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Author Topic: I have a turnip shaped like Mother Teresa tied to my head.  (Read 7010 times)

ViolentDove

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Yeah, I've got a coldy flu thing. Anyone want to share their best, most ridiculous home remedies?

I just drank an ungodly concoction consisting of garlic, ginger, chili, onion, honey, lemon, vegemite and cinnamon. I feel kinda weird now.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

BeoPuppy


Weird as in: dead? because that is what I'd expect to happen to you after drinking that.
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october1983

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My family's traditional remedy, passed down through the generations, is to kiss a pig.
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ViolentDove

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I don't think my chemist sells pigs.  :-(

I could maybe shave my housemate's dog?

My next cure to test is spiced rum.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

pwhodges

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When I was 12 I'd take a dozen aspirin tablets; more than once a day.  This was probably (a) a very bad idea, though I didn't apparently harm myself, and (b) totally ineffective, though I felt I was doing something.

I normally use Actifed at present.  I've used others previously - Procol, Contac - but each has been taken off the market in turn as some researcher found it turned a rat's whiskers green if a lifetime's dose is injected at once, or something, so I expect Actifed to go the same way in time.  Each one that is left is a little less effective than the banned one, of course.  (These are/were names used in the UK, and may not mean anything elsewhere.)

Googling "cold remedy" gets the most extraordinary things... (hydrogen peroxide in the ears?)
« Last Edit: 15 May 2009, 03:13 by pwhodges »
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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

BeoPuppy


I usually drink scotch. It doesn't help at all but in general I don't give a fuck anymore.
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Gemmwah

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Contac has been taken off the market? It was still on sale winter of 07 so that's been a fairly recent occurrence. It's a shame, too, because that stuff was excellent. I usually just soldier through my colds, although tea and bedrest can never be a bad thing.
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oh good god 4lko jaeger bomb. Holy goood god what have I done.
 :psyduck: psyduck is the most appropriate right now. FUUUUKC

Eris

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Echid...

Ecky...

Eccinaseah?

Eckinasia?

Echinacea! That's the one! That'll fix you right up.
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Eris

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Wait, no. Euthanasia, that's what I was thinking of.
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pwhodges

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I'm now confused about Contac - it was withdrawn briefly in 1986 when some capsules were found to have been laced with cyanide by a terrorist, and formulations containing a drug referred to as PPA were withdrawn in most places (not UK) in 2000, to be replaced by a new formulation.  Last time I tried to buy it I was clearly told by the pharmacist that it was no longer available, but I can now see it for sale online with revised packaging.  In short, I don't know what happened, if anything...
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"Being human, having your health; that's what's important."  (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?"  (from: The Eccentric Family )

ViolentDove

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Wait, no. Euthanasia, that's what I was thinking of.

It hurts to laugh, but thanks Hannah.

I usually drink scotch. It doesn't help at all but in general I don't give a fuck anymore.

Yeah the spiced rum tasted terrible, but made my whole outlook much better. Wooo bedrest!
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

Reed

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I like to go through a bottle of robutussin per day until I'm better or I start hallucinating....either way I win.
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[22:49] Quietus: I'm personally imagining a white supremacist locked in his basement, furtively listening to Parliament on headphones
[22:49] Quietus: "Oh, lawd, why must them coons rock me so"

Wolf

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My family's traditional remedy, passed down through the generations, is to kiss a pig.

I'm pretty sure that is how you get the swine flu.  I think the CDC and WHO might have an issue with this remedy.

PS I always take Coldeeze. It shortens the length of the sickness.
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Blue Kitty

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Soldiering through it, along with some bed rest and Dayquil/NyQuil, usually works for me
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KvP

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A strong ginger tea (with big ol chunks of ginger in it!) clears up my sinuses pretty well, but only during the period I'm drinking it in, of course.

24-hour nasal spray works when the chips are down. Don't get too wild with it though, you can get hooked in the same way you can get hooked on chapstick. Your nose starts to dry out without it :[
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the_pied_piper

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I'm now confused about Contac - it was withdrawn briefly in 1986 when some capsules were found to have been laced with cyanide by a terrorist, and formulations containing a drug referred to as PPA were withdrawn in most places (not UK) in 2000, to be replaced by a new formulation.  Last time I tried to buy it I was clearly told by the pharmacist that it was no longer available, but I can now see it for sale online with revised packaging.  In short, I don't know what happened, if anything...

I'm pretty sure in the UK that within the last couple of years anything that contained Codeine was removed from all shops and pharmacists without prescription so maybe it contained some?


When i have a cold i like to drink hot fruit juice (cordial, squash,.. whatever you call it). Just boil a kettle and add water to your juice. Nice and simple and it at least makes you feel warmer inside.
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He even really sponsored terrorism! Libya's like Opposite-Iraq, where all the lies are true!

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I usually take Actifed and drink lots of water. Nothing really helps though.
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Avec

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Rewatching the entire series of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
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Ballard

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You tried a vegemite smoothie before spiced rum?

Priorities man.
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I'm like the boy who cried "you guys are faggots"

ViolentDove

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Well, it was someone's leftover bundaberg rum that I chucked some cinnamon quills into in the hopes of making it taste better. Believe me, bundy rum is possibly the worst rum on the face of the earth. I really hope we don't export it to the U.S., because a fucked-up soup made with vegemite as a stock is actually a step up from bundy.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

LTK

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Pretty much anything works if you'll believe it'll work. It's the classic placebo effect.
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calenlass

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Actually, I like to combine bedrest/general laying around the house with hot showers, ginger tea, and a hell of a lot of orange juice. Vitamin C pills are supposed to help lessen your symptoms, and I already buy lots of orange juice and hate taking pills anyway, so I may as well save the expense and the effort and just overdose on oj. If you have enough sense of taste left, anything with a bit of red or cayenne pepper in it will help clear your sinuses for a while, too.


I do this for sinus infections, too.
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Lines

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I don't have weird cures. Rest, tea, chicken noodle soup, tylenol, and staying warm are all I do.

But you know what clears up sinuses? Ginger beer. The stronger the better.
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Nodaisho

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Googling "cold remedy" gets the most extraordinary things... (hydrogen peroxide in the ears?)
That sounds more like an ear infection cure. At least, that is what my mother would do when I had an earache. It would always make me sneeze and make my eyes water, for some reason.

Echinacea tea is good too, don't know about curing, but it makes me feel better. Then again, that is what the rum was for, wasn't it? Just so long as you don't stop drinking long enough for the hangover to catch up.

Ginger ale is great for congestion, I like the generic stuff that Safeway sells over here, it is the second strongest I have found, and is nice and cheap too.

My Grandmother makes a mixture of lemon juice and honey, I don't much care for that one. She swears by it, though.
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David_Dovey

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I usually take Actifed and drink lots of water. Nothing really helps though.

Similarly, it has become tradition for me to watch the three Lord of the Rings films if I am taking a sick day. Usually with a thermos of tea always by my side. Nuts to having to reboil the kettle every half hour.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

calenlass

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Googling "cold remedy" gets the most extraordinary things... (hydrogen peroxide in the ears?)
That sounds more like an ear infection cure. At least, that is what my mother would do when I had an earache. It would always make me sneeze and make my eyes water, for some reason.

Well, I have never had an ear infection, but I know for swimmer's ear that you put rubbing alcohol in it to evaporate the water so that it doesn't turn into an ear infection. It does make some sense, though, because in spite of the damage (and this is questionable!) to the edges of the tissue surrounding a laceration (like a scrape, say, or a cut) it does a really good job of sanitising and the bubbles bring dirt and foreign particles to the surface, so maybe it does help kill whatever causes ear infections!
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Tyler

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The best cure is someone else babying you.
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calenlass

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Also true!
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David_Dovey

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I know for swimmer's ear that you put rubbing alcohol in it to evaporate the water so that it doesn't turn into an ear infection.

I get swimmer's ear all the time and I never knew this! This is so handy, thank you Katie.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

michaelicious

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In my family we just allow the weak to be taken by the earth.
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calenlass

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I know for swimmer's ear that you put rubbing alcohol in it to evaporate the water so that it doesn't turn into an ear infection.

I get swimmer's ear all the time and I never knew this! This is so handy, thank you Katie.

Sure! My sister swam competitively, and I never did learn how to do a forward somersault in a swimming pool without getting water in both ears. I never did like the sensation of the alcohol, though, because I guess I am kind of sensitive to that sort of thing? so you could do what I always try first and lay on that side to try and drain the ear.

But yeah!
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Slick

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I just drank an ungodly concoction consisting of garlic, ginger, chili, onion, honey, lemon, vegemite and cinnamon. I feel kinda weird now.

My friend got me on 'tea' which is tablespoon fresh lemon juice, one teaspoon chili powder, one crushed clove garlic, one tablespoon honey, topped up with hot water to make a mug. I guess it the same idea, throw some things that have some folklore healing properties and/or make you feel like it's doing something and add hot water. The main difference being here in Canada people have good taste and decency?
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

michaelicious

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I think those are the ingredients for one of those "cleanse" things that people seem to be doing a lot lately.
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Slick

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Man so I am such a silly old man you mentioned something tangentially related and now I am going to tell you my one anecdotal experience with a 'cleanse'.

Basically my housemate went on a cleanse and I was like 'wtf retarded but whatever I'll support you and bake sourdough bread even though you weren't interested in it before hand and guess what IT'S STILL got yeast in it even though your cleanse-sheet says 'no yeast' whatever'.
And then my housemate had no sugar or things with flour or yeast for a month and she is also a vegetarian so she was eating not well at all and then at the end of the month she celebrated our new holiday in Canada, called Family Day, by making a bunch of 'special' pancakes and covering them in syrup and eating them.
Combination weed/maple syrup after a month of totally depriving herself led to us going to the used bookstore and her fainting.

Just, like, I mean, fuck holistic health practitioners. Like, if you can't stand up to the scientific method you ain't got nothing. Also saying 'maybe you have this so why not try a cleanse anyway' is just salesmanship and you know it.
The fuck, man, the fuck.
Also you can't cure allergies and you know it.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

BrittanyMarie

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green tea with honey and lemon juice. and whiskey. The old wives' tale of it was something like well green tea has all these antioxidants and the lemon is acidic so it'll take the gunk off the back of your throat and the honey is soothing and the whiskey gets rid of the germs. It's probably all bunk but it tastes pretty good and my throat does feel better (even sometimes without the whiskey).
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What about orgasmic chemistry.

I can expand the definition of that if anyone wants to roll around to my Fortress of Love.

Elizzybeth

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swimmer's ear

In the process of looking up otitis externa remedies, I found this gem:

Quote from: Medicine Net
Insects or bugs may also become trapped in the ear. Small gnats may become caught in the ear wax and cannot fly out. They can often be washed out with warm water. Larger insects or bugs may not be able to turn around in the narrow canal. If the insect or bug is still alive, first kill it by filling the ear with mineral oil. This will suffocate the insect, then see your doctor to have it removed.

Yuck.
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ViolentDove

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Earwigs!?

Quote from: WIKIPEDIA, FONT OF KNOWLEDGE
The word earwig is derived from the Old English ēare, which means "ear", and wicga, which means "insect". The name comes from the old wives' tale that earwigs burrowed into the brains of humans through the ear and therein lay their eggs. Earwigs are omnivores that are predisposed to hiding in warm humid crevices and as such, one may crawl into a human ear canal.
« Last Edit: 16 May 2009, 00:08 by ViolentDove »
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

David_Dovey

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That's it I am buying earmuffs and never taking them off
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

ViolentDove

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Hey Dovey I went looking for pictures to freak you out about earwigs.



I think I found one.










X-ray reveals aural earwig infestation (arrow); authors speculate that, given the size of that specimen, it's a queen that got trapped laying eggs. Early instar soldiers (inset) guard the entrance of the ear canal, protecting a nest near the brain.

Full article here.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

JD

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Makes me think of that interrogation scene with Captain Pike in Star Trek.

It's got ahold of your brain stem!
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David_Dovey

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seriously though I'm not worried anymore because I've got earmuffs
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

KvP

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I think those are the ingredients for one of those "cleanse" things that people seem to be doing a lot lately.
Yeah, an old classmate of mine - utilitarian guy, vegan, all that jazz - tried that exact regimen and lasted about 3 hours before breaking. You can't live off that shit. Just because it makes your poo a different color and texture does not mean it is doing you good guys.
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Caleb

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I have always found that gargling hot water with salt in it helped me out.  Don't accidentally swallow it though.

That is more for a cold where you have a ton of horrible stuff in your nose and throat though.

...I dunno what else.  Freshly chopped garlic and lots of water?
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Lines

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Oh yeah, saline solution. Put it in a squirt bottle and shoot it up your nose. (Don't let it go down your troat, it's nasty. Tilt your head so it drains out your nose.) I know it sounds gross, but it REALLY helps clear up sinuses and also helps prevent your nose from getting too dry. (As in you sneeze blood.)
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mug of warm milk with a shot of or two of whiskey in it.  then go to bed, and pray you fall asleep quickly before the sweating starts.  because you will SWEAT LIKE FUCK ALL NIGHT.  but you'll feel amazing in the morning, after a shower of course.
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Avec

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When I was little my mom always boiled milk on the stove and mixed it with about two table spoons of honey. I'm not sure if it worked but I always told her it did.
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october1983

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I'm pretty sure that is how you get the swine flu.

Man how do you think the pigs got flu in the first place?
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Quote from: Jens in Meebo
"MY SON JUST WANTED TO COME LIKE A THUNDERSTORM"
"AND YOU ROBBED HIM OF HIS LIFE"
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