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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 268037 times)

Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #850 on: 28 Apr 2009, 06:15 »

My cat peed on my boyfriend's sweater a couple of months ago.

did he want to pound your pussy until 5am?

Oh hey thread,
So this girl wants to do things with me and I want to do things with her, I've never really had a casual friend that was mature enough to do this sort of thing. I don't really know how to handle it and stuff. How should I handle something like this?

Edit: okay there, now it is a question. This is technically a relationship, if a very open ended one.
« Last Edit: 28 Apr 2009, 06:23 by PantsFTW »
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Tyler

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #851 on: 28 Apr 2009, 06:19 »

Man, that is not asking for advice. That is just blogging. We have a blog thread. This is not the blog thread.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #852 on: 28 Apr 2009, 06:52 »

Ok, one thing are you people saying "well, technically we are in a relationship, but its open" need to realize is that technically you are delusional, because technically you aren't technically in a relationship unless technically you've had "The Talk."

Fucking someone and being friends with them is not a relationship. This is a friendship, which includes "benefits." Often called a "friend with benefits," or a "FWB". This is what anyone is/has with someone who they are friends with, and are also fucking around with until you have "the talk," or it gets moderately(and I use this term lightly) serious, and you guys have started exclusively seeing each other, without having "the talk."
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Tyler

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #853 on: 28 Apr 2009, 06:57 »

Uh, wrong.

There are no set categories. Emotions are kind of.... fluid? I have been in relationships where nothing was ever said to specify it. It just became what it was. Forcing terms on shit is one surefire way to fuck things up if you do it too early.

Once one gets past high school, terms like this should hold less weight, until both partners are looking for a set monogamous relationship and feel like it is not clear as is.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #854 on: 28 Apr 2009, 07:25 »

or  it gets moderately(and I use this term lightly) serious, and you guys have started exclusively seeing each other, without having "the talk."


God fucking damn it people, reading comprehension. Taught in grade school.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

Sox

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #855 on: 28 Apr 2009, 07:34 »

you are delusional, because technically you aren't technically in a relationship unless technically you've had "The Talk."

Fucking someone and being friends with them is not a relationship.

These things are wrong. The rest of your post does not change that. If you think there's truth in those statements, you're either talking without experience or you need to find out what certain words mean before you use them.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #856 on: 28 Apr 2009, 07:41 »

The first statement isn't wrong because it is explained further in my post. Yes, "the talk" is not necessary, as I said later in my post.

And maybe if you guys could not take every single thing at face value, you'd get the second statement. Fucking a friend is a relationship, but I'm pretty sure its not the type of relationship these people want. If you sleep with someone, it doesn't make them your boyfriend or girlfriend.


What is pissing me off so much is that I have been in these sort of situations. Its awkward for all parties(parties meaning the people involved. Not actual parties. Grasp that?). I was madly inlove with a dude I was fucking around with, who I hung out with often. I wanted something more, he did not. Saying that we were anything more was extremely awkward and made both of us uncomfortable. This continued for a year. We were never in a typical relationship. We were technically fucking around.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #857 on: 28 Apr 2009, 07:46 »

Basically, don't assume you are dating someone, especially when they have said they want something casual or are emotionally unavailable, because not only will you feel and look dumb, but you will get your heart broken.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #858 on: 28 Apr 2009, 07:48 »

The word "technically" has now lost all meaning to me. Luckily I do not use this in everyday conversation so I should be good by tomorrow but still.

Guys why is it bothering me that I am so attracted to this girl I work with? I am attracted to people all the time but they do not usually occupy my mind this much. Damnit Work Girl, stop being so alluring with your looks and your glowing personality and your incessant flirting!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #859 on: 28 Apr 2009, 08:14 »

I'm sorry, I don't speak English as well as you do.
There's often a huge difference between what you say and what you mean, Emaline. You were quite right when you said that people asking for advice here are not after casual sex. But that isn't what you were called out on. You were quoted on something, and the explanations you offered alongside them were not sufficient enough to change the meaning of what you said, no matter how many times you insert the word 'technically'. When you're posting on a forum, make it clear which party you're from, or you will find people dispute what you say, even if they may share your opinion.
You can pretend that relationships have to be defined in a certain way in order to be considered a relationship, but I will not be party to that.

I'm sorry to hear that you were in a shitty relationship with that guy, because no matter how you want to dress it, that is what is was. A relationship. I understand that shitty relationships are both awkward and uncomfortable, especially if people at parties ask the nature of them.
"What is your relationship with eachother?"
"There is no relationship. We're just fucking eachother and one of us has really strong feelings for that other that are not being returned."
Sounds like a relationship to me.

Edit:
Basically, don't assume you are dating someone, especially when they have said they want something casual or are emotionally unavailable, because not only will you feel and look dumb, but you will get your heart broken.

Nobody has disputed this. However, I think the word "dating" might not mean what you think it means.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #860 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:04 »

Obviously you are not grasping what I am saying.

The word "technically" was used, I don't want to say sarcastically, but basically to poke fun at everyone saying that are "technically" dating smeone.


I wasn't not in a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with that guy. I was not dating him. We did not go out on dates, and he was never my boyfriend. He was my friend that I screwed around with. This is not a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It was a friends with benefits relationship.

Typically, when someone says "relationship," they mean a boyfriend/girlfriend type thing. The same goes for dating. Dating does however often mean going out on dates with people. People as in the pluralised version of the word person.

Often, when people say one word in a sentence, the other words surrounding it, what the person is saying, how they are saying it, and how the word is beng used, will help you understand the meaning of the word. This is called comprehension.


I was saying that you cannot meet someone, fuck around with them, and then assume that you guys are a couple(boyfriend/girlfriend). You cannot assume some guy that you have sex with regularly, who has made it clear that his emotions are not involved is your boyfriend.


Casual sex does not equal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and rarely equals dating.


I was telling you all this so you would learn and not get your hopes up about the people you are having sex with, but obviously that is not going to happen since you all don't seem to be able to grasp basic reading skills. So, Girl With The Emotionally Unavailable Guy, you better not move on to that nice dude who you are interested in since you are obviously still that emotionally challenged dude's girlfriend, even though he probably doesn't know it! Pants, well, honetly man, I don't know what you are seeking advice for. It seems like things are alright for you.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #861 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:25 »

I'm sorry, I don't speak English as well as you do.
There's often a huge difference between what you say and what you mean, Emaline. You were quite right when you said that people asking for advice here are not after casual sex. But that isn't what you were called out on. You were quoted on something, and the explanations you offered alongside them were not sufficient enough to change the meaning of what you said, no matter how many times you insert the word 'technically'. When you're posting on a forum, make it clear which party you're from, or you will find people dispute what you say, even if they may share your opinion.

I do not think you are getting this.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #862 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:29 »

I honestly don't think you are getting it.


If you don't think I'm getting it, why not explain it differently?
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #863 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:32 »

Because there's supposedly nothing wrong with your reading comprehension skills.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #864 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:35 »

Sox, she's pretty much explained her point from every angle now and it makes sense. So please, stop picking just for the sake of a fight.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #865 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:38 »

you are delusional, because technically you aren't technically in a relationship unless technically you've had "The Talk."
Cleared up further in my post. If not, maybe you should just forget about it, because you aren't even going to get it.

Quote

Fucking someone and being friends with them is not a relationship.

Meaning, fucking someone does not make them your boyfriend/girlfriend.



I do not understand where you are having problems with these concepts. Honestly, how many times do I need to repeat myself?
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #866 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:40 »

Emaline, do you really think everyone else on this forum is too dim to comprehend written language?


No. Just Sox.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #867 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:46 »

I said that because originally Tyler was in on it too, but he seemed to have gotten it.
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little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #868 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:49 »

Emaline, please stop shitting up my thread.

Not that it didn't jump the shark a dozen or so pages back anyway.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #869 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:51 »

I am only shitting up your thread because I have had to repeat myself too many times in order to get someone to grasp a concept that seems to be beyond them.
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Ozymandias

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #870 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:51 »

I...

I don't understand what just happened here. I see Darryl and some people being dicks for no reason and I see Ema getting on the defense which makes more people be dicks?

You people are terrible at everything.
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Sox

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #871 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:54 »

Sox, she's pretty much explained her point from every angle now and it makes sense. So please, stop picking just for the sake of a fight.

You're right, she has. But I'm not the one picking a fight. I haven't insulted her yet.
Emaline is picking a fight by saying that I'm an idiot and that I can't read.
All I said was 'say what you mean, we're not mind readers'.

This is NOT down to my reading comprehension. Here are the unedited statements again.

you are delusional, because technically you aren't technically in a relationship unless technically you've had "The Talk."

Quote
Fucking someone and being friends with them is not a relationship.

This is clearly bullshit. Her original post did not elaborate further on those statements. Her later post did, and I acknowledged that several times by telling her that I agree with her.

God fucking damn it people, reading comprehension. Taught in grade school.

And maybe if you guys could not take every single thing at face value, you'd get the second statement.

but obviously that is not going to happen since you all don't seem to be able to grasp basic reading skills.

These are aggressive and confrontational statements. This is how she talks to people who agree with her and understand what she is saying. I want this on record.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #872 on: 28 Apr 2009, 11:56 »

I am only shitting up your thread because I have had to repeat myself too many times in order to get someone to grasp a concept that seems to be beyond them.

If you feel people are not grasping your point, just give up rather than getting hostile. This is something you do often and it is exactly WHY you are the center of constant arguments on here.
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Emaline

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #873 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:00 »

Sox, re-read the god damn thread.

I rarely edit my posts, and when I do, it is to add something.

And on record? Are we in court? Or building files on people?


Wait, so Obsessions, people don't like me because I am stubborn? Why am I the one in trouble for doing the exact same thing as Sox? Because I am not part of the clique?
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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #874 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:01 »

Remember when this thread was about people with relationship questions, and other people would way in with advice? Man those were the days.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #875 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:14 »

...I'm here often enough to be part of a clique?
Due to my opinions in the music forum and altercations like this one, I sincerely doubt I have any friends here, Emaline.
Why didn't you use your reading comprehension skills to pick up on the fact that Jon thinks you're way too hostile?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #876 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:15 »

As someone who gets very defensive quickly too, I can see why she would type like that in the heat of argument. People exaggerate and make generalizations when angry, but it is hopefully relatively over now.

So hey advice thread, I have been stressed out ridiculously by end-of-semester classwork and as a result I have not been in the mood for sex at ALL for over a week now. Should it worry me how much more Chris and I argue when we aren't having regular sex? Or should I chalk up the arguments to the stress instead?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #877 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:21 »

To be perfectly honest, I'd say it IS because of the lack of sex, but I wouldn't worry about it.

Biologically speaking, sex is a de-stresser. When you don't have sex, that's one more way for the stress to build up.

Solution? Accept that probability, ask your boyfriend for patience and then properly de-stress when you're back in the mood for it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #878 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:47 »

I think one can feed into the other pretty easily, Manda, creating a spiraling effect of stress leading to lowered sex drive and more arguments leading to more stress, etc.

Get done with your stressful activities, relax, and don't get upset at each other.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #879 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:47 »

If you're stressed out and not in the mood for sex, do other things to destress, like exercise or something, and then have sex when you feel like. As a person who doesn't have sex, I don't know if the lack of it is a reason for it, but you shouldn't let it keep building up. If your stress is actually due to lack of action, well, get in the zone and then get to it. I guess.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #880 on: 28 Apr 2009, 12:50 »

Yeah, I would agree that the lack of sex probably isn't helping the stress, even as the stress is clearly interfering with the sex, and both things are contributing to arguing more. However, I would also point out that when we are busy, we tend to cut things out of our lives, and you need to be careful that Chris doesn't feel like he's the expendable part. Make sure that there's still some time when you can be fully present and there with him. If you just aren't in the mood for sex, do something else you both enjoy doing together, but make sure you're actually doing it and not just stressing out about 100 things while going through the motions.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #881 on: 28 Apr 2009, 13:03 »

After reviewing the thread, it seems Tyler and I totally misread that initial post that started this whole thing. My apologies.

Yeah, I'm a dick.

Quote
You're right, she has. But I'm not the one picking a fight. I haven't insulted her yet.
Emaline is picking a fight by saying that I'm an idiot and that I can't read.
All I said was 'say what you mean, we're not mind readers'.

After re-reading the entire thread, I was being very passive aggressive and provoking her the entire time, while insisting I was right despite being terribly wrong. Every time she tried to explain this, I ignored her. I am the asshole in this situation.

Quote
This is clearly bullshit. Her original post did not elaborate further on those statements. Her later post did, and I acknowledged that several times by telling her that I agree with her.

I was totally wrong here. I should have read that initial post more than once.

Quote
These are aggressive and confrontational statements. This is how she talks to people who agree with her and understand what she is saying. I want this on record.
Yeah, I'm a huge dick.

I am a gigantic ass, I am sorry for provoking you and ignoring what you had to say, Emaline. You were correct the whole time, and it's understandable that you got slightly hostile, as I'm sure anybody else would when I'm being so incredibly frustrating.
The worst part is that I persisted even after several very sensible people told me that I was wrong without reviewing the thread.

I'm terribly embarrassed, I and hope you'll accept my apology?
« Last Edit: 28 Apr 2009, 13:25 by Sox »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #882 on: 28 Apr 2009, 14:37 »


Oh hey thread,
So this girl wants to do things with me and I want to do things with her, I've never really had a casual friend that was mature enough to do this sort of thing. I don't really know how to handle it and stuff. How should I handle something like this?

Edit: okay there, now it is a question. This is technically a relationship, if a very open ended one.

I would suggest keep doing what you're doing until she initiates the exclusive relationship talk. this is a situation where the guy fucks it up 100% of the time by being relationshiply aggressive.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #883 on: 28 Apr 2009, 15:38 »

I've a slight twinge in the ankle but that was a pre-existing injury which I sustained earlier today chasing an Ice Cream van.

Why is it that these things only become awesome again once you're past your teens?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #884 on: 28 Apr 2009, 16:10 »

They've been awesome for forever! What are you talking about!

I really like that mental image Tommy
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #885 on: 28 Apr 2009, 16:12 »

Really? I was all 'man, I'm too cool for ice cream.'

Actually, that's a lie. They didn't have ice cream trucks where I was in my teens.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #886 on: 28 Apr 2009, 18:11 »

So I asked the girl out today, sort of. I had invited her to see the This American Life movie (it was pretty great!) but she couldn't go due to schoolwork, but apparently they're rescreening it next Thursday. I stopped her after class and I invited her to that, but she said she has a meeting for her internship directly after the film. So that did not pan out.

At that point I realized that this was pretty much as good of a chance as I'm going to get, so I stopped her as she turned to leave and asked her if she liked coffee. She said that she used to but she's drinking tea now. So I asked her if she wanted to go out for tea with me.

And she seemed a little taken aback by this, but she said yes. Anyway at that point I realized I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. So I said "Cool, let me know." and we said our goodbyes.

So it's in her court now. If she wants to, I guess she'll get back to me? If not she won't, and I don't think it won't be a big deal. I'm not head-over-heels for this girl, she just seems smart and interesting.

Did I do right? Should I have been as forward as I was about it? I don't know. After the mindfuck of the last few weeks I'm finding it difficult to dwell on things. It's nice.
« Last Edit: 28 Apr 2009, 18:18 by KvP »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #887 on: 28 Apr 2009, 19:04 »

Did I do right?

Oh my god you fucked it up in so many ways I can't even begin to enumerate them
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #888 on: 28 Apr 2009, 19:04 »

pretty excited for you  :-)
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #889 on: 28 Apr 2009, 19:38 »

You did right, but don't assume the balls entirely in her court. If you don't hear back in a day or two, remind her that you still want to take her out for tea.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #890 on: 28 Apr 2009, 20:49 »

An update on my situation: it is not so dire anymore. 

The Best Friend still doesn't know about the Thing the Girl and I kind of have going (if you can call it that.  We're both kind of tiptoe-ing around the situation a bit, haven't really fooled around or anything yet), and he's admitted to developing a bad habit of getting drunk and flirting with a lot of Arizona State girls (because all the hot girls at his school are in Interior Design and not Film).  I think he's starting to recognize the strain of a long-distance relationship, despite how hard he has been holding onto it.  If the Girl can keep a secret, I'd even wager there's a 50/50 chance of him initiating an amicable breakup over the summer.

My question now is, how long afterwards do we wait to let him know about us?  Obviously right after is not a good idea, but what is a decent waiting period?  A month? A few months?  2 hours? One week?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #891 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:07 »

Dear relationship thread -

My boyfriend is getting to be woefully boring. He doesn't like being decisive, which is a problem because when I do not have an opinion on something I prefer to not make a decision either (like what to have for dinner or what to do this saturday night omg). He is lazy; actually, he may have decided that "doing nothing" is one of his favourite pastimes because at one point he was working three jobs and had no free time, and he doesn't often go back and re-think his opinions after the circumstances have changed. He is shy, so things like going to play in the creek in our underwear or even bathing suits is just nooootttttt rrrrrrrreeeeeeally something he wants to doooo. He is also not exactly innately creative, at least in a way I would recognise, so he will do things like learn how to make mashed potatoes and then eat nothing but mashed potatoes and maybe some beef or chicken for like two weeks and then wonder why he is so sick of potatoes and declare that he hates them forever after amen.

I have done things like suggest going on a picnic or hiking up the local "mountain" or going to the park, but it just never seems to happen. I have mentioned things like weekend camping trips or visiting the coastal barrier islands for spring break, and while those not happening is not entirely his fault, as we both ultimately had scheduling conflicts, I have a feeling they wouldn't have happened anyway. I know he can be spontaneous: he once felt that things were not going the way he wanted, so he assessed his assets and two days later moved from Atlanta to Portland, Maine. I know he does fun things, because he hiked the Appalachian Trail two years ago!

I don't mind planning things and making sure they happen, but when I am doing that every time it starts to make it feel like it is not worth it. So what should I do? How do I boost his sense of fun? What do I do to inspire his spontaneous streak?
« Last Edit: 28 Apr 2009, 21:16 by calenlass »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #892 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:13 »

Given his history you talked about, maybe he's fallen into a depressive state recently, either mentally or physically.  Have you talked to him about his lack of drive or motivation? Has he talked about it with you? Sometimes it takes a brief change of scenery to pop people out of a slump like that, or maybe even something more severe. Has he acknowledged that he's changed/changing somewhat?

I feel particularly knowledgeable about the subject at the moment as I rather feel myself to be in your boyfriend's situation, and my lady in yours. It can be difficult.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #893 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:15 »

Dear relationship thread -

My boyfriend is getting to be woefully boring. He doesn't like being decisive, which is a problem because when I do not have an opinion on something I prefer to not make a decision either (like what to have for dinner or what to do this saturday night omg). He is lazy; actually, he may have decided that "doing nothing" is one of his favourite pastimes because at one point he was working three jobs and had no free time, and he doesn't often go back and re-think his opinions after the circumstances have changed. He is shy, so things like going to play in the creek in our underwear or even bathing suits is just nooootttttt rrrrrrrreeeeeeally something he wants to doooo. He is also not exactly innately creative, at least in a way I would recognise, so he will do things like learn how to make mashed potatoes and then eat nothing but mashed potatoes and maybe some beef or chicken for like two weeks and then wonder why he is so sick of potatoes and declare that he hates them forever after amen.

I have done things like suggest going on a picnic or hiking up the local "mountain" or going to the park, but it just never seems to happen. I have mentioned things like weekend camping trips or visiting the coastal barrier islands for spring break, and while those not happening is not entirely his fault, as we both ultimately had scheduling conflicts, I have a feeling they wouldn't have happened anyway. I know he can be spontaneous: he once felt that things were not going the way he wanted, so he assessed his assets and two days later moved from Atlanta to Portland, Maine. I know he does fun things, because he hiked the Appalachian Trail two years ago!

I don't mind planning things and making sure they happen, but when I am doing that every time it starts to make it feel like it is not worth it. So what should I do?

Where are you living these days?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #894 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:17 »

Hotlanta, of course. Actually I live about 30 minutes north of the city in Kennesaw. Yes, that is where Kennesaw Mountain is; that is in fact the "local 'mountain' to which I referred.


Beren: I have chronic depression. I know how it is too. The problem is, he is not a verbal person, and he doesn't know how to describe his thoughts or feelings to people because I don't think he knows how to describe them to himself. So for all I know he could actually be depressed, but he would have no idea, and I wouldn't be able to get a straight answer to such questions as "do you feel apathetic most of the time" or "have you stopped doing the things you like and don't know why" because he would have mentally defined apathetic wrongly and he would try to give me a reason for why because he would think he knows but actually doesn't? I am sorry if this is confusing to understand, but it is really confusing to deal with, especially for someone like me who needs to be so verbally precise.
« Last Edit: 28 Apr 2009, 21:21 by calenlass »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #895 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:37 »

An update on my situation: it is not so dire anymore. 

The Best Friend still doesn't know about the Thing the Girl and I kind of have going (if you can call it that.  We're both kind of tiptoe-ing around the situation a bit, haven't really fooled around or anything yet), and he's admitted to developing a bad habit of getting drunk and flirting with a lot of Arizona State girls (because all the hot girls at his school are in Interior Design and not Film).  I think he's starting to recognize the strain of a long-distance relationship, despite how hard he has been holding onto it.  If the Girl can keep a secret, I'd even wager there's a 50/50 chance of him initiating an amicable breakup over the summer.

My question now is, how long afterwards do we wait to let him know about us?  Obviously right after is not a good idea, but what is a decent waiting period?  A month? A few months?  2 hours? One week?
I would say awhile, and if it's at all possible dissuade him of the notion that this whole thing started before they broke up, if you're looking to head off drama. If it's possible for you to break off contact that might also be advisable. But what do I know!

You did right, but don't assume the balls entirely in her court. If you don't hear back in a day or two, remind her that you still want to take her out for tea.
Yeah, I'm not sure of what my next step should be. I just don't know if I should press. I want to seem open but not aggressive. If she's not interested I'd rather her just let it drop than be forced to say so.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #896 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:40 »

girl

So I would not be so sure it's in her court unless that was the explicit result of the conversation and even then I would not be sure. If you want something sometimes you have to pursue it. Not too aggressively, of course, but if you really want her you may have to make the next move and the next move.

Yeah and you didn't do it wrong. Sounds about the best you could of. Knock 'em dead, tiger.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #897 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:46 »

Quote from: calenlass
my boyfriend

I'm just wondering if you've talked to him about any of this, because regardless on how shitty he is verbally you should at least try to communicate a little with him if you think you guys are having problems.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #898 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:53 »

Manda, break up with him, if sex is the only thing keeping you together you're doomed.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #899 on: 28 Apr 2009, 21:53 »

Then move to colorado.
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