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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267952 times)

ViolentDove

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #500 on: 26 Mar 2009, 21:08 »

Those aspects of my being will never change. They are fundamental and permanent facets of my nature. I don't need to "work on" eating, whatever that means. I will never drink. Ever. However, I do not have a problem with going outside. It is merely my distaste for sunlight that has grown steadily for the passed decade of my life, and that's never going to change either.

You said you don't like going out to eat because it makes your "face puff up" which sounds like an allergic reaction. I don't know if that's the case, 'cause you didn't go into more detail. if it is the case, there're things you can do to stop this happening like taking small doses of antihistamines, or getting an allergen test to determine what you should avoid. Acne can be treated in many cases as well. As for drinking, you didn't say why you didn't like drinking, so I can't really offer any advice on that, save that I have plenty of friends who don't enjoy getting drunk, but quite enjoy a social beer/wine or two. There is a great difference between getting drunk and going out for a drink! If it's the taste of alcoholic drinks you don't like, well taste can be aquired and new drinks discovered. As for sunlight, you can wear sunglasses. Or a hat. Or a parasol. Or all of the above.

I guess I can't really understand why you'd think these things would be permanent facets of your nature, because they all seem quite mutable to me if you were so inclined. Unless there's more to it.
« Last Edit: 26 Mar 2009, 21:09 by ViolentDove »
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #501 on: 26 Mar 2009, 21:09 »

NQG you can be like that all you want and I guess that is ok but you're going to have a bunch of trouble meeting people.

Also, even I know of restaurants in San Fransisco that I would drive an hour to go to. Hell, I spend an hour getting to uni and another one getting back every day; I wouldn't even think twice about it.

Get over your sunlight issue and find a favourite spot on that river at least.

Oh, also that place called Napa means you're right near a wine region right? Sometimes wineries have excellent restaurants right there.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #502 on: 26 Mar 2009, 21:14 »

I think you'll need to give in on some of your requirements. There are a lot of great places to take a date in the Bay Area, but most of them involve eating, drinking or daylight. You don't even need to go all the way to SF for a great restaurant, Berkeley has plenty. Napa and the rest of the wine country also have some really great places to eat.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #503 on: 26 Mar 2009, 21:28 »

It's not even about the area you live in. The fact is that if you want to meet people you have to go and do things in the places where other people are. It's a purely percentages game: if you think about it, the percentage of people you meet who (A) are single, (B) match your sexual orientation, (C) don't have their eye on someone other than you, and (D) are willing to consider you as a romantic or sexual partner, must be pretty damn small. If you only meet a few people a year, there's a good chance it's going to take you decades to find someone who'll be interested in you. And in our society if you don't go out in daylight, or go to places where people are drinking, or go to places where people are eating, you're probably only going to meet a few people a year. So holding onto your principals is fine and all (if that's all it is), but strap yourself in for the long haul.
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onewheelwizzard

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #504 on: 26 Mar 2009, 23:05 »

I take offense at the notion that being sober and nocturnal makes me unpleasant to be around.

Well I think might be your problem then.  A lot of people are going to think this.  Getting offended by it is probably where the contempt you were talking about comes from.  If you feel offended when people fail to enjoy themselves around you, because of differences between your personal preferences as to how to have a good time, you're going to end up offended by most people you know.  I mean, I think your aversion to sunlight means you're missing out on a lot of awesome stuff you could otherwise be doing.  Are you offended by that?  Or do I have to cross the line into explicitly saying you're actually a full-on wet blanket because of this (I don't believe that that's true but for all I know it might be), before you start getting upset?  How OK are you with people who disagree with you, basically?
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NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #505 on: 27 Mar 2009, 00:23 »

Well I think might be your problem then.  A lot of people are going to think this.  Getting offended by it is probably where the contempt you were talking about comes from.  If you feel offended when people fail to enjoy themselves around you, because of differences between your personal preferences as to how to have a good time, you're going to end up offended by most people you know.
This isn't true at all. That is not why I feel contempt for some people, and if a person finds me unpleasant to be around, that doesn't offend me at all.

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I mean, I think your aversion to sunlight means you're missing out on a lot of awesome stuff you could otherwise be doing.
No question there. I agree completely. :-(

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Or do I have to cross the line into explicitly saying you're actually a full-on wet blanket because of this (I don't believe that that's true but for all I know it might be), before you start getting upset?
Even that would not offend me, because "wet blanket" is a subjective term so I have no ground from which to refute its truth from your perspective.
I do my best not to be a wet blanket and if I fail in some peoples eyes there is nothing I can do about it.

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How OK are you with people who disagree with you, basically?
Most people tend to disagree with me about most things, so it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Not understanding me ticks me off more than disagreeing with me, which still isn't much.

Having major components of my person belittled as curable defects, pisses me off almost as much as being told shit I already know, though.
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #506 on: 27 Mar 2009, 00:55 »

Having major components of my person belittled as curable defects, pisses me off almost as much as being told shit I already know, though.

You asked; people answered.  This is not belittling. 

You are over-reacting to comments; for instance, not being fun to be with is not the same as being unpleasant to be around.

And to be talking about not changing, at your age, is silly - one day you will look back and see this was so.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #507 on: 27 Mar 2009, 01:36 »

NQG, have you tried sunglasses and sunscreen for when you have to be out in daylight? I don't like it either, but I deal with it. I tend to forget the sunscreen part, though. Are there any really thick forests around where you are? That could at least keep you in shadows rather than direct sunlight.

Other than that, moving away somewhere to your north when you can would be the only way I can think of to minimize the need to be out in the sun.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #508 on: 27 Mar 2009, 01:41 »

I don't like alcohol or caffeine, and eating food makes my face puff up and my acne stand out,
so,
what does that leave? Where the hell can I take a girl on a date? Especially a first date?

Second question. Why might I have a consistent track record of girls I know over the internet falling for me, but nearly every girl I meet in-person looks at me like I'm a piece of furniture? (Except for the one that I knew online FIRST, when I met her in person, she took my virginity and then some)
That "there are no girls on the internet" meme should read "there are no girls from California on the internet" lmao

Lastly, why, when I do meet a girl who doesn't look at me like I'm furniture, do I always seem to end up feeling such contempt for her that by the time she's willing to sleep with me I want nothing to do with her?

Ok, first question.
Move on from your problem with going to the movies. It is something you can do at night and sure there may not be talking while at the actual cinema but you then get a whole lot to talk about right after. You don't need to eat or drink to do that.
Another option is a museum or art gallery. Interesting stuff to talk about, little sunlight, no need to drink or eat unless you are hungry.
Also take Violentdove's advice on finding out what you're allergic to. You can probably take care of it pretty easily by keeping an eye on what you put in your mouth. Seriously, it's not even a thing.
I do not drink alcohol or caffeine. I am reliably informed I am still ok to be with. If someone wants to go get coffee, you can get a milkshake or an iced/hot chocolate or something. Coffee shops have other drinks. If you don't drink just say so. If someone will only hang out with you if you're going to get drunk with them then they are probably not that fun to be around anyway.

Second question:
You're probably a nice person and if you're anything like me (which I kind of feel like you are) you are probably reasonably charming/witty/interesting via a text based medium as you can monitor your responses and you have time to order your thoughts. You don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself because, hey, you can always stop talking to the person. In meatlife you're probably more shy, more reserved, maybe even a little aloof and people will probably read that as standoffish and it turns out girls don't like guys who are standoffish and boring to talk to.

Last question:
See the response above? A girl who is into a guy who is standoffish and appears to be unfriendly probably has hell of issues. You may or may not be able to tell what those issues are but either way you are probably aware that this is not really the kind of girl you want to be with. Along with your aloofness is a slight arrogance that turns a general dislike into actual contempt, as you put it. I know, I do the same thing.

Now, tell me how right I was.
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NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #509 on: 27 Mar 2009, 02:58 »

You asked; people answered.  This is not belittling. 

"You just need to get over it" is belittling. But I'm not overreacting, I'm just trying to be clear is all.

NQG, have you tried sunglasses and sunscreen for when you have to be out in daylight? I don't like it either, but I deal with it.
I have a pair of (very expensive) sunglasses that I've had for five years now, that I had get a note to wear to school ever day for my junior and senior years, and am still basically chained to them if I want to leave the house during the day.
As for sunscreen, I've never had a problem with skinburns. Usually I've gotten pseudo-feverish(all the physical signs of a fever, except the actual raised temperature) and started losing motor control long before I would have to start worrying about skin burns. (but I don't want to get into that, and you don't need to know any more than that, about that. Move on.)

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Other than that, moving away somewhere to your north when you can would be the only way I can think of to minimize the need to be out in the sun.
Already in the works, but another several years away at least.

Also take Violentdove's advice on finding out what you're allergic to. You can probably take care of it pretty easily by keeping an eye on what you put in your mouth. Seriously, it's not even a thing.
I'm not allergic to anything in the realm of food. I never said anything about any allergies. I have no idea how people are getting that from my mention of the normal over-hydration and increased blood flow in the soft tissues after food ingestion.

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If you don't drink just say so. If someone will only hang out with you if you're going to get drunk with them then they are probably not that fun to be around anyway.
Thank you. That's what I've been saying.

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Second question:
You're probably a nice person and if you're anything like me (which I kind of feel like you are) you are probably reasonably charming/witty/interesting via a text based medium as you can monitor your responses and you have time to order your thoughts. You don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself because, hey, you can always stop talking to the person. In meatlife you're probably more shy, more reserved, maybe even a little aloof and people will probably read that as standoffish and it turns out girls don't like guys who are standoffish and boring to talk to.
Okay, you're probably pretty right about most of that. But I have been getting better in that area. I'm really haven't been "standoffish" since high school. It's still beyond me to start a conversation in most circumstances, but engaging in one not so much anymore. So I think you're half-right. Three years ago you would have been 100% right, though.

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Last question:
See the response above? A girl who is into a guy who is standoffish and appears to be unfriendly probably has hell of issues. You may or may not be able to tell what those issues are but either way you are probably aware that this is not really the kind of girl you want to be with. Along with your aloofness is a slight arrogance that turns a general dislike into actual contempt, as you put it. I know, I do the same thing.
Now, tell me how right I was.
Yes and no.
Yes, I may simply not be initially attractive to the right kind of girls. I went out with one girl who was a Twilight freak and who thought I was Edward-esqe (*retch*), who I dumped after five dates, even though she was basically ready to jump my bones.
No, that wouldn't be the whole problem, because that shyness->standoffishness evaporates quite quickly once I know the girl is genuinely interested in me, and my true personality does surface.
« Last Edit: 27 Mar 2009, 03:04 by NeverQuiteGoth »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #510 on: 27 Mar 2009, 03:09 »


I'm not allergic to anything in the realm of food. I never said anything about any allergies. I have no idea how people are getting that from my mention of the normal over-hydration and increased blood flow in the soft tissues after food ingestion.
What? Are you a fucking space lizard masquerading as a human?
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Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #511 on: 27 Mar 2009, 03:15 »

Learn to live a life of solitude. Maybe you'd like to become a monk. It might suit you better.
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McTaggart

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #512 on: 27 Mar 2009, 03:21 »

Oh shit I've seen that miniseries. NQG, try eating live rats and, I dunno, marry a snake or something.
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #513 on: 27 Mar 2009, 05:57 »

"You just need to get over it" is belittling.

That is, sure.  But realising that things can be improved or got over, with help, rather than denying that change is possible*, is a first step that other people can't make for you.


* I'm referring to:
Those aspects of my being will never change.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #514 on: 27 Mar 2009, 06:28 »

The things that can change, I change. The things I can't change, I must accept. And I've learned to know the difference.

Learn to live a life of solitude. Maybe you'd like to become a monk. It might suit you better.
I'm already living a life of solitude. It so doesn't suit me.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #515 on: 27 Mar 2009, 06:36 »

The big question that so far doesn't seem to have been asked or answered is: are any of your expressed habits the result of illness (for example, skin reacting badly to sunlight, an allergy to alcohol), or are they just personal preferences? Because if it's the latter and if you're only nineteen like it says you are in your profile then you're being hopelessly naive at best and dangerously fatalist at worst if you seriously think that you can't change any of these aspect of your personality. Assuming you might want to.
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axerton

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #516 on: 27 Mar 2009, 06:53 »

At first I was going to post something very harsh in response to your question, but having had a bit of time to think about it I shall instead say:

I think you're asking the wrong question. You seem to be trying to find places to take 'normal' girls on a date. you are however clearly not a 'normal' guy - not drinking alchol or coffee is acceptable, I don't drink either of these as well, but your aversion to sunlight definatly shunts you out of 'normal' and into, for want of a better term, 'batcave dweller' territory. I think the question you should be asking is "Where can I find a 'batcave dweller' girl?" because then dates will be easy, you simply do the things that you already like to do - assuming you like to do stuff apart from stay indoors all day and make machinima - only this time you have someone with you.

my answer to the qestion I suggest you ask is -  I'm not sure, but I'll have a stab in the dark at the internet. go forth, swollow your pride and join a dating site. The demographic of girls your looking for is pretty small so you need as much help as you can get.

Speaking of swallowing your pride, you're not leaving yourself many options, so just go to the damn movies - so what if it's cleche, when it gets rigth down to it, pretty much everything you could do for a first date is cleche, dating is cleche.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #517 on: 27 Mar 2009, 07:52 »

As I've learned from my past three girlfriends, apparently I have this knack of attracting girls that fall for me REALLY hard and then get all crazy.

What's that all about?

(see also: I thought I liked girls with brown eyes, but always end up with blue-eyed girls)
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

0bsessions

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #518 on: 27 Mar 2009, 11:03 »

Disclaimer: I am going to be relatively harsh here. This is not out of hostility, per se, so much as out of how much NQG reminds me of myself as a teenager and we all know how being reminded of oneself at a point in our life we're not fond of can illicit this, so here goes.

NQG, I don't think anyone's really judging you on the not drinking, that's pretty normal. As I mentioned, I didn't drink when I was your age and I was convinced I never would.

It's the daylight thing. Not what I'd call a defect, but it is a clear and present abnormality that you will have to get over if you ever want anything even remotely resembling a normal social life. Humans are naturally diurnal and that means you are acting in an unnatural manner, and I'm not talking the idiot type of unnatural where one claims something's odd just because they don't do it, I'm saying it's unnatural because it goes against our basic biology. I've been a night person before, hated sunlight when I was around seventeen to twenty. Didn't like to go outside if I could help it (Though I at least had major allergies to trees, grass and pollen which contributed to that). Eventually I grew the fuck out of it (And got allergy shots to eliminate the other setback) and since then I've been healthier both physically and emotionally, because that is how our bodies work. Your body is supposed to be getting routine sunlight and your mental health in particular will eventually react adversely to this.

Saying you'll never change is naive at best and full on denial at worst. You are nineteen years old, man. People change and often at that. You're at an age where people change rapidly without even noticing it. The sooner you realize that you are not the same man you will be in ten years, the better off you will be. I don't know a single person my age who fits the description you've given to me because typically when you get to be 25 with a lifestyle like that, nobody will really want to hang out with you due to the severe limitations you are placing on what you are willing to do. If you want to have a social life, you need to sack the fuck up and try to learn to enjoy a few things other people like. If you are unwilling to adapt, be prepared for a lifetime of loneliness and shitty poetry, because that is what you are in for. Yeah, it's great to be a special little snowflake and all that bullshit, but you can only coast so far on that before you get to the point of alienating people as a result of being unwilling to adjust.

What you see as condescending and insulting, I see as people trying to get through your stubborn demeanor to tell you what are essentially facts of life.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #519 on: 27 Mar 2009, 11:11 »

Jon, he won't change. It sounds like a legitimate medical issue he has with sunlight. I'm guessing that based on the fact that he says he loses motor control and he had to have a note to be able to have sunglasses to school. You're acting like he just chooses or just dislikes the sun, which doesn't sound like the truth at all.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #520 on: 27 Mar 2009, 11:26 »

NQG:  Others have made similar points, but I'd like to add my two cents.  If your face becomes noticeably puffy after eating, you may legitimately have a medical issue.  If you have been checked and have no allergies, then perhaps you are overestimating how obvious the change is to others.  I've never noticed anyone get puffy after eating a reasonable amount of food.  Maybe try avoiding high-sodium foods.  They can actually make you bloat a little.  Dairy and wheat can cause some bloating if you are allergic or averse.

I'd say that if you had luck finding a girl on the internet who was eager to deflower you, your best bet might be to try the internet again.  Forums for things you are interested in would be a place, or heck, even a dating site.  Some are better than others, many people join several just to increase their odds.  OKCupid is pretty fun.  I joined that just to take silly tests.

There's no need to try being something you're not, but it can be helpful in the long run to step outside your comfort zone once in a while.  I used to think I hated clubs.  I thought the music was awful and the strobe lights were annoying.  Some friends dragged me out, and I actually had a pretty good time just dancing away.  If I'd been unwilling to go, I'd have missed out on some fun.  Keep your options open, and don't be afraid to try something even if you think you might not enjoy it.  Don't head to the beach and risk your health, of course.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #521 on: 27 Mar 2009, 16:24 »

On my last date, I had dinner at a restaurant, played tennis at a nearby park around 9:00ish (this is a lot of fun when neither of you are no good at sports, don't do this if one of you is good or not willing to pretend they are bad, that is probably no fun) because dude had tennis rackets in his trunk, and then went home and played Wii at his place for a few hours (because the tennis courts closed at 10:00). I had a bunch of fun, and we didn't do anything particularly extravagant or anything. Dates are pretty formulaic, they should entail fun + getting to know you (maybe = kisses?).

I know movies are, like, so totally unoriginal or whatever, but I mean, come on, get over yourself. (Not you in particular, everyone in general. Everybody, get over yourselves.) I will admit, I am not particularly IMPRESSED by a movie date, but I am impressed by by someone who comes out of a theater with something to say. (I am not impressed with someone who has everything to say after a movie, nobody likes a culture snob. (Actually, some people like cultural snobs, usually other culture snobs.)) I'm hard-pressed to ENCOURAGE a movie date, but you just said that you really dig movies, so why don't you just see a movie or rent a movie or talk about movies? These things are not all that difficult, dude.

Good luck with sunlight!
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NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #522 on: 27 Mar 2009, 17:10 »

you are however clearly not a 'normal' guy - not drinking alchol or coffee is acceptable, I don't drink either of these as well, but your aversion to sunlight definatly shunts you out of 'normal' and into, for want of a better term, 'batcave dweller' territory. I think the question you should be asking is "Where can I find a 'batcave dweller' girl?" because then dates will be easy, you simply do the things that you already like to do - assuming you like to do stuff apart from stay indoors all day and make machinima - only this time you have someone with you.
That would fall under shit stuff I already know.

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my answer to the qestion I suggest you ask is -  I'm not sure, but I'll have a stab in the dark at the internet. go forth, swollow your pride and join a dating site. The demographic of girls your looking for is pretty small so you need as much help as you can get.
Oh I swallowed that bit of pride a LONG time ago. I've lost track of how many dating sites I've signed up for. They're all either complete bullshit or have exorbitant monthly fees that I can't afford. I've been going down that road for years now and haven't met even one person that way.

I'd say that if you had luck finding a girl on the internet who was eager to deflower you, your best bet might be to try the internet again.  Forums for things you are interested in would be a place, or heck, even a dating site.  Some are better than others, many people join several just to increase their odds.  OKCupid is pretty fun.  I joined that just to take silly tests.
That would fall under shit stuff I already do.

Quote
There's no need to try being something you're not, but it can be helpful in the long run to step outside your comfort zone once in a while.  I used to think I hated clubs.  I thought the music was awful and the strobe lights were annoying.  Some friends dragged me out, and I actually had a pretty good time just dancing away.  If I'd been unwilling to go, I'd have missed out on some fun.  Keep your options open, and don't be afraid to try something even if you think you might not enjoy it.  Don't head to the beach and risk your health, of course.
My friends took me to a club in San Francisco a couple of times. It was fun, sort of, I danced 'n stuff, but a bit beyond the realm of my social abilities. I have that phobia, I forget what its called, but it basically means "fear of attention". Been working on that one a long time, and its gotten better but its a long way from gone; it makes that sort of environment very difficult to participate in. Plus the people for the most part seemed like the kind of people I would get sick of quickly.
Anyway, the point is that I am not unwilling. I do things whenever opportunities arise.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #523 on: 27 Mar 2009, 17:27 »

I sincerely mean no offense whatsoever by this, but do you talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor at all? I mean, I honestly haven't the slightest clue about where to even start giving you pointers about how to improve your social life. From your posts, I think it's not all your quirks that are hindering your chances with the ladies, I think it's a social thing and I think talking to someone who knows how to help with social things would be beneficial. Or even to have someone who's very close to you IRL might be able to help. I don't think your questions are being answered as well as you want them to be here because no one here actually knows you.

As for what people mentioned about allergies, there are allergies to the sun, so no, I don't think you should be forced to do things in nature. But the food thing could be caused not by allergies at all but because of something causing your saliva glands to be blocked up. I don't know whether this is the case or not, but certain medications can cause you to be more sensitive to food and then in turn cause that. (It happened to my mom when she'd switched to a new prescription.) Mostly it is caused by salty foods, like someone said earlier, but then again it could be a minor allergy that's causing it. I can't remember if you said you'd been to an allergist or not, but since bodies change over time and you can develop allergies as you age, you should probably go again if you can.

I would try to give date suggestions, but I am not very good at dating, so all I can say is that whatever your hobbies and interests are is your best chance of meeting someone you'll like. Whatever you like doing, do it in public. Go to concerts, conventions, shows, parties, whatever.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #524 on: 27 Mar 2009, 17:44 »

My friends took me to a club in San Francisco a couple of times. It was fun, sort of, I danced 'n stuff, but a bit beyond the realm of my social abilities. I have that phobia, I forget what its called, but it basically means "fear of attention". Been working on that one a long time, and its gotten better but its a long way from gone; it makes that sort of environment very difficult to participate in. Plus the people for the most part seemed like the kind of people I would get sick of quickly.
Anyway, the point is that I am not unwilling. I do things whenever opportunities arise.

I have suffered (and still do to some extent) from really bad social anxiety. The thing that helped me more than anything was being forced into social situations that were difficult for me (in my case it was moving to the dorms in college, which wound up really being the greatest thing to happen to me). You say you enjoyed clubs, but were still having difficulties there, so I think you should really try going more often. I know how much it sucks being forced into a situation like that, but if you're anything like me it will really help you in the long run. Try to just go and have as much fun as possible, don't worry about getting tired of the people there, you're not yet. Just go out, have fun, and relax.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #525 on: 28 Mar 2009, 07:37 »

Is it acceptable to just be happy around someone and not actually feel any need to make a romantic move because you're happy enough just being with them?

If that makes any sense. Just checking.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #526 on: 28 Mar 2009, 07:41 »

Works for me.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #527 on: 28 Mar 2009, 08:32 »

Yes. It's called "having a friend".
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #528 on: 28 Mar 2009, 08:36 »

Yes. It's called "having a friend".

Haha. I meant with a girl who you have very strong feelings for.  :-P

And that you like them enough that it is enough just being with them. Sorry I didn't exactly make it clear.
« Last Edit: 28 Mar 2009, 08:39 by bbq »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #529 on: 28 Mar 2009, 08:44 »

Yes. It's called "having a friend".
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #530 on: 28 Mar 2009, 10:26 »

Yes. It's called "having a friend you have a crush on".
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #531 on: 28 Mar 2009, 10:54 »

Just make sure you're realistic about this. Being someone's friend doesn't always develop in to the fulfillment of a crush. Though it can lead to that at times, it's best to be prepared that you might always just be friends and to get to the point where you're okay with that. Don't continue to hang out with her under false pretenses. If you're just hanging out because you hope that someday it will maybe lead to something, you're setting yourself up for disappointment, and she will be legitimately pissed. After all, she thought she had a friend and here you were just trying to get in to her pants the entire time. Also, don't let her stand in the way of developing other romantic interests. If she's made it pretty clear that she just wants to be your friend, then you not dating other people and "waiting for her" isn't romantic, it's creepy. Avoid these pitfalls and a little sexual attraction between friends can lead to a very close and affectionate friendship.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #532 on: 28 Mar 2009, 11:05 »

The point being, I'm not hanging around with her under false pretenses. Even if I didn't like her like that, I'd still enjoy hanging around with her. Thanks for the post though, there's some pretty good advice in there.  :-)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #533 on: 28 Mar 2009, 13:40 »

Forgot to answer these:
Any tips?

Just that if I were to find out that someone who was pursuing me didn't bother to decide between backstabbing friends and myself, then I obviously wouldn't mean as much to that person as they thought I did.  You should stand up for what you believe in.

Also, why are you hanging out with "stupid assholes?"  There are more important things than having a social life, and I think it would be more emotionally healthy to spend time with people you find worthwhile rather than necessary for some reason.
Any tips?

Do any of these people know her that you're aware of or are they just really that insecure/silly? I only ask this because when in college one of the ladies I was mildly interested in basically turned out to be ridiculously conceited gossip who luckily lost a bunch of credibility as more people got to know her.
I overdid it when I said that they were "stupid assholes". It's just more that... ah, this is a total dickish thing to say, but I feel intellectually far superior to them. They are nice people, I share some interests with them, I can joke and laugh with them, sure. But they have no clue about popular culture, they don't care about politics or anything remotely important (they can't go any further than "bombing Palestine is bad", "the children in Africa is hungry, we should totally do something"), and such thing. This girl I like, she has all that. I can have conversations with her about how a play is stupid because it was a shitty try at self-realisation and being "deep", altough they didn't do anything new. We can make fun of hipsters together. We can chat about how the right side of Norwegian politics should have fun with their urinal tubes and barbed wire, because they are going to fucking destroy our country. And so on. Her problem is that she tries to have the same conversation with my other, "dumber" friends, I don't do this. Since they can't tell the difference between being smart and faking it, they thing she is trying to be all important and grown up and better than them, when she really isn't any good at lowering herself to a simpler level of conversation. This is why thay sometimes talk shit about her.

But your advice is pretty damn good. The next time they start, I'll tell them that they are being bitches, and she is a smart girl who I think deserves better than them being bitches about what kind of person she is. Mostly because I mean it, but also because I hope that I can make them accept her. Then me trying to date her won't make me be shunned by my other friends.

Thanks, guys.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #534 on: 28 Mar 2009, 14:49 »

Hey guys, I have a friend who means a lot to me, but as nothing more than a friend. He is awesome and I love him and all that jazz, but I don't feel anything "romantic" towards him.

Soon, we will be going out on what will be a rather emotional adventure for me. He is going to be there for support, hugs, and advice. Now, since I'm gonna be all stressed out and a nervous wreck, I'd like to wear this one outfit that is fairly revealing, but consists of three layers, so it makes me feel super safe. But because it is pretty low cut, and honestly kinda slutty, I am pretty sure he'll think I am trying to hit on him. My other option is to wear this shirt that I got recently that I look like a boy in(since I got it in the boy's section and all) that I really like, that he would awesome think is pretty neat(its got some of our favorite things on it), but doesn't work as armor against stressful things. But he wouldn't think I was hitting on him. The break down of the shirts is like this:

Slutty shirt:
-5 stress
+1 confusion(in allies)
+3 anger(in allies)
+3    attraction(in creepers)

The boy shirt:
-3 attraction
-2 confidence
-3 warmth


What should I wear?



(Note: this post is only half serious. The rest is just kinda silly.)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #535 on: 28 Mar 2009, 15:24 »

Boy shirt + a coat of some description? To make you warm and to provide a tougher thing to wear.

Would advise not going with said "slutty" top, because of problems it is liable to cause.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #536 on: 28 Mar 2009, 15:43 »

I'd go the slutty top. Who cares? It's just a bit of boob.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #537 on: 28 Mar 2009, 16:07 »

hoodies:

awesome +5

jeans:

Awesome +5

That's pretty much how my post in that thread.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #538 on: 28 Mar 2009, 16:11 »

Hey guys, I used an elixer and a powder of luck and managed to get my sweater vest to +5!!! I even manage to reduce the Female unattraction penalty to only 2!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #539 on: 28 Mar 2009, 16:13 »

Hoodies

-5 charisma to all those with "lawful" alignment
+5 charisma to anyone else wearing a hoodie
+3 stealth if hood is up

Thats good news dude, but I thought you could socket that sweater vest?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #540 on: 28 Mar 2009, 17:16 »

Guys, I hope you aren't making fun of me. This is for serious how I look at my clothes.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #541 on: 28 Mar 2009, 17:44 »

What should I wear?

Perhaps a floaty scarf that's light enough to keep on would tame the slutty top for you?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #542 on: 28 Mar 2009, 19:14 »

I agree, numbered attributes for clothes is a great idea (and Emaline, I'm not making fun of you).

Jeans:
+5 awesomeness
-1 wear them too much

Shorts:
-5 hairy legs

T-Shirt:
+4 comfortable

Sweatshirt:
+5 comfortable (even when wearing t-shirt underneath, overall comfort is 5; aka adds one comfort)
-2 overheating

w/ hood:
+1 comfortable for total of 6
+ 4 stealth
+2 aloofness
-2 legality (not allowed to wear inside at school)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #543 on: 28 Mar 2009, 20:03 »

*Ahem*

Shouldn't this belong in the fashion thread or something?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #544 on: 28 Mar 2009, 22:17 »

Shorts:
-5 hairy legs
I have hairy legs, and never had a problem with shorts. I've started more or less wearing mainly plaid shorts. Are you a woman?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #545 on: 28 Mar 2009, 22:19 »

Well, it might have something to do with you not having pale white legs... at least for me that is a problem with shorts and the reason why I usually don't wear them.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #546 on: 28 Mar 2009, 22:34 »

See, I do not have hairy legs, I have feminine calves. This is why I need to ride my bicycle all the time, to build up strong legs, so I don't look like a lady from the knees-down.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #547 on: 28 Mar 2009, 23:43 »

James I have huge calves does this make my legs ugly?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #548 on: 29 Mar 2009, 07:47 »

No it just means they aren't dainty like a ballerina.
I just don't have hairy legs and I've got slim calves so if I don't define them well I get self-conscious.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #549 on: 29 Mar 2009, 08:09 »

Emaline, could you wear the slutty one under the boy shirt? I mean, you'd still be wearing it, but your friend wouldn't be confused.
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