you to sit on it exclusively.

Which is, of course, to say that any sofa analogy probably doesn't work in this case.
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Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #445 on: 22 Mar 2009, 12:25 »

Jace's love life, now in sofa analogies!
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phooey

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #446 on: 22 Mar 2009, 14:24 »

Well so, now that we've settled that, at what point is it okay to date someone that is twice your age?  Speak to me honestly, oh thread.
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Lines

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #447 on: 22 Mar 2009, 14:47 »

When you're mature enough to handle it and the older person isn't doing it just to get in your pants (unless that's a mutual reason).
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #448 on: 22 Mar 2009, 15:26 »

When x = 0.5y + 7, where x is your acceptable age and y is the person's age.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #449 on: 22 Mar 2009, 15:38 »

So, twice your age minus fourteen.
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