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Author Topic: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!  (Read 5110 times)

ZJGent

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I understand it is a vital part of the work of a newcomer to the fanfiction world to have a moniker for themself - a pseudonym under which their Mary Sue or Marty Sue or whomever can battle dragons, fight off beasties, and seduce Emmanuella the Harlot-Priestess of the Ravening Whoreplanet of Squek. You know what I'm talking about.

Thankfully, I am here and ready and willing to provide your plucky protagonist with a name deserving of their occupation. Just post you, the author's, name in this thread and off we go! Each fanfiction name will come with an appropriate snippet of fanfiction in the genre of your choosing!
« Last Edit: 24 Jan 2010, 21:40 by ZJGent »
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[02:29] Danosaur: I'd Spektor your Regina.

Slick

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #1 on: 24 Jan 2010, 20:16 »

Hannah sighed and looked down through a haze of tears in her eyes. "Ally, I've just, I've just felt this way for so long and I feel it so strong so how could it be wrong?"
Ally took her hand in hers, and, lifting her chin to look her in her eyes, without saying anything, said everything. It was a perfect moment of understanding, of comprehension, of love.
They embraced.
And then Estuardo walked in, with a bow-chicka-wow-wow, and said, in his seductive and powerful-yet-understated voice, with his chest hair showing just a little too much, "Hey ladies".
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Slick

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #2 on: 24 Jan 2010, 20:16 »

Oh wait that's not what you were going for was it?
Well then.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

sean

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #3 on: 24 Jan 2010, 20:19 »

actually im pretty sure thats exactly what roddy was going for.
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Tom

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #4 on: 24 Jan 2010, 20:34 »

Young Lord Theodotus Herringbone. Pulp sci-fi would be fantastic.
« Last Edit: 24 Jan 2010, 20:36 by Tom »
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ZJGent

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #5 on: 24 Jan 2010, 20:59 »

On The Moors of Azbi'th (Book The Fourth):

Lordling Theodotus Mandelwick Warrener-Herringbone IV stood atop the decayed and rusted metal of the Grid-Tower, surveying the irradiated and fractious moors laid out before him under the technicolour moons with a sulphurous smile. He had slain many of the Rad-Beasts today, with his Pulsar Speard (an amalgam of the Old City technologies referred into ancient texts as "sword" and "spear") and his heavy and ornate rifled Blundergauss - both speckled with the ultraviolet ichor that seeped from radioactive hides. The Moors of Azbi'th would not easily forget the name Warrener-Herringbone - and nor would the Moor Tribes of New Aberystwyth, whose buxom and argent-eyed princess he had taken to his robe-chamber, many times. He had been compelled to take her with him on the perilous journey across the final stretch of these lands ravaged by the Great Neon Wars. Her infrazure skin caught the light of all seven of the crescent moons tonight, and those silvery orbs set in triplicate neath her delicate brow sparkled attractively at him. She moved her demure hand to the fresh Rad-tusk scars that patterned his shoulder...
« Last Edit: 24 Jan 2010, 23:16 by ZJGent »
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[02:29] Danosaur: I'd Spektor your Regina.

David_Dovey

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #6 on: 24 Jan 2010, 23:09 »

Bernie Mandelbaum
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Eris

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #7 on: 24 Jan 2010, 23:49 »

Bernie Mandelbaum was proud of his job. Sure, a furniture salesman wasn't such a glamorous thing; you never heard about them in the papers, nor were they invited to all the fancy parties, but it wasn't something he would complain about. He opened up this store in 1972, back when he was 25, and has never looked back. Leslie helped out with the paperwork and serving the customers until she got pregnant, then looking after Max was her full time job, followed by Margaret. Sometimes they would come and visit, talking to the locals that would stop by.

Bernie had lived in this town his whole life, as had his parents, and their parents. When the Richardsons finally finished building their house, it was Bernie they went to and custom ordered their furniture. Their daughter Jackie was left their bed once the both passed on. Parents brought their kids in to his shop to choose their first desk to study on; then they would bring their kids to do the same. There were times when he was pressured to start selling the flimsy furniture that seemed to be all the rage, but refused, preferring to take pride in the solid wood and leather furniture that he was known for. Sometimes things got a little tight, but he and Leslie would just tighten their belts a little more and tough it out; things always got better in the end. Bernie had been around to see generations of families pass through the town, and would always stop when walking down the street to see how people were. He was proud that he had become such a fixture in the community.

He had been working hard lately, and his age was starting to catch up to him. Liam, the new assistant, was a godsend, but even with his help the paperwork was piling up and the bills were getting harder and harder to pay. The more he looked at it, the closer he came to the realisation that he couldn't just wait it out this time. There was a tightness in his chest as he realised that his time was up; selling the store was the only option left. He covered his face with his hands, glad that he had sent Liam home early; he didn't want the boy to see him like this. The tightness in his chest grew, and by the time he realised it was more than just emotions it was too late. He collapsed on the floor next to the desk, scattering the papers around him.


Liam walked into the small office, looking for the book he had left, and stumbled over the mess surrounding Mr. Mandelbaum's body. After he realised what happened he tried to get Mr. Mandelbaum breathing again, but there was nothing to do. He sat there in shock, looking at the old man who he had known his whole life lying on the floor in front of him.
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Quote from: Drunk Pete
MACHINS CON ESFU EPETE

Liam

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #8 on: 24 Jan 2010, 23:52 »

GET OUT OF MY HEAD
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Lummer

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #9 on: 25 Jan 2010, 00:34 »

On The Moors of Azbi'th (Book The Fourth):

Lordling Theodotus Mandelwick Warrener-Herringbone IV stood atop the decayed and rusted metal of the Grid-Tower, surveying the irradiated and fractious moors laid out before him under the technicolour moons with a sulphurous smile. He had slain many of the Rad-Beasts today, with his Pulsar Speard (an amalgam of the Old City technologies referred into ancient texts as "sword" and "spear") and his heavy and ornate rifled Blundergauss - both speckled with the ultraviolet ichor that seeped from radioactive hides. The Moors of Azbi'th would not easily forget the name Warrener-Herringbone - and nor would the Moor Tribes of New Aberystwyth, whose buxom and argent-eyed princess he had taken to his robe-chamber, many times. He had been compelled to take her with him on the perilous journey across the final stretch of these lands ravaged by the Great Neon Wars. Her infrazure skin caught the light of all seven of the crescent moons tonight, and those silvery orbs set in triplicate neath her delicate brow sparkled attractively at him. She moved her demure hand to the fresh Rad-tusk scars that patterned his shoulder...

I would so read this book.
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David_Dovey

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #10 on: 25 Jan 2010, 00:46 »

Bernie Mandelbaum was proud of his job...

I was waiting for the part where it would get to the red-hot dickins but instead I got real sad D:
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Eris

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #11 on: 25 Jan 2010, 03:43 »

I was channelling Jimmy when writing that.
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MACHINS CON ESFU EPETE

Dollface

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #12 on: 25 Jan 2010, 04:33 »

Bromance in QC forums!

writen by Jesus God


Slick was walking down the pointless thread street with his bald head shining like just waxed bowling ball he had just got new tunes for his ipod from mediaf!re thread and was jamming, he waved his hand to David_Dovey who was trying new clothes in fashion advice thread "today i think i take another photo of my shining head but first i need a drink" he thought as he walked in to YOU BETTER NOT BE SOPER!! bar where he was welcomed by ZJGent.

Slick ordered nice pint of beer and sat down and started solving an crossword, one hour later he was done and he went to take a piss in the mens room and typical matter dollface was passed out in there and his head was in urinals but Slick didnt that bother him and he used the urinals anyway cause he need to take a piss and toiled ws locked by Jeans who was there having a wank to victorias secrets catalogue, slick washed his hands and walked outside and informed that mens room was running out of paper.

Days was very nice so Slick thought that he had fancy photo in Photos are pretty cool photobooth he got the photos done and walked home "oh honey buns come ere and give a daddy a kiss" he said when he entered his house jace almost runned to him and gave little kiss on his cheeks "dinner is almost ready big bear" jace said as he tippy toed back to kitchen, jace only weared his apron, slik went to living room to relax.

Slick and jace did enjoy telly in the evening cause their favorite show was on it was called Jimmy the squid solves crimes with his buddy Est, they both wen to bed as night setteled when Thomas edison and E spaceman fight crime in dashing outfits.

the end

if you want more pay five billion polar bear skins.

ps: so when im getting banned?
« Last Edit: 25 Jan 2010, 05:41 by Dollface »
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Barfy: he needs to get on the sucking of some dick

KharBevNor

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #13 on: 25 Jan 2010, 04:34 »

Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord

He is a World War 1 German fighter ace who is also a vampire.
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

CardinalFang

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #14 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:07 »

his heavy and ornate rifled Blundergauss

This is my new favorite word. This will find its way into a RPG I run. This I swear.
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Thomas Edison

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #15 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:08 »

Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard.

He's a steampunk car driving, world class boxing championship forensic detective who's companion is a talking hawkwolf (a wolf with hawk wings that's called Blacksoul who's actually an ancient wizard trapped in the animal's body) and he doubles as the world's favourite singer/songwriter in his spare time.
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Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #16 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:11 »

I was channelling Jimmy when writing that.

I am honoured, Miss.
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KharBevNor

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #17 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:14 »

Oh and in his spare time he plays the organ so well that it makes men weep.
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

KharBevNor

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #18 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:15 »

Obviously he wears a lot of black leather and is more than a little bit gay.
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #19 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:16 »

Obviously.
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Thomas Edison

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #20 on: 25 Jan 2010, 05:20 »

And sometimes Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard and Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord team up to fight crime and Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard sings whilst Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord plays the organ and they play concerts all round the world but they always find crime to solve wherever they go.
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Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

sean

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #21 on: 25 Jan 2010, 06:17 »

jussi how is yr wife doing?
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Lummer

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #22 on: 25 Jan 2010, 06:40 »

And sometimes Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard and Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord team up to fight crime and Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard sings whilst Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord plays the organ and they play concerts all round the world but they always find crime to solve wherever they go.

The Gary Stu-age on these two just went through the roof!
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KharBevNor

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #23 on: 25 Jan 2010, 07:20 »

The Count is not a Gary Stu. He has plenty of flaws.
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[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

ZJGent

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #24 on: 25 Jan 2010, 07:52 »

Count Kurzheil Von Lustmord
He is a World War 1 German fighter ace who is also a vampire.

Blööd Blitz: Red Moon Dawn (part 2 chap 3):

It was three days after the first push of the Midnight Squadron - the joy of the bloodening still sang in Count Orfeus "Stolzdrache" Kurzheil von Lustmord's crypt-cold vampiric veins. He revelled in this sport the humans called war. Oh, yes, his fat and battle-thickened superiors praised him between clenched teeth - forced to tactfully ignore his nocturnal jaunts to the front, and his predilection for the temporary tutelage of young cadets (at this the Count recalled Private Anatoly and his waiting and willing flesh with a wan grin) but if this war of theirs was won, who cared for the vampire's special ... desires. The blood rage in the sky above Nederingen had seen his best exploits... jumping, dancing, flying from enemy plane to enemy plane faster than slick black lightning, opening fountainous throats, finally splitshifting back to his own Messervogel. He had pulled it wildly out of its terminal discus back into the angry and bullet-mettled clouds. Not today though. Today the clouds had scattered and were quiet, dulled by the stench of war into humid ghosts. He now turned to his new... assistant. Private "Ernie" Süßgammler stammered like a broken carbine - no matter, Lustmord thought to himself, I'll do all the talking. At this the Count had no choice but to smile an icy serpent of a smile.
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Thomas Edison

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #25 on: 25 Jan 2010, 07:57 »

 Sir Lord Dr. Red Bravenheart Bearbeard can't be a Gary Stu! He is lactose intolerant! Totally a flaw!
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Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

Dliessmgg

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Please keep your opinions in your opinion-hole.
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Kugai

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #27 on: 25 Jan 2010, 12:25 »

Helen The Ravisher

She's an ex Amazon and former Marine.
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James The Kugai 

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Tom

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #28 on: 25 Jan 2010, 12:26 »

I would so read this book.

Forget the book, I'd devour the series.
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Patrick

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #29 on: 25 Jan 2010, 15:09 »

jussi how is yr wife doing?

WRONG THREAD N00B

jussi who is yr wife doing?

Theeeeeeeeeeere we go, now we've got some fanfic dialogue.

in b4 Sean throws a fucking shit fit over my tasteless humor
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sean

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #30 on: 25 Jan 2010, 15:33 »

why would i throw a shit fit i dont really care who jens is fucking
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Patrick

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #31 on: 25 Jan 2010, 15:33 »

How soon we forget.
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sean

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Re: Attention, all you forumite Fanfiction writers!
« Reply #32 on: 25 Jan 2010, 15:44 »

patrick i am so confused.
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