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Author Topic: Please Evaluate This Video  (Read 195470 times)

tommydski

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Please Evaluate This Video
« on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:07 »

"Stick Stickly" - Attack Attack!

Use diagrams and graphs where necessary.
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Christophe

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #1 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:13 »

note avatar
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JD

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #2 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:16 »

Oh god, my sides are in so much pain.
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the_pied_piper

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #3 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:21 »

Unnecessary vocoder use, guitars being played in positions that would probably cause major injury over prolonged periods, a jump into bad dance music for the final 45 seconds.

Case in point:


At least the girl in the video shows the proper response to the music.
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 14:22 by the_pied_piper »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #4 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:31 »

This was inevitable.

I think they are all the same dude with bluescreen.

The vocals heavily remind me of Mammal Sauce by Crotchduster
« Last Edit: 10 Jun 2009, 20:35 by KharBevNor »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #5 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:35 »

Are the members of this band all clones of the same ugly scenester?
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phooey

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #6 on: 10 Jun 2009, 20:48 »

They should leave showcasing the American Apparel (tm) Deep V to the models

« Last Edit: 10 Jun 2009, 20:54 by phooey »
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tommydski

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #7 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:06 »

My personal favourite moments with time -

00:06 - The first time you see them doing their dicktarded little choreographed squatting.
00:36 - They apparently borrowed Cher's Autotune for the chorus of this song to mask the fact that their vocalist patently has down syndrome.
01:36 - When the singer and bassist adopt a new "running whilst standing still" move but the guitarist is still doing his signature "Crab Squat"
01:42 - Keyboardist dicktard gets his first little Korg break after thus far only contributing the keyboard preset Haunting Gothic 003.
02:29 - When Moley McDown-Syndrome rears up on his hind legs and roars as his own cameraman evidently recoils in horror.
02:46 - People asking themselves how the chronic level of sucking could possibly become more tangible have their question answered as the song becomes a feeble techno number and the band start to Riverdance just in case they haven't yet been gifted their own private new layer of hell.

Non time specific -

- The joy of knowing that their weird collective pant-shitting dance will almost certainly blight their future lives with incurable back-pain.
- The knowledge that someone out there forked out enough $$$ to make not one but two distinct videos featuring this cavalcade of molten effluence.
- The fact that literally everyone in the band went for the black muscle T with tattoos and straightened hair look without exception.
- The mental image that at some point before this video was made, either they all sat in make-up and had their hair industrially straightened or individually owned the necessary equipment and know-how to straighten their own hair in the comfort of their own homes. I can't decide which of these two possibilities delights me more.
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tommydski

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #8 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:12 »

- Fortunately for us, wearing girl-pants and doing the dicktard bob for seemingly hours on end will render them completely impotent and we shall never have to suffer their offspring.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #9 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:17 »

You have a lot of things to say about this video and they are all true.  What number viewing are you on?

« Last Edit: 10 Jun 2009, 21:18 by phooey »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #10 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:24 »

 :lol:

I haven't laughed this hard in a long while! Thanks, I needed that...hilarious video.

Tears of laughter!
« Last Edit: 10 Jun 2009, 21:39 by Be My Head »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #11 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:25 »

i think the techno interlude completely redeems the video. The whole time i was thinking, "wtf is that keyboardist doing? keyboardists aren't allowed to rock out that hard!" but i was wrong. that dude was just getting pumped for his solo.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #12 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:26 »

From their youtube channel:

With the release of their eagerly anticipated debut full-length, Im Not A Fan But The Kids Like It, Crunkcore innovators Brokencyde are out to prove that their highly addictive blend of screamo and Top 40 hip-hop is here to stay. The album showcases a new found sense of growth and maturity as songwriters for the Albuquerque, NM group with introspective and emotional tracks like Jealousy and Im Sorry mixed with the crunk inspired party tunes that fans have come to love like Tipsy, Poppin and Freaxxx. Add guest appearances by platinum rapper E-40 and Daddy X from Kottonmouth Kings and you have an album so highly addictive you as a listener have no choice but to GET CRUNK!!!!

And they're on Itunes!
FHYFKJAVBAIYUVFAJGGVALFK

Note: I totally mixed up this band with brokencyde. who gives a fuck
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 13:56 by Zombiedude »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #13 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:38 »

The keyboardist had to rock out thoroughly before his solo. It was charge time.

On a slightly more serious note, I like screamo. I mean, I like the idea of screamo. Can you guys help me find genuinely decent screamo bands? Is that doable? Is that possible?
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And if you played too hard it'd flop out and dangle around by the wire and that is just super ugly

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #14 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:42 »

i like "ohio is for lovers" by hawthorne heights, check them out.
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Well yes but (sorry andy) she doesn't look half as fucking bad ass as this motherfucker in Poland.

Dude is hardcore.

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #15 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:42 »

Circle Takes the Square? I think they're in the mediaf!re thread somewhere.
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tommydski

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #16 on: 10 Jun 2009, 21:45 »

This thread will probably help.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #17 on: 10 Jun 2009, 22:39 »

Yes, please refer to that thread, and then realize that not everything loosely associated with the genre title "screamo" is hell-bent on devastating your eardrums in such perverse fashion that even a randy male dolphin would say is far, far too much...

And since no one is taking Tommy up on the challenge of evaluation, I shall try this:

Code: [Select]
"This Band": Good Music :: Fred Phelps : Christianity
And, the comment I posted to Youtube regarding this video:
Quote from: Why do I comment on Youtube videos, why oh why?
Somewhere in this universe, right this very moment, Kanye West is looking off into space with a terrorized look in his eye, and the owner's manual to his copy of Autotune in his hands saying "How the fuck could this have possibly gone wrong?"
« Last Edit: 10 Jun 2009, 22:46 by Will »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #18 on: 10 Jun 2009, 22:52 »

t-pain ripping his shirt on top of a mountain and screaming to the raging skies, "what have i done"
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #19 on: 10 Jun 2009, 22:53 »

a darkened church. "please, god. please. i'd take it back if i could." a single tear falls from weezy's eye into the chalice. the chalice is filled with sizzurp
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #20 on: 10 Jun 2009, 22:54 »

I lol'd for about the first 15 seconds. Then I started crying.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #21 on: 10 Jun 2009, 22:59 »

what... what is this on his hands. is it blood? oh my god. oh my god everything is so full of blood. men. women. children. entire families. a dog runs past, its skin turned inside out. five demons scuttle across the sky like crabs and howl, their voices becoming as one, but something about it is too perfect. the edges of sound glisten with a computer sheen.

and he is among them. they circle him and rise up. as they face him, their faces becoming one multi-faceted thing crossing a hundred dimensions, he hears himself embrace the chaos around him. "let the bassline drop," he grins, and the world becomes ash.

"no!" he shoots up in bed, the sweat on his bare chest kevlar-thick. the supermodel beside him stirs. "sleep, baby," he says. it's advice he wishes he could follow.

get up. one leg out of the bed, then the other. a couple of preliminary stumbles and he's on his way to the bathroom. he shuts the door and flicks the light on in one gesture so that he will be spared any moments alone with the darkness. safe, well-lit, alive, he turns to face the mirror.

he puts one hand on his cheek, then the other. slaps twice to confirm. yes, he's still there. he's still will.i.am.
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Jimor

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #22 on: 10 Jun 2009, 23:08 »

Two technical points.

1. it sounds like an amateur Youtube mashup of two completely unrelated songs, the transitions between the two "styles" have no flow whatsoever.

2. I don't think they filmed enough "coverage" to actually make this video. Usually it's a tedious process of filming take after take of... oh, I dunno... actually playing along to a playback of the SONG? It looks like the "director" just had them thrash about wildly in short random segments while they pawed at their instruments. When they were done for the day, they found they had 1:37 of footage to spread out over a 3:34 song. "The editor can fix that in Post..."
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #23 on: 10 Jun 2009, 23:42 »

No, I've seen people like this live. They still play like that. It still sounds like shit.

I was really waiting for a crunk part somewhere in the song to tie it all together.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #24 on: 10 Jun 2009, 23:45 »

The best part is the end, when it turns into a trance song.
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Christophe

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #25 on: 10 Jun 2009, 23:53 »

I was really waiting for a crunk part somewhere in the song to tie it all together.

They probably omitted that part in the final draft of the song so as not to generate a black hole which would consume the universe.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #26 on: 11 Jun 2009, 01:26 »

Yous nerds have looked at brokeNYCYDE's Freaxxx right?  Because these guys seem pretty gifted compared to brokeNCYDE.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #27 on: 11 Jun 2009, 03:18 »

what... what is this on his hands. is it blood? oh my god. oh my god everything is so full of blood. men. women. children. entire families. a dog runs past, its skin turned inside out. five demons scuttle across the sky like crabs and howl, their voices becoming as one, but something about it is too perfect. the edges of sound glisten with a computer sheen.

and he is among them. they circle him and rise up. as they face him, their faces becoming one multi-faceted thing crossing a hundred dimensions, he hears himself embrace the chaos around him. "let the bassline drop," he grins, and the world becomes ash.

"no!" he shoots up in bed, the sweat on his bare chest kevlar-thick. the supermodel beside him stirs. "sleep, baby," he says. it's advice he wishes he could follow.

get up. one leg out of the bed, then the other. a couple of preliminary stumbles and he's on his way to the bathroom. he shuts the door and flicks the light on in one gesture so that he will be spared any moments alone with the darkness. safe, well-lit, alive, he turns to face the mirror.

he puts one hand on his cheek, then the other. slaps twice to confirm. yes, he's still there. he's still will.i.am.

that punchline had me in stitches, man.
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Eris

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #28 on: 11 Jun 2009, 03:59 »

Uh, is there a person in the band whose whole purpose is to scream unintelligibly throughout the song? The guitarist is the autotune wonder, Moley McDown-Syndrome is just screaming and doing some awful dance moves.


Is this a thing? Brokencyde have a screamer too. How would you advertise for that? "Screamo band looking for screamer. Must look good in black and have own hair straightener"?

edit! I think I like the techno bit at the end the best out of the whole song, which is really saying something. Plus whenever I look at the guy singing it looks like he is swallowing his own tongue.
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 04:22 by Eris »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #29 on: 11 Jun 2009, 04:06 »


Whoo!
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #30 on: 11 Jun 2009, 04:21 »

I was 'fortunate' enough to see BrokeNCYDE last week. They actually have parts of songs where they abandon their instruments, line up and scream for the duration.
Before I saw the video, I thought I'd seen these guys too, but I was thinking of the Attack! Attack! from Wales apparently. They are also terrible, but they're terrible on a different scale.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #31 on: 11 Jun 2009, 07:06 »

When they slam their guitars into the tight, tight crotch of their pants, I like to think it's an interpretive dance symbolising self-castration as an act of penitence.
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Johnny C

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #32 on: 11 Jun 2009, 07:14 »

Yous nerds have looked at brokeNYCYDE's Freaxxx right?  Because these guys seem pretty gifted compared to brokeNCYDE.

Man we are well-versed in the ways of Bree, the Crunk Pig Mascot.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #33 on: 11 Jun 2009, 07:18 »

There's a children's Saturday morning cartoon series in there somewhere.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #34 on: 11 Jun 2009, 07:22 »

"pant-shitting dance"

Yes.  That is exactly what that is.  It's like being at a Constipation Convention.  I'm not impressed with the sixth-generation xerox of Amy Poehler they got as their eye-candy either.




I do have to say, these guys have ambition.  They've decided they're not just gonna suck at one genre of music.  They're gonna suck at multiple, completely unrelated genres simultaneously.  And boy, did they ever succeed. 

Keep living the dream, Attack Attack!
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 07:31 by rynne »
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tommydski

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #35 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:04 »

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #36 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:09 »

Oh my god, they have another video for that song with the same exact choreography.  :lol:

They must be so freaking proud of that over-the-head guitar move. 
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #37 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:10 »

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #38 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:12 »

After watching this video again (why god, why!!!) I can feel parts of my cerebellum turning into a sort of gooey...well, goo, I guess. I'm certain that this is the real-life version of Vogon Poetry. I truly cannot understand how they managed to produce this without their uvula(s? ai? how does one pluralize the uvula, anyway?) dropping down, far far deep into the depths of their collective bowels (from whence I presume the inspiration for this spinning vortex of fecal matter came) and tying into several Gordian Knots in an attempt to preserve the dignity of our species, what little there is left of it.

Let us pretend that the band Underoath is represented by a piece of meat, shall we?
Now let us pretend that some unholy and unseen force has seen fit to leave this piece of meat sit in the sun for several days.
Now let us pretend that for reasons that no science on Earth shall ever be able to understand, the members of Aqua decide to take this piece of meat - by now quite rancid, as you can no doubt imagine - and puree it into a fine paste.
And finally, let us pretend that this newly-formed meatpaste is now mixed ever so daintily with all manner of noxious fluids expelled from the waste tracts of a glorious assortment of large mammals.

This is kind of like that, only for your ears.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #39 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:24 »

With the release of their eagerly anticipated debut full-length, Im Not A Fan But The Kids Like It,

Oddly, "I'm not a fan, but the kids like it," is probably the nicest thing anyone over the age of 20 is going to say about this music. This statement will immediately be followed by somber looks from all listeners as the realization hits that the kids need to be entered in to some sort of rehab program as quickly as possible.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #40 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:37 »

Or, you know, given Stooges records and told to shape the fuck up.

Man, because the title wasn't warning enough, I watched it.  I have to lie down now.  I think I might throw up.

I guess squatting is hardcore?
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 08:56 by imapiratearg »
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #41 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:53 »

Oh wow, the squatting, those strained vocals . . . Suddenly it all makes sense.

Ladies and gentlemen: Constapaticore.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #42 on: 11 Jun 2009, 08:57 »

Ok, with inspiration from Tommy i want to point out hilarious bits of the video that he may have cut to keep his post so short.

00:46 - The keyboardist does a little playground skip while nonchalantly mashing the keys
00:59 - The guitar-over-the-head choreography (note Christophe's avatar)
01:03 - The simultaneous jump by guitarist and bassist
01:17 - The rock lobster (note my avatar)
01:58 - Guitarist who is inexplicably playing inside the house adopts a boy-band style 'empty grab to fist-pump on chest' move
02:02 - When he adds to his boy-band moves with the 'slow arm down' move
02:07-02:08 - The third boy-band style move, the 'heart slap'
03:02 - When the 'heart slap' is re-used (possibly the same heart slap as before, edited in twice?)
03:09-03:18 - When he finally believes he is in a boy band and performs a short routine
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #43 on: 11 Jun 2009, 09:18 »

You missed the way that the keyboardist just holds onto the sides of the keyboard and jumps up and down without even pretending to play.
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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #44 on: 11 Jun 2009, 09:22 »

This thread will probably help.

Also as old as this one is, this thread will help as well. No mediafire links but it only focuses on emo/scremo.

As for the video...

oh dear
« Last Edit: 11 Jun 2009, 09:28 by Objects inside Clouds »
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Tehz

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #45 on: 11 Jun 2009, 12:10 »

You missed the way that the keyboardist just holds onto the sides of the keyboard and jumps up and down without even pretending to play.

Or at about eighteen seconds in when the drummer makes absolutely no effort to match the drumming in the song; sadly, this is only the first of several similar occurrences.
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Koremora

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #46 on: 11 Jun 2009, 12:41 »

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: CHRISTIAN CONSTIPATICORE


You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live,
You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live.

WOOOOOO!

This is the best part of the message,
And it only took one.

We live for what He's worth,
And that's more than you'll know.
He died for what He loved,
And what he loved was you.

I'll wait for you,
You know I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for you,
You know I'll wait for you.

You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live,
You never said that this would be easy,
So go on live.

Bow your head,
Go on live.

This is the time to let yourself go,
Lord pick me off the ground,
You never said this would be simple,
So pull me in and turn around.

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KharBevNor

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #47 on: 11 Jun 2009, 12:56 »

Quote
In 2009 for Fearless Records' eighth Punk Goes... album, Punk Goes Pop 2, Attack Attack! covered Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl".

Dear God. That is the nadir.

Also



"THEY'RE STEALING OUR MOVES ABBATH!"

"THIS WILL NOT STAND HORGH. TO THE HATREDCOPTER!"
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Jimor

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #48 on: 11 Jun 2009, 17:00 »

You missed the way that the keyboardist just holds onto the sides of the keyboard and jumps up and down without even pretending to play.

Or at about eighteen seconds in when the drummer makes absolutely no effort to match the drumming in the song; sadly, this is only the first of several similar occurrences.

That's why I think there was seriously no playback for the filming of this video. Even the lip synching to the few parts with semi-intelligible lyrics is so far off I think he was just doing it from memory.
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Inlander

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Re: Please Evaluate This Video
« Reply #49 on: 11 Jun 2009, 19:07 »

CHRISTIAN CONSTIPATICORE

Actually upon reflection I've decided that that "constapicore" is a needlessly offensive term. I would thank you to follow the lead of true aficionados such as myself and refer to the genre by its full and correct name, constipated hardcore.
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