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Author Topic: How to break up in the modern world?  (Read 10698 times)

calenlass

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #50 on: 15 Oct 2009, 08:20 »

A lot of your post was really difficult to understand, but!

The internet actually made two of my relationships possible, because they were long-distance, and another I never would have met the guy if not for some other people I met through the internet.
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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #51 on: 15 Oct 2009, 08:34 »

katie stop trolling the internet for sex

tania

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #52 on: 15 Oct 2009, 08:56 »

the internet is definitely tough on relationships and breakups in the sense that it's a lot more difficult to maintain any semblance of privacy, especially with the amount of social networking sites on the internet that make it nigh-impossible to not know exactly what your friends are doing and who they are doing it with at all times. i've had difficulties a few times with relationships, even just the casual dating kind, because when you're not with the person it's so easy to get into their life and see exactly who they are hanging out with and what their friends are saying to them and about them and what they are saying back to their friends and photos of them with other girls and all these little petty things that in enough volume can make anyone act really jealous and stupid. even though everyone is aware that these things happen after a relationship ends, there's a big difference between filling in the gaps in your mind and actually having to see those filled-in gaps in full detail on a daily basis. it used to be easier before social networking sites existed to just grant your partner or ex-partner the privacy to do whatever they wanted with their free time when you're not around and enjoy being deliberately ignorant, now it's a little bit harder because social networking sites make everyone's business into your business in the sense that it's often very public and almost impossible not to know about.
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Sox

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #53 on: 15 Oct 2009, 09:03 »

and in the name of being An OK Dude...
...I make a point of being an utter cunt to the people I break up with.

I think what you mean is that by this point they can stop thinking about it 100% of times and no one necessarily has to hear about it anymore. I know it takes me longer (months) than that to get over someone I have been particularly invested in, but at least after a few weeks I can talk about other shit.

Yeah, that.
« Last Edit: 15 Oct 2009, 14:10 by Sox »
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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #54 on: 15 Oct 2009, 09:20 »

the internet is definitely tough on relationships and breakups in the sense that it's a lot more difficult to maintain any semblance of privacy, especially with the amount of social networking sites on the internet that make it nigh-impossible to not know exactly what your friends are doing and who they are doing it with at all times.

This really depends on the kind of people you hang around with. Come to think of it, the only person I know who updates with everything they're doing on facebook has two small children and is blatantly filling in time when they're stuck in the house waiting for them to go to sleep or whatever. Admittedly there's a lot of postings about gigs, but they're Leeds DIY gigs and anyone into that would have seen the flyers and known their ex or whoever would have been at the gigs anyway. Only a small number of people actually spew all the details of their lives onto the internet.
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KvP

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #55 on: 15 Oct 2009, 09:25 »

Interestingly enough not an hour ago my best friend's ex started some very public Facebook drama. It's embarrassing.

I tell people, you break up with someone, stay essentially out of their lives for an extended period of time (at least 6 months) but no, they have to be friends.
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tania

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #56 on: 15 Oct 2009, 09:36 »

Only a small number of people actually spew all the details of their lives onto the internet.

it doesn't have to be all of the details though. sometime when you have the same friends, even a few details can be more than you're comfortable with.

if i'm seeing a guy and we break it off i can be cool with the fact that he still hangs out with my friends. however, i'd probably be more comfortable with just sort of knowing and acknowledging this reality and having the option to not know anything about it than with actually seeing the posts he leaves on my friend's walls asking to make plans for the weekend or the photos of them all having a good time together or the status updates where they happen to mention him and so on and so forth. the only real option is to just abandon said social networking sites altogether in order to gain that space, but to me that seems pretty drastic when compared to the fact that in person you'd be able to just say to your friends something as simple and polite as "hey, stop talking to me about this guy" and that would be all there is to it. with a social networking site that's designed so that it's all public and absolutely everyone shares information with everyone else all the time under the pretense that they're all friends and everything is awesome, willful ignorance is a little bit tougher.
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0bsessions

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #57 on: 15 Oct 2009, 09:50 »

You do realize you can set Facebook to not display wall posts from people who aren't mutual friends, right? The only times I see people I don't communicate with on Facebook is when they comment on a friend's status and it's very rare that actually amounts to anything.

I don't know, most of the complaints I'm seeing here about how the internet makes privacy harder are things that I feel crop up being a twenty-something anyway. Not having a Facebook isn't going to stop your friends from pestering you when you get out of a relationship and it's certainly not going to stop your mutual friends from routinely communicating, occasionally doing so in a manner you'll see it. There are so many built in features for ignoring and blocking people selectively on Facebook and its ilk that I can't imagine a scenario where info would get out there without that person either wanting it out there or not having much in the way of foresight.
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a pack of wolves

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #58 on: 15 Oct 2009, 11:29 »

if i'm seeing a guy and we break it off i can be cool with the fact that he still hangs out with my friends. however, i'd probably be more comfortable with just sort of knowing and acknowledging this reality and having the option to not know anything about it than with actually seeing the posts he leaves on my friend's walls asking to make plans for the weekend or the photos of them all having a good time together or the status updates where they happen to mention him and so on and so forth.

But as I said, not everyone uses facebook like that. I don't know anyone who regularly puts up photographs of nights out, it's just big events like a wedding or holiday so they're few and far between except for the serious photographers (and those are of wildlife, urban exploration etc, not parties). I know maybe one or two people who very occasionally organise nights out through status updates. This may be because most people I know are too drunk/k-holed/crusty to use a computer enough to spam one with the details of their life, I don't know, but whatever the reason I still wouldn't be able to know almost anything about my girlfriend if we broke up even if I kept her as a friend and the same goes for the majority of the people I have as friends.
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elizaknowswhatshesfor

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #59 on: 15 Oct 2009, 14:17 »

I'm with my current boyfriend because of the internet & we live apart, but only thing we really share online is sending each other mediafire mixtapes and pictures of bears/youtube videos of dogs. We talk on the phone & text a lot.

Although having said that my ex did find out I was dating my current boyfriend via facebook status (Which is not what I wanted to happen, but hey....)

I also shamelessly exclude people from seeing my photo albums. It really doesn't take that long to do. So my lovely ex (Who I am still friends with as he is just too fantastic not to keep in my life, but not right as a poitential life partner.) doesn't have to be bombarded with pictures of me & my new boyfriend. (Mostly taken by others I might add).

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tania

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Re: How to break up in the modern world?
« Reply #60 on: 16 Oct 2009, 20:44 »

to clarify - i'm not actually talking about myself, the situation i'm describing is mainly hypothetical. when i ended my first serious relationship with my long-term high school boyfriend, social networking sites at that time weren't really all that common so it was really easy for us avoid each other and have no idea what was going on in the other's life despite continuing to have so many of the same friends. we just made plans around each other and our mutual friends stayed out of our business and it was really easy (well, as easy as moving on from a serious relationship can be anyway) to move on. now it's 2009 and on facebook i am constantly bombarded with everyone's business all the time (not that i necessarily object, it's what i did sign up for) but i just assumed that naturally this would make moving on from an ex-partner who shares the same friends as you that much more awkward. you're right though, i guess there are lots of ways around that i hadn't considered.
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