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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 268070 times)

benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #600 on: 01 Apr 2009, 09:32 »

Granted, I would be more reluctant to start a serious relationship with a 19-year-old (7 years younger) then a 33-year-old (7 years older). It's not just the number of years or even the ratio so much as it's a stage of life thing. I've both finished my bachelor's and worked in the professional world for several years, I'm planning for grad school and I'm reasonably sure where my life is going, I'm completely independent of my parents, and I'd like to start thinking about starting a family of my own. Given all that, I would prefer to date someone who is also either done with or in the later stages of her education, had a clear sense of what she was going to do with her life, lived on her own, and was ready to start thinking about marriage and family. This doesn't describe all that many 19-year-olds. Simply put, I'd be much more likely to find someone who shares my goals for the relationship with the older woman then I would be with the younger woman.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #601 on: 01 Apr 2009, 09:37 »

The last person I had any sort of a relationship with was 7 years older than me. He is now seeing a woman who is 7 years older than me.

Emaline's age=x
His age=x+7
Other woman's age also=x+7

I think you made a typo. I think I understand that you meant to say 7 years older than him. Otherwise you just blew my mind.

Haha, yeah. Man I was totally confused there for a second, but you are right.
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tania

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #602 on: 01 Apr 2009, 12:23 »

Girls mature earlier than guys (generalising here) so they would probably go for older men as they would be the same maturity level.

i hear this all the time and there probably is some truth to it, but it still bugs me cos i have met a lot of guys who only date younger girls and like to say this because that way they can justify their creepy relationships with their girlfriends who are drastically younger than them (not creepy specifically because of the age difference, but creepy because they actually were just creepy couples). i'm pretty hypocritical anyway in that everyone i've ever been involved with has been a few years older than me, but still, something about hearing guys say this gives me a bit of a bad vibe.
basically what i am trying to say in this lame post is that i wish there were more guys who are cool with dating older ladies.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #603 on: 01 Apr 2009, 12:25 »

I am so completely down with dating older ladies.

Not really older men, though.

I can't explain that one.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #604 on: 01 Apr 2009, 12:31 »

I am too. I really don't understand why some people get weirded out by it. Especially once you're in your twenties and the maturity issue shouldn't matter as much.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #605 on: 01 Apr 2009, 12:32 »

I really would not have a problem in the least dating an older lady.

Except that whole not single thing, you know.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #606 on: 01 Apr 2009, 12:36 »

I like dating people at the same maturity level as me and that's all I know. But I am in my 20s and I don't want to date younger boys because the ones around here are kind of dumb.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #607 on: 01 Apr 2009, 13:00 »

How is "maturity level" defined. I mean I just wanted to ask how people define how "mature" someone is.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #608 on: 01 Apr 2009, 14:36 »

Girls mature earlier than guys (generalising here) so they would probably go for older men as they would be the same maturity level.
See I think this only applies when you're talking about people between the ages of 14 and 18.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #609 on: 01 Apr 2009, 14:54 »

By that definition nearly everyone in the world is a Feminist.
EQUAL RIGHTS mean I can find a girl that will date a guy younger than or of equal age to them.

THERE ARE NO EQUAL RIGHTS.

Actually it's funny that although now I'm semi into this 34 year old guy, and dated some people one or two years older than me, the vast number of people I've been into have tended to be younger or maybe the same age. AND THEY WERE ALL EFFING DUMB. srsly

One thing I've noticed with equal age or younger guys 18-22 is that they freak out easy. Showing interest means I love them and want to suck them into a heavy serious relationship, even if what I'm really getting at is a bootycall. Or sometimes they were into the serious thing, but as a result completely changed their personality and became uninteresting.

I think maturity level as far as relationships go is being able to be honest and upfront about your emotions and what you want. Also important is having a sense of self strong enough to be open to growing and learning from someone else, while still resisting the urge to abandon their individual perspective in hopes of merging completely into a single relationship unit (so gross). There is a really fine balance between the ability to love and depend on other people, and the ability to be independent on one's own. It might be something you have to figure out with time. I think men are raised in a culture that discourages the dependence aspect, as well as demonstrating emotion (being a wuss, being emo, i.e. being a 'girl') so perhaps thats why there is a hunk of truth in the generalization that they mature slower as there needs to be more time to reprogram all that junk out.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #610 on: 01 Apr 2009, 16:39 »

Girls mature earlier than guys (generalising here) so they would probably go for older men as they would be the same maturity level.
See I think this only applies when you're talking about people between the ages of 14 and 18.

Mr Blu is 16, no? That is what I was referring to. I agree that after about 18 the whole "maturity" thing evens out so it's not really an excuse after that point.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #611 on: 01 Apr 2009, 16:43 »

I am dating a guy thirty-eight million my senior. It is pretty awesome.

I think that girls your age probably don't want to date guys the same age or younger because of maturity factors. Girls mature earlier than guys (generalising here) so they would probably go for older men as they would be the same maturity level. Dating a younger guy would probably have the same issues, so it's probably why that happens.

FYP
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #612 on: 01 Apr 2009, 16:49 »

Yeah sorry Hannah hadn't read the whole thing. I'd make a joke about how old est is but I mean I don't want to do that too much.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #613 on: 01 Apr 2009, 16:54 »

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #614 on: 01 Apr 2009, 17:04 »

You are so mean to me.

Like, 24/7 mean.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #615 on: 01 Apr 2009, 17:39 »

It's alright, though, because old people don't have feelings.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #616 on: 01 Apr 2009, 22:21 »

Cold and corpse-like, eh?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #617 on: 02 Apr 2009, 04:51 »

Love,  A word that many define differently.  A word that some take for granted and use everyday in their simpllist conversations.  In the same sense someone may take the word verify seriously and never use it because of the seriousness it inflicts within their own thought process.  This word can be used to generalize how you should be towards your kindred.  Where as this word may be used for that special one person in your life that means more than everything and everyone else to you.  It may be a word used in a moment of passion as chemical in your brain signal for your to blurt out a word to rationalize the intense sensative you are feeling.  Will we ever know what a true love is?  No.

No one can not be hurt in a relationship.  There is always risk when trying anything.

That is how I feel about things, but am still conflicted in my own personal mind about my relationships.  Is my logic flawed?  Do I need to narrow my own view of the word love?
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #618 on: 02 Apr 2009, 08:51 »

Dear Relationship Thread,


Remember guy #1? Well, I had told him to take me out to dinner. He wanted to, and we were going to go. Then I had a panic attack(about money) and cancelled on him. He got pissed off and told me that I needed to go because all I do is sit around and stress out all the time and I need to go have fun and do something relaxing.

Now, I kinda get the feeling that he only wants to go out for dinner because he thinks we are going to have sex afterwards, which is why he got pissed off. However, dude is also one of my friends and maybe has a point and is pissed because I do actually need to do something fun and not sit at home having panic attacks. So which is it, relationship advice thread? And what should I do?


Also, there is a plan b. I could invite him over for chinese food and card games. Which slightly sounds like a better idea because I wouldn't have to leave my home, and it would still be fun. But then, I mean, then dude is gonna think that sense we are already in my house and all that he is gonna get laid.
« Last Edit: 02 Apr 2009, 09:05 by Emaline »
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Ozymandias

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #619 on: 02 Apr 2009, 09:13 »

JUST GO DO SOMETHING WITH HIM.

Jesus. Maybe he just wants to go out to bone you. Maybe he doesn't. That fact is completely and totally irrelevant to the fact that the more you sit there, wondering and worrying, the less you're actually doing and the more of a hole you're going to dig to sit in. You can have a fun time with a dude who wants to make with the sex and not actually bone him and yeah maybe he'll be disappointed but fuckin' hell, that is irrelevant too because that is his own damn fault for putting expectations.
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snalin

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #620 on: 02 Apr 2009, 14:55 »

^what he said

Sitting at home worrying won't help at all. And it's probably just going to worsen your depression, so go do some shit. As long as you trust him to stop when you say "no", it's better to go than not.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #621 on: 02 Apr 2009, 22:27 »

A dude can totally want/enjoy sex without really thinking that everything that happens prior to the sex is so much detritus that just needs to be tolerated prior to the "main event." I've gone out with women who I figured might have sex with me and still had a great time whether it happened or not. Oddly, the fact that I'm not really all that sexually demanding to begin with is probably why I appreciate genuine enthusiasm for sex so much. I'm kinda creeped out by the idea that the girl I'm boning might see sex as merely a formality that comes along once a certain stage in the relationship is reached rather than something they have a real interest in doing. A lady closing her eyes and just thinking of England would probably kill my boner in about a tenth of a second.
« Last Edit: 02 Apr 2009, 22:29 by Alex C »
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #622 on: 02 Apr 2009, 22:56 »

It isn't so much as "oh man dude has bought me dinner a few times, I obviously owe him sex" as it is "dude makes a lot of moves and advances that I ignore I am pretty sure he wants to have sex."


Anyway, I invited him over for chinese food and video games. My dog must have been trained by manhating lesbians, because as soon as he would sit next to me, she would get on the couch and sit between us. She is no little dog, she's a german shepard chow mix. So she sort of cockblocked all night. I don't think he likes my dog.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #623 on: 02 Apr 2009, 23:21 »

Quote
. You can have a fun time with a dude who wants to make with the sex and not actually bone him and yeah maybe he'll be disappointed but fuckin' hell, that is irrelevant too because that is his own damn fault for putting expectations.

To be fair you really probably couldn't have a good time with some dudes who just want to do the deed.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #624 on: 03 Apr 2009, 15:39 »

Either I will not be friends with this girl or we will be dating by morning

Man relationships choices whilst drunk are bad but addictive
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #625 on: 04 Apr 2009, 07:49 »

Guys. The guy who's music I went to see and who I had lunch with yesterday - should I ask him to the movies tonight? I likes him.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #626 on: 04 Apr 2009, 07:52 »

Guys. The guy who's music I went to see and who I had lunch with yesterday - should I ask him to the movies tonight? I likes him.
Yes.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #627 on: 04 Apr 2009, 08:11 »

Guys. The guy who's music I went to see and who I had lunch with yesterday - should I ask him to the movies tonight? I likes him.

yes.
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Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Lines

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #628 on: 04 Apr 2009, 08:40 »

Ok. I will let you know if things go well. I'm thinking Adventureland or Monsters vs. Aliens, but we will see.
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Beren

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #629 on: 04 Apr 2009, 08:49 »

Adventureland looks stupid but Monsters vs Aliens is kinda cutesy.

Oh you probably weren't asking about advice on the movie...  :-P
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #630 on: 04 Apr 2009, 09:10 »

I'd go for Monsters v. Aliens, Linds.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #631 on: 04 Apr 2009, 12:33 »

Quote
. You can have a fun time with a dude who wants to make with the sex and not actually bone him and yeah maybe he'll be disappointed but fuckin' hell, that is irrelevant too because that is his own damn fault for putting expectations.

To be fair you really probably couldn't have a good time with some dudes who just want to do the deed.

Exactly.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #632 on: 04 Apr 2009, 14:32 »

I asked him and he said, "Of course," and we're seeing MvA. Yay!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #633 on: 04 Apr 2009, 21:53 »

I just saw I Love You, Man. Fucking hilarious, way better than the previews showed it to be. For anyone else who needs a good date movie, I say go with that one.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #634 on: 04 Apr 2009, 22:54 »

Monsters vs. Aliens would be a great date movie. It was funny and cute, though surprisingly short.

So dude and I met up for a 9pm movie and hung around talking until around 1-ish. There were a few awkward silences, but I usually am awkwardly silent around people I haven't been around much and when we were talking the talking was good. And this definitely wasn't a date, but I don't know if he actually has that in mind or if he's just looking for more people to hang out with. I hope it isn't the latter. I don't really need another male friend without boy attached to the front of it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #635 on: 05 Apr 2009, 08:08 »

Quote
I don't really need another male friend without boy attached to the front of it.

I find most of my male friends have boys attached to their fronts.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #636 on: 05 Apr 2009, 08:10 »

Monsters vs. Aliens would be a great date movie. It was funny and cute, though surprisingly short.

So dude and I met up for a 9pm movie and hung around talking until around 1-ish. There were a few awkward silences, but I usually am awkwardly silent around people I haven't been around much and when we were talking the talking was good. And this definitely wasn't a date, but I don't know if he actually has that in mind or if he's just looking for more people to hang out with. I hope it isn't the latter. I don't really need another male friend without boy attached to the front of it.

I take it you had a good time, then? Good going! =D
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #637 on: 05 Apr 2009, 08:53 »

yeah, congrats :-D ! and monsters vs. aliens was an EXCELLANT movie. I saw it in 3d Imax; the visuals were crazy good.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #638 on: 05 Apr 2009, 12:00 »

dear relationships thread,

why do i get along really well with my boyfriend when we actually see each other in person (one of the reasons i haven't broken up with him, despite certain internet people's advice!) but... not so much when we are apart and communicating through phone conversations/texting/facebook/etc?  what the hell am i supposed to do about this? i don't think spending more time together is the answer because really it is not healthy to only ever hang out with your significant other, and i don't want that because i am an independent lady. but i can't see any other possible solutions either.

also why do i keep thinking about the other boy adlskgjfjhdkdfgdsk. i don't have romantic feelings for him, i just think things kind of ended on a weird note and i would like things to stop being weird and have teh normal friendships but i don't want to act creepy and clingy and keep on inviting him to do stuff with me (not sexy stuff) and keep getting shot down, cause that would be kind of sad and pathetic and desperate. so i just don't talk to him even though i do want to. should i try getting in touch with him again or just not bother?



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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #639 on: 05 Apr 2009, 12:47 »

Unless the communication issues are full blown arguments I wouldn't read too much into them. Speaking from my own experience, I'm about a 1000% better at and more interested in face-to-face communication than talking over a phone. Quite simply, I was raised in a family that communicates largely through equal parts sarcasm and animated body language; I have a strong tendency to send most of my positive/approving messages through non-verbal communication and my negative messages verbally. That's fine in a face-to-face situation when people can obviously tell I'm happy to see them, but over a phone I find life is a lot easier if I actively change the way I communicate. It works, but frankly, it's something I'm not really interested in doing for any longer than I have to. Honestly, the best relationship of my life was somewhat awkward over the phone but it didn't really matter very much.
« Last Edit: 05 Apr 2009, 12:53 by Alex C »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #640 on: 05 Apr 2009, 16:32 »

A lot of people just don't like the phone, or other technology, unless it's for communicating essential information. I'm assuming you guys see each other regularly enough that he might not find it necessary to spend much energy on those other things. Does this actually bother you? Or do you just worry it is indicative of greater problems with your relationship? If it does bother you, maybe you could drop a casual comment, like that you'd like to catch up with him more when you aren't together, etc. But really I feel like there are just some people who don't find technology to mesh with their communication style and probably won't change much unless you show its really really important to you. If its not, then it probably isn't a big deal.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #641 on: 05 Apr 2009, 17:46 »

Quote
not so much when we are apart and communicating through phone conversations/texting/facebook/etc?

What's "not so much?" Full on arguing? Lack of discussion? Lack of connection?

For me it just depends on how seriously I'm taking the relationship. If the other person has a hard time connecting to me when I'm not physically there, it's going to be a pretty big drawback if I'm taking the relationship rather seriously, even if it's just because I have kind of high standards for a serious relationship. Do you talk a lot in person? Like.. full blow conversations, one on one?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #642 on: 05 Apr 2009, 21:35 »

Anna I do not think I am that much of a pessimist but maybe I am just more jaded than I realize. Anyways, I think you should drop that dude, but I mean that is the last time I am going to say that, as you have clearly heard it enough for now.
Anyways, I don't know, how do you find the communication problematic? Is he disinterested, vacant? Is he self-conscious, awkward? Different symptoms may mean different things.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #643 on: 05 Apr 2009, 22:12 »

Dear Internet,

Recently(roughly last weekend), I went to a party hosted by my (at the time)very good friends, we'll call them S and J. J and S are dating.

J picked me up to go to this party, and to buy some booze. He brought his friend, J2 along. J2 is recently single, and he is going to the party as well.

Now, typically S would pick me up, but she was out with a girl she had just met, named V.

After getting all the proper party supplies, J, J2, and I head to J's house. Once there, S and V show up, with V's 2 year old kid, who is promptly put to bed. Party begins, everybody drinks, smokes, etc.

V is new in town and doesn't really know anyone. This is my first time meeting her, J's second, and J2's first time as well. V gets very drunk/high at this party.

At many points in the night, J and S are snuggled up on the couch together, as are J2 and V. I am off to the side of the couches, on the computer, playing music for everybody and partisipating in very little conversation. I am enjoying myself.

At some point, we all go outside to smoke. V informs us all that when she gets high she tends to make out with things, and then points to me and says "you're first." I walk to the other side of the porch.

Later, I am laying on the sofa and V lays on top of me, puts her arm around me and attempts to take pictures. I wiggle free, and go outside to smoke.

Somehow one of my good friends being Jewish comes up, and V uses it to very loudly talk about how there are sooo many jews where she is from. I go back inside and lay on the couch again and start talking to S about everything that has been going on lately. V comes inside and interupts me to continue to loudly talk about all the Jews.

Basically, the party continued thusly. I had an alright time. I don't like V and was never outrightly mean to her. I just kept my interactions with her to a minimum.

Later the next day, I inform S that I don't like V. I never say anything bad about her. I just say "I don't like V, and I am sorry if that makes me a bad person." S then informs me of how I was such a cunt at the party and no one apperciated the way I acted, and ohmygod how dare I be so rude. S and I argue. I feel like I did nothing wrong and am offended that she thinks so. She thinks I am being a bitch and that obviously something is wrong with me for not like V because she is so sweet, and nice and such a wonderful person, not to mention a great mom. I tell S that I am done with the whole thing and want nothing to do with anyone.

Today, J, S's boyfriend, texts me asking if he and I are still on for Dante's(the local goth club*). He and I made plans to go during the party.

Should I go? Should I ask S for an apology? Should I let bygones be bygones? Should I be nice to V? Should I call V out? Should I talk to any of them? Was I being a bitch?


*He wants to go for a class, I want to go to meet people. I have two other circles of friends who hang out there. I've never been before. I know its silly. I'm not goth**. Neither is Coyote. Or Thursday. Or any of my other silly goth friends.


**one of my friend's once called me Gothic Betty Crocker.***

***I'm still not goth.
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Slick

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #644 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:16 »

Em we have only heard you say what made you mad. Is there anything you think you did that might have made you seem bitchy?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #645 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:29 »

I left the room when the girl would use the word Jew as an insult.

I wiggled free from the girl, and went to sit by myself, when she laid on me.

I was on the internet while the two couples cozied up with each other.

Honestly, I cannot think of anything that I did that was overly bitchy. The girl insulted me, I left the room. The girl basically sexually assualted me, I removed myself from the situation. Like I said, I never directly said anything mean to this girl. I told my friend that I don't like the girl because I don't want to create bad time by being around her.

S and J were my best friends. But I honestly don't think I can be friends with someone who thinks that what I did that night was wrong and what that girl did was ok.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #646 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:37 »

Thing is, they may have seen your actions as being anti-social toward the new girl instead of being that you didn't like what she was doing. It is common high school thinking (not that they are in high school, but that sort of thinking is real fucking common until people are like 35). If this V girl was vocal about the fact that you did these things, it would only make it seem worse, and the V girl may think that you don't like her but not actually know why you don't like her. If you never tell someone that what they're doing upsets you, then they will keep doing it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #647 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:38 »

hmmm, I think you should go. It'd give you a good oppurtunity to talk to J about what happened in person and to see what he thinks about it. You definitely didn't do anything wrong. It's almost always best to talk about these things.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #648 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:50 »

Go probably. Bygones seems like the best approach, but it will probably not be that great of a solution.
People have startlingly varying interpretations of what's appropriate and what makes one a bitch. I don't think I'd be inclined to spend time with V, so I guess it depends how much you like S and if you think that's a relationship worth working on if you accept that he thinks V is alright.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #649 on: 05 Apr 2009, 23:59 »

Pants, I am pretty sure that if I would have vocalized how I felt to that girl, then everybody really wouldn't have "apperciated" how I acted at that party. Everyone saw what was happening. I told J that I didn't like the girl during the party. But once again, it wasn't like "ohmyfuckinggodwhatabitch," it was like "J....I don't like V. She makes me uncomfortable. I am really sorry."

Littlekey, J doesn't think I am a bitch, and I don't think he was really aware of the arguement between S and I. I talked to him tonight and he said that he didn't think I was being a bitch.

I tried talking to S about all of this. Pre-arguement, and she is the one who turned it into an arguement. When I explained why I felt like I did, she responded with "emaline, stop being a drama queen. I'm done with this silly discussion, and am through talking about it." Because she fucking know she is wrong. And instead of acting like I did something wrong she should have stood up for me.

Basically, I'd really like an apology from S and I never want to see V again.

Am I being ridiculous?
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