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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already  (Read 267887 times)

nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1050 on: 31 May 2009, 06:49 »

Instead of paying to try dating sites, try the women seeking men section on craigslist, or put up your own personal ad, i believe its free. I think dating websites like match.com and chemistry.com are geared towards older people, like young professionals, who no longer have a high school or college atmosphere to take advantage of. You won't find too many girls 18-21 there who aren't looking for older guys.

Also, don't be so negative all the time. if what you're doing isn't working, it doesn't hurt to take someone's advice and just put yourself out there. Sure you'll have to deal with some rejections and setbacks, but its better and more proactive than sitting at a computer wondering why some girl hasn't responded to your messages. 

edit: I think Sox hit it right on the head with the club joining idea.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1051 on: 31 May 2009, 08:57 »

@Eris

Yes, and despite that, you're still feeding me the same bullshit. How many times do I have to...

Also, there's no such thing as a pub.  :x (for all intents and purposes of this discussion anyway)


@Sox

Thank you so much for making that point for me, because I've been slapped in the face with that crap Ballard and Eris said so many times I don't think I could have responded calmly, as you have. Thank you.

And you're right about friends, too. The problem is, I don't really have any. I mean sure there are a couple of people who'll call me once or twice a month if they need an extra body, but I'm an afterthought. This has been the case since high school pretty much and I've never met any new people that way. But, they're not really my friends.
For the most part, I have social contacts on the level of someone who's just moved in from a foreign country, even though I've lived where I do pretty much all my life.

Hence why I have joined several dating sites. Even subscribed to some of the cheaper ones like SoulGeek. I just haven't gone "active" in my search because of the reasons I've stated in previous posts (financial situation etc.).
As for joining a club, I would really like to do something like that, but the problem is there simply aren't any such things. Let alone any involving any of my interests. Or if there are, my years(yes, years) of searching haven't turned them up (quite possible), and I have no way of discovering them.
Your advice is good, but I'd have to have a network of friends in order to be able to expand it.

@nobo

*takes a moment to keep from flying into a rage at having to repeat himself AGAIN*
deep breath deep breath not nobo's fault deep breath deep breath

Okay, I'm good.
I've done the craigslist thing to death. Its worse than useless. Maybe is just my region but craigslist is just not a viable option.
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young professionals, who no longer have a high school or college atmosphere to take advantage of
IE, me. Not that the scholastic atmosphere ever did me any good.

I'm not negative all the time, and as Sox pointed out, I'd love to take someone's advice and put myself out there, but I've yet to actually get any real advice on that particular matter. I'm not a moron. I can list the cliche social spots as easily as you can. All the stuff that occurs to you in the minutes after reading my post I've had years to brood over, and what's occured to you has probably already occured to me.
Given that, and given that I'm still asking for advice, it should be obvious that I don't want to hear more of those same tired, mass-produced tidbits of so-called wisdom.
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Yes, thank goodness we live in an enlightened society where we're horribly sexist to both men and woman in equal measure. >.<

supersheep

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1052 on: 31 May 2009, 09:17 »

If years of reflection has not let it occur to you what you should be doing, and everyone's suggestions are useless, maybe this thread is not the place to solve your problems.

Or maybe you are being a dick?
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Barmymoo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1053 on: 31 May 2009, 09:28 »

I think the idea of "putting yourself out there" doesn't necessarily have to mean doing new things, joining clubs or even going to new places. Everyone goes somewhere at some point, even if it's just shopping or to the doctors, and there are always other people there. If you are looking to make new friends (I won't pretend to believe that your local grocery shop will be full of attractive young single girls waiting to be chatted up because mine sure isn't) then try striking up casual conversation whilst waiting in a queue, even if it's just to comment on the weather or how long it's taking the cashier to scan the items. It can be really awkward and embarassing doing this at first (I hated having to make small talk when I started my job) but the practice comes in handy, and when you're talking to strangers you'll never see again then it doesn't matter if you hate them or they think you're crazy or whatever. On the other hand if you get along with them ok, and see them again a few times in the same situation, then it might lead to meeting people.

I guess my advice is to think about where you go in your everyday life, and try to talk to at least one new person in one of those places. Don't set yourself a goal of making a new friend or getting a girlfriend, just start sending out social feelers and it might lead to eventually finding someone awesome.

If you don't think this will work, please just don't follow it. I'm not pretending to have all the magic answers but you could possibly start by not being rude to people when they are trying to help, even if they're miles off base in your opinion.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1054 on: 31 May 2009, 09:34 »

Also sounds like you don't want to move out of your comfort zone even a little to try and do anything or meet anyone. Would you like to expand on what your interests are? You say there is nothing in your area that is a viable option, maybe someone else can help find something that you might have overlooked?

As it stands we don't know you from Adam and are hence forced to speak in broad and general terms. Acting like an insufferable fuckwit isn't going to get you advice more helpful than "you're a wanker" and based on your posts thus far might be an indication of why you don't have many friends.
Yes I am being a cock to you even though no one should ever be a cock to a stranger but you've really shown very little interest in taking any of the responses or suggestions (general though they are) into consideration and you seem to be just shooting them down as soon as they are suggested. If you don't want any actual advice (again keeping in mind that we don't know you that well and so can't give you any kind of tailormade advice) then you might want to try the blog thread instead.

Also libraries are good places to meet people in. They're quiet, indoors (which I know you'd like) and there is conversation material all over the actual shelves. There is also the added bonus that if you can't find anyone to talk to then at least you'll be able to find a good book.
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1055 on: 31 May 2009, 09:42 »

@nobo

*takes a moment to keep from flying into a rage at having to repeat himself AGAIN*
deep breath deep breath not nobo's fault deep breath deep breath

I'm starting to see why you're having trouble dating. If you act IRL like you act in this thread then you're bound to be single for a very long time.

That said, try speed dating.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

Dazed

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1056 on: 31 May 2009, 10:03 »

I'm not a moron. I can list the cliche social spots as easily as you can. All the stuff that occurs to you in the minutes after reading my post I've had years to brood over, and what's occured to you has probably already occured to me.

Ok, then try helping yourself and stop being a twat to people who are trying to help you.

Seriously, you're fucking 19 years old, and every time someone suggests something you say that you've done it to death and it doesn't work. So, here's a suggestion: realize for a second that you're young and the sum total of your experience is not quite so vast as your poor tortured brain has made it out to be. Those things that don't work? Try them again. If they don't work that time, try them again. Keep trying them, because maybe you'll get lucky and things will work out for you. But don't just be a snappy dick to everyone who suggests things to you, particularly when you come asking for help with little to no context.
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NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1057 on: 31 May 2009, 10:14 »

@nobo
Look, this isn't even the subject I inquired upon. Someone else brought it up, and yes, I'm acting like a dick, but I only have one pet peeve and THIS is it. This exact conversation. So, no I don't tend to act like this, except when this same bullshits is started for the zillionth time.

@supersheep
You're probably right, but if that's your opinion, suggestions would be more helpful than insults.

@Barmymoo
Good advice, but also something I already try to do (and fail miserably at).

@Jimmy The Squid
Maybe it sounds that way, but it isn't. Maybe someone else can help me find something I overlooked, that would be awesome, but who? You? My pathetic excuse for a social circle? My sister's imaginary friend?
I realize I'm coming across as an insufferable fuckwit, really, but so would you if you've been through this same forsaken conversation so many times, and gotten only insults instead of suggestions, and yet more insults when you complain about the lack of suggestions. I don't even care that you guys are throwing insults. I probably deserve them. Whatever.
All I ask is that if you're going to insult me, follow it with an actual suggestion so you don't come across as a hypocrite.

@Dazed
Repeating myself again. This wasn't even the subject I inquired upon. And I'm going to ignore your ageist bigotry.
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Barmymoo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1058 on: 31 May 2009, 10:29 »

We weren't insulting you, we were giving you advice. The insults originated from you and were reciprocated.

I don't think you really need to be told any of the things people have been suggesting, you don't come across as utterly stupid so you will have already thought of what are basically fairly simple ideas. There isn't a magic solution to being single, I have been single for over two years (I'm a little younger than you are) so I can't even tell you how I found my significant other because there isn't one.

Back to your initial point about finance, I don't think you need to worry. If you yourself feel inadequate about something, anything at all, then it could affect your relationships with people but on an objective level, not having your own income does not make you less attractive unless the person you are pursuing is mercenary and shallow.

I would suggest that there isn't much more useful that anyone can say to you, so we maybe should move onto a new topic. I'm sorry if you think you've been insulted; I do just want to say that Dazed wasn't being a bigot when he said that you're only nineteen, people do change over time and new experiences alter the way you react to things. I know that I'm a very different person now than I was two years ago, and I'm equally sure that I'll be different again in another two.
« Last Edit: 31 May 2009, 10:32 by Barmymoo »
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1059 on: 31 May 2009, 10:34 »

Well, I don't know if I'd say it's necessarily mercenary and shallow. It is nice having someone with a solid financial ground so you know there will be no leeching, but at 19 this is unlikely to be a as big of an issue as it would be later in life.
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Dazed

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1060 on: 31 May 2009, 10:51 »

@Dazed
I'm going to ignore your ageist bigotry.

Alright, whatever man. I guess implying that by age 19 you haven't experienced enough to be world-weary and despairing of having exhausted all conventional options makes me a bigot.

Oh, and yeah, finances will be more or less important depending on the relationship and the person, but for the most part shouldn't be that big a deal.
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iamiam

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1061 on: 31 May 2009, 10:56 »

uh so... if your goal is to meet somebody (since you have no friends and thus are starting from scratch)...

then what solution do YOU propose that does not involve 'going out there and meeting people'?

please tell me because i am a social recluse, and i dislike pretty much everybody.  if there is a way for me to meet the awesome man of my dreams without first having to go through the effort of chatting up a bunch of idiots then i am very interested in such a scheme.
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1062 on: 31 May 2009, 11:03 »

Quote
There isn't a magic solution to being single,
I never asked for one.

Quote
i am a social recluse, and i dislike pretty much everybody.  if there is a way for me to meet the awesome man of my dreams without first having to go through the effort of chatting up a bunch of idiots then i am very interested in such a scheme.
Amen.
But that's not what I asked about, but since that's what everybody seems to want to talk about, how about I hand off my torch to you?

Seriously, I pass the torch to iamiam, 'cause my question has pretty much been answered. There seems to be a consensus that I am placing more worry on my financial situation than I should be, so I'll go and try to worry less and everybody can get back to their favorite subject and try to answer iamiam's post.
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iamiam

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1063 on: 31 May 2009, 11:30 »

yeah uh my point was the only way to meet neat people is to suffer through annoying people and awkward situations on the way.  there is no easy solution.

i used to be like you when i was like, 14.  then i got over myself and grew up.  now i am actually a very lovely girl who has no trouble meeting people at all.

what a cinderella story right?  i wonder how i managed it.  maybe i have magic powers or something.
« Last Edit: 31 May 2009, 11:32 by iamiam »
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

iamiam

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1064 on: 31 May 2009, 11:31 »

magic powers of sexiness
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

KvP

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1065 on: 31 May 2009, 11:39 »

Don't listen, Mai is gross.
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1066 on: 31 May 2009, 11:56 »

And you're right about friends, too. The problem is, I don't really have any. I mean sure there are a couple of people who'll call me once or twice a month if they need an extra body, but I'm an afterthought.

In my experience there are very rarely people who are just  "friends", by which I mean that there will normally be a definite common interest, hobby, activity, etc.  Which is why the suggestion of clubs or societies related to your interests and activities keeps coming up.  If there really, really is nothing of that sort within easy reach, then perhaps you need to use the Internet to find groups that you can correspond with, but which are based close enough for you to be able to make occasional visits to for special meetings, say (public libraries may have good information about these things, too; well, they do in the UK).  Alternatively start planning how to move to somewhere that will suit you better.

In any case, remember that it is not essential to get into a relationship by any particular age, so there's no need to beat yourself up over it - I didn't get beyond your present stage until I was several years older than you are now.

Oh, and the money thing - I would not expect a parent to dictate completely how you spend the money he supports you with.  Some of it will be pocket money, though I guess he would expect you to use it prudently.
« Last Edit: 31 May 2009, 12:01 by pwhodges »
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"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

Zingoleb

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1067 on: 31 May 2009, 12:22 »

your ageist bigotry.

This part right here made me laugh, hard. You are YOUNG, man. And you're older than me.

At this point it sounds like instead of accepting the fact that you are young and don't know everything, you will just call someone an 'ageist bigot'. Amusing.
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Professor Snuggles

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1068 on: 31 May 2009, 13:02 »

Not Quite Goth, don't take this the wrong way, but are you fat? Do you have bad skin? Would you say you own more books with or without pictures? What are you looking for in a woman? You have principles about sex; have you ever had sex before? Are these principles arbitrary? Where do you live that all of these things people suggest are impossible? What do you actually like to do?
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1069 on: 31 May 2009, 13:15 »

a way for me to meet the awesome man of my dreams without first having to go through the effort of chatting up a bunch of idiots

Don't be so sniffy; not everyone who isn't the man of your dreams is an idiot, and those "idiots" may be his friends through whom you meet him.  Anyway, the way life is, when you meet the right man he is very likely to be not  the man you dreamed of, but someone quite different in ways that you hadn't previously conceived of.
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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

calenlass

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1070 on: 31 May 2009, 13:39 »

So my dude friends were discussing (again) today how guys assess every [non-related] female on a fuckability scale, and how girls inevitably assign guys to one of two separate lists or categories, those being "Potential Romantic Interests" and "Just Friends".

While this is probably true in most cases, it is really annoying to have to hear about it so much! So maybe boys should learn to be okay with being just friends, maybe, because being single is NOT A HORRIBLE PRISON SENTENCE*. Also, maybe girls should learn to put out more.


*This is another thing that bugs me, but I will save it for another post.



(The moral of the story is that sometimes I fuck my just-friends.)
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nobo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1071 on: 31 May 2009, 14:08 »

I think guys just make a "I'd do her" or "I wouldn't do her" decision about every female they see. I think its more binary than a rating scale.

Also, I would add "avoid this creep" as one of the categories girls assign to guys.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1072 on: 31 May 2009, 15:08 »

are you fat?
No.
Do you have bad skin?
Yes.
Would you say you own more books with or without pictures?
Without.
What are you looking for in a woman?
A best friend and an eager, exclusive sexual partner.
have you ever had sex before?
Yes.
Are these principles arbitrary?
Probably. (I'm OCD. They're not principles. They're symptoms.)
Where do you live?
Almost exactly half-way between San Fransisco and Sacramento.
What do you actually like to do?
Sleep. Fuck. Eat. Read. Write. Machinimate. Watch movies. Draw hentai. Drive around in the middle of the night when the roads are empty. Practice with my Katana. ...


...



Or were you being rhetorical.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1073 on: 31 May 2009, 16:09 »

a way for me to meet the awesome man of my dreams without first having to go through the effort of chatting up a bunch of idiots

Don't be so sniffy; not everyone who isn't the man of your dreams is an idiot, and those "idiots" may be his friends through whom you meet him.  Anyway, the way life is, when you meet the right man he is very likely to be not  the man you dreamed of, but someone quite different in ways that you hadn't previously conceived of.

you realize i was just making fun and not being serious,  right?
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Quote from: meebo
[11:09] Darryl: MaiAda: the Beat Happening of the QC boards
[11:10] Darryl: so subtly subversive that not everybody can even tell
[11:10] Darryl: punk as fuck
[11:10] Darryl: ponies and rainbows

pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1074 on: 31 May 2009, 16:30 »

you realize i was just making fun and not being serious,  right?

Yeah - but my attempt to carry it on clearly misfired...
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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1075 on: 31 May 2009, 17:09 »

if there is a way for me to meet the awesome man of my dreams without first having to go through the effort of chatting up a bunch of idiots then i am very interested in such a scheme.

Hi, my name is Darryl.
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NeverQuiteGoth

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1076 on: 31 May 2009, 17:11 »

I, uh, what kind of OCD symptoms do you get about sex?
I'm imagining it's something like "even amount of thrusts/minute" but that sounds a little ridiculous

LOL that would be awkward, but no, its contaminents. I have to know there are no STDs, and I have to know every single place she's been and thing she's touched since her last shower, as well as every where every single person she's touched has been since their last shower. Etc.
I can overcome it if I trust the person with my life, but that's only been one person so far.
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Sox

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1077 on: 31 May 2009, 17:15 »

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1078 on: 31 May 2009, 17:27 »

@Never Quite Goth, I'm sorry, OCDness about sex sounds like it would suck.

On my adventures in the land of relationships, I've been doing what onewheelwizard (joe) and est (?) have been saying, and so far she has shown up at everything I've told her I was up to (well, what I did today), and we + friends have had fun times. Thing is, tomorrow is basically the last time I'm in Edinburgh for the summer, so I feel like somehow I have to make it clear to her that I'm interested. I'm thinking of just telling her something along the lines of 'hey, I've been really enjoying hanging with you, and I was thinking maybe that when I come back we could see more of eachother?' and kinda hope for the best.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1079 on: 31 May 2009, 17:38 »

What you are suggesting sounds like a good plan. You are showing interest, but still leaving it open.
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ViolentDove

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1080 on: 31 May 2009, 17:39 »

Okay, I have another question. This is a multi-faceted issue and IMO deserves a multi-faceted answer. In other words, this is NOT a yes-or-no question.

Anyway, somewhere along the line recently I must have decided that I wasn't going to spend any money on trying to meet a girl (IE dating site subscriptions and dates themselves, etc.), until I have my own money to spend.
I'm not there yet but I will be a professional machinima creator once I start turning a profit. Right now my dad is still supporting me.
So my question is, am I being silly? Is waiting until I have my own income (note: we're not talking financial independence here, that's a ways further off, like a couple years further off) to pursue romance really necessary? Or am I imposing a social restriction on myself that doesn't really exist?

Why don't you get a part-time job?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1081 on: 31 May 2009, 18:19 »

thing is, tomorrow is basically the last time I'm in Edinburgh for the summer, so I feel like somehow I have to make it clear to her that I'm interested.

how bout something along the lines of "you're one of the coolest people i've met here in edinburgh, lets keep in touch". that way you're not putting her on the spot, and you can further your friendship along through email/phone, see if a spark develops, and start things up when you come back to edinburgh? 
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1082 on: 31 May 2009, 18:28 »

I don't know, sounds like there is already a spark. Also being a bit more up front than "let's keep in touch" is probably a good idea as, to me at least, "let's keep in touch" doesn't really sound like you're interested.
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Jimor

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1083 on: 31 May 2009, 18:31 »

Almost exactly half-way between San Fransisco and Sacramento.

That either puts you in the town I was born, or the one I grew up in (I'm in Sac now).

I guess I have something relevant for the thread.

Through my recent involvement in the local music scene, I've met a girl, a really talented singer. So I've been to a few of her shows now, and we've talked, mostly relating to my access cable show and her possibly being on it.

So it's usually shop talk, and I'm trying to keep it professional and non-creepy ("Hey, baby, I'm a TV producer, wanna be famous!"  :mrgreen: ). She's always friendly and sweet, but I recognize that as a performer in public, there's always a mask on (I have several writer friends and I've seen them when they're "on" at a signing for example). It's not like it would be Jekyl/Hyde, just that she's emphasizing the best side.

Well, as oblivious as I usually am, I think I'm detecting some signals. The most obvious being a couple of "we should hang out" comments, but a few other things like extra hugs at the shows, and one time when another performer was playing, I could kinda tell out of the corner of my eye that she was looking at me a lot. That and a bit of good-natured teasing on a couple of things.

So I'm definitely going to follow up on the hanging out bit and see how it develops. It might all just be that I've been put in the safe "just-friends" category and is just pulling me more into her world, and I'm fine with that, she's really cool. There's also the possibly working together angle, so I don't want to do anything stupid in making assumptions just yet.

But yeah.  :|
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1084 on: 31 May 2009, 19:49 »

I'm thinking of just telling her something along the lines of 'hey, I've been really enjoying hanging with you, and I was thinking maybe that when I come back we could see more of each other?' and kinda hope for the best.

So you're gonna be gone for like, three months?  Am I reading that right?  In any case, I think your plan is pretty good so long as it doesn't turn the situation into something that you both romanticise over the break only to find out it's something different when you get back.  Is there a way to visit her over the break in some way, and if not then a way of keeping in contact somehow?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1085 on: 31 May 2009, 19:52 »

Also Jimor it sounds like you've got the situation well in hand.  I'd just take her up on her offers to hang out, make some of your own and see how things progress.  If there's an opening to make a move then do it non-aggressively and see what happens from there.
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McTaggart

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1086 on: 31 May 2009, 23:05 »

Hey NQG, you're in the middle of wine country. Be happy!
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michaelicious

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1087 on: 31 May 2009, 23:20 »

Maybe he is sXe?
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MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1088 on: 31 May 2009, 23:25 »

Probably. (I'm OCD. They're not principles. They're symptoms.)

I, uh, what kind of OCD symptoms do you get about sex?

I'm imagining it's something like "even amount of thrusts/minute" but that sounds a little ridiculous
I'd tell you mine, but I'm still a virgin. Knowing my own symptoms, I would imagine that I'd have to do the "thrusts in sets of 4" thing.
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1089 on: 31 May 2009, 23:39 »

Hey NQG, you're in the middle of wine country. Be happy!

My OCD keeps me from consuming any mind-altering substances. Also I just don't like wine.  :-P

Oh man that reminds me of this time I explained that about my OCD to an EMT, and he proceeded to ask if I was taking anything for my OCD. I was like, "Did you seriously just ask me if I'm taking drugs for a mental disorder that keeps me from taking drugs?" I lol'd. (Please don't ask me why an EMT was talking to me, I really don't want to go into it)
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Yes, thank goodness we live in an enlightened society where we're horribly sexist to both men and woman in equal measure. >.<

MrBlu

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1090 on: 01 Jun 2009, 00:03 »

 :|

I've never heard that one before. Prevents you from taking drugs?
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1091 on: 01 Jun 2009, 02:03 »

NQG, I joined Okcupid when I was looking for friends when I moved to the city. It's free, and there are lots of young people on it. You just have to be careful of the weird and creepy ones.
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Barmymoo

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1092 on: 01 Jun 2009, 08:21 »

It's not OCD but I go out of my way to avoid taking drugs of any kind too. I took an Ibuprofen tablet for a headache that was interfering with my revision a few days ago and realised it was the first time I'd taken painkillers for three years. I've never drunk alcohol (well, unless you count a mouthful of vodka-spiked ginger beer at a party) and I've never used illegal drugs. I don't go to excess with it, I do use medical drugs if I have to, but I physically restrict myself from any other kind of drug. Not sure why, I suppose it's just a fairly strong part of me that I don't want to fight against.

I'm looking for some more generalised advice than specific here, I suppose. As you'll know if you've been reading all my posts diligently and taking detailed notes, I've just watched two series of Sugar Rush and it set me thinking about how people know that someone is of an orientation that would make it possible for them to orientate to you (to coin a phrase). The only way I've ever recognised that a girl is interested in dating girls is because they are... dating a girl. Obviously that makes them about as unavailable as they would be if they were straight. I'm not actually looking for a girlfriend or anything but I would like to know how people tell, generally. It's usually a fair assumption that people are straight, because it's statistically more common. How do you know when that assumption isn't correct? (Please don't say "gaydar" as if that's some kind of answer.)
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

Professor Snuggles

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1093 on: 01 Jun 2009, 08:30 »

I go out of my way TOO take drugs.

Y'all are whack.

Also, if I am engaged in a summer fling explicitly for the purposes of sex and cuddles, how often is apporpriate to call/text the girl.
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calenlass

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1094 on: 01 Jun 2009, 08:39 »

It's not OCD but I go out of my way to avoid taking drugs of any kind too. I took an Ibuprofen tablet for a headache that was interfering with my revision a few days ago and realised it was the first time I'd taken painkillers for three years. I've never drunk alcohol (well, unless you count a mouthful of vodka-spiked ginger beer at a party) and I've never used illegal drugs. I don't go to excess with it, I do use medical drugs if I have to, but I physically restrict myself from any other kind of drug. Not sure why, I suppose it's just a fairly strong part of me that I don't want to fight against.


My parents actually do this a lot, too, and I am pretty sure my grandparents would, except that my granddad has awful allergies and has had to learn how to self-medicate against pine trees and bees and flowers and grass and sunshine and fun, so he probably got used to it. My mom has been dealing with blood-pressure spikes lately, which incidentally are not connected to high cholesterol or heart disease or anything that it usually indicates, and her doctor told her (as they will) that here was some medication and that she would have to take it every day for the rest of her life. My mom freaked the fuck out. She got all depressed and started seeing a therapist*, she cried like every day, and jumped even more into homeopathic shit than she used to.

As someone who will probably be on [ADHD] meds for the rest of her life, I honestly don't have that much of a problem with it. I don't understand why the notion bothered her so much. I mean, yeah, I don't like taking pills all that much, and supposedly there are ways to wean myself off my drugs and replace the effect of the medications with behavior modification and stuff, but I honest-to-god notice a physical difference between the medicated-me and the non-medicated-me, and at this point I don't really want to have to re-learn to live with the latter.

So basically, I don't get it. I have no explanation for this anti-medication phenomenon, even though I have noticed it in multiple instances. Anyone got any ideas? Why do people feel this way? How do they learn to feel this way? (because obviously when you are an infant you don't care)



orientate

is not a word.

Try asking them, or bringing up the topic in conversation. Gay marriage is a huge hot-button topic, especially right now! Or mention someone you know who just got married, or something.


*my therapise, tee hee
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pwhodges

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1095 on: 01 Jun 2009, 08:56 »

orientate
is not a word.

Yes it is, in the UK particularly, though Webster's is happy with it as well.

Summary
« Last Edit: 01 Jun 2009, 09:02 by pwhodges »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1096 on: 01 Jun 2009, 09:06 »

I don't think it's a word in the context I was using it in, though (but I was being a tad tongue-in-cheek there, I guess I should have said "be attracted to you").

I think the drugs thing could turn into a full-scale discussion but I know that for me it's partly about control. I'm not going to pretend I have a serious mental health problem like anorexia or OCD, because I don't and pretending I do would be insulting to people who do, but I do seem to have a bit of a thing about remaining in control of myself. I'm happy to put up with a bit of pain, say from cramps or a mild headache, in order to know that I'm not relying on any kind of medicinal crutch to get through it. It isn't a criticism of people who do use drugs, in fact I admire people who are able to use drugs of any kind without losing their self-control. I can fully understand why the idea of being dependent on medicine for the rest of your life would be frightening; particularly for people who have never needed to take pills or wanted to experiment with drugs, the idea of letting a doctor control what your body is doing is a little unsettling (even if it's for the better in terms of health).

To bring this back to relationships, I'm not looking to get married! Although your point still stands, asking someone or bringing it up in conversation is a good way to gauge I guess. But there's a fairly large leap between not being homophobic, or indeed being in favour of same-sex marriage, and actually being gay.

My biggest problem, if you can really call it a problem, is that I'm never sure with girls I get on with really well whether they're just being friendly or they're attracted to me. To give an example, I have a friend who I've known a few years and I see every summer. When we first met we clicked immediately, intesely, and spent several days and most nights (it was a residential music course) together. She would put her arms round me, hold my hand and stuff. All of these things I would have considered to be a hint that someone was attracted to me, if that someone was male. The fact that she is female made me feel it was more likely that she was just being friendly (and she was; she's straight). Particularly with girls, particularly with younger girls, sexuality seems to be fairly flexible and for a lot of people unclear and undefined until they're adults, so it seems to be a matter of just testing the water and seeing what happens.

I seem to have answered my own question there. Also apologies for the amount of talking I'm doing; I've got into a rather lyrical mood from all the notes I've been taking.
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

calenlass

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1097 on: 01 Jun 2009, 09:08 »

orientate
is not a word.

Yes it is, in the UK particularly, though Webster's is happy with it as well.

Summary

But it's just a bastardisation of "orient"! Bah! It's like how my cousin the kindergarten teacher complains about little kids who say "conversate" because it was made up in some rap songs and has permeated popular culture. I am sure that it will be in Webster's, too, just like "bling" is.


Also I don't know if anyone else has realised this, but I am a linguistics major. Linguistics is the study of languages, phonemes, phonics, syntax, grammar, and, specifically, the evolution and change of languages over time! I haven't yet figured out how to resolve my supposed passive observation of people's adaptation of language to suit their individual (if ridiculous) needs, and my desire for people to stop making up ludicrous words when there is already a perfectly serviceable one right there!
« Last Edit: 01 Jun 2009, 09:12 by calenlass »
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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1098 on: 01 Jun 2009, 09:20 »

Strangely it seems that the people that take an active interest in the evolution of language are the ones that are the most anal when language is being changed.

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calenlass

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Re: The Relationship, Or Lack Thereof, Advice Thread
« Reply #1099 on: 01 Jun 2009, 09:25 »

Also Barmy, that's true about chicks versus dudes in terms of affection. Something overt like holding hands would, unless you are around children or playing a game or whatever, be a perfectly viable candidate for consideration as romantic. Maybe this is just me, though. However, I have seen a lot of girls hug boys and each other and basically everyone and mean nothing but platonic affection either way. I personally have never been able to tell with a girl whether she is interested in me or not until she actually mentioned it directly.

Then again, there have been more dudes than I can possibly count or remember who have misconstrued my enthusiasm for a good conversation or my forthrightness or my openness for flirting. Supposedly this is because they read too much into it because they are conditioned to respond that way for most chicks, and most chicks do not strive to be as two-dimensional as I do, and they suddenly find me sending them mixed signals. Maybe I am just kind of dense.

Anyway, testing the water seems like a good idea. Maybe there just isn't a better way, who knows?
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