Topic: Mall Ninjas (Read 6599 times)

Border Reiver · « **on:** 08 Mar 2009, 08:05 »

This was forwarded to me by a co-worker and it is quite funny, but long. It is also a good example of why we don't feed the trolls.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Slick · « **Reply #1 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 09:13 »

Oh, the days when the internet was young! Specops was totally a gag account to push him on, right? His last post is too much. Too much for me to handle.

clockworkjames · « **Reply #2 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 10:08 »

http://forums.questionablecontent.net/index.php?action=profile;u=20222

Liek this guy?

Ruined a zombie thread with "Facts" and such.

negative creep · « **Reply #3 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 10:18 »

Oh, that was harsh.

Slick · « **Reply #4 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 11:52 »

echojens re: skawronska

negative creep · « **Reply #5 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 12:38 »

Yeah that was basically what I was trying to say.

Slick · « **Reply #6 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 13:17 »

(yeah dominik it is cool we got that)

Slick · « **Reply #7 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 13:17 »

(oh hey by the way since we're all here do you guys want to make out?)

negative creep · « **Reply #8 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 13:22 »

(yes)

Slick · « **Reply #9 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 13:30 »

(score)

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #10 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 13:45 »

(wha?)

David_Dovey · « **Reply #11 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 20:39 »

hey you're not supposed to be able to read inside the brackets unless you are in the QC Forums elite®!

we have a breach people, we have a breach. Code blue, code blue

Slick · « **Reply #12 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 20:44 »

Six Wun Quebec Oscar Fife terminate transmission.

negative creep · « **Reply #13 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 20:57 »

Authorization Code acceptabel.

actreal · « **Reply #14 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 21:55 »

Picked this link up from Jeph's twitter.

I must say, I didn't know it was Neo-nazi Australian militants that were the greatest threat to mall ninjas in upstate NY. You learn something everyday.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #15 on:** 08 Mar 2009, 22:56 »

Going on eight years now, and mall-ninja is still one of the most derogatory terms you can use on some gun forums, next to liberal. That takes doing.

FourNineFoxtrot · « **Reply #16 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 01:04 »

This is true. Them's fightin' words.

I was a rent-a-cop once. But not a mall-ninja. They never issued us the "special boots that allow us to walk on walls".
(Was that from Gecko45 or GunKid? I get them confused.) Also, I knew it was a crap job.

So, like, I'm only a mall-ninja... ironically. Yeah.

Melodic · « **Reply #17 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 01:09 »

There has been a serious rash of mall-cop movies recently, too.

Like two whole movies.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #18 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 01:32 »

Gecko was the mall ninja, gunkid was the felon that pretended to know everything about guns, and kept making alt account after alt account when he would get banned for advising newbies to get a 12" AR upper in .22, and to get a tactical wheelbarrow. He stopped making alt accounts around the time that he got re-introduced to the penal system for owning firearms as a felon. I think some of them might have been class III, as well (rifles with barrels under 16", shotguns with barrels under 18", automatics, suppressors, weapons other than shotguns with barrels over .50 inches, pistols with foregrips, and anything the ATF decides to make illegal, because they are the law! Thankfully, that no longer includes shoestrings.)

FourNineFoxtrot · « **Reply #19 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 04:07 »

Ah, yes. That masterpiece of martial innovation, the Tactical Wheelbarrow.

It's like an armored car. That you have to push. Brilliant.

How on earth did a felon manage to get his hands on class III materiel? No, wait... I don't want to know. The endless possibilities of wacky hijinx I can imagine are too good, I don't want to know that he just stole them or something.

I wasn't around the forums at the time these guys were active. I just stumbled on the bemused reminiscing at places like THR.

Quote from: Melodic on 09 Mar 2009, 01:09

There has been a serious rash of mall-cop movies recently, too.

Like two whole movies.

I actually want to see the one with whatshisname... Seth Rogen. It looks both amusing and violent, which appeals to me, while also harping on how pathetic our sad brotherhood of retail heroes really is, which should at least be nostalgic. One can only hope that Rogen plays a character in charge of a 3-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America's largest indoor retail shopping areas...

Christophe · « **Reply #20 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 07:23 »

So guys, my campus security job requires me to put as much accurate and lethal firepower onto insurgents as quickly as possible. Could you guys recommend an SMG in .50 AE that can also be silenced? Please respond ASAP, there's one breathing down my neck as we speak (though I could easily dispatch him with my rad Chuk Kun Do skills).

Ballard · « **Reply #21 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 09:40 »

Paul Blart: Mall Cop was a lot better when it was Beverly Hills Ninja.

clockworkjames · « **Reply #22 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 11:43 »

*fap fap fap*

benji · « **Reply #23 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 12:52 »

Quote from: FourNineFoxtrot on 09 Mar 2009, 04:07

One can only hope that Rogen plays a character in charge of a 3-man Rapid Tactical Force at one of America's largest indoor retail shopping areas...

This film looks like it was based on the Mall Ninja's autobiography: http://www.moviemake-out.com/2009/02/08/trailer-watch-red-band-observe-and-report-trailer/

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #24 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 17:31 »

Quote from: clockworkjames on 08 Mar 2009, 10:08

http://forums.questionablecontent.net/index.php?action=profile;u=20222

Liek this guy?

Ruined a zombie thread with "Facts" and such.

Wow. Thanks for making me famous.

And I'm amused at how you put facts in quotes, as if you dispute them. Sorry about your precious zombie thread. You want zombies, go to http://www.zombiehunters.org and you can get all the facts you can shake a stick at, combined with well thought out speculation on the nature of mobile cadavers (zombies) from the point of view of a suppression task force.

Moving right along to more things that amuse me:

"If Plan A is to take multiple .338 shots to the back, you really need to come up with a Plan B." -- Favorite quote.

I wasn't on GlockTalk back then. But I had a buddy who was, link it to me in an email at the time. I laughed for days.

Worse, there was a guy in Riverview selling an AR-15 that was so overbuilt it looked like it was custom-made for the Mall Ninja. The pic is too old to display, but it was from GunBroker.

"Rifle's Never Been Shoot."

Yeah, I bet.

S

Nodaisho · « **Reply #25 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 18:08 »

Quote from: FourNineFoxtrot on 09 Mar 2009, 04:07

I wasn't around the forums at the time these guys were active. I just stumbled on the bemused reminiscing at places like THR.

Me neither, I just am pretty good at remembering things like this, and I googled gunkid when I didn't get a joke, which is why I know who he was.

Skawronska, was that the AR with the video camera bolted onto the picatinny rail?

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #26 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 20:03 »

Among other things, yes.

That was it.

S

Inlander · « **Reply #27 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 20:30 »

Quote

my reasons for protecting this mall remain a matter of national security

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #28 on:** 09 Mar 2009, 23:12 »

Laughing at that was kind of a guilty pleasure, since it might not have been a parody or a brilliant troll but might instead have been a mentally ill person.

The weird thing is, I've actually seen a mall cop pull a gun. It was not, however, fully automatic.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #29 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 00:59 »

Huh. They don't carry guns around here. I make a habit of noting whether the rent-a-cops I see do, and none of the ones I have seen do, whether it is on campus, at the mall, or elsewhere. I don't even see tazers or batons on some of them.

And are you saying you find it wrong to laugh at mentally ill people?

KharBevNor · « **Reply #30 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 01:33 »

Quote from: FourNineFoxtrot on 09 Mar 2009, 04:07

How on earth did a felon manage to get his hands on class III materiel?

Knowing America, he probably bought a bulk deal from a neo-nazi survivalist at an Alabama gun show. Came free with a copy of The Turner Diaries and a photocopied pamphlet telling you how to protect yourself from black helicopters.

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #31 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 07:47 »

Quote

Came free with a copy of The Turner Diaries

You're showing your age. The Turner Diaries are SO 80's...ever read them? Quaint. Obsolete. Even hokey. Cannibal Communists...hah.

And it was the general consensus of Glock Talk that he was one of the regulars' sock puppets, and one of the most brilliant trolls to ever grace the boards.

S

KharBevNor · « **Reply #32 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 08:33 »

It's the blacks who are cannibals. The communists don't even enter into it until the order h-bombs New York and Tel Aviv to initiate World War Three.

Maybe some Ragnar Benson. Always goes down well.

Border Reiver · « **Reply #33 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 10:02 »

Quote from: Christophe on 09 Mar 2009, 07:23

So guys, my campus security job requires me to put as much accurate and lethal firepower onto insurgents as quickly as possible. Could you guys recommend an SMG in .50 AE that can also be silenced? Please respond ASAP, there's one breathing down my neck as we speak (though I could easily dispatch him with my rad Chuk Kun Do skills).

I recommend that you not pick up an SMG (they don't have the stopping power you need to deal with the average university or college student). Tell the Dean that your crack team needs is an M777 and an OP at the highest point on campus so that you can maintain overwatch.

"There is no overkill, there is only "Open fire" and "Reload". " - Schlock Mercenary

Scandanavian War Machine · « **Reply #34 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 11:27 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 10 Mar 2009, 01:33

Knowing America, he probably bought a bulk deal from a neo-nazi survivalist at an Alabama gun show

there aren't any neo-nazi survivalists in Alabama, silly.

they all live in a big compound in Idaho.

lprkn · « **Reply #35 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 18:37 »

Not anymore.

RallyMonkey · « **Reply #36 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 19:22 »

Oh Idaho.

Driving on a deserted dirt road, I passed by a skinhead burying something on the side of the road, who heiled us as we drove by. Later only to have our car break down in Northern Idaho, right smack in the middle of an Aryan Pride parade.

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #37 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 20:01 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 10 Mar 2009, 00:59

Huh. They don't carry guns around here. I make a habit of noting whether the rent-a-cops I see do, and none of the ones I have seen do, whether it is on campus, at the mall, or elsewhere. I don't even see tazers or batons on some of them.

And are you saying you find it wrong to laugh at mentally ill people?

Charleston, WV. I think it was called Town Center Mall, but I was just visiting and didn't pay too much attention. I haven't seen it anywhere else.

Laughing at mentally ill people strikes me as like laughing at diabetics. Though diabetics are seldom as funny as Gecko45 was.

lprkn · « **Reply #38 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 20:21 »

They're sick and it's all their fault. Well, some of them anyway.

Shaztastic · « **Reply #39 on:** 10 Mar 2009, 20:56 »

BEST THING ON THE INTERNET EVER!

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #40 on:** 11 Mar 2009, 07:46 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 10 Mar 2009, 08:33

It's the blacks who are cannibals. The communists don't even enter into it until the order h-bombs New York and Tel Aviv to initiate World War Three.

Maybe some Ragnar Benson. Always goes down well.

That's right. The Cannibal Communists were in the Gray 90's and Triple Ought by John Wesley, Rawles

I was getting my extremist literature mixed up. My bad.

S

Radical AC · « **Reply #41 on:** 11 Mar 2009, 09:07 »

As a diabetic from Idaho I find this topic highly offensive.

I also wish my mall was cooler. Sodomy, terrorism, a mayor with real authority over something? This place sounds too good to be true.

Mr. Skawronska · « **Reply #42 on:** 11 Mar 2009, 14:42 »

Quote from: Radical AC on 11 Mar 2009, 09:07

As a diabetic from Idaho I find this topic highly offensive.

I also wish my mall was cooler. Sodomy, terrorism, a mayor with real authority over something? This place sounds too good to be true.

Check with Disney. Sounds kinda like them.

S

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Author Topic: Mall Ninjas (Read 6599 times)