THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

  • 28 Mar 2024, 01:20
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Down

Author Topic: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer  (Read 13433 times)

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #50 on: 03 Mar 2009, 09:45 »

Dear shane,

In the event of mass zombie outbreak on the golf course, which club would be the best to keep, and is picking off zombies at long distance acceptable practise?

Yours gratefully

Robbie

Once again, either an iron or a wedge is your best bet, due to the ease of swinging.

If you have the accuracy to pick off a zombie, GO FOR IT. Just make sure your bag is stocked with spare golfballs.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #51 on: 03 Mar 2009, 09:50 »

You'd probably want to carry some spare clubs then, since you'll be breakin zombie skulls with 'em
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #52 on: 03 Mar 2009, 09:51 »

If you don't carry hybrid irons, you should have six irons and two or three wedges to work with.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #53 on: 03 Mar 2009, 09:53 »

Still, I mean there's probably a legion of zombies to break your clubs on
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #54 on: 03 Mar 2009, 09:56 »

Of course, if they get to other golfers first, you can steal THEIR clubs.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #55 on: 03 Mar 2009, 10:08 »

Yeah but you can't really be sure that their corpses will be accessible.  It's better to be overprepared than underprepared (are those words?)
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

the_pied_piper

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,155
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #56 on: 03 Mar 2009, 10:55 »

Shane, sadly i would have to disagree with the wedges idea as the ball will likely go too high too cause the real damage from a shot.
Instead, i recommend learning to hit a low drive with a driver as then the ball may even bounce back to you and you can use it again.

overprepared, underprepared (are those words?)

I would use them but apparently not, according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
Logged
He even really sponsored terrorism! Libya's like Opposite-Iraq, where all the lies are true!

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #57 on: 03 Mar 2009, 10:55 »

I meant using wedges to hit zombies in the head with, Rob.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

the_pied_piper

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,155
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #58 on: 03 Mar 2009, 11:09 »

Oh, in that case a lob wedge is in fact the club of choice if you are brave enough to get within ~3 arms lengths of the zombies as they are hella sharp when you turn them sideways.

Alternatively, a bladed set of clubs are pretty sharp as is and a 3 iron is long enough to stand further away from the zombies and still cause major damage. [see below for examples]



Lob wedge, note the sharp edge.



Bladed irons, sharp edged again but longer shaft for greater safety when dealing with zombies [more difficult to use for real golf though].
Logged
He even really sponsored terrorism! Libya's like Opposite-Iraq, where all the lies are true!

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #59 on: 03 Mar 2009, 11:23 »

I find the lob wedge is usually the handiest club in my bag.

Then again I'm great with my wedges, to the point where I'm sometimes drafted into captain and crew tournaments for my short-game prowess.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Elizzybeth

  • Beyoncé
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 724
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #60 on: 03 Mar 2009, 12:37 »

Shane,

Is it a fashion faux pas to wear a tennis skirt on the golf course?

xoxo,
Elizabeth

P.S. I'm a girl.

P.P.S. It might not be argyle.

P.P.P.S. How about on the frisbee golf course?
Logged

Liz

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,483
  • Nuclear Bomb Tits
    • Last.fm
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #61 on: 03 Mar 2009, 13:02 »

Oh my god. Chicagocon idea. Frisbee golf in your most ridiculous golf gear! Argyle and flat caps all around!
Logged
Quote from: John
Liz is touching me.
Quote from: Bryan
Fuck you, I want him so bad.

SilentJ

  • Beyoncé
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 736
  • You're talking shit. Explain yourself.
    • I say things sometimes.
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #62 on: 03 Mar 2009, 13:26 »

Shane,

A cousin of mine has managed to not only hit a drive straight up (and have it hit him on the head), but also slice a ball so bad that it bounced off a tee marker and almost hit everyone in the group.  Is there any hope for his game?

Also how much am I allowed to laugh at him about this?

-Jeff

If you don't carry hybrid irons, you should have six irons and two or three wedges to work with.

also unless my math is bad i think you would have eight irons dude
Logged
i shotgunned a beer, made my facebook pic an american flag, and have been yelling "AMURIKA" all evening.

the_pied_piper

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,155
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #63 on: 03 Mar 2009, 14:25 »

also unless my math is bad i think you would have eight irons dude

Unless you use a 2-iron (you crazy idiot, why not just take a shovel head instead) you actually should have 7: 3,4,5,6,7,8,9.
Logged
He even really sponsored terrorism! Libya's like Opposite-Iraq, where all the lies are true!

SilentJ

  • Beyoncé
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 736
  • You're talking shit. Explain yourself.
    • I say things sometimes.
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #64 on: 03 Mar 2009, 19:31 »

I have eight, because I do, in fact, have a 2-iron.  (yeah it is a pretty awful club)
Logged
i shotgunned a beer, made my facebook pic an american flag, and have been yelling "AMURIKA" all evening.

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #65 on: 03 Mar 2009, 21:12 »

Kill it, please
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

ViolentDove

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,396
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #66 on: 03 Mar 2009, 23:03 »

Dear Shane,

What are ther best golf-related double entendres to woo a female golfer?

Kind regards,

-Nick.
Logged
With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

Hat

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,536
  • bang bang a suckah MC shot me down
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #67 on: 03 Mar 2009, 23:05 »

Dear Shane,

What is an unacceptable amount to drink on the golf course if drinking with people with no regard for the consequences of their actions?

Love, Brett.
Logged
Quote from: Emilio
power metal set in the present is basically crunk

Liz

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,483
  • Nuclear Bomb Tits
    • Last.fm
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #68 on: 03 Mar 2009, 23:23 »

What are ther best golf-related double entendres to woo a female golfer?

"I'd like to birdie your hole."

"I'll use my wood on this one."

"I promise you I won't bogey on your course."

"I won't leave any divets on your green." (I... I don't know if this one works.)
Logged
Quote from: John
Liz is touching me.
Quote from: Bryan
Fuck you, I want him so bad.

Patrick

  • where did it cost?
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,263
  • Used to be a cool kid
    • Troubador! bandcamp page
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #69 on: 03 Mar 2009, 23:28 »

Dear Shane,

What is an unacceptable amount to drink on the golf course if drinking with people with no regard for the consequences of their actions?

Love, Brett.

I think you know the answer.

Liz, wouldn't it be more accurate to say "I won't birdie on your course"? 'Cause see, bogey is one shot above par, meaning you finished later then you were expected to. If you birdie, you're finishing early.
Logged
My long-dead band Troubador! licks your gentlemen's legumes on the cheap

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #70 on: 04 Mar 2009, 04:55 »

Shane,

Is it a fashion faux pas to wear a tennis skirt on the golf course?

I guess some of the professional female golfers wear skirts. I don't see a problem with it.

Oh my god. Chicagocon idea. Frisbee golf in your most ridiculous golf gear! Argyle and flat caps all around!

What the fuck is ridiculous about a flat cap? I'd wear mine on a daily basis if I hadn't left it at Jon's during Bostoncon.

Shane,

A cousin of mine has managed to not only hit a drive straight up (and have it hit him on the head), but also slice a ball so bad that it bounced off a tee marker and almost hit everyone in the group.  Is there any hope for his game?

Also how much am I allowed to laugh at him about this?

-Jeff

I've done the latter. Judging by my group's reaction, you can mock him for the next three holes.

Dear Shane,

What are ther best golf-related double entendres to woo a female golfer?

Kind regards,

-Nick.

I think Liz covered this. See Jon's thread for relationship advice.

Dear Shane,

What is an unacceptable amount to drink on the golf course if drinking with people with no regard for the consequences of their actions?

Love, Brett.

As long as you don't flip the golf cart, Brett. Drink as much as you want.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Gilead

  • Guest
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #71 on: 04 Mar 2009, 04:57 »

I'm going to drive straight up your green baby.
Logged

snalin

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,540
  • You may Baste me
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #72 on: 04 Mar 2009, 05:38 »

Or, if you are a woman: "I keep my green trimmed. Want to inspect it?"
Logged
I am a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride
I am wanted / Dead or alive

Patrick

  • where did it cost?
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,263
  • Used to be a cool kid
    • Troubador! bandcamp page
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #73 on: 04 Mar 2009, 12:38 »

I'd launch something white in one of your 18 holes.
Logged
My long-dead band Troubador! licks your gentlemen's legumes on the cheap

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #74 on: 04 Mar 2009, 14:08 »

Actually it's really launching near the holes, not in them
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

Patrick

  • where did it cost?
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,263
  • Used to be a cool kid
    • Troubador! bandcamp page
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #75 on: 05 Mar 2009, 00:27 »

You know, in actual golf, it's better my way. Otherwise, you're spot on.
Logged
My long-dead band Troubador! licks your gentlemen's legumes on the cheap

Gurkburk

  • Furry furrier
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 168
  • For I am a happy, happy pokemon!
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #76 on: 06 Mar 2009, 06:17 »

Can I mulligan your... vagina?
Logged
Quote from: Stephen Green of pressure group Christian Voice said
"Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large.

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #77 on: 06 Mar 2009, 07:08 »

A mulligan is a do-over.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

snalin

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,540
  • You may Baste me
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #78 on: 06 Mar 2009, 07:40 »

Shane, what is the best way to golf?
Logged
I am a cowboy / on a steel horse I ride
I am wanted / Dead or alive

valley_parade

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,169
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #79 on: 06 Mar 2009, 08:06 »

With a group of friends, not taking anything seriously. Just go have fun and have a few drinks during your round. Then retire to the clubhouse for some tasty foods and more drinks.
Logged
Wait so you're letting something that happened 10 years ago ruin your quality of life? What are you, America? :psyduck:

Gurkburk

  • Furry furrier
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 168
  • For I am a happy, happy pokemon!
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #80 on: 06 Mar 2009, 08:12 »

A mulligan is a do-over.

So which is the one where you land the ball so close to the hole you don't have to hit it and just get to drop it in?
Logged
Quote from: Stephen Green of pressure group Christian Voice said
"Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large.

Sir Tacopuss

  • Emoticontraindication
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 73
  • Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Logged
To send - Onward to terminus triumphal flight sheds object form.
Orbitainer eyes the absolute and freed - walk alone.

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #82 on: 06 Mar 2009, 09:10 »

A mulligan is a do-over.

So which is the one where you land the ball so close to the hole you don't have to hit it and just get to drop it in?

That would be a gimme
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

David_Dovey

  • Nearly grown up
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 8,451
  • j'accuse!
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #83 on: 06 Mar 2009, 23:05 »

I'd like to fuck you on a golf course
Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Patrick

  • where did it cost?
  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,263
  • Used to be a cool kid
    • Troubador! bandcamp page
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #84 on: 06 Mar 2009, 23:41 »

Ewwwwwwww perv
Logged
My long-dead band Troubador! licks your gentlemen's legumes on the cheap

KickThatBathProf

  • Duck attack survivor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,973
  • hey there
Re: Shane teaches you how to become a better golfer
« Reply #85 on: 07 Mar 2009, 08:44 »

What the fuck David that was uncalled for
Logged
dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys
Pages: 1 [2]   Go Up