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Author Topic: So It turns out I am a ghost.  (Read 6234 times)

Cernunnos

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So It turns out I am a ghost.
« on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:44 »

This afternoon, I took a break from the internet to take a nice, long walk around town. When I returned, I noticed something strange as i touched the doorknob to my apartment. It was very cold. As I went about my business, I noted not a chill on the air, but a chill on every solid object around me. The vibrant tangible world around me had taken on an almost imperceptible numbness, coldness, a strange pallor that i can not adequately describe. Not quite yet completely unsettled, I got back on meebo, as is my custom when i return to my residence, and noted to my friends there that there was something odd going on in my home. Tommy, insightful fellow that he is, piped up and said that it was a clear sign that I had died in my sleep. It all clicked. Not quite as he said, though. I had been quite warm enough before my walk. I had gotten hit, attacked, something, on my way back home! I am certain I am a fading apparition now. I can feel a change taking place. I don't know how much longer I can maintain contact with this world. It grows colder and dimmer with each moment.

So, uh, now that I'm a ghost, what should I do? Who should I haunt? Any ideas of how to get back? Also, I might be able to answer some quiestions about the afterlife, provided I can stay in contact a little longer.
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Liz

Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #1 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:46 »

You should haunt me. I'm bored. We could have epic hangouts.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #2 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:48 »

You can get into movies and stuff for free now!
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Bastardous Bassist

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #3 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:48 »

About the afterlife: is there pizza?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #4 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:53 »

Liz,I don't know if you want me to do that. I just looked at myself in the mirror. I saw nothing. Not with my eyes. oh no. You don't want to "see" what I saw with my soul's eye. I saw what i am becoming.  Be more careful what you ask for, it may not be safe for your sanity.

Oddly enough, BB, there is pizza over there. It's not all lovecraft and such in here.

Edited because my pinky passed through my computer
« Last Edit: 30 Aug 2009, 14:58 by Cernunnos »
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tommydski

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #5 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:54 »

Now that you've left one plane of existence and moved to another, I'd really like it if you could clear up something which I have found myself pondering in moments of deep contemplation.

You are now in a unique position whereby you can finally answer a question which has deeply important ramifications.
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #6 on: 30 Aug 2009, 14:59 »

What is your question tommy?
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tommydski

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #7 on: 30 Aug 2009, 15:05 »

How does Audrey Tautou wear her pubic hair?

I get the feeling she is either totally shaved or it's some kind of converging landing strip deal.
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #8 on: 30 Aug 2009, 15:11 »

Tommy long distance travel is still time consuming while dead. I haven't left my apartment yet. Objects are becoming a little transparent, and i'm starting to be able to move through things. I'll let you know once i get the hang of moving around. I'll give it my best shot.

I'm editing to add that i'm setting off on my first journey into this world between the living and dead. I will see if I can find something other than undead pizza for dinner. If you guys somehow manage to turn this into a goddamn zombie thread by the time i get back there will be hauntings. You guys are more creative than that.
« Last Edit: 30 Aug 2009, 15:24 by Cernunnos »
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Lines

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #9 on: 30 Aug 2009, 15:35 »

My friends are opening a haunted house if you need a job. I'm sure you would be a hit!
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #10 on: 30 Aug 2009, 16:05 »

Okay I'm back. Unfortunately I couldn't find a friendly's for dinner. That would have been ideal. turns out I can still eat, sort of.  Linds, I'll keep that in mind in case I fail to avenge my death/rise from the grave. thanks.
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Cartilage Head

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #11 on: 30 Aug 2009, 16:27 »

So if you try to beat off does your hand pass through your own dick? If not, do they have ghost porno because beating off to alive ladies would be gross since you are dead. You know, like the opposite of necrophilia?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #12 on: 30 Aug 2009, 16:42 »

well, see, my dick is just as incorporeal as the rest of me, so no, i don't pass through myself, i'd imagine, Hadn't thought to try yet. Also, Ghost porno? would see this band.
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Emaline

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #13 on: 30 Aug 2009, 17:41 »

I recommend reading pictures  for sad sad children. From the beginning. It'll be helpful.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #14 on: 30 Aug 2009, 18:17 »

My car engine has been acting temperamental as of late. I was wondering if you could maybe drift your head through it and see if anything looks out of place. It would save me a ton on repair costs.
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #15 on: 30 Aug 2009, 18:41 »

Well, If i were a mechanic i'd go for it, but I wouldn't know one thingamabob from another. Especially right now. Things have taken on a grey, faded haze to them. It's very cool and dim. I think I'm trapped, Phasing in between two worlds in gentle nudges back and forth, like breaths. Sometimes i catch a glimpse of the other world phasing in. I don't understand what i see then. But it's not getting stronger. I don't think I'm supposed to be there. maybe i'm not really dead. Maybe I just lost my body. I mean, maybe i'm in a coma somewhere. I just don't know.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #16 on: 30 Aug 2009, 18:46 »

I have a question.  Ectoplasm?  How do you do it?  What is it?
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WriterofAllWrongs

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #17 on: 30 Aug 2009, 20:10 »

Ectoplasm seems like it would be some for of spectral sperm.  Ghastly gunk.  Casper cum.  Invisajizz.

(also, are you the only ghost around?  or are there others?)
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Dimmukane

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #18 on: 30 Aug 2009, 20:22 »

How does Audrey Tautou wear her pubic hair?

I get the feeling she is either totally shaved or it's some kind of converging landing strip deal.

The answer to this is infinitely important and may be the key to you returning to a corporeal state/fading into nothing.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #19 on: 30 Aug 2009, 20:34 »

Fight crime or be rat out people, what else are you going to do with your afterlife?
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Spluff

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #20 on: 31 Aug 2009, 00:02 »

You should probably start writing gothic poetry as soon as possible.
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Johnny C

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #21 on: 31 Aug 2009, 00:15 »

please report back to me re: kush ghost joints
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #22 on: 31 Aug 2009, 00:16 »

start toying with your mortality/immortality in a Bill murray Groundhog day style.   That's what I would do.   Also you should get a cat.   Youll find out.

JD

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #23 on: 31 Aug 2009, 00:17 »

Hang out with Billy Mays
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #24 on: 31 Aug 2009, 02:52 »

Has you pottery ability increased or decreased?
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BeoPuppy

Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #25 on: 31 Aug 2009, 04:06 »

Maybe now is the time to catch up on reading. Might I recommend 'Girlfriend in a coma' by Douglas Coupland?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #26 on: 31 Aug 2009, 04:47 »

well, it turns out ghosts can neither dream nor sleep. I almost nodded off during the night but I don't think i'd still be here if I did. I am starting to see faint images of others, of ghosts, passing through. Alas none of them were billy mays. sorry to disappoint. Also, you really really really don't want to know how ectoplasm works. you really don't.
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Dimmukane

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #27 on: 31 Aug 2009, 05:03 »

please report back to me re: kush ghost joints

cc me
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Mr. Doctor

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #28 on: 31 Aug 2009, 06:48 »

Do you know if animals have spirits? Have you seen one?
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #29 on: 31 Aug 2009, 07:13 »

Has you pottery ability increased or decreased?

Specifically erotic pottery.
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ackblom12

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #30 on: 31 Aug 2009, 07:23 »

Is there any other kind?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #31 on: 31 Aug 2009, 13:56 »

erotic pottery.
also would see this band.

Status report:

Still dead. I have come across the ghosts of several stray cats, ephemeral whisps of things, vainly trying to extract food from dumpsters. The ghosts of Kush joints, as you say, rise to heaven too fast to easily acquire. I'm still working on it.
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Melodic

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #32 on: 31 Aug 2009, 14:45 »

Retrace your steps. You may have lost your body around the city somewhere.
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And if you played too hard it'd flop out and dangle around by the wire and that is just super ugly

Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #33 on: 31 Aug 2009, 15:02 »

You are right. I should be concentrating on getting out of here, since I don't know how much time I may have. Okay, it's not under my bed. Not in the closet. I didn't leave it in my car. I guess i'll have to keep looking.
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #34 on: 31 Aug 2009, 19:33 »

Okay, apologies for double posting, but i thought an update was in order. I have been wandering the city a while. as i walked up Euclid Avenue into the bad part of town on a hunch, i noted that everthing was getting less cold, less blurry. As i continued to walk, I became convinced i was in some kind of a strange game of hot and cold with something, ducking up and down alleys, following a trail of sensory cohesion. Then there in front of me, was not what I was looking for, but something else. A husk of a man. A vacant, empty-eyed man, walking, meandering mindlessly past me. As he passed me, i could feel myself becoming more opaque, my vision sharper, the world clearer. I realised that I was looking at a man missing his soul. I knew that somehow I could occupy this body. But i can't do that. It's not the body i want. I want me back. I ran home. As I ran, I passed what seemed to be other people, shambling, not zombies, but empty vehicles, some stalled, some idling, missing the souls that once occupied them. I'm back for now, but I don't know what to do. I need to stop this.
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Bastardous Bassist

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #35 on: 31 Aug 2009, 19:34 »

Put up flyers for your body.
Missing: My Body.  (you get the idea)
Maybe some helpful soul (oh, pun intended) will return it to you.
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snalin

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #36 on: 01 Sep 2009, 02:56 »

Do you ghosts wear clothes?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #37 on: 01 Sep 2009, 09:50 »

yes. They are refelctions of what we did in life. my clothes are made of dirt, iron filings, clay, etc. the lawyer ghost who just walked by me is wearing nothing but lies.
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Melodic

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #38 on: 01 Sep 2009, 11:24 »

what do lies feel like

are they fashionable

do his lies have a button missing
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #39 on: 01 Sep 2009, 18:46 »

Lies are silky, velvety soft in appearance
though abrasive when pressed, like wool crossed with 60 grit sandpaper

very fashionable, though. Not a single button of lies was out of place.
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Melodic

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #40 on: 01 Sep 2009, 19:01 »

he had all his Lies in order
« Last Edit: 01 Sep 2009, 19:09 by Melodic »
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And if you played too hard it'd flop out and dangle around by the wire and that is just super ugly

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #41 on: 01 Sep 2009, 22:17 »

Maybe you could find a ghost tailor.

You know, to cut ties for the Lies you'll be living in.

(shoot me, that was awful)
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #42 on: 02 Sep 2009, 00:54 »

"The edge is a fickle hellcat, you can love her, you can hate her, but don't ever trust her, for heart is full of lye." (ten points for know where this is from).


Has being a ghost affected your feelings? Do you feel like haunting or screaming at random people in dark hallways? Or do you desire a lost love?


You should also try to possess stuff. Like cars and vases and pictures and babies.
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JD

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #43 on: 02 Sep 2009, 01:07 »

"The edge is a fickle hellcat, you can love her, you can hate her, but don't ever trust her, for heart is full of lye." (ten points for know where this is from).

Far Side?
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #44 on: 02 Sep 2009, 01:19 »

You know, to cut ties for the Lies you'll be living in.

That song came up on my iTunes immediately after reading that, and now I just can't stop chuckling.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #45 on: 02 Sep 2009, 09:16 »

You should also try to possess stuff. Like cars and vases and pictures and babies.

I second that idea... Specially the one with the baby.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #46 on: 14 Jan 2010, 18:42 »

Hey guys.

So I was just sitting in my dorm room minding my own business, listening to my head phones. Unfortunately the fire alarm went off and because of my headphones I didn't hear it. So even more unfortunately my body has now burnt to a crisp and I am a ghost and I'm trying to find my body. These flames are still really really hot though as a ghost though and I can't figure out where I died. This sucks. What should I do?
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Cernunnos

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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #47 on: 14 Jan 2010, 18:49 »

Man that sucks. Sorry to hear that. I had a slight advantage over your situation in which my body was not utterly destroyed. It merely wandered the world, without hope or direction while i highjacked a copy of Rodin's the thinker as a body and used its bronze carapace as a weapon to defeat the evil sorcerer that had split my soul from its rightful body. So it looks like you need a new body entirely. You can borrow the thinker; he's in the garage next to the lawnmower. Keys are under the floor mat.
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Re: So It turns out I am a ghost.
« Reply #48 on: 14 Jan 2010, 20:52 »

Or you can travel around with me and Jussi as we make people feel uncomfortable in famous places. Like I'm gonna go to all the art museums and put my face over portraits and then creep people out while they're in the loo or doing naughty things. Also I'm going to visit all the forumites and say hi! (Ok, maybe not all the forumites, just the awesome ones.)

Oh, yeah, I died while putting away some bestine (solvent) and the gallon cans fell off and crashed on my head, knocking me off my ladder, and I fell and broke my neck. Sorry about the weird angle and the bones, but I can't really do anything about it because I'm dead.
« Last Edit: 14 Jan 2010, 20:54 by Linds »
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