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[Liz]

do I emit a pheromone that girls find attractive, while I have a girlfriend?

Because when i'm single it seems like girls dont' naturally flock around me like they do when I am with someone. 

Man I know how you feel. Guys never really flirted with me until things started up with my current boy, then all of the sudden there were a bunch of boys coming after me, and this was even before the boy and I made if official, so really nobody knew about it. It's ridiculous!

[Bastardous Bassist]

do I emit a pheromone that girls find attractive, while I have a girlfriend?

My friends and I discussed this at length in high school.  We settled on the fact that, if the other girls don't know about your girlfriend, then it's because you're not trying to get with them and that almost always seems to make girls want you more.  Also, at least when you've just started a relationship, you tend to be a lot happier, and everybody wants a piece of that happiness.  As for when the girls know about it the relationship, I think that subject has been covered quite well.

[Barmymoo]

I think it's also that at the start of a relationship you tend to be pretty happy, and that's an attractive trait. Maybe there's some kind of biological response to regular kissing that means your body produces baby-having hormones? Which then increase your biological attractiveness to others? I don't know enough about biology but that sounds like a possiblity.

[calenlass]

That sort of thing can also happen when you become comfortable and happy with being single. The confidence and happiness, I mean.

[Ozymandias]

This is straight out of Melrose Place

Series Premiere tonight at 9/8c only on The CW- TV to Talk About.

[Bastardous Bassist]

That sort of thing can also happen when you become comfortable and happy with being single. The confidence and happiness, I mean.

This is exactly why everyone says, "You'll find someone when you stop looking."  It's not just something to shut you (me) up, it actually works.

[jhocking]

One of my friends asked me the other day (actually, one of the guys who has shown interest in dating me, who asked me how my love life was going), whether I would be upset if he started dating someone else. I sat there for five minutes debating whether the 'yes' I'd instantly typed out and not sent was the right answer or not. Yes, I would upset. I would be pretty damn devastated if he did. I just don't know whether I can tell him that without fucking things up. Because things ARE great. But this is not how things usually go with me, I hate not knowing.

What yo should do is go on a date with this other guy and see how your boy responds.

That's actually really shitty advice but seriously you should do that.

[jmrz]

Uhm, I have kind of done that already, but it was ages ago. Like after only about two weeks of being with pseudo-relationship boy. I'd asked him whether or not he'd be okay with me dating other people and he said yes, but as I said, that was about two and a half-ish months ago and he doesn't really KNOW that it was a date? And besides, I ended up going to straight to his place afterwards to hang out with him anyway.

There was also a terrible mistake of a one night stand thrown in there just before the first talk we had (so a month or two ago?), which was what made me realise that yes, I actually like this guy quite a lot and holy shit did I ever feel guilty. He doesn't know about that though. I mean, if he asks I'll tell him, but we were official like and we never agreed that anything was exclusive either.

So uhm, I don't really want to do either of those things again to see how he would react because a) it would be kind of mean because it would feel like I was leading someone on who I have no intention of actually dating and b) I would feel all sorts of guilty about it.

[Jaclyn]

I'm going to assume you mean you're in love with furniture the same way Mai is in love with with shoes or I'm in love with the Roland TB-303, not that you're actually an objectum sexual.

Because that would be odd.

It's my couch, man. He get's me.

[Bastardous Bassist]

Well, your couch certainly is supportive and a good listener, but I don't think it'll end well.  He's just so emotionally cold.

[Lines]

He get is you?

That's one fucked up couch, dude.

[jhocking]

[Jaclyn]

Well, your couch certainly is supportive and a good listener, but I don't think it'll end well.  He's just so emotionally cold.

But he's a great lover.

Also I'm sorry about that apostrophe. What was I thinking?

[JD]

You just need to get some scented candles and rose petals to set the mood.

[Der Golem]

Jmrz, going from that last post, I'd reccomend you have A Talk with him soon. Now, I don't know how well this reflects your situation, but I'm going to tell you A Story.

I was seeing this girl unofficially for six months, under similiar circumstances. We didn't really define whether or not it was a monagamous thing, although we saw each other like three times a week, for six months, and the girl made it clear that she wanted this to be an official boyfriend/girlfriend thing, so I kind of assumed it was. After six months of this we ended up making it official. About a year into our relationship I find out, one at a time, about four other boys she had been sleeping with at the same time as me. Ended up being a major factor in us eventually breaking up.

Of course our situations and relationships are not the same, but experiance has taught me that under circumstances like these, it's better to just be clear about things like that.

[Hat]

I'm in love with the Roland TB-303

homewrecker

[Emaline]

Relationship Advice 101:

Lesson 1:

Never, ever, ever, ever assume anything.




Golem, I feel* that is was unfair of you to factor in what your girlfriend did before you guys were official into your relationship at the time. You guys weren't dating, and you had no "claim to her" as they say. Sure you were courting, canoodling, fucking around, what have you, but its unfair to assume that just because you want someone to be exclusive with you that they are going to be.



Jmrz, if he is not ready for a Serious Relationship right now, I don't think it'd be too horribly unfair for you to request that he not do what he is doing with you with anyone else. If you are comfortable with what you guys are doing, I wouldn't worry too much about the future. But you say you'd like to see him long term? Well, basically, you are going to have to talk to him. You're going to have to let him know how you feel about things. Find out why he is opposed to a serious relationship first, though.

Keep in mind that a lot of people get scared off when you keep bringing up "when are we gonna take things to the next level???" Maybe he just isn't ready for commitment. I'm not saying to super freak out about this, but just be prepared for negative reactions.

Or maybe he will be super relieved and say "I was waiting for you to say something! As soon as I said I wasn't ready for a serious relationship I realized I was! But felt silly and needy bringing it up again.





*"feel" - as in, this is my opinion.

[Der Golem]

Golem, I feel* that is was unfair of you to factor in what your girlfriend did before you guys were official into your relationship at the time. You guys weren't dating, and you had no "claim to her" as they say. Sure you were courting, canoodling, fucking around, what have you, but its unfair to assume that just because you want someone to be exclusive with you that they are going to be.

Not really gonna argue, but not everything we feel or do is entirely logical. Maybe it was more the being lied to about it several times and finding out the truth somewhere else? Anyways, I really would rather just have a talk than have something like that possibly weaken a potential future relationship again. I do think you made a good point about maybe having a "I would like this to be an exclusive thing" talk before/instead of the "Lets be Super Serious" talk.

[Emaline]

Here we go. The epic battle of twisted meanings.

I'm saying, don't assume that someone you are courting/hanging out with/hanging on/hitting on/causually seeing/etc is exclusively seeing you. Its unfair to the other person.

When you are in a serious relationship, its fine to assume said partner is not sleeping with someone else, unless otherwise noted.

Early on, assumptions are bad. Later on, assumptions based in trust and knowledge are ok.


And Golem, I'm not saying I'm right and your wrong, or vice versa. And unless she out right said, "I'm not sleeping with anyone else" she didn't lie. I'm not saying she was right either. She wasn't entirely right, nor entirely wrong, though.

And I'm not saying what you did is bad. If you felt your trust was disobeyed, then what you did was right.

[Emaline]

Also, opinions are neither right or wrong. They are just opinions.

[Der Golem]

I know my half-truths from my lies, but yeah, I don't disagree with anything you just said.

[jhocking]

Also, opinions are neither right or wrong. They are just opinions.

I don't know, I can think of a few opinions that are definitely wrong.

Most of my sister's opinions regarding music, for example.

[Ballard]

Holy shit, I found 4445.

[pwhodges]

Not assuming things at the start is not the same as distrust; but actual trust is earned.

Trust gained and then broken, on the other hand, is the relationship killer.

[Bastardous Bassist]

So, hey guys.  I'm starting to realize that I haven't had a date in over a year.  I've tried, but it's always ended up being just a friend hanging out with me.  I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.  I don't think I smell particularly bad.  I'm not particularly ugly (pictures in pictures thread).  It must be my personality, clearly.  I get people's phone numbers frequently, but it results in either a "friends" thing (most of the time) or people never taking my calls ever again (this sort of thing has been going on with people that I really like for years now, so that's an entirely different issue).  So, I guess I'm wondering why do people start seeing me as a friend?  I don't really get it, and it's starting to get annoying.

[Unosuke]

So, there's this cute girl in my visual communications class and she sits right next to me. how do i strike up a conversation without it being all awkward?

[Jaclyn]

"Gee, sure is visual communications in here!"

[tania]

strike up a conversation about a book she is reading or a t-shirt she is wearing or something along those lines, but make sure in advance that you have at least 2-3 minutes worth of material to discuss in relation to that to avoid the following awkward exchange (which i am sure many people have participated in at some point or another) -

you: "hey is that a broken social scene t-shirt?"
other person: "yeah it is, i got it when i went to a show last year"
you: "oh. that's... um... that's cool."
other person: "..."
you: "uh... yeah."

if you can talk about it for a few minutes, when you finally do run out of things to say and have to transition for a different topic of discussion it'll be cool cos at that point you have a sort of friendly rapport and who cares what you're actually talking about anymore.

[Bastardous Bassist]

"Gee, sure is visual communications in here!"

Better, "The communications in this class sure are visual, am I right?"

Tania's got it right, though.  Anything can really be a topic of discussion.  Just try to make it a little more tailored to her than a simple, "Wow, that clock is sure round."  If she doesn't relate to what you're saying, you've lost.  So make sure she relates to what you're saying by making the conversation about something she clearly enjoys!

[Masterbainter]

what this guy said... and adding.  If you can start the talking then introduce yourself, they'll usually do the same.  You need to keep things simple, but open minded.

*
You:  Hey you get homework for class done?
Her:  Yeah, you?
You: yeah, but I had trouble with this <problem>
Her: oh you just <blah blah blah>
You: howd you figure that.
her: <blah blah blah>
You: oh btw I'm <yourname>
Her: Oh i'm <hotchickname>
you: Nice to meet you, what do you think of school this year
Her: <blah blah school>

point is, try to get her to open up.  You need to listen and actually pay attention.  Always be yourself and if her personality is right(for your) you two will hit it off easily.

*You don't have to do a conversation like that just and example of one way to start the talk.


BB, sometimes being a really good people person gets you stuck in the friend zone.  You may find yourself really comfortable talking and being a really good talker and listener.  In fact so good you feel comfortable there and possibly a little uncomfortable making the choice to further the relationship beyond that.  Sometimes you gotta leap and put yourself in an awkward situation that usually doesn't end well, too get into a more than friends relationship.

[David_Dovey]

And remember, if after talking for a good long while and establishing what seems like a good rapport and you are getting "I'm attracted to you" signals, and then you find out she has a boyfriend, it is probably not a good idea to start quoting Mastodon songs.

Things can get out of hand really quickly that way!

[Masterbainter]

actually if you find out she has a boyfriend just call her a whore and move on.  That'll make you seem kewl and make her feel bad for wasting your time.

[Lines]

And then she'll punch you in the face! Great advice!

[Masterbainter]

IMO if you don't get punched you aren't having fun. 


i know alot of you don't get my humor so i'll put this in the fine print,  I was kidding about this post and the last one, but not the one before that, kthnxbai

[jhocking]

really great advice

I haven't been paying much attention but aren't you supposed to be a douche?  Because this is really good advice for how to get a conversation going with someone in class you don't know.

I could've sworn you're supposed to be a douche but I'm probably just remembering wrong.

[Josefbugman]

Probably because Mister Bainter is also a libertarian. Not to confuse the two, libertarians can be cool people, its just that the points were put forward rather "forcefully" in the discuss threads on the matter.

Just because there are often varying different views on the subject of politics does not a bad person make, most of the time anyway.

Anyway, I was just wondering what everyone is so often keen to be "more than" friends with people? To my mind friendship seems to be a damn sight more fun than the whole rigmarole of "love , happiness, bunnies" that swiftly seems to devolve into "fear, trepedation, angst angstangstangastANGST".

One final point, when I clicked on the twilight forum link and saw bella holding the apple out I sort of imagined her with Barbosa's voice from Pirates of the Caribbean going "Apple?"

[Bastardous Bassist]

Anyway, I was just wondering what everyone is so often keen to be "more than" friends with people? To my mind friendship seems to be a damn sight more fun than the whole rigmarole of "love , happiness, bunnies" that swiftly seems to devolve into "fear, trepedation, angst angstangstangastANGST".

Sometimes people like other people in ways that friendship can't really satisfy.  Don't get me wrong, friendship tends to be really awesome, but sometimes - depending on the person of course - you just gotta have that lovin'.

[iamiam]

sometimes friendship is not enough because if you think somebody is the most specialist and best person in the whole world, who you want to give all your tender love and snuggles to, then this makes you really really want them to feel the same way about you too.

[jhocking]

sometimes you wanna talk, and sometimes you wanna fuck

[Bastardous Bassist]

Not really.  If I just want to fuck, I tend to call a friend.

[jhocking]

sometimes you wanna talk, and sometimes you wanna fuck and then talk afterwards

[a pack of wolves]

Anyway, I was just wondering what everyone is so often keen to be "more than" friends with people? To my mind friendship seems to be a damn sight more fun than the whole rigmarole of "love , happiness, bunnies" that swiftly seems to devolve into "fear, trepedation, angst angstangstangastANGST".

Though this thread suggests otherwise, it's not always like that. Sometimes it's "cinema, dancing, booze and fucking" devolving into "cinema, dancing, booze and fucking but with more drugs".

[Bastardous Bassist]

Or the most compelling TV ever.

[a pack of wolves]

Chris Tarrant would blatantly try and get in on that action.

[Nodaisho]

Anyway, I was just wondering what everyone is so often keen to be "more than" friends with people? To my mind friendship seems to be a damn sight more fun than the whole rigmarole of "love , happiness, bunnies" that swiftly seems to devolve into "fear, trepedation, angst angstangstangastANGST".

I'll tell you when I've figured it out. It is completely illogical from a non-biological standpoint, but your body exerts heavy influence on your mind, and your body only works from the biological standpoint.

[Josefbugman]

Which is why I am desperatly trying to divorce my body from exerting a pull on my mind. Its proving harder than anticipated...

Also I found these two articles/ discussion pieces that discuss "nice guys" and I wondered what you guys thought?

Linkage: http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html#cutid1
           http://mightygodking.com/index.php/2007/12/16/the-internet-nice-guy-rears-his-ugly-head-once-more/

I am intersted to hear thoughts/shouted oaths.

[Nodaisho]

Which is why I am desperatly trying to divorce my body from exerting a pull on my mind. Its proving harder than anticipated...

Tell me about it.

[supersheep]

Which is why I am desperatly trying to divorce my body from exerting a pull on my mind. Its proving harder than anticipated...

This is impossible given that they are stuck together with sinews and muscles and nerves and shit. We are not meant to be logical. Follow your heart or some shit.

[evilbobthebob]

Also I found these two articles/ discussion pieces that discuss "nice guys" and I wondered what you guys thought?

First one is pretty damn good, the female perspective is good to know. I'd like to think I'm more of a nice guy and less of a Nice Guy. I've definitely been a Nice Guy in the past though.

Second one is strange. I can't agree with the Nice Guy Rant, but at the same time I don't agree with all the things that the blogger is saying. He rants as much as the Nice Guy does, so his arguments come across rather badly. However, this bit of the Nice Guy Rant:

You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy.

is scary to read. The Nice Guy seems to feel like he should be paid in sex or something.

[Josefbugman]

The comments below the second one are... strange, and a little disquieting.

That line about expecting to be paid with sex... yeah that was all sorts of creepy.