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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267927 times)

Jace

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #900 on: 29 Apr 2009, 00:17 »

girl

Hey, I can sorta help, I've been in this situation.

If she doesn't get back to you after a couple days, and you ask her again, and she gives you a real iffy answer, she may just be going along with it because she doesn't know how to say no. I've encountered this more than once, or at least, girls who go along with something initially, then later say that it was something entirely different and that they were just humoring you.
It is a fine line you're walking, between getting into a relationship and having a girl think you are that guy that she doesn't like but that won't leave her alone.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #901 on: 29 Apr 2009, 01:00 »

Yeah, I'm not sure of what my next step should be. I just don't know if I should press. I want to seem open but not aggressive. If she's not interested I'd rather her just let it drop than be forced to say so.

Dude. Set a time and a place (you probably should have done that in the first place, but whatever), meet up with her, hang out, see if you both enjoy it, if you do both enjoy it then do it again. You're not starting the love of a lifetime here, you're just making preliminary investigations. Don't burden it with being something it's not when it's so ridiculously early in the piece. Here's the break down:

1) There is a girl.
2) You sort of like the girl, in that you wouldn't mind getting a beverage of some kind with her.
3) You've made a mutual but fairly vague commitment to get a beverage together at some undetermined time and place in the future.

At this point you shouldn't be looking any further into the future of your relationship with this girl than that first "date". If after that you decide that you're not really so keen on her, that's fine. If you go out on one very low-key date with her, then decide not to pursue anything further, and she gets all cut up about it because she's invested too much emotion into it, that's her problem not yours; or vice-versa if she decides she's not interested. At this point neither of you should be getting too excited about anything, nor should you expect the big emotions to be there right from the start. Always remember: love at first sight is a crock made up by movie executives to sell tickets to Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson films.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #902 on: 29 Apr 2009, 01:08 »

You right, you right.

Gah, I was so flustered then too. I'll have to man up some (SEXISM) and just talk to her again. If she initiates contact that is a positive sign!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #903 on: 29 Apr 2009, 03:14 »

I've a slight twinge in the ankle but that was a pre-existing injury which I sustained earlier today chasing an Ice Cream van.

I've a slight twinge in the ankle but that was a pre-existing injury which I Ice Cream van.

d'aaaaaw! :lol:

So, relationship thread, you doin' anything... say Friday at seven?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #904 on: 29 Apr 2009, 09:14 »

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my boyfriend

I'm just wondering if you've talked to him about any of this, because regardless on how shitty he is verbally you should at least try to communicate a little with him if you think you guys are having problems.


Well, duh. I have already talked to him. Mostly I am just asking for ideas on how to get him interested - you know, maybe new and innovative ways to broach the subject, like with pictures and stickies on the refrigerator or putting a picnic basket on his head for a hat or maybe some tips on how to suggest things to people and still make them think they thought of it all by themselves (I have always wanted to be able to do this).
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #905 on: 29 Apr 2009, 09:19 »

So, relationship thread, you doin' anything... say Friday at seven?

Sorry, I'm washing my hair that night.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #906 on: 29 Apr 2009, 09:25 »

You right, you right.

Gah, I was so flustered then too. I'll have to man up some (SEXISM) and just talk to her again. If she initiates contact that is a positive sign!

Yeah, but don't take it as a negative sign if she doesn't. Something we sometimes forget is that the girl can be shy too, and it sounds like this girl might not be used to having someone interested in her. You said she seemed surprised when you asked her out for tea. She was busy the first two times you asked her somewhere, which might have been an attempt to blow you off without saying "I'm not interested," but there's another possibility. There's a personality type of highly driven, busy, and sort of geeky people (I'm certainly one of them) and many of us are completely dense about someone being interested in us just because we're so caught up in the rest of our lives. More then one of my relationships have started with long periods of hanging out together, which I assumed was just hanging out together, until the other person said "hey, you wanna go on a date some time?"
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #907 on: 04 May 2009, 23:21 »

KvP - this girl sounds like she is fairly busy with her everyday life stuff, so perhaps next time you see her, try and arrange a time for tea? Something like "I was thinking <insert day here> at about <insert time here> for tea? Does that work?" and just try and set something into a more concrete state I guess.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #908 on: 05 May 2009, 00:19 »

Thanks Jammerz, I think I will do that.

I need to get notes from her anyway!
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Masterbainter

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #909 on: 05 May 2009, 02:22 »

I'm not perfect and I don't expect others to be.

Last week my girlfriend tells me she invited a person who she had slept with very recently before she started dating me over to play zelda.  Fortunately, the guy knew she was dating me and advised her he didn't think it was a good Idea.  She said I would be fine with it as long as they hung out as just friends(I had no knowledge of this event at the time).  He told her that he probably would hit on her so forth.  So she told him to just forget about it.

Since, she has told me of this conversation I am unsually bothered.  I feel or think, yeah think is the word that her intent was competely innocent as this girl seems quite a bit different from girls i've dated in the past(ones that have cheated).  I am still very uneasy about the situation because either to me hanging out with someone you've fucked makes it all to easy to fuck up and say "whoops" again.  Maybe it's just me and I'm sure many of you will say so or just call me a prick or whatever.  I have some insecurities I never really completely got over before I started dating this girl and so far she has been nothing but a pretty good experience for me relationship wise, which is why I am having issues with what she told me.  I could probably go on and on about how honest of a person she seems, but in reality the problem isn't that she talked to this dude and told me about it.  It's the fact that it bothers me and i'm trying to decide if my insecurities validate my reasoning for being upset about this or if they are just plainly insecurities.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #910 on: 05 May 2009, 02:29 »

When you're hurt by someone in the past, that hurt doesn't go away with that person. It lingers on and manifests itself in different ways, especially in making it hard to trust who you're with now, because you're still, consciously or unconsciously, comparing them to your past lovers and hoping that they don't do the same things that have hurt you before. I don't think you're being totally insecure, I think that you're still putting yourself on guard a bit from what happened before. It sounds, to me, that you're a bit justified over being upset initially, but, as far as I can tell, it doesn't seem like anything to linger on for a long, long time.
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Masterbainter

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #911 on: 05 May 2009, 02:39 »

Good read of me.  I see your point completely and hope it doesn't linger.  I am trying really hard to not make wrong decisions in my relationship because of the wrong in my past relationship.  My major problem now is trying to accept the amount of personal risk in putting forth a good showing in a relationship with the chances of it all backlashing into my face.  I'm probably a douche of a boyfriend for this, but it's my struggle and I'm trying.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #912 on: 05 May 2009, 02:48 »

I've seen a lot of times where people have a hard time letting their boyfriend/girlfriend maintain a relationship with their ex(es), and while sometimes I find it's justified, I think that sometimes there isn't anything more than a friendship going on.

Intimate relationships can end with "Let's be friends" and then actually go onto become friendship. Really! The main key always seems to be, more than anything, to communicate. Tell her that you feel uneasy about her being with him but that doesn't mean you're trying to put a stop to it - instead, you're just trying to realize that you can trust her, which is something that can take awhile to truly sink in.

I suddenly feel like Dr. Phil. :|
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Masterbainter

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #913 on: 05 May 2009, 03:00 »

Yeah, I don't mind the casual talking to or seeing as she passes by him at college.  But the whole hanging out thing which would most likely be just her and him in her apartment irks me.  I have stated to her how it made me feel to which she got pretty upset and blamed my past relationships for not letting myself trust her with this.  I tried to explain to her that even though my feeling may not be right initially they are my feelings and i'm not going to hide them from her.  Things of been a bit edgy since the whole conversation.  We are still talking and being close and cuddly and all.  Just she seems so much more apt to get upset at me then she did before.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #914 on: 05 May 2009, 03:15 »

Hm, interesting. Either something is happening between them, or she's just upset because it's coming across to her as, "I can't trust you."
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #915 on: 05 May 2009, 04:32 »

I think it's mostly the latter.  She probably really gets the feeling I don't trust her after I told her how it made me feel really uneasy she invited him to hang out.  It's just one of those things I coudln't let settle inside me and had to let her know how it affected me.  I suppose either she'll let that hurt us or help us.  I just hope she picks the latter in that.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #916 on: 05 May 2009, 07:41 »

So, relationship thread, you doin' anything... say Friday at seven?

Sorry, I'm washing my hair that night.

Oh. I only date people who wash their hair regularly..
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #917 on: 05 May 2009, 08:50 »

You and I would never have worked out.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #918 on: 05 May 2009, 11:38 »

Hm, interesting. Either something is happening between them, or she's just upset because it's coming across to her as, "I can't trust you."

I don't think it's necessarily either of those things, though the latter has a small part to do with it. She probably sees this as an attempt by MB to determine who she's allowed to be friends with, which no one appreciates.

It's good to make your feelings known, but try to work past those feelings. Don't make her choose between a relationship with you and a friendship with this other person. You might not win the choice, and even if you do, she'll resent you for it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #919 on: 05 May 2009, 11:48 »

At the same time, I see his concern with her hanging out with an ex-plaything.  I know that would make me a little uncomfortable if my boyfriend wanted to hang out like that with another woman.  It wouldn't be that I don't trust him, but I wouldn't trust the other person involved if I didn't already know her well.  In MB's case, it sounds like he's had it rough before and the lady should be a little more considerate toward him regarding this.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #920 on: 05 May 2009, 11:59 »

Trusting the other person should be irrelevant, since if you trust your partner part of that trust is the expectation that they'll rebuff any advances made towards them. Not to say that some consideration shouldn't be given by a partner to someone who's had a rough past, but unless someone does things that give you cause to doubt trusting them (and hanging out with an ex certainly isn't one) not trusting a partner is in the end an individuals own problem. It's also not one a partner should be expected to put up with indefinitely.
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benji

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #921 on: 05 May 2009, 12:04 »

At the same time, I see his concern with her hanging out with an ex-plaything.  I know that would make me a little uncomfortable if my boyfriend wanted to hang out like that with another woman.  It wouldn't be that I don't trust him, but I wouldn't trust the other person involved if I didn't already know her well.  In MB's case, it sounds like he's had it rough before and the lady should be a little more considerate toward him regarding this.

Yeah, that's probably true. MB should probably suggest some situation where they can all hang out together. If she wants to maintain a friendship with the ex, part of that should probably involve MB and the ex getting to know each other a little better.

Looking back though, I don't know if the ex sounds like he's interested in a "just friends" relationship. She invited him over and he said it would be a bad idea because he would just end up hitting on her. That suggests that he doesn't feel ready to have her as "just a friend" at the moment.
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Tyler

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #922 on: 05 May 2009, 12:47 »

Man, you need to let her do her thing. In the end, who she hangs with is her choice. You are allowed to say your thing, and you did. Otherwise, you are two adult individuals.
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Tyler

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #923 on: 05 May 2009, 12:54 »

From now on, do not post here unless you have already tried the following:

Hey, (Person of interest), (These are my current feelings about said situation).

Lets have some examples:

Hey, girl I like, I would like to take you to the movies.
Hey, boyfriend, I am not happy with the current state of affairs, specifically your indifference.
Hey, ex-girlfriend, things between us are really over, and we both need to move on.


The reason: No one is a mind reader.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #924 on: 05 May 2009, 15:12 »

I just tried the second option and now I have no boyfriend.


Thanks a lot, Tyler. I'm gonna go cry for a while now.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #925 on: 05 May 2009, 15:18 »

Hey, boyfriend, I am not happy with the current state of affairs, specifically your indifference.

I find myself indifferent to your unhappiness.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #926 on: 05 May 2009, 18:02 »

Godsdammit housemate, why do you have to bring over hot women from work that you are interested in but any man with a pulse would also be interested in!

Quick question, how am I to behave with honourable intentions towards this girl whilst not undermining my friends chances with her (advice asked for here)
« Last Edit: 05 May 2009, 18:12 by Josefbugman »
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Tyler

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #927 on: 05 May 2009, 18:09 »

In an effort to make this an interesting thread again, let us keep it to "Relationship Advice"

Blogging goes in blog thread. Sex shit has its own thread too.

If it isn't advice you are asking for, don't post here.
If it is advice you are asking for and it can be dealt with by the post I made further up the page, don't post here.

Cmon kids.

Let's make this thread not be terrible!
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #928 on: 05 May 2009, 19:03 »

Rightio!

So, a fair while back, I used to work with this girl. We were good friends, and became very much attracted to each other over the course of working together. However, we were both in relationships with people at the time, so nothing came of it while we were working together. Both of our relationships had been on the way out before we spoke about our mutual attraction, but it was a difficult thing for both of us to leave our respective partners for reasons I'm not comfortable talking about here.

Anyway, eventually both of us became single. After a bit of time had passed (we'd been friends all the while), I thought I'd go about asking her out as slightly more than friends, or at least on a one-to-one basis. I have done this a fair few times, and she always says she's too busy that day/night, and didn't get back to me when I ask her for a better time. After a while of this, I asked if she was avoiding me for some reason, and she said no, she was just busy and forgetful. I left it at that, and just went back to business as usual for a few weeks.

Now even when I try to organise less romantic stuff, more along the lines of what you normally do with your friends, it's the same- she's always too busy, doesn't reply with a better time, etc. And yet she finds the time to go to the pub with mutual friends of ours she professes to not even like that much. On top of this, the one or two times we have been out in the past couple of months, I get the impression that she's still interested in me. I also get the impression she's a bit jealous of this other girl who has asked me out a few times.

Basically I'm pretty thoroughly confused. I've kinda given up on the romantic notions with her. I don't really want to ask her a second time if there's some reason she's avoiding me, but I still would like to keep her as a friend, at the least.

Advice?



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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #929 on: 05 May 2009, 19:14 »

Sounds like she is more into the idea of you rather than you. I say this because of the bit about how she seems to be interested when you are around but is not willing to make time to see you on any kind of one-on-one basis. She probably has slight crushes on you but not strong enough for her to make any significant effort. It's possible that she is terribly busy but not that likely if she's hanging out with people she doesn't even particularly like.

I'd probably just find someone more available unless you are super-invested in this girl.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #930 on: 05 May 2009, 19:18 »

Options: -confront her (probably a bad idea)
             -forget about it (probably a better idea?)

People are confused about what they want sometimes and it is not necessarily worth figuring out what they want. Jimmy's right.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #931 on: 05 May 2009, 19:21 »

Basically this is simple on your end of things.

Ask her when she is free, and then ask her to do something with you. If you have a good friendship, tell her you two are doing something and she has no choice (caveman strategy can be very endearing if it fits the personalities involved). Frankly being blunt about it might take the nervous romantic emotion issue off the table and relax her.

If she continues to avoid and such, honestly just let it go and move past. Stalling yourself out for someone else who cannot work things out for themselves is always a bad idea.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #932 on: 05 May 2009, 19:23 »

Yeah, I'd have to agree with Jimmy here, and I've kind of been in that situation before - having a thing for someone who is otherwise unattainable, but when they were attainable and emotionally available, I kind of lost interest/they weren't as exciting/they were different to when I was flirting with previously.

If this is the case, maybe she just doesn't know how to tell you without making it awkward/feel bad, but from the sounds of it, she probably doesn't want to lead you into having a sense of false hope either, hence the avoidance/busy-ness but not really/whatever.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #933 on: 05 May 2009, 19:53 »

Hm, right. Thanks for the advice. Like I say, I was already leaning towards just getting over her, so I guess that's basically what I'll do. Hopefully she values our friendship as much as I do and will sort out whatever she's got going on, and maybe we'll go back to being friends further down the line.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #934 on: 06 May 2009, 01:23 »

I tried Tyler's 3rd option on my current girlfriend... and now i'm married.   WTF  :?

JK
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #935 on: 06 May 2009, 08:20 »

Also, I know this is cliche but maybe she's still got a crush on you but doesn't want to do anything about it right now because it's not the right time.  Can't remember how long it's been since you became single, but different people need different time to get over shit and feel like they want something new.
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Alex C

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #936 on: 06 May 2009, 09:18 »

Provided that both parties are not creeps, people tend to like flirting since it can be fun and a nice "Hey, I -am- attractive!" reminder. However, it does mean that you'll run into people who will kind-of-but-not-really respond to advances because it is pleasant and they like the attention. Life becomes much simpler (and more fun) when you can accept and live with that idea without stressing out about it.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #937 on: 06 May 2009, 10:26 »

...ooooh I want the one I can't haaave, and it's driving me maaaad....
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #938 on: 07 May 2009, 21:08 »

Sooooo.... this morning I woke up and there was a message on my phone from around midnight last night. Apparently that same girl wanted to drop round my house for a beer. At midnight.

aahjgskjhashkakjhkkjh  :? :? :? :? etc. 
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #939 on: 08 May 2009, 08:31 »

Based on available information, she does not want to date you, but due to earlier flirtations has you tagged as a potential rebound fuck.  This is my theory.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #940 on: 08 May 2009, 08:49 »

Maybe she just wanted a beer vOv
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #941 on: 08 May 2009, 08:50 »

I second DBR's assessment. If you just want to get off, have at her, but she doesn't sound like she's particularly likely to make for a successful relationship.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #942 on: 10 May 2009, 04:24 »

So, new topic of conversation, frivolous use of the L word (love not lesbian)

I was at a party last night with a my new girl (by new I mean not even together a week). Something in the conversation causes me to perform the awkward turtle* she laughs and says "Awkward A'Tuin". My brain thinks "Fantastic nerdy joke" however what my mouth says is "My God, I love you" - exactly as I would to anyone who had said something like that. She however seems to take me seriously saying something along the lines of "Wow that was early"


Was it stupid on my part? On hers for taking me seriously? Should the use of 'love you' be kept solely for important moments with your significant other, even if you use it freely with other people? Discuss

*Incase there are any who don't know, the awkward turtle is a sign made by putting your hand palm down flat in front of you putting the other hand on top of it so that you're thumbs are pointing out in oposite directions, then rotating your thumbs - the idea is that when ever theres an awkward pause in the conversation that the awkward turtle climbs onto the beach and lays eggs in your conversation.
« Last Edit: 10 May 2009, 06:45 by axerton »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #943 on: 10 May 2009, 06:19 »

I wouldn't call it stupid on either account, I think it's just the circumstance that made it awkward. I mean, you would've said that with no weirdness to a friend had they made the same joke, so you can't really blame yourself for saying it without thinking. And she can't really be blamed for the "it's a bit early for that" kind of response, because well, you've only been going out for a week, but in the context of you two being in a relationship it's a pretty fair interpretation on her part to take the comment literally.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #944 on: 10 May 2009, 12:04 »

What I would do about that would sound a bit like this:

"So when I said 'I love you,' what I meant was 'I am getting signals from my mind and body that are telling me that you're really incredible.'  I AM getting those signals, I DO feel that way about you ... AND, in addition to all that, I am kinda weirded out by using the words 'I love you' after having been with you for so little time.  I hope you're OK with that and I'm open to whatever you have to say on the subject."

Cue listening to her.

That's what I'd do, anyway.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #945 on: 10 May 2009, 23:00 »

Listen to Nick.  Unlike some people, he talks the sense.

I would just pretend the awkward never happened.  Just go back to hangin' out and having fun with her.  I wouldn't even bother trying to explain that you didn't mean it, blah blah because it'd just make things awkward again.  She is probably sitting wherever she is at the moment thinking "ah man, I knew he wasn't saying love with a capital L, why did I have to take things seriously and make things awkward?  Oh god"
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #946 on: 10 May 2009, 23:59 »

No! At the first opportunity, say "God I hate you". That way it will balance out.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #947 on: 15 May 2009, 15:36 »

It may just be me being a teenager and all but it's quite common to use the word 'love' when describing friendships, a hell of a lot more common than it is to refer to a significant other.

Just say you meant it in a friendly way, instead of a romantic way.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #948 on: 15 May 2009, 21:51 »

I like Harry's tack on the situation. Just try and not to sound like a mood-swinging freak.
Or, say you hate god so every time you say "God <something>" that something is actually a lie to spite god.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #949 on: 22 May 2009, 20:46 »

I thought this thread was no longer a Thing, but it is, so I have to ask.

There's this lady who I'm kinda running into a lot and there's definite good vibes. She's really cute and fun and whenever we see each other I'm fairly sure that we're kicking it off ace. But, the run-ins are usually accidental and completely random. Now I'm thinking of next time I see her asking her number, but on the other hand I thought it might ruin the situation we have. I mean, I'm not really looking to get into a relationship and I don't think she is either, but... yea.

Is asking for a phone number kinda making it official?
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