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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 268100 times)

Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #550 on: 29 Mar 2009, 09:47 »

No. The slutty one is a few different layers. And one of the layers(the lacy one) has a bit of a collar on it, just would peak out under the boy shirt. I will probably just wear the slutty shirt.
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bbq

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #551 on: 29 Mar 2009, 10:47 »

If you are good good friends, then why don't you just tell him you aren't hitting on him? Y'know, make a little joke out of it.  :-)
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BrittanyMarie

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #552 on: 29 Mar 2009, 10:51 »

Yeah maybe when you are looking at apartments you'll find one you love and you will have a sexy neighbor who likes tattoos and octopi and fuckin' rad music and also you.
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What about orgasmic chemistry.

I can expand the definition of that if anyone wants to roll around to my Fortress of Love.

Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #553 on: 29 Mar 2009, 10:59 »

But he likes rad music and octopi and kinda me. Except I cannot hit on him.


If he says anything(as he has in the past when I wore low cut tops, I will just "psh" him.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

Josefbugman

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #554 on: 29 Mar 2009, 14:34 »

Okay guys, first question what does "psh" mean?

Second, I am in one of my philosophical moments, so I am wondering for a moment, what do you guys actually want out of relationships? As in really want out of them? You all seem to be somewhat quirky individuals but having asked most of my real life friends they inevitably want to do the whole "get married and have kids" thingamajig, and I was just wondering what you guys thought about that.
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bbq

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #555 on: 29 Mar 2009, 14:36 »

Well at the moment what I want is.. Actually, that's pretty hard to answer (this is coming from a 15 year old, btw). Well, the best I can come up with is the person I want to be with being with me.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #556 on: 29 Mar 2009, 15:30 »

"Psh" is like saying "whatevs." Or "hahaha you are so wrong."



And right now, .....I have no fucking clue what I want out of a relationship. Or even that I want one. I don't really want to spend time worrying about someone, or (god forbid)someone worry about me(which, at this current moment, is way too much to ask anyone. I feel like I shouldn't meet anyone new without first saying "just so you know, I am suicidally depressed!").

But I do want someone to go out and have fun with, and be sexual with and get cuddles from. I get enough emotional support from my friends, I don't need another person getting overly worried about me.

Does any of that make sense?

One of my closest friends(the one I was talking about earlier!) thinks that this is all a terrible idea for myself, and that I will only end up getting hurt, and being hurt worse. And that I should wait until my life is less crazy and tiring to try anything at all with anyone.
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #557 on: 29 Mar 2009, 15:57 »

I get enough emotional support from my friends, I don't need another person getting overly worried about me.

usually, but not always, the person you are in a relationship in is or becomes your closest friend, so I don't think you can have a relationship with someone and not have them worry about you, especially if you describe yourself as suicidally depressed.

That said, what I've looked for in a relationship is someone who compliments me. Its not necessary to me for us to have the same taste in music, movies, fashion, but rather a respect and understanding for each others character and personality. 
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #558 on: 29 Mar 2009, 16:17 »

for me, it isn't so much "what i look for in a relationship" as it is "what my relationships are like" cos i have always been pretty indifferent when single and don't really actively look to be with someone. all of my serious relationships started because i realised they were my closest friend and that i didn't want to experience my life without them.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #559 on: 29 Mar 2009, 17:36 »

I get enough emotional support from my friends, I don't need another person getting overly worried about me.

usually, but not always, the person you are in a relationship in is or becomes your closest friend, so I don't think you can have a relationship with someone and not have them worry about you, especially if you describe yourself as suicidally depressed.   


Which is why I don't want a relationship. I don't want a relationship because I don't want someone to worry about me. I don't need another body worrying about me. But it'd be nice to have somebody to play with. Someone who I can hang out with and not have to spend a second thinking about my shitty life. I understand that my friends want me to talk about my shitty life to try to help me, but I don't want to think about it everytime I leave my house.

I don't think I'm asking for too much. I just want some dude or lady who is down with just hanging out, and fucking around. I don't want comitment. I don't want involvement. I just want to have some fun.
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #560 on: 29 Mar 2009, 17:48 »

Okay guys, first question what does "psh" mean?

Second, I am in one of my philosophical moments, so I am wondering for a moment, what do you guys actually want out of relationships? As in really want out of them? You all seem to be somewhat quirky individuals but having asked most of my real life friends they inevitably want to do the whole "get married and have kids" thingamajig, and I was just wondering what you guys thought about that.
My friend asked me that, because I wasn't looking for sex out of a relationship, so he asked "what's the point?"
I don't remember what my response was, but I remember saying something about him being shallow, and something about the wrong reasons.

Now, thinking about it, I'm not sure. Maybe it's just so I can have someone to talk to late hours in the morning, or maybe I've gotten used to sharing affection with someone. It's a good feeling, really.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #561 on: 29 Mar 2009, 21:00 »

I'd like to fall in love again, but special people take time to find. For now I aim to spend time with people, get to know each other, and enjoy basking in each other's humanity.

The whole happily ever after marriage and kids things at times feels too conventional, but you can take anything conventional and twist it to suit you as an individual person, as long as you know that you want it for your own reasons and not just because you are supposed to want it. I feel like I used to be more reactive and not want things just because I felt like I was supposed to, but that really isn't that much better than just going along with it. As someone who didn't get to have the classic loving family, I'm beginning to think that is something that would really give me a lot of satisfaction and happiness to finally be a part of. Like knowing that I can break the cycle.
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Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #562 on: 30 Mar 2009, 00:06 »

I'd like to fuck all the time.
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snalin

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #563 on: 30 Mar 2009, 11:51 »

Fucking, cuddling, and someone to talk to. You know, really just talk about everything and have fun while doing it. I guess what I want the most is someone that I can be together with in every way I want. Not that I'd be clingy (I guess), but someone to do everything with, including sexing.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #564 on: 30 Mar 2009, 13:42 »

I realised today that a guy who I've been getting the same bus as for two years is actually kind of cute (I'd noticed this before in an abstract way), very nice and pretty interesting. I like the idea of being in a relationship with him even though I'm not attracted to him. Is this doomed to failure? I have no idea how he feels about me, I was just wondering really.

Oh and I think I kind of asked him on a date, sort of. We were talking about Duplicity which I'm going to see with some friends and I asked him if he wanted to come too. He seemed keen! I shall decide whether or not I want it to be a date and then we shall see.
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kitschykat

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #565 on: 30 Mar 2009, 21:36 »

So this guy messaged me on a dating website and was all "I might be too old for you..." and I looked at his profile and thought, wow he is really awesome and we have a lot in common, but 34 is too old for 21 year old me. So I messaged him back and said that, but noted that we should chat because he seems really cool. We talked on the internets and it was very nice, and we met up at a local coffee shop (he only lives a few miles away!). When we met it turns out I find him attractive, and I could tell that for some reason in meeting him I felt a bit nervous. It went really well and we talked about 80s cartoons, recent shows we had gone to (it turned out we were at the same one a few months ago), and movies. He invited me to go thriftshopping with him on Saturday, which I might depending on if I am free. We have so much in common I'm a little afraid to post this in case he turns out to post on this forum.

I realized when I got back that I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should be like, "hey never mind on the too old for me thing" or if he's just this new awesome friend I have. What do I dooooooo relationship thread
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #566 on: 30 Mar 2009, 21:43 »

If you're attracted to the dude and you guys share a bunch of common interests and have actual things to talk about and have fun doing together, just go for it if you think it might be a good time. Cliche as the saying is, age really is just a number in most cases. I've seen much more ridiculous age differences than that. A couple people in your life might get a little up in arms about it, but it sounds to me like you guys clicked well enough that it might be worth pursuing.
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Lunchbox

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #567 on: 30 Mar 2009, 21:45 »

34 is not so old for a 21 year old, especially if you find him attractive and you get along well and you don't get any creepy 'Dad vibes' from him. Just take it as a friendship and see what happens I guess!
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-Karamazov-

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #568 on: 30 Mar 2009, 21:59 »

I realised today that a guy who I've been getting the same bus as for two years is actually kind of cute (I'd noticed this before in an abstract way), very nice and pretty interesting. I like the idea of being in a relationship with him even though I'm not attracted to him. Is this doomed to failure? I have no idea how he feels about me, I was just wondering really.

Oh and I think I kind of asked him on a date, sort of. We were talking about Duplicity which I'm going to see with some friends and I asked him if he wanted to come too. He seemed keen! I shall decide whether or not I want it to be a date and then we shall see.

I can't think about that movie without thinking about this picture

In all honesty though, attraction is a tremendous part of a relationship.  It depends what you mean by "like the idea of being in an a relationship with him."
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Josefbugman

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #569 on: 31 Mar 2009, 01:41 »

I am rather pleased to notice that my question has elicited such a wide range of answers, I was expecting a wider and more interesting amount of answers than I got out of real life people, and its good to see that people all want something different.

But I have to ask (and this is partially out of sheer self indulgence) does anyone plan on not having a relationship at all when they got older? Its just that I can quite easily picture myself living alone forever pretty much, and it is starting to worry other people (and myself if I am honest) that nobody else has even considered the possibility outside of there darkest nightmares.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #570 on: 31 Mar 2009, 02:59 »

Well, when I was younger (around 17-18) I couldn't really envision myself being with anyone for any particularly long time. I had a girlfriend at the time but I kind of hated her and was only with her because I didn't want to be alone and I had all kinds of self-destructive habits and whatnot. Any time that I tried to imagine an older version of myself I would always be alone. Not unhappy, just not with anyone. Even when I imagined having kids I always figured I would be a single dad; either divorced or widowed or something.

Now that I'm (slightly) older and I've kicked the habit of being with people (both platonically and romantically) who are absolutely terrible for me I've been in a happy and successful relationship for over two years. We're talking about moving in together next year and I can honestly see a different outlook for my life. I even don't hate the idea of having kids anymore after having met Pen's daughter when I was in Boston as she is pretty much cute as a button and, in my experience of children, just the sweetest kid in the world.
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pen

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #571 on: 31 Mar 2009, 04:22 »

Damn right.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #572 on: 31 Mar 2009, 07:15 »

Plus she gives a pretty great high five.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #573 on: 31 Mar 2009, 07:58 »

34 is not so old for a 21 year old, especially if you find him attractive and you get along well and you don't get any creepy 'Dad vibes' from him. Just take it as a friendship and see what happens I guess!

13 year-old dad vibes
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #574 on: 31 Mar 2009, 09:05 »

34 is not so old for a 21 year old, especially if you find him attractive and you get along well and you don't get any creepy 'Dad vibes' from him. Just take it as a friendship and see what happens I guess!

13 year-old dad vibes
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #575 on: 31 Mar 2009, 14:59 »


But I have to ask (and this is partially out of sheer self indulgence) does anyone plan on not having a relationship at all when they got older?


I don't plan on this one way or the other. Yes, I'd probably enjoy being in a relationship with someone when things settle down and my life is not completely chaotic. Do I need a relationship to complete my life? No, not really. I am fine with being single as long as I have good friends. And good fuck buddies.


That all being said....

Would I be a terrible person if I started an extremely casual relationship with someone who I am not attracted to, nor do I ever have any plans to have any sort of serious or any more serious relationship with this person?*

They give me the attention that I want and I know I could get them to play "boyfriend/girlfriend" with me(meaning: make outs, and snuggles, and "oh my gosh we are head over heels for each other!" but not really being serious about any of it).




*the answer to this question is yes. Yes, I would be a terrible person. This person would get hurt, and it'd be my fault. People are not toys. They are living, breathing things with emotions. Tell me that I should not do this.




Also, a long long long long time ago, I used to sleep with/hang around with this one fellow. Our relationship never meant anything more than banging. Occasionally, we'd just hang out and not fuck, and this was all fine and dandy and fun, and neither of us had any complaints about that. But mostly we just slept together. We ended our relationship rather apathetically, when we both moved away. No one got hurt and occasionally we'd make rather lusty phone calls to each other, but in general we lost touch.


*Now, I am probably moving to the same neighborhood as him, and I have been really tempted to start our relationship up with him. I talked to him just the other day and he seems pretty ok with it. One of my friends is concerned that I will just end up hurt if I do start up this relationship with this guy. What are your thoughts?


*this is if I don't start up the relationship with the other fellow.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

Yunior

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #576 on: 31 Mar 2009, 16:33 »

Started a new quarter at school today, cute boy in my feminism class

Is this a trick?
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tania

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #577 on: 31 Mar 2009, 17:00 »

some guys do take feminism classes to pick up girls, unfortunately. i have met lots of guys in uni (some gay girls too) who have professed to doing this and the vast majority of them were completely obnoxious misogynist assholes. there are lots of very good guys who are into feminism too though, just tread lightly and don't get your hopes up before you get to know him.
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Hat

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #578 on: 31 Mar 2009, 18:36 »

Started a new quarter at school today, cute boy in my feminism class

Is this a trick?

Possibly nu-Romantic frilly collar type. tread carefully
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #579 on: 31 Mar 2009, 18:47 »



my high school literature teacher defined feminist as a person who think women should have equal rights. By that definition its not hard to find men that are feminists.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #580 on: 31 Mar 2009, 18:53 »

Didn't we have one in the Discuss forum?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #581 on: 31 Mar 2009, 18:58 »

By that definition nearly everyone in the world is a Feminist.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Have you actually like, been in the world recently? At all?
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #582 on: 31 Mar 2009, 19:15 »

Guys, once me and Tommy had a huge fight about this. I think its probably best to not discuss it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #583 on: 31 Mar 2009, 19:18 »

Started a new quarter at school today, cute boy in my feminism class

Is this a trick?

Be hella suspicious.


hella
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #584 on: 31 Mar 2009, 19:29 »

Ok, fine. I don't want to argue, but if you guys feel the need to discuss this, there is a proper thread for it, and I'd rather not have anyone mucking this thread up.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #585 on: 31 Mar 2009, 20:33 »

Some people confuse being a feminism with egalitarianism. Just sayin'.

Also, maybe the guy is taking the class with hopes it will help him understand women. Feel free to assist him with extracurricular studies.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #586 on: 31 Mar 2009, 20:54 »

Also,


(Oh man. Somebody answer my questions. I have one friend telling me that I would NOT be an ass for screwing around with the first guy, and one friend telling me I am completely stupid for wanting to start things up with the other guy.)
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #587 on: 31 Mar 2009, 21:08 »

Emaline, I think you're fine in either case so long as you're honest with the people involved and are sure they're capable of being honest with you and with themselves.

If the first guy (as you maybe imply) is not capable of being in a relationship that's just for fun and doesn't mean anything, then you probably shouldn't enter in to a relationship with him. It won't feel good for long if you're just playing around and he thinks you're a serious prospect.

If the second guy is someone who you've comfortably had a relationship of this type with in the past, there's no reason to believe you won't be able to handle it this time.

However, you should be honest with yourself too. You seem to be in a rough spot right now and sex, even casual sex, can have complicated emotions involved. It might be best just to not enter in to a sexual relationship with anyone for a little while and see if you can get to a stable, happy place for yourself first. It's up to you to decide what you can handle, but if a little physical comfort isn't worth the additional emotional stress, please admit that to yourself.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #588 on: 31 Mar 2009, 21:23 »

I found out he is a Gender Studies and Performance Studies major.

Is he gay? Is he for real? Am I in love? What is happening?
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #589 on: 31 Mar 2009, 21:26 »

The last two times I've had sex, its been with someone I didn't like at all. With both of these guys, I have a small amount of emotional investment. They first guy is definitely someone who I would consider my friend. We are emotionally involved with each others lives. I talked to him shortly after my first therapy session, and he was basically there for part of the backlash(therapy is stupid and dumb and terrible and I hate it and it makes me act like a child. I came home and I threw shit. I threw a newspaper at the wall, and my wallet at a mirror. I don't typically act like this.) He is a witness to my bad behavior and how I am emotionally, and he deals with it well. He also has a lot more emotionally invested in me than I do in him. I feel like, even if I am completely honest with him, he is still going to get hurt.


As for the second guy, well, I am pretty sure I don't mean much more to him than a fuck buddy. I used to worry that he was too emotionally attached because he is quite a snuggler, and man, every person that I've just casually hooked up with was not into snuggles at all, and this dude is hardcore into them. But I honestly don't think he has any emotional attachment to me. I don't think hanging out with some dude, and banging occasionally will be a bad thing at all.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #590 on: 31 Mar 2009, 21:31 »

Clara, maybe he's bi. Gender bender!

Em, I can't answer your question because I tried the fuck buddy thing once and it made me feel all sorts of wrong. But uh, if you're going to do it, go for the second guy. Don't hurt your friend if you don't have to. Also, snuggles are pretty much amazing. Embrace the snuggles.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #591 on: 31 Mar 2009, 21:37 »

By that definition nearly everyone in the world is a Feminist.
EQUAL RIGHTS mean I can find a girl that will date a guy younger than or of equal age to them.

THERE ARE NO EQUAL RIGHTS.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #592 on: 31 Mar 2009, 22:01 »

Wait, of all the inequities/gender differences in the world you could have picked, it's that women usually like older guys? Men usually like younger women, so it sorta' works out in the end, and if you've got a thing for older women there are enough of them out there who do like younger guys that you should probably be fine.

Anyway, Em, if you're going to do this, I agree with Linds it needs to be guy #2. It sounds like guy #1 probably is someone you need as a friend right now, and if you screw that up by sleeping with him, knowing that it will mean something more to him then it does to you, you might regret it later.

And Yunior, if you're curious about Gender Studies guy's sexual orientation, just ask him. If he's a gender studies major, he's probably comfortable talking about it and will probably give you an honest answer. For the record, I'm a (mostly) heterosexual dude and I briefly thought about getting a master's degree in gender studies simply because I find it really interesting. So you never know.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #593 on: 31 Mar 2009, 22:09 »

By that definition nearly everyone in the world is a Feminist.
EQUAL RIGHTS mean I can find a girl that will date a guy younger than or of equal age to them.

THERE ARE NO EQUAL RIGHTS.


Cougars.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #594 on: 31 Mar 2009, 22:19 »

I don't think a Cougar is going to go for a 16 year o-... Nevermind.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #595 on: 01 Apr 2009, 02:58 »

I dated a guy who was two years younger than me when I was sixteen. It was the best relationship I've had to date.

I wouldn't date you though. It would take me more than two years to walk to see you each day.



This is a facetious reply but I'm being fairly serious: age gaps don't matter after a certain point. Just because it's socially common for the man to be older doesn't mean it's wrong for the woman to be older.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #596 on: 01 Apr 2009, 03:34 »

I am dating a guy 10 years my senior. It is pretty awesome.

I think that girls your age probably don't want to date guys the same age or younger because of maturity factors. Girls mature earlier than guys (generalising here) so they would probably go for older men as they would be the same maturity level. Dating a younger guy would probably have the same issues, so it's probably why that happens.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #597 on: 01 Apr 2009, 03:35 »

Plenty of girls date younger. Sure, they may prefer older, just like they may prefer doctors, or brunettes - but that doesn't mean they will reject everybody else out of hand. Make a good impression and you should be fine.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #598 on: 01 Apr 2009, 08:35 »

The last person I had any sort of a relationship with was 7 years older than me. He is now seeing a woman who is 7 years older than me.


We are still friends, and whenever we had our little relationship, he used to tell me that I am too young for him all the time. I guess it was a big deal to him. Now that he is dating his lady, with the same age gap as he and I had, I always want to tease him and ask if she says he's too young.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #599 on: 01 Apr 2009, 09:23 »

The last person I had any sort of a relationship with was 7 years older than me. He is now seeing a woman who is 7 years older than me.

Emaline's age=x
His age=x+7
Other woman's age also=x+7

I think you made a typo. I think I understand that you meant to say 7 years older than him. Otherwise you just blew my mind.
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