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Author Topic: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition  (Read 39696 times)

raoullefere

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #300 on: 03 Apr 2009, 10:28 »

Just so long as no one develops Maenad. And no, AXE doesn't really have that effect, except in the commercials. Stupid commercials.
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pwhodges

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #301 on: 03 Apr 2009, 10:41 »

Don't worry, he's fine, and quite normal - just a bit sad, really.
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tania

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #302 on: 03 Apr 2009, 10:58 »

sorry, i think i'd pick feces and feet over overwhelming fruity crap too.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #303 on: 03 Apr 2009, 11:40 »

Obviously, overwhelming anything is bad, but a lot of these soaps and washes and crap just add a hint of that fruit scent, and most of what someone would smell would be you. (i.e. fruity bath soap is no substitute for deodorant).

If you had to choose between a scent like
GUY & strawberry
 or
FGUUNYK
which would you prefer?

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #304 on: 03 Apr 2009, 11:46 »

You're undermining yourself quite a bit here, since I would totally buy a shampoo or bodywash that used what you just typed as a label design. The forum's gray even makes the brown look more like a rich brick red rather than poop brown. Also, I nominated Mothership Connection in our album showdown on the music forums. Besides, I really don't like fruit/vegetable based scents on people, particularly strawberry. Honestly, unless someone utterly fails at the most basic hygiene protocols or wears obnoxious scents, I really couldn't care less.
« Last Edit: 03 Apr 2009, 11:56 by Alex C »
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SirJuggles

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #305 on: 03 Apr 2009, 13:28 »

Just so long as no one develops Maenad

Having just read the wiki article on that, wouldn't that just be ecstasy?
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #306 on: 03 Apr 2009, 13:34 »

Crowded, smoke-filled bars. There's nothing fucking romantic about those places. If anything, they give me panic attacks.

(this because my friends here are pretty much all inconsiderate)
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raoullefere

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #307 on: 03 Apr 2009, 13:52 »

Shit that shouldn't exist: whatever the hell they put into American perfumes that gives me a headache. I remember being stuck in Bio 101, way back when we had live dinosaurs in the lab, next to this chick who apparently bathed herself in Estée Lauder every morning, which meant I got an early start on a headache every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Better yet, this girl wanted to be Madonna, which at the time meant wearing about a hundred pounds of bracelets, mostly chains. on each arm, so she was constantly scraping and rattling against her desk as she took notes. Thank god she dropped after five weeks. Wonder if it was due to wrist fatigue.

I know it was Estée Lauder because my older cousin also used it, also in large quantities. Or maybe it just goes a long way. Yeah, she gave me a headache, too. (But I put up with it for her, because she was the Best Cousin Ever.)

Having since experienced a SO who uses French Perfume (Yves Rocher, or something like that) based on natural ingredients, I can attest that, yes, ladies, you can smell very nice indeed without inflicting pain upon me and those like me who have, well, 'allergy problems'.

Oh, and I gotta admit, ladies who smell nicely fruity (as opposed to overpoweringly) are pretty darned yummy. Take that as you will. About guys, I suppose smelling like soap will do. I'm not big on smelling shit and unwashed feet, though, on anyone. I guess it takes all kinds.

Sorry, missed this.
Just so long as no one develops Maenad

Having just read the wiki article on that, wouldn't that just be ecstasy?
Dunno. Never been around anyone on ecstasy (that I know of). Do women who take it screw you half to death, then finish the job and eat your flesh as a post-coital snack, washing it down with your blood?
« Last Edit: 03 Apr 2009, 14:02 by raoullefere »
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SirJuggles

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #308 on: 03 Apr 2009, 14:06 »

I take that back. That's just dating a PMS'ing woman.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #309 on: 10 Apr 2009, 21:04 »

The Bible translated to Klingon


"Hey you there, stop making us nerds look bad!"
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raoullefere

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #310 on: 10 Apr 2009, 21:39 »

 Oh, please. A bible translated so that a fictional race of bloodthirsty humanoidacidal maniacs can read it is sanity itself compared to this:

The Bible translated to LolCat

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.


It definitely should not exist.
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edwinalink

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #311 on: 12 Apr 2009, 22:06 »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZTvDZHRFrU

THAT EPISODE! i didnt even know it existed until just now... i bawled...
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #312 on: 29 Apr 2009, 15:26 »

Har Har
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #313 on: 29 Apr 2009, 19:31 »

Pollen. Goddamn pollen. In my fucking eyes.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #314 on: 29 Apr 2009, 19:39 »

Tag body spray.

Mostly because my roommate refuses to shower, and he thinks that spraying his body for a full two minutes with Tag body spray is a replacement for both showering and deodorant.

It's 38 degrees outside, but my windows are open to clear out that fucking stench. It makes me retch.

A little is okay. This is NOT.
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edwinalink

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #315 on: 29 Apr 2009, 21:33 »

any condoms smaller than MAGNUM...

take that however you want... :-P
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Vern LaVey

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #316 on: 29 Apr 2009, 22:18 »

any condoms smaller than MAGNUM...

take that however you want... :-P

So you'd prefer guys like myself go unprotected?
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edwinalink

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #317 on: 29 Apr 2009, 22:22 »

any condoms smaller than MAGNUM...

take that however you want... :-P

So you'd prefer guys like myself go unprotected?

nah, I would just like you to have a lil room down there, maybe stick your wallet and a pack of gum in there... maybe your extra keys...

its all about options.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #318 on: 29 Apr 2009, 22:38 »

Money circulates. I do not want to be handling any cash from someone's condom cache.
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Zingoleb

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #319 on: 29 Apr 2009, 22:46 »

Fucking prude.

Not going to even mention where my credit card is.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #320 on: 29 Apr 2009, 23:53 »

any condoms smaller than MAGNUM...

take that however you want... :-P

So you'd prefer guys like myself go unprotected?

nah, I would just like you to have a lil room down there, maybe stick your wallet and a pack of gum in there... maybe your extra keys...

its all about options.

So i could cut it into 3 equal pieces, twist the ends shut and get three uses out of each. Hmmm... Frugal. I like the way you think.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #321 on: 30 Apr 2009, 06:16 »

Pollen. Goddamn pollen. In my fucking eyes.

HURGBLUHRG POLLEN GO DIIIIEEEE!
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #322 on: 30 Apr 2009, 06:50 »

bath & body works


I cannot walk past that store in a shopping mall without sneezing. I have shopped there once, for a gift for someone, and suffered through a migraine for the rest of the day. Bath and Body Works can fuck off and die, or at least keep their fucking incense under control, and put a cover over the perfume samples.



American vs French perfume


Why do girls need to wear perfume in the first place? Almost every girl and woman I have ever met who wears perfume (a) has underlying self image problems and (b) wears too much because they think it stops being smelly after awhile so they put more on or they just load up so that they'll still be sure to be smelly at the end of the day.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #323 on: 30 Apr 2009, 07:43 »

...okay, I do have to agree there. That place does smell too strong. They need, like, a door. A really good door. Two doors.
A fragrance airlock, if you will.

Liz

Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #324 on: 30 Apr 2009, 10:13 »

Oh how everyone hates my place of employment! I guess I don't notice the smell anymore since I've been working there for so long, but we do get adorable little old ladies complaining every once in a while.
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raoullefere

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #325 on: 30 Apr 2009, 10:28 »

American vs French perfume
Why do girls need to wear perfume in the first place? Almost every girl and woman I have ever met who wears perfume (a) has underlying self image problems and (b) wears too much because they think it stops being smelly after awhile so they put more on or they just load up so that they'll still be sure to be smelly at the end of the day.

Good perfume worn correctly, in small amounts so that you only really smell it when you're in the girl's 'personal space' can be...quite something. Part of the problem is, like so many other things, the art of wearing fragrance as a subtle enhancement seems to have been lost. The girls I was speaking of, and I suspect you are, too, wear it like an overcoat, when it's supposed to be like lacy underwear. (Well, that's not exactly it, but you get the idea). A little behind the ears, at touch at the wrist, a hint behind the knees.... 

*cough cough* Moving on.

As for the self-image problems, given the sort of ads, replete with starved models and copious airbrushing, that we have these days, I'm surprised when a lady doesn't have self-image problems. It seems to be the sole purpose of many fashion designers, advertisers, etc., etc.

Maybe they ought...wait, I'm about to violate my own rules. But you get the idea.
« Last Edit: 30 Apr 2009, 10:35 by raoullefere »
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #326 on: 30 Apr 2009, 16:56 »

A little behind the ears, at touch at the wrist, a hint behind the knees....

Really? The knees? Never heard that before!
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #327 on: 30 Apr 2009, 17:00 »

Pollen. Goddamn pollen. In my fucking eyes.

HURGBLUHRG POLLEN GO DIIIIEEEE!

It's awesome not having allergies.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #328 on: 30 Apr 2009, 17:29 »

dudes you dont even know how bad it is DC is so fucking pollenated. the other day it rained and you could fucking see pollen in like, every singe fucking puddle.

BHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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raoullefere

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #329 on: 30 Apr 2009, 18:57 »

Perfume is supposed to be applied to the pulse points, Inlander.
http://www.perfumestation.com/aboutperfumes.asp
I forgot about the elbows.

As for pollen, we got you beat. I don't need water. It piles up in cracks in cement, and makes a nice film across my porch that I can see. I don't need rain to make it visible.
« Last Edit: 30 Apr 2009, 19:03 by raoullefere »
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GOM (Grumpy Old Men): Complaining about attire, trespassing, loud music, and general cheerfulness since before you were born, Missy.

Zingoleb

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #330 on: 01 May 2009, 21:21 »

Honeysuckle grows on my porch. Cherry blossoms, apple blossoms, redwood, roses, and millions of wildflowers constitute the several acres that are my back yard.

Stay away from my house if you have allergies, you will puff up and die.
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JD

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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #331 on: 01 May 2009, 21:56 »

Speaking of Cherry Blossoms, I have a bunch of them near my house. Every time spring comes around, it looks marvelous. Then the petals get everywhere.
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Re: Shit that should not exist-- inanimate objects edition
« Reply #332 on: 01 May 2009, 22:15 »

I wish I could will stupid tenants out of existence

One of our tenants decided that the branches on the cherry tree were too low, so instead of, you know, getting out the push mower and mowing underneath it like most people would, they decided to saw off all of the lower branches so that they could mow underneath it.

Now, no one can reach the cherries.

Fucking shit-eating douchebag assholes.
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