Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

  • 27 Nov 2021, 15:45
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: This thread won't make you vomit  (Read 2337 times)

Inlander

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,361
  • Hug your local saintly donkey.
    • Instant Life Substitute
This thread won't make you vomit
« on: 18 Mar 2010, 16:06 »

Cross-posted from the blog thread, because I know not everyone reads that and I feel a very strong desire to share the most extraordinary piece of prose I've ever read with as many people as possible.

This ad was in the arts pages of Melbourne's broadsheet newspaper, the Age, yesterday:

Quote
Publishers: Who's the Stallion?
This book won't make you vomit. But you'll want to hit somebody! If you're male. Sing from the rooftops if female. Outsell Dan Brown if a Publisher. Guys will buy it to rip it to shreds Girls to shove it up the boys and me because it keeps surprsing me: 200,000 words of evidence. An overwhelming critically compelling mass. Savvy sexy & salacious. And live on TV before launching I'll place history's most romantic most controversial and most polarizing bet. Depending on the Readers' response to the question on the last page: I'll win the bet! Or lose (my last $10,000). Males mad and emasculated by the book will vote No! Females triumphantly empowered by it will vote Yes! The question: Of 1,000 Heroes from 10,000 years who on the basis of popular genes is Stallion of The Millenium? Evidence in the book proves conclusively that the winner of this once in 10,000 years World title contest is Your humble servant. Publishers unafraid to publish The Stallion, contact him: [name & email address]©2010
Logged

evilbobthebob

  • Beyond Thunderdome
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 555
  • They're talking about me of course
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #1 on: 18 Mar 2010, 16:08 »

Surely the only way that could have been written is with a computer translator.
Logged
http://www.last.fm/user/evilbobthebob <- Look I have no taste!

Inlander

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,361
  • Hug your local saintly donkey.
    • Instant Life Substitute
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #2 on: 18 Mar 2010, 18:25 »

The author's name at the end of the original ad is John McWray, which is rather an Anglophone name. Incidentally a Google search of that name yields almost nothing beyond a suggestion of an alternate spelling.
Logged

Johnny C

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,039
  • i wanna be yr slide dog
    • I AM A WHORE FOR MY OWN MUSIC
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #3 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:11 »

LET'S BUY THIS FUCKING BOOK
Logged
[02:12] yuniorpocalypse: let's talk about girls
[02:12] Thug In Kitchen: nooo

Inlander

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,361
  • Hug your local saintly donkey.
    • Instant Life Substitute
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #4 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:18 »

Johnny I have come up with a marketing strategy for you:

« Last Edit: 18 Mar 2010, 19:22 by Inlander »
Logged

Spluff

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,454
  • it is time to party
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #5 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:22 »

That's what you get for reading The Age.
Logged
[16:27] Ozy:  has joined the room
[16:27] Quietus: porn necklace!
[16:27] Quietus: Shove it up yer vag!
[16:27] Ozy: has left the room

tania

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,240
  • famed sex columnist
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #6 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:53 »

this band won't make you vomit

my years of unrequited love for john cameron and the furious struggle with alcoholism that has resulted would argue otherwise
Logged
Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

tania

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,240
  • famed sex columnist
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #7 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:53 »

trust me harry this marketing strategy is gonna work way better
Logged
Not to sound mysoginist, but I hate women.

Jimor

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,277
    • Twitch Channel
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #8 on: 18 Mar 2010, 20:39 »

I didn't know a millennium was 10,000 years.

Self-publishing authors are some of the most entertainingly insane people you can experience.
Logged
Twitch I play games and hang out with friends.

Inlander

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,361
  • Hug your local saintly donkey.
    • Instant Life Substitute
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #9 on: 18 Mar 2010, 21:26 »

That's the thing, though! He's not self-publishing. He is advertising his book with the clear and specific intention of attracting the interest of publishers.

That ad is just under 200 words long. The author claims that the book is 200 thousand words long. The mind boggles at the thought of 200,000 words written in such a style.
Logged

KharBevNor

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,017
  • broadly tolerated
    • http://mirkgard.blogspot.com/
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #10 on: 18 Mar 2010, 21:30 »

I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.
Logged
[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

JD

  • coprophage
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7,935
  • The Phallussar
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #11 on: 18 Mar 2010, 22:05 »

Did you take a picture of it?
Logged
Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
Hey JD, I really like your penis, man.

Mein Tumblr

Jimor

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,277
    • Twitch Channel
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #12 on: 18 Mar 2010, 23:29 »

Well, not self-published yet. The pathology of the self-declared genius just has such a common pattern to the behavior, whether it's writers, inventors, artists, "scientists". There used to be a guy on AOL who claimed that he had built an entirely new understanding of physics from the ground up.

And it loses its potency over time, but this guy really made a splash in the science fiction world a few years ago with his relentless campaign to win a major award for his craptastic novel.

An interesting common pattern is the belief that their novels hold the power to greater understanding of the world/god/self far beyond whatever moral the story may have. And truth be told, this kind of lunacy occasionally gains traction as with The Celestine Prophecy or The Alchemist, and then the author gains validation for their delusion as a prophet rather than as just a writer.

The fact that this guy is proclaiming himself "the best" whatever means that he's far more interested in creating a following rather than simply selling a book.
Logged
Twitch I play games and hang out with friends.

est

  • this is a test
  • Admin emeritus
  • Older than Moses
  • *
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,294
  • V O L L E Y B A L L
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #13 on: 21 Mar 2010, 05:46 »

I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.

What you're getting at here is basically what I was thinking.  This guy and the Timecube guy gotta work out a four-day Earth self-help book deal and make millions.
Logged

David_Dovey

  • Nearly grown up
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 8,687
  • j'accuse!
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #14 on: 21 Mar 2010, 09:47 »

Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Something Witty

  • 1-800-SCABIES
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 810
  • All roads lead to WAAAGH!
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #15 on: 21 Mar 2010, 10:17 »

Why would you do that?
Logged
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome, Swooping down from heaven to carry me home.

Emaline

  • Lovecraftian nightmare
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,826
  • Drink, Drank, DRUNK
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #16 on: 21 Mar 2010, 13:18 »

Dovey, I just finished a slice of pizza.
Logged
little bitty bird, with the flaxen hair, can i help you with the weight of the cross you bear?

sean

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,806
  • welp
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #17 on: 21 Mar 2010, 14:29 »

that dude has some impressive vomit
Logged
- 20% of canadians are members of broken social scene

Dliessmgg

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,320
  • Here's looking at you, kid.
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #18 on: 21 Mar 2010, 14:37 »

DUDE USES VOMIT GUN

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE
Logged
Quote from: KharBevNor
Please keep your opinions in your opinion-hole.
twittr // bloggr // tumblr

Something Witty

  • 1-800-SCABIES
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 810
  • All roads lead to WAAAGH!
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #19 on: 21 Mar 2010, 15:26 »

THERE'S VOMIT EVERYWHERE
Logged
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome, Swooping down from heaven to carry me home.

Thomas Edison

  • The Tickler
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 931
  • Everyone is getting old.
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #20 on: 21 Mar 2010, 15:44 »

His aim is terrible.
Logged
Quote from: Patrick
I am pretty miserable at going down on a lady

Quote from: Khar
I can't really work out in my head why it's not cool to bone your sister as long as you don't make babies

Something Witty

  • 1-800-SCABIES
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 810
  • All roads lead to WAAAGH!
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #21 on: 21 Mar 2010, 17:43 »

That's why it went everywhere.
Logged
I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome, Swooping down from heaven to carry me home.

Elizzybeth

  • Beyoncé
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 735
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #22 on: 21 Mar 2010, 23:10 »

What would be terrible now is if some cold-hearted mod merged this with the "What are you eating?" thread.

People would be so surprised! 

(Also nauseated.  Very nauseated.)
Logged

Yayniall

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,023
  • ◔ ◡ ◔
Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #23 on: 22 Mar 2010, 09:54 »

Vomcano.
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up