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Author Topic: This thread won't make you vomit  (Read 3151 times)

Inlander

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This thread won't make you vomit
« on: 18 Mar 2010, 16:06 »

Cross-posted from the blog thread, because I know not everyone reads that and I feel a very strong desire to share the most extraordinary piece of prose I've ever read with as many people as possible.

This ad was in the arts pages of Melbourne's broadsheet newspaper, the Age, yesterday:

Quote
Publishers: Who's the Stallion?
This book won't make you vomit. But you'll want to hit somebody! If you're male. Sing from the rooftops if female. Outsell Dan Brown if a Publisher. Guys will buy it to rip it to shreds Girls to shove it up the boys and me because it keeps surprsing me: 200,000 words of evidence. An overwhelming critically compelling mass. Savvy sexy & salacious. And live on TV before launching I'll place history's most romantic most controversial and most polarizing bet. Depending on the Readers' response to the question on the last page: I'll win the bet! Or lose (my last $10,000). Males mad and emasculated by the book will vote No! Females triumphantly empowered by it will vote Yes! The question: Of 1,000 Heroes from 10,000 years who on the basis of popular genes is Stallion of The Millenium? Evidence in the book proves conclusively that the winner of this once in 10,000 years World title contest is Your humble servant. Publishers unafraid to publish The Stallion, contact him: [name & email address]©2010
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evilbobthebob

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #1 on: 18 Mar 2010, 16:08 »

Surely the only way that could have been written is with a computer translator.
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Inlander

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #2 on: 18 Mar 2010, 18:25 »

The author's name at the end of the original ad is John McWray, which is rather an Anglophone name. Incidentally a Google search of that name yields almost nothing beyond a suggestion of an alternate spelling.
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Johnny C

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #3 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:11 »

LET'S BUY THIS FUCKING BOOK
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Inlander

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #4 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:18 »

Johnny I have come up with a marketing strategy for you:

« Last Edit: 18 Mar 2010, 19:22 by Inlander »
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Spluff

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #5 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:22 »

That's what you get for reading The Age.
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tania

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #6 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:53 »

this band won't make you vomit

my years of unrequited love for john cameron and the furious struggle with alcoholism that has resulted would argue otherwise
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tania

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #7 on: 18 Mar 2010, 19:53 »

trust me harry this marketing strategy is gonna work way better
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Jimor

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #8 on: 18 Mar 2010, 20:39 »

I didn't know a millennium was 10,000 years.

Self-publishing authors are some of the most entertainingly insane people you can experience.
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Inlander

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #9 on: 18 Mar 2010, 21:26 »

That's the thing, though! He's not self-publishing. He is advertising his book with the clear and specific intention of attracting the interest of publishers.

That ad is just under 200 words long. The author claims that the book is 200 thousand words long. The mind boggles at the thought of 200,000 words written in such a style.
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KharBevNor

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #10 on: 18 Mar 2010, 21:30 »

I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.
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JD

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #11 on: 18 Mar 2010, 22:05 »

Did you take a picture of it?
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Jimor

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #12 on: 18 Mar 2010, 23:29 »

Well, not self-published yet. The pathology of the self-declared genius just has such a common pattern to the behavior, whether it's writers, inventors, artists, "scientists". There used to be a guy on AOL who claimed that he had built an entirely new understanding of physics from the ground up.

And it loses its potency over time, but this guy really made a splash in the science fiction world a few years ago with his relentless campaign to win a major award for his craptastic novel.

An interesting common pattern is the belief that their novels hold the power to greater understanding of the world/god/self far beyond whatever moral the story may have. And truth be told, this kind of lunacy occasionally gains traction as with The Celestine Prophecy or The Alchemist, and then the author gains validation for their delusion as a prophet rather than as just a writer.

The fact that this guy is proclaiming himself "the best" whatever means that he's far more interested in creating a following rather than simply selling a book.
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est

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #13 on: 21 Mar 2010, 05:46 »

I have divided book into four simultaneous 200,000 word books making one cube book 800,000 words long.

What you're getting at here is basically what I was thinking.  This guy and the Timecube guy gotta work out a four-day Earth self-help book deal and make millions.
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David_Dovey

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #14 on: 21 Mar 2010, 09:47 »

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Something Witty

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #15 on: 21 Mar 2010, 10:17 »

Why would you do that?
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Emaline

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #16 on: 21 Mar 2010, 13:18 »

Dovey, I just finished a slice of pizza.
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sean

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #17 on: 21 Mar 2010, 14:29 »

that dude has some impressive vomit
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Dliessmgg

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #18 on: 21 Mar 2010, 14:37 »

DUDE USES VOMIT GUN

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE
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Something Witty

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #19 on: 21 Mar 2010, 15:26 »

THERE'S VOMIT EVERYWHERE
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Thomas Edison

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #20 on: 21 Mar 2010, 15:44 »

His aim is terrible.
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Something Witty

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #21 on: 21 Mar 2010, 17:43 »

That's why it went everywhere.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #22 on: 21 Mar 2010, 23:10 »

What would be terrible now is if some cold-hearted mod merged this with the "What are you eating?" thread.

People would be so surprised! 

(Also nauseated.  Very nauseated.)
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Yayniall

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Re: This thread won't make you vomit
« Reply #23 on: 22 Mar 2010, 09:54 »

Vomcano.
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