(While you were typing...) I'm going to post it anyway.
I wish I was internet famous.
You are internet famous for your bodice-ripping Twilight fan fiction. Your biggest fan becomes your biggest stalker, and she's pretty so it would be okay, except that her idea of a good time is chaining you in her rat-filled basement to feed you on bread, water, and Viagra. This gets old within the first twenty-four hours, but she doesn't release you for twenty-four years.
Zombiedude, you become unbelievably talented at playing the guitar, but you get no pleasure out of playing whatsoever. People are constantly encouraging you to play, but you are miserable and the record deal you get only serves to remind that you'll never manage to get away from this.
I wish I had a pet rabbit.